I stood still and stared at the two woman laying on the lounge chairs in the shade casted by shade umbrellas. Upon seeing them dressed in their swimsuits, it made me feel...rather awkward. However, it does not appear that my gaze caused them any discomfort. Maybe they secretly enjoy it?
"Why aren't you with the others?" Mura inquired.
"I ugh...I was just about to head out," I said, awkwardly taking a timid step inwards toward the interior of the house.
"Wait," Mura's voice made me stop in my steps. "It's a rather rare opportunity for you to be alone with the three of us. How bout you sit down here for a bit?"
I looked over at her and saw that she was gesturing for me to take a seat on the lounge chair adjacent to where her's was located. By the looks of it, I do not have the right to refuse this offer. With a scared gulp, I slowly walked over to the lounge chair she had wanted me to sit down in, walking slowly as I wanted to prolong the time before our conversation will have to begin. Subconsciously, I was probably thinking that maybe if I slow my pace down, it would cause Mura and Emilia to become impatient and rush through the conversation. However, based off of that patient smile on Mura's smile, my tactic will not work. She is going to talk to me, and she is going to stop the conversation when she wants it to stop.
"So," Emilia began speaking. "How're things with you and everyone?"
"Me?" I sat up tense and on the edge of the lounge chair. "Why me?"
"Relax," Mura smiled and said in a calming voice as she looked in my direction with a slight squint of her eyes. "We just want to know how our problem student is rehabbing."
"Problem student? I don't remember causing any problems."
"Well," Mura chuckled. "I would say your very existence is like a problem."
"That's...rather harmful," I commented in my bland and emotionless manner. "If I were depressed, I might've killed myself right here."
"But you're not depressed though, right?" Mura said with an amused smile. "You would be the last person in this world to become depressed, and that's metaphorically."
"I think I know what you're saying," I nodded, thinking back on the time in the previous timeline after I learned about Luna's condition.
Luna... Come to think of it, that facial expression I saw on her face earlier...it oddly reminded me of her in the other timeline. The slight crease of her brow and her lethargic and sad face, it all appeared to be rather similar and yet distinct at the same time.
"So," Mura continued. "Answer the question Emilia asked you. How's things going for you and everyone?"
"Good, I guess?"
"If you have to guess," Emilia sighed, "then things aren't going as well."
I glanced over at Emilia, thinking back about the Emilia I had recently interacted with at her house. She's as if a different person when outside. Maybe it's just the persona she has to put on, but there was a distinct aura surrounding her.
"How's that?" I asked her.
"Because you're still 'guessing'," Mura looked at me. "You still doubt people, still doubt yourself. Although, you had improved quite a bit since the last time we've talked about this."
"Improvement, huh?" I stared blankly at the grand Oceanus Leshius that was visible from the backyard.
To think that...ever since I've received the Socialization app, I have changed at all. It's also not a simple subtle change. Even I recognized and could feel that change that Mura and Emilia are referring to. Maybe it's just the right people have entered my life, but...it's because of this app that I began interacting with them. Without the app, I would probably let them all pass me by in life, never speaking with them unless necessary and not allow our paths to cross at all.
Maybe in the times that I did not have the app, I've met people in my life that could potentially change it forever. However, my own sense of isolation must've made me miss them, made it so that my ship sailed right past theirs, never once acknowledging each other's existence. To think that...there were people in this world, that if I were to interact with them, would ultimately end up with my life being changed...
"Yeah," Mura nodded. "You have experienced great improvement. But...it's still not enough."
"Then how much is enough?" I looked over at the two of them.
"When you stop 'guessing'," Emilia said with a stern expression. "Of course, exercising caution is always a good thing, but...too much of it is bad."
"You need to lower your guard more," Mura looked at me with a softened, gentle gaze. "Not everyone in this world is out to hurt you."
My ears perked when she said that same phrase to me once again. This was a phrase that brought back many memories of the alternate past where Luna was dying from that disease of her's. It was a phrase Mura had uttered to me when I was suffering from a fracturing relationship with Irina. It was a phrase...that had helped me mend that relationship.
"There are people in this world that care for you," Mura continued, and I looked over at her with my eyes widened. "There are people in this world that doesn't want to see you hurt. They don't have to necessarily be your family. They can just be total strangers you come across in life that you bond with, and end up becoming closer than family."
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but I slowly closed it as I was still unsure as how to put the emotion that I was feeling into words to communicate it.
"You don't know what to say, right?"
Mura continued to gaze at me with that caring and soft expression on her face. Next to her, Emilia was also looking at me similarly. However, her countenance had something else mixed into it. What it was though, I do not know.
"You don't need to know what to say," Mura continued. "You don't need to necessarily know what combination of words can communicate what you're feeling. Communication isn't simply limited to words. For example, like this." She placed her hand on top of mine and gently squeezed it. Slowly, she looked up from our hands and to my eyes. "Do you understand what I'm trying to communicate to you right now?"
Yes, yes I do... It's not that difficult to interpret. It's just that...it's rather difficult, almost hard for me to recognize it. If I do come across signs like this, my mind will always automatically translate it into something negative, thinking why would something like that happen to me? Why would anybody like me? Why would anybody even want to be near me? It is this train of thought that had kept me going ever since that incident with my father's suicide, but...it is also this train of thought that is "poisoning" my mind.
"Don't be scared of mistakes," Mura continued in a soft voice. "You're still young."
"..." I remained silent as I pondered over what she had said to me.
"You're still confused," Mura smiled as she released my hand. "Then try and figure it out."
I glanced over at Emilia, taking in her expressionless face. This topic that Mura's speaking of...she probably does not understand it in its entirely. This...is probably a learning experience for her as well. But...what about it for me?
I sat there on the lounge chair, remaining still as I thought about what Mura had talked to me about. It's a topic that...even I know is extremely relevant to me. I...I cannot continue on like this. But...this has been who I am, who I've been. It's...not that easy to change who I am, and I won't abandon who I am.
"If you want to think it out," Mura softly whispered. "Feel free to stay here."
I peered over at her, taking in what she had said just before she returned back to leaning back against the lounge chair and enjoying the weather. Accepting her suggestion, I remained still, sitting in the lounge chair and trying to find a solution, trying to find an answer to this...situation. But...all I could encounter is simply a dark nothingness.
To be fair, there's really not much for me to think about. There's...not anything that I can think about that could be put into words. This...is a difficult concept, something that I can only think about emotionally but not literally. If it was so easy, then it wouldn't be so difficult.
When I've realized it, the sun was already setting, dyeing the world a color of a beautiful sunset orange. I was the only one present in the yard, with Emilia and Mura both probably having retreated to the house while I was deep in thought. From inside the seaside house, I could hear the sounds of life. The others probably had returned from the beach, maybe even so for sometime now.
I slowly got up from the lounge chair and made my way back to the sliding glass door that lead inside the house. Inside, Mura and Muria were standing in the kitchen, preparing food for dinner with Irina helping them out. In the living room, Noah, Zaksus, Loyd, and Zevin were sitting around with the television on.
"Hey," Loyd greeted me when I entered.
"Where were you?" Zaksus asked. "You said you're gonna catch up with us, but all you did was change into your swim trunks and sit in the lounge chairs in the yard."
"My bad," I responded.
I surveyed my surroundings, in search of the missing members. Alvelyn was no where in sight, but based off of that uneasy feeling in my chest, I can feel that she was...feeling rather uneasy.
"Where's Alvelyn?" I asked.
"Erith's teaching her how to swim," Zevin answered. "And Luna went to watch."
"I didn't know that Alvelyn doesn't know how to swim," Irina chuckled and commented from the kitchen.
Knowing that I walked over to the front door, thinking of going to the beach and to check up on them.
"I'll be back in a bit," I said before opening the door and stepping out.