"Uh what are you doing?"
"What the hell are you doing?" I spat back and she suddenly frowned in confusion.
"Camila? What-" She flinched hard as I raised my hand to adjust my sweatshirt sleeve.
I wasn't gonna hit her, I wasn't the hitting type of person. It almost made me feel bad because I've never seen her do that. But my anger was clouding my judgement.
"Camila, what the hell is wrong?" She frowned deeply as I started to walk to the door.
She then blocked the door and wanted me to explain, "Move." I firmly spoke and her eyes finally gazed away from my eyes to the floor.
"Oh God." She sighed and she closed her eyes as if she were ashamed.
"Why would you do this?" My anger started to fade away a little as my emotional side started to overshadow it.
"Cam-"
"Maybe this isn't as real as I thought it was. I can't believe you'd do this to me! Just because we haven't been together that long doesn't mean you can go out and cheat!" I yelled and her eyes softened as her face dropped.
"Baby, this isn't what it seems like."
"Shit. Is it even cheating? I'm not your girlfriend right? Is that the reason you've never asked me? Cause you have a whole other side to you-"
"Camila!" She yelled at me suddenly which caused me to clench my jaw.
"Shut the hell up! Please." She groaned and looked down before groaning loudly.
"Goddamn!" She stepped to me carefully and she suddenly started to laugh.
I frowned and once she started to laugh she couldn't stop, it almost made her weak at the knees. She breathed in deep as she kept laughing and she tilted my chin up.
"I'd never in my life cheat on you." She said through her fits of laughter and I honestly didn't know what else this situation could be about.
"What the hell is that then, Y/N?" I crossed my arms as she continued to look down at me.
"It's a used condom." She shrugged and I had that urge to slap her again.
"I know you're confused, I know it looks weird. But one, I said I'm gay and I'll always be gay. You will never catch me with a guy at all, ever." She held my cheeks and I just looked up at her as if I were a lost puppy.
"You sure?" I fell into that spell of hers and she nodded.
"Ew." She grimaced and I giggled causing her to look down again.
"I wanted to talk about it later but we'll talk about it now, I guess."
"This is embarrassing." She huffed and let go of my cheeks as she sat down on her bed.
She brought me down with her and she looked me dead in my eyes, here we go again with the great eye contact. She squeezed her eyes shut as her lips quirked up, "Oh my God, I can't believe you saw that." She groaned through her embarrassment.
She took a few long seconds and breathed in deep, "You know how the other day we were talking about sexuality and sexes?" She asked me and instantly knew where this was going.
Ohhhhh.
"Yeah." I mumbled lowly and she lightly rolled her eyes and I knew she hated the attention.
"Well I.. I am." She casually shrugged and blinked.
"Intersex?" I clarified and she nodded as she looked forward.
"Yup." She cupped her elbows as she leaned forward a bit.
I'm literally a horrible person.
But I then sighed in relief, "Thank God." I sighed and she looked my way with a small frown.
"I really thought you were cheating on me." I circled my arms around her neck and kissed her lips.
She looked at me incredulously, "You're not weirded out?" She asked me and I immediately frowned.
"No!" I exclaimed honestly not feeling a negative thing.
It was like I already knew.
"I mean, I had a clue, you never and I mean never try to.." I trailed off and she tilted her head cutely,
"Try to what?"
"Try to have sex with me." I quickly said and she became bashful, "Like, my ex boyfriend he would always and I mean always try to have sex."
"I also know what a boner feels like because of him anyways-"
"And this is where this conversation ends." She rubbed her knees as her nerves flared up and I giggled at her embarrassment.
"Why didn't you just tell me? You know I'd never judge you.. or like just up and leave what we have. Or whatever this is." I hinted and she shook her head as her eyes closed again.
"It's not really that, it's just a thing that I have. I don't like talking about it. At all."
"I know it's not a big deal especially to you, you're the most accepting person I have literally ever known. I'm so thankful for that but it was just a way for me to not talk about it. I didn't really like, grow up in the best situations." She looked my way as I held onto her arm and my chin rested on her shoulder.
"I just don't talk about it." She looked at me as her head turned and I interlocked our fingers.
"Can you tell me?" I whispered as I rubbed my thumb against the top of her hand.
"You won't ever have to bring it up again." I reassured her, I didn't wanna push her but I wanted her to know that I wanted to hear what the story was.
No pride from me, this was about her now.
"You know.. it would be considered cheating if I did kiss or have sex with someone else." She informed me and I just went along with it, listening to what she has to say.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, because I'd be so hurt if you went out with someone else. Even if I never asked you to be my girlfriend or you asked me. You're mine- I really don't mean that in any disrespect or property term. I just-" She paused and wet her lips while my heart thumped harshly.
"I kiss you every morning. I sleep next to you whenever I can and I come to get a five dollar coffee on your shifts just to see you. I really don't have to anymore, I can just come in and say hi, but I think of it as tradition." She smirked towards the end and I giggled.
"So, I don't want you to say it wouldn't be considered cheating or whatever. Because I consider you as my girl, I want us for the long run. I want us to be- I dunno- celebrating anniversaries and I want to take you out more. I want to one day introduce you to the people closest to me. Properly. You really are the best thing I have experienced this year. I've never wanted someone so badly." She expressed and I felt that urge to say it again.
"I want you." She sighed and I squeezed her hand.
"I want you too." I whispered softly and she looked away for a long moment and exhaled.
"I grew up in Texas, it's southern as fuck. I mean, I'm happy I wasn't born or raised in Alabama or Arkansas. No offense non racist, non homophobic people. But really, there will always be one time you experience some sort of look or words. It's not "normal" to be gay. That's obviously anywhere but- I don't know where I'm going with this." She cut herself off and I kissed her shoulder when she started to ramble.
"It's okay, relax." I softly whispered and she shook her head as if she were thinking to herself.
"Okay." She bit her lip, "It's a decent sized city, I had a nice home, it wasn't fancy like a two story but it was okay. My mom had Donovan first, obviously, then she had my older brother Anthony. Then Antonio, then me- I wasn't planned unlike the other three. Then the twins, Elijah and Isaiah. A lot of kids." She started to laugh and I smiled as she continued to talk about herself.
"My brothers and I were always close when I was growing up. The time gap might've been kinda weird but we always had the best relationship. That was until I was like ten." She then snorted and I could visibly see how nervous she got.
"I hate talking about it cause it's so weird." She laughed and she went on, "I grew up as if I was like my brothers. A boy. Someone had to know I was intersex though, someone did, because my mom treated me a certain way. Differently than my brothers. It was way different but I can't really explain." She informed and I nodded carefully knowing boys and girls were usually raised differently.
That's just how society worked.
"But when I was ten I noticed my chest was growing- But what sucks is that someone knew and no one told me. I was growing tits when I had a penis and legit no one I knew had that. I knew it wasn't normal, none of my brothers had fucking jugs."
I started to chuckle at her own term of breasts and she smiled my way.
"Then my dad acted like he had no idea and he literally shunned me." She laughed, "Shunned me at ten years old." I frowned at that, she never once had spoken about her dad to me.
I recalled back when she had told me some stories when she was a kid but she had never talked about her father. Ever.
"Puberty was a living nightmare, Bello. Like, my classmates thought I was a girl and always asked me if I had a tampon to spare. I noticed my voice wasn't changing or anything so my dad was even more upset. My dick didn't get hard until I was thirteen Camila!" She almost started to rant and I laughed softly.
Bello.. I liked that name.
"That is definitely not normal for a person with a penis. My brothers literally fucking raised hell when they found out I never had a boner. So, my mom took me to a doctor and it turns out I'm intersex and intersex people experience puberty a way different way. But, like, she knew that! My mom knew that and it took me a long time to forgive her." She then took a small moment and rolled her eyes with her next words.
"My dad though. I haven't really fully forgiven him, I got through my toughest years without him so I don't need him now." She almost angrily spoke and I was afraid something happened.
"I went through school staying away from sports and shit so no one would ever find out about what I had. My doctor and my mom told me to keep it a secret to avoid bullying, so I did. That just kinda made me feel more ashamed of myself though. It was like I was supposed to keep it a secret."
"When I got into high school.. yikes.. my hormones were incredibly imbalanced. One day I'd feel nothing, wouldn't think of a single thing sexually, then the next I'd literally feel a breeze and get a hard on. You'll never know how difficult it is to hide a boner in the middle of history class."
She went on and on and I just listened to her without a care, yet, I craved more. I wanted to know everything about her past and she was opening up to me more right now than she ever has.
"It wasn't all that bad though, I had this girl.. Sophia. Weird, I know it's your sisters name." She chuckled shaking her head I gave her a tight smile.
So, there was someone before me.
"She was one of my best friends in high school and she was my first love. My first everything. She got me through a lot and yeah, she's the only person who knows everything that's ever happened." She took an even longer pause and I knew she was gonna tell me something she was contemplating about.
"Like, this one time.. my dad was so angry. He was arguing with my mom about me, they were talking about some surgery and how he wanted me to be just one. Whatever that means. And he came from the hall while I was at the table with my brother Antonio." She stopped and gnawed at her lip which scared me, I didn't wanna hear what happened next.
"He.." She breathed out a laugh and cleared her throat, "He always had this blade on him cause he used to work at this warehouse company or some shit." She then looked away completely as she had a small grin on her face.
I knew she was hiding her feelings with a smile.
"He slammed my head into the table and dragged me out of the kitchen. He's a heavy man, so, he held me down and then he cut right at my pelvis. But Donovan came in before anything else could happen. He's the only person who did anything for me." She told me shortly as she held my hand, I knew it was an extremely sensitive subject.
She didn't have to go in depth and tell me the whole story, I wouldn't want her to relive that. I knew enough for now.
"There's a lot of stuff, a lot of abuse from my dad. That was just the biggest." She mumbled and then looked my way shyly causing me to stare into her eyes.
"Don't tell anyone." She whispered and my hands landed against her cheeks just to kiss those soft lips.
The way her voice entered my ears broke my heart, I'd never do that to someone. Especially as someone as perfect as she was.
"I would never." I stared her in her eyes and she gulped before looking away.
"What about Sophia?" I asked after a few moments of silence and she wet her lips.
"I stayed at her place for two weeks after that night. She was the person I needed at the time and now I know how extremely toxic it is to need someone. To need someone to keep you together at all times."
"If I ever need you to make me happy, to be my happiness, I need you to leave me." She whispered and I leaned in to softly press my lips against hers.
"It's just you and me. You're not like that." I whispered back and she held my hand for dear life.
She kissed me again and I wondered what happened between her and Sophia. I wanted a better understanding of her past relationship so I know what to never do. I smiled against her lips and she reciprocated it causing me to chuckle a bit.
"Perfect." She whispered and I shook my head leaning back as I gazed into her eyes.
"Not even close." She literally put the stars in the sky and she nudged her nose up against mine.
I knew this conversation was coming to an end.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" She suddenly asked me and I immediately felt that giddy bubble burst from my throat.
I giggled like a school girl as I kissed her lips, "Of course, baby." I wrapped my arms around her from the side and she kissed me back.
After a few minutes she pulled me back and looked toward the knocked over trash bin, "I'll pick it up." She groaned as she became bashful again and I giggled.
"Ohhh, so that's what happened?" I smirked and she groaned again but louder.
"Stop."
"What's wrong with a sock?" I laughed and I think she appreciated how I switched the topic up.
She gave me a smile and then laughed, "I don't like to jerk off in my socks when Willow does our laundry." She pointed out and I cracked up with her as she stood up.
I watched her lean down and pile it all back up and bit my bottom lip as I tilted my head. Wonder what she was thinking about.
"So, what happened between you and Sophia?" I asked to keep my mind off of the condom and she shrugged as she placed the bin back into place.
"She didn't want a long distance relationship." She simply said and turned to me as she rubbed her hands.
"She stayed in Texas while I came here to be with my brother. He helped me get into this place. I literally listed everything in the book to prove to her that long distance would work. She wouldn't have it. It kinda ended up in tears and yelling but I'm over it. I realized how bad that relationship would've ended if we kept it going." She told me and I believed her, I felt her love even if it wasn't on her brain yet.
"I realized a lot in Freshman year, I'm finally on my own and it's the best feeling in the world." She groaned happily and I stood up as I pulled off my sweatshirt.
"And I have you too, it can't get better than this." She then leaned in and grabbed me cutely.
I giggled as she picked me up and kissed up my neck, "Don't get me wrong I'm still growing but I'm happy now, thank you for listening." She whispered and I kissed her lips deeply.
"I'll always be here, Y/NN."
"Good, cause you're the best thing I've experienced so far." She smirked and I kissed her lips again as I felt my stomach growl.
"I'm hungry though, lets go eat some food."
She then giggled and lead the way while we spent the rest of the day with each other. Who knew she'd have a whole other side of secrets to her? I'd never tell a soul. My girlfriend had a lot to handle on her own, I respected and appreciated her on a new level.
Holy shit- my girlfriend.
I looked up at her as she reached up for plates and I wanted to kiss her lips off. She was officially mine now. Fuck yes, who would've ever thought my coffee shop crush would've turned into this. I couldn't wait to tell my friends.
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I really didn't wanna drag it out. I'm so sorry if it seems like I did exactly that 💀😭 but yallll I have great plans for this story, I might already have plans for a potential sequel
I hope y'all enjoyed and if you didn't then 👇🏼
Have a great day or night beautifuls x
- Maddie
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