My deepest apologies for the wait :( Thanks for being so patient! And thank you to all my new fans! :D
CHAPTER 25: Confessions
Opening my eyes, I found myself curled up against Bax’s chest. I must have fallen asleep and not realized it. Painfully I rolled out of bed in the morning, careful not to wake Bax, and made my way to my room. Removing the dry and annoying contacts from my eyes, I slipped my glasses back on, grabbed a few toiletries and stepped into the shower, washing all the gunk from my face off and letting my hair regain its natural state. After I finished, I looked at myself in the mirror.
I still looked like hell…felt like it too. Around my neck, small purple dots had imprinted themselves. My eyes were sunken from fatigue. I could barely sleep last night. It used to be worse when I lived with my father, I was used to it, but seeing bruises on my skin still hurt me emotionally. I sighed and slipped my shirt over my head before heading down to the kitchen.
I poured myself a bowl of Coco-Puffs and sat down at the table where I could stare outside the window. A numb feeling fell over me as I gazed off. My mind was blank. It was kind of a blissful loneliness until he walked into the kitchen.
“Morning,” he greeted all too cheerily. I stiffened at the sound of his voice, but didn’t respond. I simple continued to gaze out the window.
“Helloooo, earth to Alaure,” Damon said, walking over to me and waving his hand around in my face. I remained unfazed. “Hey! Are you…Alaure, what are these marks on your neck.” Very lightly, his fingers grazed over the bruised marks on my neck, causing me to flinch away from him, not out of pain, but rather our of disgust of his filthy fingers on her. I glared at him for an awkward moment before abruptly standing up and rushing out of the room.
I ran up to the 3rd floor where I could be alone. He doesn’t even remember, the drunkard, and the nerve of him to touch me and ask where these damned marks came from. I should tell him about everything he did last night. I scoffed, why should I? He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t feel remorse like any normal person. He had no humanity in him. I sighed and sunk down into an arm chair. I curled up against the sides, imagining they were Bax’s warm, firm arms around me again. I smiled at the thought. Just the thought of him seemed to erase all thoughts of Damon. The world around me seemed brighter, more hopeful.
Years had passed since I had felt anything like this, the happiness that one could feel when they were lovesick. It was overwhelming, addicting, and I wanted more, especially in such dark times when there seemed to be a large deficit of contentment in my life. I wanted—no, I needed to confess my feelings to Bax. The feelings were so obvious that even a blind man would detect them, but I needed to say it. I needed my feelings to be out in the open. I needed to be able to admit them to him, and most of all I wanted him to reciprocate those feelings, tell me that he liked me too. I smiled uncontrollably at the thought.
“What if…” I thought, my smile faltering slightly. No, he wouldn’t reject me. Would he? My eyebrows furrowed at the depressing thought. I would be devastated. It would be like middle school all over again. I groaned at the thought, the embarrassment, the heartbreak, and the tears. I face palmed myself, shaking my head, even now at the stupidity of younger me thinking that the guy older than me, and way out of my league would possibly like me. I didn’t make my intentions subtle either. That was the last time I let myself get entangled in frivolous thoughts about boys…well until now.
I was older now, though. I was more mature and not quite as awkward looking as during my adolescence. I wasn’t hot or sexy like Jayden, but I wasn’t ugly either. I had a fair chance, right?
“Ohh”, I groaned. But why on earth would he have any reason to like me back? Beginning to feel sick to my stomach, I got up from the sofa and walked around the room a little. My eyes aimlessly darted from object to object and landed on the cabinet full of videos and video games. As I shuffled through them, from the corner of my eye, I saw some VHS tapes. Immediately feeling nostalgic, I looked through them to see what was still here on VHS.
Babe, Pokemon, Barney, Starship, Toy Story, Bambi, The Lion King, E.T., and several other old movies were shelved there. I felt so old now seeing the movies of my childhood. I was about to choose one to put on when there were some tapes with handwritten labels.
Damon’s 1st birthday, Wedding videos, ’99 Picnic, etc was written on the label. They were family movies. I was suddenly curious to know more about the heartless Damon and his childhood. I wonder how he acted as a kid? Was he always that mean demanding child that bullied all the kids on the playground, or was he that whiny child? Perhaps he was an introvert, shy and reserved. I pulled one out that read “Damon Compilation”, plugged it in and hit rewind. Even waiting forever for the tape to rewind as the screen was black with the small lettering in the corner reading REW made me wistful.
Finally surpassing my point of patience, I stopped rewinding and hit play.
The video was exactly as described in the description, little tidbits and scenes of Damon’s childhood. I had to admit, though, that Damon was an adorable child, so innocent and full of life. There were scenes of his beautiful mother holding him lovingly in her arms, his first steps, playing with endless collections of Legos and Hot Wheels, riding a bike for the first time, playing outside with his father, and other cheerful scenes that actually made him seem somewhat…human. Midway through one of the scenes, Damon’s face at the age of about seven popped up.
“Is this thing on? hi future me,” he said, ecstatically, waving his hand around so furiously I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips. He began to babble on about his day until he turned it off. Over years, there were more videos of him documenting himself as if it were his diary. Sometimes he would just talk; other times he marvelously played the guitar, reminding me of his passion to become a musician and the studio room.
There was a large gap between his earlier years and adolescence. By the time he reached his teenage years, there was a visible change in him. He was no longer an exuberant, bright child. In his eyes it seemed as if all the life was sucked out of him. It seemed as if the only time he documented anything about his life was when he felt absolutely miserable about something going on in his life. He talked about how he wished his mom was still with him, how his dad wasn’t the same man he loved when he was younger, how he hated his dad. He complained about the company his dad owned how it had destroyed his father and how it was slowly destroying his life too.
There was this one video after all the gloom where Damon seemed to be particularly happy. “I met this girl today, this really cute, petite brunette. I can’t get her out of my mind. She annoyed me at first. She was just TOO happy and optimistic and a the-world-is-all-rainbows-and-unicorns-and-a-wonderful-place type of girl, but…I kind of like her.” He smiled gleefully and turned off the video. Then it all went blank.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Hey Nadya, have you seen Bax?” I asked.
“I believe he’s outside in the backyard. Why?”
“Thanks. I just need to talk to him about something,” I said with determination.
“Alright, sweetheart, but don’t forget to bundle up.”
Heeding her words, I put on a jacket, some gloves, and boots before making my way outside. For a moment, I hesitantly stood at the door. Should I really tell him now? He’s probably deep in thought outside anyways. I shouldn’t disturb him. What was I really expecting out of this? Was this—NO! Stop Alaure. You’re not going to be a wimp. Turning the knob, I made my way outside to the swing where Bax was gently swaying.
Once I was standing next to the swing, Bax looked up.
“Hi,” I said meekly, “C-Can I join you? I don’t mean to impose. If you want to be alone that’s fine, I can just go back in or something. It’s not really important anyways. I just thought—“
“Just sit down Alaure,” Bax ordered, breaking my nervous ramble. I smiled timidly and carefully seated myself a safe distance from him, not too close to suffocate, but close enough to feel giddy from his presence.
“So what’re you doing out here?” I asked.
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Last night.”
“It was a rather…interesting night wasn’t it?”
He scoffed, “Yeah. I suppose that’s one way to describe it.”
I smirked before we both fell into a thick silence. My heart was beating fast enough to make me feel light-headed from the prospect of my confession. Should I just tell him? Do I just blurt it out, or do I ease into it? Should I be flirty? What if my words get all jumbled? What if I say something wrong?
“What are you thinking about?” Bax abruptly asked.
“Nothing,” I replied all too quickly.
He chuckled. “You’re a terrible liar. Your face is completely contorted from deep thought.”
I awkwardly smiled and let out a uneasy chuckle.
“So what is it?”
I took a deep breath and sighed. Well it was now or never. This was like an open invitation. If I didn’t take it now I wasn’t likely to get another good opportunity in the future.
“You. Me,” I replied, with surprising strength in my voice.
“Pardon?”
“I was thinking about you.”
“Oh really? And what exactly about me were you thinking about? Was it my devilishly handsome looks, or my charming personality?”
I laughed, “Both I suppose.”
“So what’s your conclusion?”
“That I’ve hopelessly fallen in love with you.”
Bax laughed heartily, his laugh resounding through the expanse of the mountains, but then slowly disappeared when he caught sight of my completely serious face.
“Wait. Are you being serious?”
My heart dropped, feeling only emptiness in my chest. My throat locked, rendering me unable to respond. I lowered my eyes to the snow below me incapable of meeting Bax’s stare.
“Yes,” I whispered before clearing my throat, looking him straight in the eyes, and confidently replying, “Yes, I’m being completely serious.”
His soft red lips were parted into an ‘O’ shape, and I had the urge to press my lips to his as he had last night. Slowly his lips began to move as if trying to form words, but unable to actually get the sounds out.
He shook his head to break his trance.
“So do you like me too?” I asked rather apprehensively.
“When exactly did you have this revelation? Liking me, I mean.”
I shrugged, “It was sort of a gradual thing, but I guess I wasn’t sure until last night when…”
“When I kissed you?”
I nodded, a smile playing on my lips from the delightful memory.
He groaned and buried his face in his hands. The empty feeling in my chest came back. “And what made you think that I might possibly reciprocate those feelings?”
The empty feeling spread over the rest of my body until I was paralyzed.
“I-I…Are you saying that you don’t like me?” I asked brokenly, as tears brimmed my lids. No. I wouldn’t cry. All sadness and fragility was burned over with fury.
“Why did you kiss me last night Bax,” I asked sternly, barely keeping control over my voice. Rage grew larger with every passing second. I could barely see anything or think logically as my body quivered with vehemence. “Is this some kind of game to you?” I spat acidly.
“Alaure, calm down,” Bax said, grabbing my shoulders.
“No!” I yelled, snapping away from him. “Tell me why! Why the hell did you kiss me when you had no interest in my whatsoever?!”
“Because you looked too much like C—“
“Like WHO?!” I demanded.
He lowered his head and stayed silent.
“Chloe,” I finished for him, “I looked too much like Chloe didn’t I?”
Well at least in knowing I looked like Chloe I could be sure that I wasn’t hideous….but then again, the guys were drunk. He didn’t reply. I snorted humorlessly. “A dead woman will be the death of me,” I muttered under my breath.
“You loved her too didn’t you?”
Bax snapped his head up and didn’t reply, but he needn’t utter a word, for his eyes said it all.
“Oh, that’s rich," I laughed ,"Is that why you hate Damon so much? All this time you were telling me how awful Damon is, that he would hurt me, when in the end, you hurt me today far more than he hurt me last night. Did you ever even like me at all?!”
His silence persisted, giving me my answer. I clenched my jaw and shook my head, “You’re so locked up and secretive. I should have expected the dangers of taking a peep inside your black soul, but instead you blinded me with a false appearance. You lead me on!”
“Stop acting all innocent, as if this is my entire fault. You’re no better yourself! You’re so snoopy. YOU NEVER LISTEN! I WARNED YOU! I WARNED YOU, DIDN’T I?” Bax roared, pointing his finger at me as he jumped up from the swing, “Your meddling got you into this mess! You should have been gone long ago! You should have left last night while you still could!”
With that, he stormed away, back into the house. So the beast finally shows his true colors. For several minutes, my thoughts were as blank as the snow coating the ground and mountain tops, and my insides felt just as cold.
I wouldn’t cry. No. Crying was a form of weakness. I was not weak. I could handle beatings and heartbreak and live. I had survived it in the past and I would survive it once again. I had grown strong inside and out over the years of weathering. There was one thing I was sure of though now. I couldn’t stay here any longer. I wouldn’t let myself be played by these boys. My time here was up. I had enough information to help me start tracking down Jayden on my own, away from here. It was finally time, after weeks of being stuck here, to make my escape. Tomorrow, I would be gone from the cursed manor and never return.
I'M NOT ON MY REGULAR WRITING SCHEDULE YET!
Once again, I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SSSSOOOORRRRRYYYYY for the wait. D: It pains me too to not be able to write every week like I should :(
mwahaha. Did you see that coming? I wonder how that's going to turn out for her :P hehe I can't wait to write the next chapter.
November I should be back on track for sure because that's when all my college applications should be done.
oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend HEJAL! :]