I grab my bags and walk through the restaurant to the other side . . Michael came . . I'm not sure if he saw me . . but I saw him . . I take a seat in the very back of the restaurant and watch what he's doing and where he's going. . . did he really come here to the airport to look for me? . .
He's standing there in the huge crowd, looking around . . . I feel bad for leaving but what was I supposed to do? what he said really hurt me. . it's not just WHAT he said, it's HOW he said it . . Michael has no love for me and I have to get that through my crazy head. He brought me here to enjoy a few sexy nights, not to enjoy ME . . . I mean, why would he? we're FAKE . .
He didn't fall in love with me at home . . .
and he sure as hell will not fall in love with me here . . .
I wish I could just snap my fingers and fall out of love with him . .
if it only were that easy . .
He doesn't want ME, he's only interested in my body . . seriously, what was I thinking? what was I hoping for? . . how silly of me to think that I could make him fall in love with me . . I want him to go back to the hotelroom . . without me . . I don't want him to look for me . . I don't want him to do anything for me! . . no matter what he does, I keep falling harder and harder!!! . . . the night we had at his place was just the most beautiful sex I ever had in my life . . . I fell so hard for him, it hurt.
How can Michael touch me, kiss me, f*ck me and not feel a thing?
How heartless can a man be? . . . really! . . I'm asking . .
OH CRAP . . he saw me!!! . . NO! . . ugh!! I'm not prepared for this, I wouldn't know what to say!!! . . but it's too late for me to get up and walk away now. . he's already on his way over here. I take my phone out of my purse and act busy . . he grabs a chair and takes a seat next to me. . .
"Here you are! . . . why did you leave??"
My heart shrinks and so does my lung . . I'm feeling all chocked up. .
"I have my reasons why I left . . . what are you doing here??"
"I came here to look for you! . . I was worried . . it's dark and you're all alone out here . . I felt bad when I came back from my walk and you weren't there . . you didn't have to leave, Ariana . . we can just talk, ok? . . . can we please just talk about this?"
"There's nothing I wanna say to you, except, you have no respect for me. ."
"I have plenty of respect for you, Ariana! . . and you know that!"
"Yea . . maybe on another planet"
"Please stop! . . you're making this a bigger mess than it already is . . I apologized for what I said, ok? I'm sorry I said it . . I'm sorry it hurt your feelings . . I didn't mean to"
"Yea. . just like a lot of other things you didn't mean to . . ."
He takes my phone out of my hand. "Look at me, please!"
I refuse to look at him. .
A waiter comes up to us and asks if we are ready to order. . Michael tells him that we're just sitting here talking. The waiter says that we can't just sit here without ordering anything, we would have to leave . . . . Michael turns around and looks the waiter straight in his eyes.
"With all due respect, sir . . can't you see that I'm talking to my wife here?!"
The waiter rolls his eyes and walks away. I can't believe Michael used the W word again . . I told him earlier that I don't want him to call me his wife . . it means nothing!!! simply NOTHING!
"Don't call me that, Michael . . ."
"Why not?. . you're my wife!"
"Yea . . in this sick, twisted marriage I am!! . . . but not in real life!!!!"
"Could you please stop yelling? people are staring at us! . . can we please just go back to the hotelroom, so we can talk this through in private? I really want to fix this, ok? . . you don't have to leave!"
"No! I'm not coming back with you . . for what?! please, tell me for what?! so you can make me feel weak again with your stupid fake hugs and kisses?! . . so you can f*ck me and pretend we're real for 30 minutes? . . no . . I'm not gonna let you do this to me!! you can't use me like that . . all you do is hurt me!"
I get my bag and prepare to walk away . . . but as I'm about to make my first step, Michael shows me something that stops me in my tracks . . . he's wearing the ring . . . why the hell is he wearing the ring? why now? . . WHY? . . why is he doing this to me?
"The ring doesn't mean anything Michael . . "
"Since when? . . I thought yours meant something to you?"
"Yes . . it did . . but not anymore . . and yours never meant anything to you at all . . so, why are you wearing it? why are you doing this, Michael? who are you doing this for? what are you trying to proove? I'm not stupid . . you can't pretend anymore . . I can see right through you . . . all you do is fake . . it's just fake . . don't pretend you're wearing it for me . . you're wearing it to make me believe something that isn't real. . you put it on to shut me up, so I'll go back to the hotelroom with you! . . am I right!?"
"How do you wanna know that?"
"I just know!"
"No . . I'm wearing it to . . to . . to tell you that I don't want you to leave!"
"Ok then, you can take it off now because I'm not coming with you!"
"You're really making this hard for me, Ariana . ."
"I'm making this hard for YOUU? . . I'm in love with you and you don't even care!!!!"
He takes my hand. .
"You're in love with me?"
"No, I'm not . . . !!!"
"Yes you are . . you just said it"
"No, I did not! . . . "
"Why are you crying now?"
"I'm crying because . . . I'm tired and I wanna leave!!!"
~ Michael's point of view ~
she said it . . she looked me right in the eyes and finally addmited her love for me. I don't know why that's making me so happy right now . . it could be that I have feelings for her too. . is it possible that I'm falling for her?
All I know is, I don't want her to go back home . . . ever since she woke me up that night, sitting on top of be, begging for sex . . I feel like there is something between us . . something like a bond . . I'm not sure what kind of bond, but . . it's making me wanna be with her. . . I like being with her . . and I need to stop saying this to myself and start saying it to her . . .
"Ariana . . please come back to the hotel with me. . ."
She wipes the tears from her eyes. "No, I wanna go home"
I need to open my mouth and tell her that I like her . . I need to let her know that she means something to me . . why is this so hard for me?! . . why can't I just open my mouth and say it?
I take something out of my wallet and put it in front of her.
"Do you remember this note? you gave it to me at school 5 years ago . ."
She reads it and smiles . . .
"Is that a smile on your face?"
She shakes her head . . . "No"
"Yes it is . . in that note you're saying that I'm handsome and I have a nice butt"
"You not only have a butt, you are one too" She says bluntly.
"You can insult me all you want as long as you smile, Ariana"
She puts the note in my hand. . . "What if I don't wanna smile?"
"Then I'm gonna make you. . ."
". . . How do you wanna do that?"
"I don't know . . . remember when I tripped over your purse and fell?"
"Yes . .?"
"I can do that again"
"Why would you do that?. . ."
"To make you laugh . . . are you gonna come back to the hotel with me?"
She looks down . . I can tell that she's so exhausted. . poor girl . . I just want her with me . . I'm not gonna touch her . . I will just let her know that I really enjoy having her with me.
"Why do you want me there so much, Michael?"
"I came to Paris with you . . and I wanna leave Paris with you. ."
"Why do you say such sweet things like that? . . why??"
"Because I want you to smile. . I want you to be happy. ."
"But do you really mean it?"
"Would I say it if I don't mean it?"
"I don't know . . ."
"Ariana. . . are you in love with me?"
She looks away. . .
"Please look at me"
She looks at me with tears in her eyes . . "A little bit"
"Ariana . . . babe . . . how much on a scale of 1-10?"
". . . All the numbers combined"
~ to be continued ~