The Tables Have Turned
Chapter 20
I took a deep breath as I wrote my name on the paper.
I am going to do great, I said to myself before looking at the question sheet of my math test. I scanned it quickly and smiled when I knew most of the things I had to do. I decided to start with the third exercise though because it looked slightly easier than the others.
I took my pen and started writing, and writing, and writing.
When I was finally done, I lifted my head and looked around for a bit. Some were still writing with thoughtful expressions on their faces and others were just reading their papers or staring into space. Mr. Jack was sitting on his desk, drawing circles on a white paper and looking bored as hell.
I glanced at my watch and was surprised that there were ten minutes left.
I looked back at my paper and tried to find the answers to a few questions I didn’t know. I didn’t figure out any of them so I just reread the ones I already did to make sure they were correct. I wrote all the final answers I got on another paper so that I could compare them to Alex’s answers.
“Alright everyone, time is up, hand in your papers,” Mr. Jack said and we all gave him our papers one by one.
“How did you do?” Alex asked as he returned to his seat behind me. I turned around in my chair so that I was straddling it—of course I was not wearing a skirt.
“Show me your answers,” I said and he gave me his paper. I took a pencil and put a check next to my answers that were like his.
All the ones I did were apparently correct.
“Wow, I think I’ll get an 80/100,” I said, shocked.
“I told you you’ll do great!” Alex said, grinning at me.
“Thanks!” I said, grinning as well. I did well. It felt good to pass a math test!
He ruffled my hair and I frowned at him. He just laughed at my face and eventually I joined him.
Apparently, everyone thought that the test was not bad. Only a few students said that they found it hard.
The next few hours passed in a blur but I didn’t really care much. I was just proud of myself because I did well. I know I’m stupid but I allowed myself to be happy about a math test.
The bell rang indicating that it’s break time now. I fixed my stuff in my cubby and put on my jacket because it was getting cold outside.
I gasped when I saw Alex taking a cherry lollipop out of his bag.
“I want one!” I said and frowned at the way my voice sounded.
Alex and Paul laughed at me and I chuckled too. Paul opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.
“I know, I know,” I started. “I sound like a whiny five year old.”
Paul laughed and Alex shot me a smirk.
“Let’s go outside,” Chase said and I nodded. We went outside and I zipped up my jacket when I felt the chilly air hit me.
We sat under one of the trees in the playground and I watched the rest of the students just hanging out.
I heard the sound of the wrapper of Alex’s lollipop and my head snapped to the right where he was sitting.
I stared at the lollipop then at him and I saw a smirk tug at his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and he gave me a fake innocent look.
“Give it to me,” I said, holding my hand out.
“No,” he replied, smiling mischievously.
I glared at him and tried to take it out of his hand but he didn’t let me.
“Catch me if you can!” He said.
“You know I can’t run fast!” I complained and he just laughed as he took off.
“He’ll give it to you, eventually,” Paul commented. “I’m pretty sure he bought it for you.”
He did? I thought to myself. It would be cute if he did. I just shrugged and took off after Alex even though I was much slower than him.
He was running slowly and I managed to catch up with him when he reached that secluded spot I usually sit in when I just want to be alone.
“Fine, you can have it,” he said, giving me the lollipop and I grinned.
“Thank you!” I said, shoving the lollipop in my mouth and savoring the delicious cherry taste.
We didn’t go back to where Paul and Chase were. Instead we sat there in comfortable silence.
I ate my lollipop as I let my thoughts run freely in my mind. The first thing I thought about was how much I enjoyed sitting here with Alex. I missed the times we used to spend together and now it feels like we never stopped being close.
I honestly didn’t expect him to talk to me again when I saw him here. I expected him to ignore me for the rest of the year and then we’ll go our separate ways.
But here we are, hanging out. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if he did forgive me for what I did. We never really had another talk about it and sorted everything out.
I was reluctant to have that conversation but it had to happen sooner or later, right?
“What are you thinking about?” He asked and I felt like it was the perfect moment to start that conversation.
I finished my lollipop and took a deep breath before starting.
“I really don’t want to talk about it but we have to,” I started and something flashed in his eyes. He knew what I was talking about. “It’s been two years and I just want to let it go and start over.”
He stayed silent as he stared at the ground with a distant look in his eyes. I waited for him to say something but minutes passed and he didn’t. The only thing that changed was the emotions in his eyes.
“Alex?” I said quietly and when his eyes finally met mine, I winced at the anger in them. I bit my lip and waited for his outburst.
“Why did you do that Hailey? You knew how much I loved you! Did you have to be that heartless? Did you have to do that in front of the whole school?” That was the first time I have ever seen Alex that angry. I winced, knowing that he was right. He had every right to be angry. But the worst thing was the pain in his eyes.
“I-I’m sorry, Alex,” I said even though I knew it wasn’t enough. “I’m really sorry.”
“Tell me why you did that. When we used to hang out together, without the whole school, you acted differently. You were a completely different person. That was the Hailey I fell in love with,” he said.
“I can’t undo my mistakes, Alex. I’m sorry I did that to you, I really am, but what I’m trying to show you is that I am not the bad Hailey anymore. I’m the Hailey you used to know, the one you loved,” I said, looking into his blue eyes, trying to convince him.
He didn’t comment on that. Instead he asked again, “Why?”
I knew what he wanted me to answer but I played the dumb card because I didn’t want to tell him.
“Because I found out that I don’t want to be a fake person. This is who I really am and it’s time I started acting normally,” I said.
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he snapped. “And you know it.”
I sighed, suddenly feeling extremely tired. I rubbed a hand over my face and rested my back against the wall behind where we were sitting.
“I liked the popularity too much. I thought that everyone would remember me if I were that popular. I was selfish and all I wanted was for people to look up to me. I was a foolish teenager. I chose popularity over the people I truly loved and I’ve regretted that decision. It was too late when I did, I know,” I explained and then silence surrounded us. I could only hear the distant sound of students talking.
“That can’t be the only reason,” Alex observed and I mentally cursed his observing skills. He never misses a thing! “You said that you chose it popularity over the people you loved. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have done that. Popularity is not the only reason.”
I didn’t want to admit it. I never wanted to admit it because, well, it’s stupid, but it left a scar somewhere deep in my heart.
“No,” I lied, swallowing the lump in my throat. “That was it. I was a selfish and stupid girl.”
“You can’t lie to me Hailey,” he said. “You still can’t look into my eyes when you lie.”
I knew I shouldn’t, but I did feel a bit happy that he remembers little stuff like that about me.
When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “You owe me at least a decent explanation.”
I knew he was right. I did owe him an explanation. And wasn’t that the point of the whole conversation?
Taking a deep breath, I started telling him the story that I haven’t told anyone yet.
“You’re going to think this is stupid…” I trailed off.
“Just say it,” Alex said, sounding angry.
“Fine,” I muttered. “When I was in sixth grade, I was friends with Trevor, who was in my class. He was my only friend and I loved him. I know I was only twelve but he was the first guy I have ever loved. He used to come over to my house every weekend and he used to get me flowers and chocolate. Even our parents became friends. At the end of sixth grade, he told me that he’s moving away. I was so sad that day and when he left I cried a lot. I kept on talking to him from my mother’s phone every day that summer but one day, he stopped picking up and sometimes his mom would answer and tell me that he wasn’t there. I kept on calling every day, though, for three months, until my mom stopped me from doing so. That hurt me so much. I didn’t know why he wouldn’t talk to me. I still loved him and I thought that he didn’t love me anymore. Believe it or not, I thought about him every single day for the next two years and sometimes I would try calling again, without telling my mom, but he never answered. When I was in ninth grade, I found out that- that the first time he didn’t answer was the day that he died. My mother knew all along and I got so angry at her when she told me. He had a disease and when he moved away, it was to be closer to a hospital which was helping him but he didn’t make it.”
I stopped talking and tried to force the tears away as images of Trevor and I, eating all the chocolates he used to get me, flashed in my mind. Our friendship and love was pure and innocent and it was the best kind of love a person could experience.
“What does this have to do with anything?” Alex asked coldly and I was surprised that he didn’t comment on the whole story. I won’t lie, I expected him to be more sympathetic.
“You were the only person other than Trevor that I really loved. When we first started hanging out, I used to space out a lot, right?” When I saw him nodding, I continued. “Well that was because I used to remember the times Trevor and I used to hang out and I would always wonder what would have happened if he was still here and I used to wonder if I was ever going to lose you the same way I lost Trevor.”
“What? You can’t compare me to him. You were just a kid when you were friends with him and he was sick. I’m not. Besides, if you really cared that much you would’ve held onto me not pushed me away,” Alex said and I shook my head.
“I found out about his death a little while before I met you,” I said. “And I couldn’t stop myself from comparing you to him like that because even if I didn’t want to admit it, I loved you more than I ever loved Trevor and I pushed you away when I started getting too attached to you.”
He snorted at that. “You didn’t love me Hailey. You thought you did and I thought you did too. But after you humiliated me, I knew that you didn’t really love me.”
“You can’t tell me what I felt!” I snapped, feeling angry at him now. “I know that I loved you.”
“No you didn’t!” he yelled back.
After a pause, I lifted my eyes to look at him. “You’ve changed, Alex,” I said quietly.
He laughed humorlessly. “I changed?! At least I’m not the school bitch who goes around humiliating people and breaking their hearts!”
I flinched.
That hurt.
“I already apologized for that, Alex! You’re never going to forgive me, are you?” I asked.
He stayed silent and just watched me. A tear escaped against my will. I cry when I’m sad and I cry when I’m angry. Now, I’m both sad and angry so that doesn’t help.
I wiped it away furiously and decided to leave. I hated crying in front of people and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop when the next tear falls.
“I’m not asking you to love me again,” at least not yet, I added in my head as I stood up. “I just want you to forgive me.”
With that said I turned around and left as fast as I could because my tears had already started spilling.
You know that moment in the movies when the girl runs away from the guy and he stays there watching her? And sometimes it starts raining to add to the dramatic exit. Well, I thought it was one of those moments—minus the rain— as I ran away but Alex, being Alex, had to ruin my dramatic exit like every other time.
When he ran after me and held my arm to stop me from leaving, I wanted to laugh through my tears. Always ruining my exit…
I didn’t laugh, though. I kept my back to him and tried to make him let go because I didn’t want him to see me crying. He didn’t let go, instead he spun me around to face him but I kept my face down.
“Hailey,” he whispered but I ignored him.
“Hailey,” he called again. “Look at me.”
Being the stubborn girl I was, I kept my gaze focused on a tiny, barely visible stone on the ground trying to stop the tears. When he put his fingers under my chin and lifted my head, I reluctantly allowed myself to look at him.
His blue eyes looked into my eyes for a long minute before he said three simple words that made my heart swell with happiness.
“I forgive you.”
I stared at him in shock before I processed his words and when I did, a smile spread on my lips and I hugged him tightly, still not able to form any words.
He forgave me! He forgave me after everything I did to him. I guess he’s still the same sweet Alex I know.
When I pulled away, he looked down at me again and I shifted uncomfortably, my tears gone. It happened so fast, I didn’t know how it happened and it took me a while to register what was going on.
His lips were on mine and when I was finally able to process it, I kissed him back.
I was freaking out but that didn’t stop my heart to flutter happily in my chest. I definitely didn’t expect him to do that. Ever since our breakup, I thought about him constantly and I knew that I still had feelings for him but I never thought he still had feelings for me.
He finally pulled away but my heart kept on beating faster and faster. I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes that were now filled with passion.
“You’re mine again,” he whispered and I smiled widely at the happiness I felt when he said it.
“That’s the best thing you’ve said to me ever since I got here,” I said and he chuckled. He then kissed me once again.
“Mmm cherries,” he said and I laughed.
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Heyy! :)
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Oh! This time I remembered what I wanted to say in that author's note! :D I'm so proud of myself :') Anyway, what I wanted to say is that many people asked me if I had 'Kik' on my phone before and I told them no because I didn't but yesterday I downloaded it on my iPod so if you have it then PM me and I'll give you my username or whatever its called :P
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