"Guess what?" I tell Luke on the phone while I relax in my rose scented bubble bath.
"What?"
"We're throwing this huge party Friday," I say," Danny's house is huge and it's honestly perfect."
"Sounds like you're having fun," he says," but you realize it's Friday."
"I know," I say," I'm in the bathtub so I can relax and calm down because I have been calling and interviewing people for a job as Danny's house keeper because he's too sad to get out of his room and the house smells like total shit."
"You're in the bathtub?" He asks and I just know he's smirking," as in you're naked?"
"As in the only thing I am wearing is this layer of bubbles,"
"God I miss you," he says," so why is Danny so sad?"
"Yesterday was the one year anniversary of his cats death," I say," I get that it's sad but it was yesterday."
"Aw," he says.
"I know you want to laugh," I say.
"It's a damn cat," he says," and it's been a year. He has to move on."
"I love cats," I sigh.
"I love the thought of you naked right now," he sighs and I laugh.
"Do you have an extra toothpaste?" Danny sighs when he barges into the bathroom.
"What the hell are you doing?" I say and try to cover up my half exposed body.
"What's happening?" Luke asks on speaker phone.
"Hello Lucas," Danny says glumly.
"I thought you were in the bathroom," he says.
"I am,"
"I'm just looking for an extra toothpaste," Danny sighs.
"Dude," Luke says," quit acting like a pussy and man up."
"We used to call Mr. Puss, pussy," Danny pouts.
"Dude," I say," I need you to get out."
"Why? It's nothing I haven't seen," he shrugs.
"What," Luke says and I laugh.
"Just take my tube and leave," I say and point to the sink.
"Thanks," he says and slumps as he walks out with my toothpaste.
"Mr. Puss?" Luke says.
"Yeah," I say," Danny has had him since he was a kid."
"Wow."
"Yeah well I forgot to tell you something," I say.
"What?"
"I broke my finger," I chuckle," it's not as bad as it sounds."
"You broke it?" He laughs.
"Stop it," I whine," don't laugh at me."
"Which finger is it?"
"My ring finger," I say.
"If only it was your middle finger," he says.
"If only," I say.
"I have to go," he says.
"Oh right," I say," you're in school right now."
"Yeah, shut up," he says.
"What period are you going to?"
"Lunch,"
"Oh,"
"Okay," he says," I'll call you later and we can FaceTime tonight."
"Okay," I say," bye."
When he hangs up I decide I've been in the bathtub long enough and change into sweats before I get out of the bathroom. I join Danny downstairs to eat breakfast.
"Can you make me something to eat?" He asks and lays his head on the table.
"No," I say and he pouts," fine get dressed, we're going out."
"I don't want to,"
"I don't care," I say," you need to get out of the house. You need retail therapy."
"You want me to go shopping?" He says and raises his eyebrows.
"Yes," I say and push him up the stairs.
"No," he says and I shove him into his room and shut the door before he can say anything.
"Are you don't yet?" I ask when I finish doing my makeup.
"Sure," he says and steps out the door.
"You didn't change," I groan.
"I look fine," he says and I walk back in with him.
I push him into the bathroom with khakis and a tee-shirt and he actually changes into it. I fix his hair the way he always does it, or how he used to do it and we finally go.
"This is ridiculous," I say when we get to Nordstrom.
"What?"
"You can't do anything by yourself," I say while we look through the racks at Topshop," I had to do your hair. I understand you miss Puss, but it was last year and you have to move past it. You're going to have a kick ass party tonight and I really want you to have fun."
"I know," he sighs.
"Will you stop moping around and have fun shopping with me?" I ask him.
"Sure," he says and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Are we done?" He asks when I decide our last stop, after TopShop, Forever 21, and PacSun, is Urban Outfitters.
"I really want some vintage shirts," I say.
"Fine,"
We search the store and all I find is an old Nirvana shirt and a belly button ring.
"Do you still like Fall Out Boy?" He asks me and I turn around to see him holding a Fall Out Boy oversized tee.
"Oh my god," I say," I love Fall Out Boy."
"Okay, so now are we done?" He asks while we walk to the register.
"Yes," I say," and quit complaining, you got some stuff too."
"You made me buy that tank top," he says and I pay for the stuff and we make our way back to the house.
"Do you feel better?" I ask him while we sit down in the living room, watching Clueless.
"Fine," he laughs," shopping made me feel better."
"I know," I smile.
"Anyways," he says," do we have everything for the party?"
"Everything except some kick ass beer so everyone can remember our kick ass party," I say," I want this to be the party of the year."
"The years almost over,"
"The party of the century," I correct myself.
"It will be," he laughs.
"God I hate this stupid thing," I say and look over my blue cast.
"You're the one who punched Noah," he shrugs.
"He deserved it,"
"He did," he agrees.
"I should get ready," I say after the movie.
"Aren't you ready?" He asks and looks me up and down.
"I'm wearing Luke's sweats," I say.
"So what?"
"I just want to change into jeans," I say and walk up the stairs to my room. I change into light wash boyfriend jeans and a black tee-shirt.
"Did you eat today?" I ask Danny when I come back downstairs and he's eating I've cream.
"I had cereal this morning," he says," oh, uh, sorry for barging into the bathroom while you were in there."
"Yeah," I say," I need space."
"You could have locked the door," he shrugs.
"I shouldn't have to," I say.
"Fine, I'm sorry," he says.
"You never told me what happened with Molly," I say," on the phone you kept telling me I had to meet her."
"When I broke up with Jonah, I started thinking maybe I'm not the same as I was last year, so I met Molly at a bar," he says," and then she started calling me her boyfriend."
"Wow," I say," you're 19, you can't drink legally."
"I'm friends with the owner," he says," free booze whenever I want."
"Did you at least take her on a date,"
"I mean she took me to her bed," he smirks," and then I took her to mine. We fucked in some weird places."
"I didn't need to know that," I cough.
"Somebody's jealous," he laughs.
"You wish," I say," I have Luke."
"Sure you do,"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"He doesn't seem like one to be tied down,"
"You've never met him," I say," how would you know."
"I've talked to him though,"
"So?" I say," Luke wanted to start dating when Ashton and I broke up but I said we had to wait a month."
"Isn't that what you made me do?"
"No," I say," we started dating when you asked me out. I didn't make you wait."
"So now you're playing hard to get," he says," you have changed a lot."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Yeah," he says," you're sexier, you dress a shit ton better, and you're not afraid to punch a dude."
"I am sexy, aren't I?"
"Shut up," he laughs.
"Hey," Luke says when I call him during the party.
"This is so awkward," I say," I know a fourth of the people here."
"Are you talking about the party?"
"Yeah," I say," why can't you be here?"
"Why can't you be here?" He asks.
"Keep me company," I say," how was your day?"
"I think Ashton and Sophia are dating," he says.
"Sophie wouldn't date him," I say.
"Why?"
"I don't know," I say," she was totally on my side about the whole cheating thing. She hates him."
"She certainly likes his lips," he says.
"What?"
"They were making out the entire lunch," he says," Calum threw a piece of lettuce at them."
"They were making out," I repeat. I know I shouldn't care about who Ashton dates and what he does with them but I can't help it.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I say.
"Are you sure?"
"Lucas," I say," I'm terrific except for the fact I'm locked in my room."
"Go talk to your friends," he says.
"I want to talk to you,"
"I want to talk to you too,"
"What else happened this week?"
"We're watching a movie tonight," he says", I can FaceTime you so you can watch with us."
"Yay," I say," what movie?"
"Maniac," he says.
"Have you seen it?" I ask him.
"Yeah," he says," but Michael and Calum haven't seen it."
"Oh,"
"What did you do today?"
"I went shopping," I say," I dragged Danny with me."
"Is he cool now?"
"Yeah," I say," he's fine."
"Cool,"
"So cool," he mocks me.
"Would it be rude if I took a shower right now?" I ask.
"I don't think anyone will mind," he says.
"Okay," I say," then FaceTime me when you're watching the movie."
"Okay," he says and we hang up after saying bye.
"What are you doing?" Danny says when he walks in on me watching Maniac with the guys over FaceTime.
"Shh," I say," I'm watching a movie."
"Are you kidding?" He says and sits on the bed next to me.
"Fuck!" I hear Calum scream which makes me laugh.
"I'm so fucking done," someone says. I think it's Michael," we're not watching this anymore." He turns the tv off and the lights turn on.
"Dude," Ashton groans.
"What happened?" I laugh.
"These assholes are too scared," Luke says.
"It's not even that scary," I say.
"Exactly," Ashton says.
"You guys are fucking messed up," Calum says.
"We've all seen it," Luke says.
"You'd rather do this than party?" Danny laughs.
"Who are you?" Michael asks.
"This is Danny," I say.
"The Dodgers fan," Ashton says and I realize they've met before.
"You're the dick that cheated on her," he says and Luke starts laughing.
"Right," Ashton says and looks down at his hands.
"Well," I say," you should get back to your party."
"You're at a party and you're watching a movie with us?" Michael says and I nod.
"Okay bye," Danny says and leaves.
"I'm going to go," I tell Luke or whoever decides to listen.
"I'll call you tomorrow," he says.
"Goodbye jackass," I say and we end the video call.
"I can't believe you stayed in your room all night," Danny says when I come downstairs in the morning.
"It was so awkward," I say," every time I looked somewhere Noah was there with his stupid black eye."
"Yeah," he says," he was pissed."
"Good," I say as pour myself some cereal and sit next to him at the kitchen counter.
"But you knew other people," he says," I purposely invited our old friends."
"I know but then they would ask me how California is and what's been happening," I say and take a spoonful of cereal," and I've had a shitty time in California."
"Right," he says.
"And you ran out of the good beer," I say
"Someone brought some kick ass beer around 1:00am," he says.
"Damn," I say," I was watching the movie.
"With your boyfriend," he says and fake giggles.
"My boyfriend," I sigh.
"I think you're moving too fast."
"I didn't ask what you think," I say," I know Luke won't hurt me. There's just something about him."
"Didn't you say that about Ashton?" He says.
"Yes," I say," but Luke is different."
"Sure he is," he says.
"He is," I say," he's sweet and an ass at the same time, he's honestly perfect."
"Because he's an ass?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"I'm just trying to show you that you're jumping into this too quickly,"
"You know, that's exactly what my mom said," I say.
"You should listen to us,"
"You don't like Luke?"
"I don't know him,"
"An you're not going to if you keep shitting on our relationship," I say.
"I'm shitting on your relationship?" He laughs.
"You're annoying the shit out of me," I say.
"It's almost 12," he says," aren't you going to your grandmas house?"
"Oh shit," I say and drop the spoon in my cereal," yes." I run upstairs and brush my teeth. I change into denim skinny jeans with the ends cuffed, a white v-neck, a pair of Oxford shoes, and a faded gray flannel.
"I'll see you tonight," I yell while I fast walk out the door.
"Jessie!" My nonna says when she opens the door and hugs me tight.
"Hi nonna," I say.
"How the hell are you?" She smiles and wraps her arm around my shoulder as we walk into her kitchen and sit down at the table.
"I'm awesome," I say," how the hell are you?"
"Great! Look what I got" She pulls out a magazine an flips to the page with Cara and I," Cara's mother and your Lily were like sisters."
"Yeah," I say," they're still friends now."
"And now you and Cara are friends," she smiles," oh! I got those really good brownies you used to go crazy for."
"Yes!" I say and take a bite out of the double chocolate chip brownie," so fucking good."
"You've still got that mouth," she laughs," the constant swearing, oh my."
"I don't swear as much," I say.
"Yeah right," she smiles.
"Where's nonno?" I ask.
"He'll be home soon," she says.
"Mom wanted me to give you a letter," I say and hand her the envelope.
"Oh," she says and quickly gets it off the table and shoves it into a drawer," thank you."
"What is it?"
"It's nothing," she says.
"Nonna," I whine.
"It's just birth certificate stuff."
"Whose?"
"All of yours," she says," it's not important. How was your stay?"
"Good," I say," we threw a kick ass party."
"You guys weren't drinking right?" She asks," what am I saying? Of course you were drinking, you're a teenager."
"I will not confirm nor deny that," I say.
"Let's go out for lunch when Grandad comes," she says," ask Daniel if he wants to go too."
"Danny?"
"Yes,"
"Okay," I shrug and call him.
"What is it fucker?" He says when he picks up.
"You shit," I say," my grandma wants you to come to lunch with us."
"Don't call him a shit, Jessica," she says and I wave her off.
"Sure," he says," I'll be over in like 10 minutes."
"Whatever," I say.
"You know you're a dick," he says.
"You're an ass," I say and we hang up.
"I don't understand you," my grandma says and shakes her head.
"Me neither,"
"Daniel!" My grandma says and hugs him when he comes to the kitchen with my grandpa.
"Jessica," my grandad says and hugs me tight," I missed you."
"I missed you too," I say and he let's go and we all sit down.
"So where are we going to lunch because I am fucking starving," I say.
"You have not changed," my nonno smiles," so Daniel, how are you?"
"I'm great," he says.
"Jessica has been staying with you?" My grandma asks.
"Yeah,"
"You could always stay with us," she tells me.
"I could," I say," but then you'd make me eat lasagna every night."
"Yes," she says and we stand up," we should go."
"I'll go with Danny," I say and we part into two cars.
"How'd you get here?" He asks me.
"My mom has another car that she left here and so I'm using it," I say.
"Oh," he says.
"You really don't have to come," I say," it's just lunch with my grandparents."
"I want to," he says," I like food."
"I meant to talk to you about Ashton," I say slowly and he scoffs.
"Why do you still hang out with him?" He says and we start driving to the restaurant," he's a dick."
"He's not a dick," I say.
"Why are you defending him?" He says," he cheated on you. He slept with your best friend."
"I know that," I say," he's not a dick. He's sweet and he cares about me and-"
"If he cared about you why would he sleep with someone else?"
"Because he thought I slept with his best friend!" I say," Luke and Ashton are really close."
"Wow,"
"Will you stop cutting me off , it's fucking annoying," I say and he laughs lightly.
"You're fucking annoying," he says.
"So tell me about your situation with Molly," I say.
"She's so fucking annoying," he says," she's like a fucking puppy."
"Puppies are cute,"
"But they follow you around and ask you to do shit like walk them and feed them,"
"They have to be fed," I say," or else they'll die. Are you trying to kill Molly?"
"Shut up," he says," I don't like her. I just needed to see if I was, uh, gay or not."
"You used her," I say.
"Sort of,"
"You're a dick," I tell him," so are you gay?"
"You don't just ask people if they're gay or not," he laughs.
"You're not people," I say," you're Daniel."
"No," he says.
"No, you're not Daniel?" I ask.
"No," he says," no, I don't think I'm gay."
"So you're straight."
"I didn't say that,"
"So you're bisexual," I say.
"I don't fucking know,"
"How many times have we said fuck today?"
"I don't fucking know,"
"Let's have dinner tonight,"
"Don't we have dinner every night?"
"Yeah," I say," but let's take it up to the roof like we used to do with your moms liquor."
"Those were the goddamn days," he sighs.
"The goddamn days," I say to myself.
We sit down on the roof and eat our Chinese take-out.
"You want to know something?"
"What?" He says.
"You're my best friend,"
"Ashton didn't sleep with me," he laughs.
"Oh my god," I laugh and he takes a noodle from my chow mein.
"Do you remember when you flashed everyone at that party I dragged you to?"
"What?" I say," I did not flash anyone!"
"Holy shit! Yes you did," he says.
"No I didn't," I say," I would remember that."
"You were probably wasted,"
"I was like 16," I say," I didn't drink."
"I know," he says and wraps his arm around my shoulder," you were a fucking good kid."
"Were?" I say.
"Were,"
"You dick," I say," I'm still a good kid."
"How'd you meet Ashton?"
"At a party,"
"How wasted were you?"
"Very," I chuckle lightly.
"Exactly,"
"You're not a good kid either,"
"I'm not a kid,"
"You're not a good fucking adult,"
"I can't wait until I'm 21," he says.
"Then you can buy me that really good wine," I say.
"You always had a thing for dessert wine,"
"God, I love dessert wine,"
"I love you," he says and I choke on my noodles.
"What?" I gasp.
"I never stopped loving you,"
"I never stopped loving you, too," I say," but now I love you as a friend. You're the person I'm closest to."
"Don't tell me you weren't jealous when I told you about Molly," he says," I know how jealous you get."
"I was a little jealous," I say and he cocks his eyebrow," that's just because I thought that if you ever became straight again or whatever you'd come back to me but obviously shit has changed."
"Shit hasn't changed, what if I want you back," he says and scoots close to me," what if I fucked Molly because I knew you'd lose your shit?"
"Then you're an asshole," I say and stand up.
"Jess," he says and I go back down the stairs leading to the top floor from the roof.
"I'll go to a hotel," I say," I don't want to stay with you if you're toying with some girl."
He follows me and stops me in the hallway by gently pushing me against the wall.
"Look, I'm sorry," he says," I'm not good with hiding my feelings. But I do like you, and you can't just go from loving someone to not caring."
"Of course I care about you," I say," I will never stop caring about you, or loving you. But I think I'm falling in love with Luke."
"Wow" He says.
"I don't know how this love stuff works," I say," I don't know if I'm just tired or that I miss him, or whatever."
"Wow,"
"Stop saying wow," I say.
"You fucking love him," he says.
"It's not like when I told Scott I loved him," I say," it's different."
"How long have you known him again?"
"Like a couple months,"
"And you love him,"
"What are you trying to say,"
"That you don't know him enough to love him,"
"I don't know if I love him," I say," I love being around him, I love how he hugs me, I love when he kisses my cheek during class, I love the way he grabs me, I love the way he looks at me, I love the way he just gives me his clothes and doesn't care if I wear it to school a week later."
"You realize you're saying this to your ex, right?"
"You're not just my ex," I say," I've never been friends with anyone like you, I never want to lose that. You don't get to tell me you love me. You left me. You decided I was just the girl that would help you pretend you weren't gay. I was your fucking charity case."
"You weren't a charity case," he sighs.
"Then why did you decide to talk to me?" I say," the day I got back from the hospital you decided to befriend me. You invited me to parties, you sat with me at lunch, you kissed me, you touched me, you used me."
"I didn't fucking use you!" He yells and hits the wall next to my head," maybe I just fell fucking in love with you. That wasn't the first day I noticed you, I felt bad for what I did to you. Fuck, you've always been in at least one of my classes. Always sitting so close to me. Always wearing the ugly ass glasses. Always drawing on your body. Always sleeping in class."
A burning feeling starts to appear in my chest and I quickly grab it, not knowing what to do. I breath in and out but nothing helps the pain starts to spread throughout my entire upper body, but it's especially strong in my breasts. The pain goes away slowly and I let out a huge sigh.
"Oh my god," I gasp and a few tears fall onto my cheeks," you payed Alex to take that topless picture of me."
"Jessica," he says," I would never."
"Don't lie to me!" I yell," you 'felt bad' for what you did? You sent out that picture so I would get closer to you because you were the one person who talked to me. I can't believe you."
I push him away from me and slam the door when I run into 'my' room.
"Jessica, please let me explain," he says through the door. I throw my clothes in my suitcases and quickly zip them up.
I swing the door open around 30 minutes later with my stuff packed and in my hands," don't ever talk to me again, do you understand?"
"I didn't think you were going to try to kill yourself," He says and stands in front of me, blocking my way to the stairs," if I could take it back I would. You have to believe me."
"I don't have to believe anything," I say and a tear falls onto his cheek," I wanted to die because of you. You don't get to fucking cry. You don't get to do anything."
"I am so, so sorry," he says.
"If you truly care about me, you'll let me leave," I say.
"I can't,"
"Because you don't care about me?" I whisper.
"I don't want you to leave me," he says," I am sorry."
"I am too," I say and push past him. I should have done that 10 minutes ago.
I drive to a hotel far away from Danny's house.
"Jessica?" Luke says when I call him.
"I need you here," I cry into the phone," I don't want to be here anymore."
"Fuck," he says," please don't cry. What happened?"
"Everything," I say," I knew my past would be brought up but I didn't think it would affect me this much."
"What do you want me to do?" He says," I can book you another flight."
"I want you to hold me," I cry," I want to be there with you."
"Will you tell me what happened?" He asks.
"I can't," I say," then you're going to treat me like I'm a puppy someone just kicked."
"Who the hell would kick a puppy?" He says and I can't help but laugh lightly.
"I miss you so much," I say.
"I miss you," he says.
"I'm just going to suck it up and come home on Wednesday," I say.
"Are you sure?"
"No," I say," should I come home now? What do you want me to do?"
"It doesn't matter what I want," he says," what do you want?"
"I want to get away from this place," I say," but I don't want to come home either."
"Then go for a road trip," he says.
"By myself?"
"Why the hell not?"
"Where would I go?" I smile, starting to actually consider leaving and only returning to catch my flight.
"Go to Connecticut, or DC, or Maryland, or Pennsylvania, hell you can go to North Carolina,"
"Am I really doing this?" I giggle.
"Hell yeah," he says.
"I'm going to North Carolina!" I squeal.
"It's like an 8 hour drive," he says.
"I don't care," I tell him.
"You're fucking amazing, you know that?" He says.
"Hell yeah," I say," what time is it there?"
"It's only like 8:00," he says," which means it's 11:00 in New York."
"Yeah,"
"You should go to sleep,"
"I would rather talk to you,"
"You'd deprive yourself of sleep to talk to me?" He says.
"Yes,"
"Are you still upset?" He asks.
"Not as upset as before," I say.
"Good,"
"Will you do something for me?"
"Anything,"
"Anything?" I laugh.
"I'm not going to slap someone with my dick," he says and we both laugh loud.
"No, will you pick me up at the airport?" I say," on Wednesday."
"Yeah," he says.
"I told my parents not to come," I say," I never let them pick me up."
"Why?"
"I don't know," I say," I don't like being hugged by everyone."
"Will I be able to hug you?"
"Yeah,"
"Then I'll be there,"
"Thank you," I say.
"Is there anything else you want me to do?"
"Yeah," I say," will you promise me something?"
"Okay?"
"Promise me you'll never hurt me too bad," I say.
"I promise," he says.
"I mean don't try to be careful around me or anything," I say," I just don't want to be hurt by anyone again, especially you."
"I won't hurt you," he says," you can fucking kill me if I do."
"I'm holding that against you," I say.
"Go to bed, loser," he says.
"Goodnight," I say and hang up.
---
By the way nonna means grandmother and nonno means grandfather.
It's Italian ya goof.