Carter
Today was the day, we have to meet with my dad. I don't know what to expect from this, I'm just hoping the outcome is good. Between me and my brother I'm definitely the most forgiving. Yeah, Kylee is aware of what's going on but I feel like she isn't fully affected by it. Junior witnessed pops doing drugs and I found him overdosed. I still have nightmares, I get there too late and I just beg and beg god to give me another chance and he does but I still get there too late.
I'm just glad that wasn't the reality of all of this. I'm glad my mom still cared enough to force him into a rehab. As much as my brother doesn't want it, I kind of want my parents back together. I've never seen two people who are meant for each other. Yes my dad messed up and I heard he did this before I was born but now he knows better.
Maybe they just need time apart to figure things out.
We pulled up to the facility. I could see my bother getting uneasy. He started shifting his seat, constantly running his hands down his jeans. The truck came to halt and we all climbed out then headed inside.
"Hello, How my I help you?" The lady at the front desk asked. I expected Chris to speak up but he kept his head in his phone.
"Uuuh, we're here to see our dad Christopher Brown Sr."
"Okay, have a seat in the lobby I'll call him for you."
Kylee and I took a seat. Junior paced the floor. A few minutes go by then we heard double doors open. My dad came walking towards us, he looked nervous too but kept a big smile on his face.
"You guys came, thank you." He said.
We all gave him a quick grin. He looked healthier, that's a good thing.
He went to hug Kylee, then we did our handshake. He got ready to turn to Junior but he was already standing by the double doors waiting with an annoyed look on his face.
My dad sighed then we made our way over to the same area. Once we got behind those doors, we started down this long hallway. It looked like a hospital in here.
Well I guess this is sorta like one.
We got to the last door in the hallway and my dad pulled out a set of keys and unlocked it and we headed in.
It was nice for a rehab facility. I'm sure this place is expensive as hell. The other people out there look like they're rich as hell just like my dad.
"So you're allowed to have a TV in rehab? I thought they didn't allow that, you could see something that'll cause you to wanna relapse." Junior said.
"We can only watch it for an hour and it's only like 4 channels that won't have anything come across like that."
"And you got a laptop?" He questioned.
"Well I do have two businesses to run by myself."
"You had mom." Junior said.
They both just stared at each other. It was like looking at a two way mirror. I see who's going to give the most problems today.
"Soooo dad." I said trying to ignore the tension. "Are you allowed to leave for like special occasions? My prom and my birthday is coming up."
"My Birthday is too!" Kylee said.
"I know all of that an I'm trying to work some things out." He said. "Your mom has control over anything I do in here so you'll have to talk to her as well."
"Why does she have control? Nana couldn't do it?" Junior asked.
Oh boy.
"Uuuh, well that was your mom's decision. So that's something you'll have to talk to her about as well." My dad responded. "But I hear you have some news for me."
Junior looked at him, his eyes full of hate. This shit was breaking my heart.
"Yeah, moms getting ready to be a grandmother."
My dad's teeth sunk into his bottom lip. You can tell that shade hurt his feelings. Instead of responding he looked down at his watch. Before speaking he cleared his throat. "It's time to go meet with the counselor. Y'all can follow me."
We all got up. When I got next to Junior I pushed his arm and he turned and socked me in mine, making me regret what I just did.
I should beat his ass.
I looked up at my dad who stared at us with that 'you know better' look on his face as if we were babies.
"Sorry." We both said.
We started walking again and stopped at a office door.
My dad knocked and shortly after an older man opened up. A smile appeared on his face. "You got them all to come, this is good." He said while stepping back to let us in.
We walked inside and just stood there except for my dad. He sat in a chair across from the couch that I'm guessing was for us.
"You guys can have a seat across from your dad." The therapy dude said.
After we were all seated, the therapy dude grabbed his pen and pad and sat next to my dad. "Hello, I am your dad's therapist, Dr. Richards. Apart of the program here he has to see me twice a week. Getting you three here was something that I thought would be a difficult task but I'm glad you all joined us. Let's get started, who's the oldest?"
Junior raised his hand.
"So you must be Christopher. Your dad speaks on you a lot." Dr. Richards said. Junior just kept his same blank expression. "Okay, so what we're going to do first is, I want you all to give me a one word that describes how you feel when it comes your dad and explain why you feel this way. We're going to go oldest to youngest."
Junior looked at my dad then down at his hands. "Disappointed."
"Why?"
"I used to think my dad was Superman and then this happens. He used to tell me about what I should and shouldn't do, mainly hurt the people you love and look where we are."
Dr. Richards nodded then looked at me. I nervously laughed like I always do in uncomfortable situations. "Nervous is how I feel." I said.
"Hm, and why are you nervous?"
"What if my dad is wasting his time being here? What if he leaves here and goes back to what he was doing? And I'm nervous that the next time someone finds him it might be too late." I looked at my dad. His eyes were red and he shifted in his seat.
"Okay, the princess of the family, Kylee. What's one word that describes how you feel?" He asked her.
She thought about it for a minute. "Confused." A tear dropped down her face.
My dad sat up and focused more on her.
Doc handed her a tissue. "Why Kylee?"
"He claims that he loves our mom so much but he hurt her so badly. He even made Carter not like her at one point. When they were getting divorced he made it seem like it was all her fault. And now that he's here he begs her to be with him. Why not just treat her right when you had her?"
"Preach." Junior said.
I think she just spoke for all of us. Why would he put us all in this situation?
"Okay, I know that must've been a hard pill to swallow Chris." Dr. Richards said to my dad. "How does this make you feel?"
"Upset because I know I really let them down. And it's like there's nothing I can do to repair what's broken. I look at my oldest son and I can tell he hates me and that breaks my heart. To hear my son say that he's nervous that I could die, and for my daughter to cry because of what I've done, it kills me."
"Be honest dad." Junior said. "Would you be trying to fix things and feel the way you are, If Robyn was still alive? And please don't lie, whatever you gotta say I can take it."
My dad pulled at his beard and he looked like he was about to cry again. I already know his answer. "Probably not." He said.
That shit is crazy and even though Junior said he could take it, he lied.
"Why was she so more important than us? What the fuck did she have that my mother didn't?! I watched mom cry her eyes out because she didn't know what the hell happened. The whole time you was out here fucking that Bitch and getting high off of whatever she had! Were we not good enough?! Is that it?! You'd rather be around some hoe that was just using you instead of the woman you married to and your own flesh and blood?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT?!" Junior yelled. His face was dark red and he was halfway out of his seat.
"Okay Christopher, we need you to relax. Yelling isn't going to fix anything." Dr. Richards said to him and he probably should've just stayed quiet.
"Nigga fuck you, don't tell me what the fuck to do! This is all a waste of time. He don't care about us!"
"Junior chill bro." I said trying to get him to sit back but he wasn't listening.
"Man fuck this shit. I shouldn't have even came." He said while getting up.
"Man you haven't even heard nothing he had to say though." I said following him.
"I heard enough and it sound like a bunch of bullshit. I'm out." He walked out and slammed the door.
I sighed and went and sat down.
"Do you mind if I go talk to him? I can't let my son walk out of here hating me." My dad said.
The doctor nodded so my dad left.
They might wanna call security cause it might get crazy out there.
Christopher Sr.
"Junior! Stop let me talk to you." I yelled trying to keep up with him.
"Man leave me the hell alone."
"Look I know you're mad but I'm not about to keep tolerating the disrespect from you."
He loudly exhaled then turned to face me. He was fighting back tears. "I just wanna go man. I can't do this."
"Junior, I know I fucked up and yes it shouldn't have taken this for me to realize that everything needed to be fixed. I'm so sorry for everything. I know it's going to take more than apologies and counseling sessions to fix things but I'm trying. I know you won't forgive me overnight. I've been in your shoes, I know how it feels to be disappointed by your parent. You don't know how hard I prayed that you and your brother and sister would never feel my pain. And I thought I was good then temptation got the best of me. I should've realized what was waiting for me at home because it was something amazing and now there's nothing. I want my family man. I want us to be good, get back the bond we had. The minute you caught me doing drugs I should've stopped. But I just dig myself into a deeper hole. I'm so sorry that I let you down. I'm so so fucking sorry."
He just looked at me for a while then broke down crying. I quickly held on to him.
I can't believe I allowed myself to hurt my family this bad.
"Why did you mess this up dad?! I need your more than anything right now. I'm so scared that when my child gets here that I'm going to mess up. You're supposed to show me how to do this."
"I'm here for you if you allow me to be. Let me fix this Junior. Let me make things right man. That's all I want to do."
He nodded but continued crying. I know he's been holding this in for a long time.
"We gone be alright, everything is going to be okay." I said.
Junior eventually calmed down. Wiping his face, he stood up straight. He nodded his head. "I'm willing to try and fix things. I can't talk to mom about everything."
"I know."
"I owe the doctor an apology."
"Yeah you do. Let's go."
We started walking to the office but before I opened the door he stopped.
"Dad I'm really willing to do this but you have to do something for me."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Let mom move on. She's so confused about her feelings just let her go so that she can be happy."
"Junior."
"Please. What if she does come back and you end up hurting her again, then what? Let her move on."
"You're right, she deserves to be happy. I hear you."
"Okay."
Can I really survive knowing Carlee isn't mine?
I don't think so.