The Tables Have Turned

Chapter 36

Oh daddy, why did you do that?

I never blamed him for their death because I knew my dad and I knew that he did that for me and my mom.

He didn’t want us to worry about the money. He took that risk to keep our lives going but I swear if I knew what was going on, I would’ve gotten a job and helped him support our little family. I would’ve cut back on all the shopping and outings. I would’ve done something.

I partially blame myself for not realizing that my dad was suffering, that he was broke, yet he never said no when I asked for money.

I often think of how heartless the guys that shot them were. I mean they saw me, a teenage girl watching my dead father and they didn’t even hesitate the shoot my mother right in front of my eyes.

The image of my dad in a pool of his own blood, and the fear in my mom’s eyes before she fell to the floor next to him were flashing in my mind, making me shake in fear and pain.

By killing them, they didn’t get their money, so why do it?

I’ll admit, I was a little scared at first that they’d come after me. The police kept reassuring me that they are locked up now but I still couldn’t stop that fear.

And the nightmares will never stop. The psychologist I went to helped a lot but I still can’t sleep with the lights off and I still get those horrible nightmares. But it’s not like she could erase my memory.

I just hoped that my parents were okay now, that they were happy and watching over me.

Sometimes when I’m sitting on my own I would sense their presence. I would smell my mother’s vanilla scent or my dad’s manly perfume. Most of the time, I would feel them next to me when I’m drawing or painting.

I was pretty sure it was just my imagination but I liked to believe that it was really their spirit here with me.

I can’t help but wonder how different my life would’ve been if they were still here. I couldn’t deny that there were some advantages of moving here.

I got to meet the Walkers, an amazing family that treated me like I was one of them.

I got to have real friends like Paul and Mariah.

And most importantly, I got to apologize to Alex and see him again. I used to think of him constantly and I always worried about him because I never knew anything about him after that day.

Sure my relationship with Alex now isn’t at its best right now but I’m just happy I got to see him again.

That’s life, I concluded, it’s painful and it’s hard, but we are the ones who decide to carry on or just break down and stay in the past.

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