This Oneshot is based on the song Amnesia by Five Seconds of Summer. It is a little sad, but has a happy ending!
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted.
Derek really doesn't know what he is doing here. It's too painful, brings back too many memories, yet like the self-loathing man he is, he drives past the lake. To anyone else it is just a lake, but to Derek it's the place he and Stiles used to go to drink. Stiles was a light drinker, but when he wanted to celebrate minor accomplishments like a goal in lacrosse or an A on a test, they came to the edge of lake.
Derek stares out of his car debating on whether or not he wanted to physically go to the lake. He and Stiles hardly ever went swimming while drinking, but seeing as though he's a werewolf and cannot really get too trashed, Derek would often hold a floating Stiles above water as he giggled manically. Derek slows the car way down until he almost isn't moving at all, and catches the way the moon reflects on the water. Stiles would always tell him that it was his favorite thing in the world was to be with Derek in the moonlight, not matter what they did.
Deciding that he cannot physically handle even looking at the lake anymore, he drives back to his empty loft.
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
"Tonight was fun." Derek says, absentmindedly on the Stilinski's porch. He and Stiles had had a Marvel movie marathon for the past several hours. Derek had noticed that something was off about Stiles the entire evening, from dinner to the fact that he wasn't as cuddly as he usually was.
"Yeah." Stiles says softly, and he has this look in his eyes that Derek cannot simply place. He knows his boyfriend. He knows something is troubling him, but he also knows that Stiles will not tell him unless he is good and ready. Derek thinks maybe it has to do with Stiles graduating, and maybe he's nervous about passing all his classes.
Derek feels like they are in a rut, but it is only one sided. He thinks that everything is good, but he catches the way Stiles will stare at his phone or just shrug when Derek asks him questions. When Derek brings it up in conversations, Stiles just gets mad and accuses Derek of hovering or invading his privacy so Derek just doesn't bring it up anymore. Derek tries to shake the thoughts out of his head, and brings Stiles in close to his body for a hug.
He feels that he should have suspected something when Stiles didn't hug him back right away; instead, he awkwardly raises his hands and pats Derek on the back like they haven't been dating or hugging for months. "I love you." Derek whispers, it not the first time he's said it, but it is the first time that Stiles doesn't say it back. Instead, he kisses Derek.
It is not like their usual kisses that are either slow and passionate or hot and lustful; it tastes of sadness. Derek can feel the urgency pouring from Stiles mouth into his, and he reciprocates as best he can. He can taste chocolate and popcorn on Stiles tongue, and as soon as he pull away to breath, Stiles is dragging him back in. Stiles flips them around so that Derek is pushed against the closed front door, and he breaks away only to trail open mouthed kisses down Derek's neck. Stiles isn't usually like this, so forward and emotional.
Looking back Derek feels he really should have seen that as a sign, but he didn't. Instead, he bares his neck and let's Stiles make love bites on every inch of skin he can reach. He tangles his hand in Stiles' hair to bring him closer, but as soon as he touches Stiles, he breaks away. "You should be getting back." Stiles whispers against Derek's mouth. Derek grins at him, and brushes his lips across Stiles'.
"See you tomorrow?" Derek asks, the pair having made plans to spend most of the day together. Stiles nods and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He quickly goes back inside, and Derek makes his way back to his car.
He is smiling to himself because he can still taste chocolate and popcorn.
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
"Hey, Scott, it's Derek. Again. I just wanted to talk to you, so if you can call me back that would be great. Bye." Derek says in to his phone. He has had to buy a new phone after breaking the other in frustration. He knows that Scott doesn't have to talk to him, but he thought that they were still friends even after the breakup between he and Stiles. This the third time he has called Scott today, and he tries to tell himself not to call again. Derek begins pacing his loft, and he is positive that there's a rut where his is just walking in the same spot over and over again.
Scott calls him the next day and asks to meet with him, and Derek says yes as quickly as he can. He needs to see Scott because Scott has some sense of normalcy to him. Derek thought he was a constant in his life, but he thought the same about Stiles too. He meets Scott in a diner sometime after dinner, and he is almost grateful to see him.
"Derek." Scott says, as a way of greeting him and Derek just sits in front of him in the booth. Scott already has food in front of him, and Derek asks the waitress to bring him coffee. The pair sit in silence, its only slightly awkward, until Scott decides to speak. "How are you?" He asks, and Derek just wants to laugh.
"Good." He lies, and he knows Scott can tell but thankfully Scott doesn't call him on it. He just nods at Derek, and takes a bite of his burger. "How are you?" Derek asks to be polite, and Scott face lights up. He tells Derek about college and how hard being in the vet tech program is. He goes on about his roommate, new love interest, and job. Derek just nods and adds input when needed.
They are at the dinner about an hour before Derek asks what he really wants to know about. "How is he?" Derek whispers, but Scott hears him. Scott frowns, and is suddenly really interested in his now empty dessert plate. Derek briefly thinks that Scott isn't going to answer.
"He's fine." Scott says, and he isn't lying but Derek knows there is something else. He is honestly glad that Stiles is fine, but it still isn't what he really wants to hear.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
"You're going leave. Just like that. I bet you weren't even going to tell me goodbye." Derek accuses, he knows he sounds childish but he cannot help it. He came home to the loft to see that all of Stiles' things were gone from the loft. He quickly drove from his apartment to the Stilinski's where he sees boxes upon boxes on the porch. Stiles looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and his mouth falls open when he sees Derek.
"You weren't supposed to find out like this." Stiles says, pitifully and Derek snaps. He laughs bitterly and throws his hands up. He honestly feels like he should have seen this coming because Stiles has been differently lately. Derek thinks it began a few weeks ago, but he cannot be sure.
"Why did pack all of your things?" Derek asks, quietly. He is hoping that maybe Stiles feels that they just need a little space, and he just needs to get away from the loft. Stiles bites his bottom lip, and tapes up a box.
"I'm leaving." Stiles says, so quietly that even with his super hearing Derek still has to strain to hear him. He feels his heart stop, and he takes a deep breath of air. He feels his world crashing down, which is to be expected because he truly felt that Stiles is his world. He cannot breath suddenly but he forces himself to speak.
"Where?" Derek chokes out, and he needs to sit down before he falls over but he somehow remains standing. Stiles wipes his hand over his face, and sighs.
"I got into Harvard." Stiles whispers, and he sounds almost ashamed of himself, and Derek just stares. He knew that Stiles got into to UCLA and Berkley, but he didn't even know the younger man applied to the East Coast college. Derek wants to run away because the person he honestly doesn't think he can live without is moving over three thousand miles away, and it feels like he has lost his family all over again.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek begs to know, his tone isn't demanding like he wishes it was, it is broken and full of loss. Stiles has begun crying, but he is still labeling and packing boxing on the porch.
"I don't know. I can't ask you to wait and I can't ask you to come with me." Stiles says, his voice choking in tears. Derek feels a sudden wave of rage fly through him, and he finally feels the hot tears on his face. He turns back and storms toward his Camaro and gets to his door before speaking.
"Fuck you, Stiles Stilinski." Derek chokes, and he drives away to get away from Stiles and his pleads for Derek to come back.
The pictures that you sent me, they're still living in my phone
The first night was the hardest, but if Derek is being honest, every day with Stiles is hard. He goes through his phone's gallery, and it makes him feel better. He will admit that the loft is lonely without Stiles, and he doesn't go see Isaac or Scott anymore. All the pictures on Derek's phone have something to do with Stiles.
Derek swipes through his pictures and see the selfies that Stiles used to send him on a daily bases, and he has to grin sadly at his phone. Stiles had a ritual of sending Derek pictures with captions like "woke up like this" or "check me out." He always took pictures of himself when he first woke up or after a shower. Derek had a special folder for all of the inappropriate pictures he took of Stiles, but he cannot bring himself to look at those.
He wonders if Stiles kept the pictures he took of Derek. Derek knew that Stiles took several pictures of him while he slept. Stiles once told him that Derek looked the best when he slept. Derek would tease Stiles saying that his sex face was the best, and Stiles would just laugh and kiss him.
Stiles sends him a picture of the sunset in Boston several weeks after they break up, and he is in his new dorm. Derek cannot bring himself to even delete that one.
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on.
He hears it accidently from Scott one day. Derek and Scott have been spending a lot of time together; after Derek tries to stop grieving, and he has begun to greatly appreciate the company. Scott is droning on about Christmas, and Derek is drifting in and out of the conversation until he hears "Stiles" and "new boyfriend." He snaps his neck up so fast, and Scott is looking at him with a guilty expression. He smiles at Scott to try to lessen his discomfort, but they both can smell jealousy and pain in the air.
Derek knows that at some point one of them was going to have to be the first to move on, but he didn't think it would be this soon. They broke up three months ago, but it is still fresh in Derek's mind. Scott apparently wants to salt Derek's wounds because he pulls up Facebook, and show him a picture of the two. Stiles looks ridiculously happy, and his boyfriends' face mirrors his.
He playfully shoves Scott and tells him to focus, and they both try to ignore the tear that threaten to drift down Derek's face.
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
Derek doesn't usually have nightmares this real, but he awakens panting and near tears. It was so real that he could still see the images burning in his mind. Something twitches beside him, and he wants to cry in relief when he sees that its Stiles. In his bed. In his life, and most importantly, still in love with him.
He carefully reaches out to touch Stiles, and his sleeping boyfriend doesn't even stir. Stiles' lips are puffy with sleep, and his eyes flutter with dreams. Derek just watches him with his arm draped over Stiles' waist, and Stiles groans in his sleep. Derek cannot hold back anymore, and he carefully drags Stiles closer to him until Stiles is laying on top of him with Derek on his back.
Stiles makes a groan of protest, but soon buries his head in the crook of Derek's neck. He soon lets out little puffs of air on Derek's collarbone, and Derek holds him tightly. Derek wraps one of arm around the mid of Stiles back, and the other he lays on his bum. He continues to squeeze Stiles impossibly closer to his body just to feel him near after the awful nightmare.
"Der, holding too tight." Stiles mutters, still mostly asleep. Derek chuckles, and if some tears cloud his eyes he isn't going to deny it, and loosens his hold only slightly. Stiles sighs happily, Derek can smell the contentment wafting off him to the point that it permeates the whole room, and just burrows his head deeper into Derek's neck. "Love you." Stiles mutters, his breath getting deeper again.
Derek feels his heart clench, and he kisses Stiles all over his face causing Stiles to scrunch his face. "I love you so much." He says back, and Stiles kisses his neck in acknowledgement.
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away