**
It's been two days since my blow out with Colton and so far life sucked.
I guess you could say I was in a mood of some sort but I wasn't exactly angry, No. I was depressed. Depressed at the fact that I may have ruined my chance at finally getting along with Colton. Depressed at the fact that Colton told me he cared about me. Then took it back.
I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just accept Colton back into my life as if it were nothing.
On the outside I know I may look like I seek attention but on the inside I know that deep down, I don't want Colton to care.
If he had known what I have been through all these years then maybe he would understand where I'm coming from.
I act the way I do simply because I couldn't give less than a fuck about what people think about me, Simply because I don't want anyone to see the real me.
And after all these years my so called 'Front' the facade I put up isn't a facade it's the real me. I've changed and maybe once this starts to sink into everybody's head, I will finally be left alone.
But for now I don't want Colton to be my friend, I don't want Colton to care about me, I don't want anyone caring for me for that matter.
**
Smoke blew out from my lips as I inhaled the cigarette.
They say that smoking slowly rots you from the inside out, Others say that it's a form of release. Something to relieve us from the stress weighing in on our shoulders.
I usually do it for fun, For the hell of it.
But right now I needed it.
Some would think it's a gift, to be able to mask what emotions are running through you and others would say it's a curse, Because having to hide what your feeling for other people's benefits isn't as healthy as you think it is.
I shook my head and butted out the cigarette before making my way back inside the Crawford mansion.
I entered through the back and saw that it was nearly two in the morning.
I sighed and made my way up the long beautifully shaped stair case and made my way to my room.
I sat down at the window seat so I could gaze out at the sky.
Something that Colton and I would do often when we were younger.
My thoughts seemed to revolve around Colton a lot this past few days.
"Hey" I heard from behind me and I turned around to see Jackson leaning against my doorframe.
"Hello"
"You smoke" It wasn't a question, It was a statement.
"Once in a while" I looked back out at the glowing stars.
"It's not healthy"
"I don't care"
"Why not?"
"Why should I?"
"Alex.." He sighed exasperatedly.
"Jax.." I mimicked playfully to which he smiled softly.
He walked into my room and sat on my bed leaning on the head board.
"Any particular reason you choose to poison your insides with nicotine?" He asked.
I sighed "Shits complicated"
"Life's complicated"
"I'm sure it is"
"Stop that" He grunted and I raised a brow turning to look at him.
"What?"
"Stop. That." he repeated.
I was silent as I waited for him to continue.
"Stop shutting people out" He paused then continued "You act as if no one else can ever possibly understand what it is your going through and yet you shut everyone out and make sure no one can see through the real you and you know what? It's because you don't want people to see that your hurting on the inside, That this facade you put on is a show to stop people from seeing the inside, The side that tells a story."
Jax now stood in front of me very close, dangerously close, and now that we were face to face under the glowing light of the stars that shown through the window I could see his expression.
He looked so.. Sad.
I was at loss for words. Especially because I knew that every word Jax spoke was true.
"Honestly Jax? I couldn't care less what people think of me. It's not a front trust me. It's the real me and just because some people can't accept my so called 'Change' doesn't mean it's a front or facade" I paused and looked him in the eyes "What about you? You leave and suddenly come back all wise and mysterious? What's your story then? huh?" I spat and he shook his head.
"Look at you with your leather jackets and bad boy looks if I remember correctly weren't you the innocent little kid that would do anything to make his parents proud?" I continued and his expression went blank and a cold look over took his face.
"Talk to Colton"
I frowned "Why?"
"He's been real pissed of lately"
"That's not my problem"
"It is because you both are being childish over nothing"
"Go to hell"
"I'll meet you there" he winked and instantly his cold demeanor washed away replaced with his playful one.
I smiled.
Just like that my mood was lifted.
**
I was softly humming to myself while putting books in my locker.
"Hey Alex" I turned and saw Jenna, A slim pretty brunette who I befriended.
"What's up?" I smiled.
"Well we do have that history assignment coming up and we haven't started.." She trailed off.
I frowned "We have a history assignment?.."
She sighed "Yes Alex! For like a week now!"
"When's it due?" I asked.
I mean it can't be that hard it's just a little history assignment.
"Tomorrow.. Its an essay.. And its 800 words.." She muttered.
Well fuck.
There's no way we are getting it done in time.
"Ok so what do you want to do then? Wanna pay off a nerd to get the job done?" I suggested.
She smiled mischievously at me "Why pay them? I will simply use my seducing skills" She gestured her head towards an average built fellow with thick rimmed glasses who was at his locker looking for something. He was cute. In a nerdy type of way but cute nonetheless.
I smirked and shut my locker "Well off you go then" I motioned to the boy "Work your seducing skills"
I leaned on my locker and watched as she strutted over to him swaying her hips as she did.
It took all I had not to burst into laughter when he caught a glimpse of her because first he did a double take then he dropped the papers that were in his hands and when she leaned forward letting his gaze down her band tee and dropped to pick up his papers and then she crouched down and while helping him she whispered in his ear and he went crimson red.
I threw my head back and howled with laughter.
"What's so funny?"
I turned and found Xavier with his arm slung around Hayley as they both looked at me in confusion.
I was still chuckling as I motioned my head to Jenna "Watching Jenna make that poor kid wet his pants"
The happy couple looked over at Jenna who was now running her hand up and down his chest as he nodded and clung on to every word she said.
"That poor boy" Hayley laughed as Xavier joined in.
"So what are y'all up to?" I asked.
"Well after school we were going to go to.." I began tuning Hayley out when I saw Colton walk down the hall with his arm slung over the same redhead I had decked my first day here.
I kept my gaze on Colton as I watched them walk down the hallway with a powerful aura surrounding them.
He avoided my gaze and didn't look at me once.
God why do I even care? I'm sure as hell he doesn't.
"..Do you want to come?" I snapped out of my trance and looked to see Xavier, Hayley, and Jenna all looking at me with weird expressions on their faces.
"Sorry.. What?" I asked dumbfounded and Hayley grinned.
"We're all going to Xavier's lake house this weekend, Wanna come?" I thought for a moment then shrugged. "Sure."
My parents are going to be back on Wednesday I'm pretty sure so I would be back at my house by then.
**
I was sent out of my maths to the principles office but instead I made my way towards my locker to grab my jacket.
I turned the corner and instantly regretted it.
Redhead was pressed up against the lockers with her legs around Colton's waist and they were locking lips.
On my locker.
A wave of jealousy mixed with anger washed over me as I stood there and watched them suck each others faces off.
Jealousy.
It's a really ugly thing isn't it? Yet we find ourselves all being controlled by the green eyed monster at some point.
Which is why I marched over intending to just deliver a slap to Colton but instead I yanked on reds hair and threw her on the floor. She went down easy.
"What the fuck?" Red's shriek echoed around the halls.
"That's for contaminating my locker with your STD's!" I yelled beyond annoyed.
Colton scoffed and rolled his eyes but in them I saw amusement as he watched me release my fury on red.
"And you!" I pointed at Colton accusingly as he raised a brow smirking playfully "Don't just stand there and act all innocent! First my bed?! Now you try to infest my locker with your diseases?!"
His smirk widened and he raised his hands surrendering playfully.
"Didn't realize this was your locker"
"Lies" I hissed at him and brought up my hand to slap him but he caught my wrist and brought me closer.
"Your real hot when your angry" he brought me closer "Oh wait, Babe watch out"
I felt myself hit the floor as red straddled me and bashed my head over and over again with her hands which didn't really hurt that much but I'll admit that the bitch can pack a punch.
I flipped us over and I began to bash her head on the ground again and again and again as she clawed at my arms shrieking in pain.
I stood up and kicked her temple and her head jerked to the side as she groaned.
"Bitch" she seethed and jumped up only to throw punches at me left and right as I did the same all the while Colton watching us smirking in delight.
Red and I were finally pulled away when two teachers took hold of us.
"What is the meaning of this?!" I pulled away from the teacher holding me and threw a glare at red who tried to pull away from the teacher holding her as well.
"Her fault! she threw me in the floor and began to beat me for no reason!" Red sobbed and my jaw dropped.
"Miss Fox you will be suspended for your actions and possibly expelled" One of the dickwad teacher told me.
"It wasn't her fault. Heather attacked Alex first, I saw the whole thing" My eyes widened in shock as Colton spoke.
Is.. Is he helping me?
The teacher stood up straighter "Well if this is true Mr Crawford then I will need you to make a visit to the principles office to tell us exactly what you saw"
Colton shrugged "Fine by me"
The teacher motioned for Colton to follow him but before he could I grabbed his arm.
"Why?" I breathed.
His famous smirk appeared "You owe me now" he walked away and I sighed and looked to see there were kids in the hallway watching the scene that just happened. I hadn't even noticed them.
"What?" I snapped and they all began to go back to their normal daily routine.
I sighed and leaned against my locker as red was dragged to the nurses office.
I owe Colton now.
Holy shit.
Fuck. My. Life.
**
Words cannot express how sorry I am for not updating sooner I know I'm very late! I'm sorry! Forgive me? *Slides you Nutella* Forgive me now?
I honestly do not like this chapter :/ So I understand of you don't either.
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-Your worst nightmare ;)