Y'vania's POV
Dear self voice,
I don't feel like talking to anyone right now. Home.. no scratch that. Life is boring.
No that's so cruel let me start over.
Dear self voice,
Its not fair. Everything isn't fair how can they leave without me?
Am complaining too much it's childish.
Okay am starting over. Am serious now.
Dear self voice,
I'm a big girl now I should actually call myself an adult. The definition of an adult in this case means that I shouldn't cry even if Mia took Nisha to the opening of her fashion house and left me alone...ahem..with mum,abuela and the ' council ' of Italian aunts and uncles because I'm in need of counselling.
Who knows maybe all I need is go out and get some fresh air and maybe get to interact with the handsome hipster guys who will appear at the Mia Angel fashion house.
Maybe all I need is to get to know people and laugh,eat,laugh,eat and know people again.
Am being an annoying brat once again.
All I need right now is to figure out everything on my own but it looks like am not capable of that because dumb Y'vania got angry and knocked genius Y'vania into a coma and now am stuck with you dumb one and all you do is act like a messed up crazy woman and act all weird and scream loudly when you don't get the right answers.
Yes self voice its not fair. Sitting around these people who think am going crazy and I need a break.
Really?
A break?
What break do I need?
Maybe I need brakes instead.
Emergency brakes to stop this moving car of stupid happenings in my life.
Wherever I go
Whatever I do
Whenever I try to block them out of my life they creep back through the tiny holes I always forget to repair.
They keep on haunting me and accusing me of things that I can't think of doing. I can't tell why they always win because whenever they do so I always end up on the losing side.
No one trusts me.
Not even my own family.
People who have seen me growing up.
People who know my character.
People who brought me up.
People I put all my trust into ever since the day I was born.
Instead of trusting me they put me in the middle.
They set a meeting only to discuss me.
To criticise me.
To give me advice that I don't need.
To judge me.
They think my life is on a losing end.
Little do they know that all I need is something they can't give me.
Something they will never be able to mend.
Someone.
All I need is someone.
All I need is an angel.
My angel.
No one can bring Him back to me.
If I could go back in time I would have chosen You angel.
Only You.
Not him.
I wouldn't have gone through with the thoughts of giving You away.
But its too late to say all this because now you have your own pair of wings.
But you know what angel?
Just watch over me. Protect me and forgive all those who played part in taking You away from me.
Be my guardian angel.
Protect me.
Self voice I hope He heard my prayer and I hope my relatives are going to understand me because I assure you self voice. There is one thing about Italians and especially this Quezada family.
They won't stop until they get the right answers.
Giving them the right answer will blow this armed bomb in this room because the right answer is almost terrifying.
Its going to prove that I really need that empty white room in a mental asylum.
Because the answer is
I need my angel. I want to be with Him.
But when I utter this words many questions are going to come up.
Questions that will get me into another emergency meeting.
Catholics believe in sexual purity until marriage and that's what everyone expects me to do especially abuela.
As for me I don't believe in that. All I know is people make their own decisions in life and giving away your v-card before marriage isn't immorality.
Its something you do when you love and trust someone so much. Many are lucky and end up in the arms of their princes.
But not me. I'm not lucky and right now am stranded in the middle of love and trust. I can't chose between the two.
I can't make decisions when all dumb Y'vania wants is to run back to Anthony.
Whatever the case I can't allow the dumb one to make final decisions. Genius Y'vania is stuck in a coma but she can fight for her life and help me out of this.
I want to know the truth about my angel because it hurts every time I see this scar on my tummy,every time I feel this sharp stabbing pain,every time I have to down tons of meds because I want to fall into a deep nightmare free sleep. I always remember the angel.
He was growing up so fast that I could feel Him inside me. He made me feel so brave and complete.
He made me feel elated whenever I was down. Whenever Nana or Miller the bad doctor posted something scandalous about me or talk to the media.
I still don't know why they can't leave me alone.
"Pretty one why are you sitting all alone,crying and..holding your tummy?"
Bye self voice let's talk later.
I turn and come face to face with Carina the ' sweetest ' one of my mum's siblings.
Sweetest in this case means she came in here yesterday,woke me up at the crack of dawn calling me lazy bones, made me eat some weird fruit salad in order to stay healthy,made me to skip my mid morning chocolate snacks and made me cook some weird pasta which I was forced to eat and ended up throwing it up shortly after swallowing a forkful and ended up under questions as to why I was throwing up when am not sick.
My sweet sweet aunt Carina.
"Y'vania am talking to you. Why are you holding your tummy and crying?!"
"Am..I'm okay aunt Carina its just um...time of the month."
"Oh really..why do you have to cry about it? Are you hiding something again?!"
"Why does everyone have to question everything I do in this house?!"
"Who are you talking to in such a tone? I asked you a question. What.are.you.hiding.again."
Breath in Y'vania, take a deep calming breathing. Don't slap her just leave.
But that's not exactly what I do. I get up and stare daggers at her and the other aunts who came closer upon hearing the commotion.
Just calm down go lock yourself in your room.
But again that's not exactly what I do.
"Nothing. Am off to bed."
"You realise it three in the afternoon don't you?"
"Am done talking."
Instead of going to my room I turn to the front door as fast as I can but I guess am not too fast as I think I can.
One of my uncles grabs my wrist and I almost knock my head on this gracious front door. I stomp my foot angrily and let out a loud frustrated scream only to earn a couple of awkward glances from everyone.
Wow. I've won myself a free ticket to a mental asylum.
Carina raises her eyebrow and crosses her arms as she gives each and every sibling a knowing look and that tells the final answer.