My home just doesn't feel like home without you in it. - Logan
~~~
32. Confusing notes and confusing behaviors
(Logan)
Logan could not sit still at work, but they were starting a big construction project to build a high raise for one of the most prominent IT guy, Gregory Thorne, for his new company, and they were a little behind on the dates and schedules and so Logan had to stay. And had to talk to every contractor again and again until he got the right price. And the right time.
There were some kinks that he needed to iron out, some ears he needed to sweet talk and he did everything as he was supposed to, but even as he worked and talked and charmed, like a well oiled machine, he was still thinking about Alex. Deep, deep inside. About what she said.
"You getting this, Amelia?"
"Of course, Mr. Forte. Sebastian called form the site. They are bringing in the cement and bricks and sand supplies. He said that we can probably start in two to three days."
"That is good to hear. Ask Donna to call Mr. Throne's secretary and tell her about the schedule and all. Okay. We need to keep them in the loop, and we need to hurry up."
"Yes sir."
"Okay, I will be leaving now. I will look at the site before I go back home. You will finish up here and ask Tom to close. Okay?"
"Yes."
It was around six when he walked in his house. He felt thirsty and sweaty and he smelled like muddy soil from standing too long in the site.
He wanted to see Alex, but the house was dark.
He stared at the house and something felt cold. The warmth in its edges, the one Alex had bestowed to the walls in his home, to every edge and nook, it was now filled with heartless coldness.
There was an emptiness in it that he hadn't felt for a long time. A void that loomed around him, grabbing him with its grimy fingers. Even before he knew, he knew.
She is gone. He thought as he switched on the light
He walked inside the kitchen and his heart sunk when he noticed the sticky note. Their note. He grabbed it and his brows wrinkled when he read it.
Hey Logan,
I am sorry I kinda went crazy on you. I mean, this year, it was too much for me and you were always there for me, so... I kinda want to take it all back, but since I can't, I wish you can forget about it. You know. The crazy stuff. I think I exaggerated it by a mile or so. I feel like I am totally wrong about it or something.
And, yes, Logan. Yes. I will be your friend. I just hope you will forget everything I said and did. I was slightly drunk and very, very tired. See ya! Take care.
-🖤Alex.
He shrunk his nose as he read it and reread it and reread it again just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating or something. But the words were still there. Exactly as he read the first time and the next one and the next one.
What the hell did she mean by she was drunk?
Buzzed, intoxicated? The voice mocked.
He crumbled the paper with a frown.
"Where did she go?" He muttered to himself as he took two stairs at a time and pushed the door open.
Her room was stripped of everything that was Alex. It was just as freezing as the rest of the house.
His heart did this weird thing. He pressed a hand against his chest as he looked around the empty room.
Oh, God, she was really gone.
There were no traces that it had ever been inhabited by an amazing woman who lit everything around by just being.
The half dry towel that she would always throw at the table after she was done washing her face wasn't there. The book she would leave upside down so that she wouldn't miss the page because she was just too lazy to bookmark it -- it wasn't there. The empty cup of coffee or chocolate she would forget to wash -- not there, as well.
She wasn't there. It felt like she had never been there. Like she was all just a part of his weird, vivid imagination.
But she was not his imagination. She was real. She was so real.
Her favorite perfumes and creams stacked against the dressing table mirror was gone, but instead he found a box sitting there.
"She left the damn ring. It was supposed to be her ring, A promise. She knew what it meant, she knew I bought it for her and she left it."
He could still remember that day when they went to buy it. She was so hesitant about it, and he said it could be her payment and she snapped at him and he promised he would be her friend, forever and the ring was a promise and she had smiled. That smile. The smile that could fill the whole room with its warmth.
He shook his head as he stood up. He wasn't going to sit and cry about this. He wasn't four years old.
Now he could do anything and everything to bring her back here. He wasn't helpless, now.
He wasn't helpless.
I am not helpless. I am not four.
He grabbed his phone. He was going to call a private detective he used sometimes, but the voice at the other end wasn't of a private detective.
"Logan, hi, what is up?" It was Daniel.
"I told you not to say anything to my sisters."
"I know, and I am sorry, but also, I am not. You need to wake up, dude."
"She was my friend."
"So why can't friends be lovers? I mean, you are already lovers, dude. You just need to see-"
"She is gone."
"What do you mean she is gone?"
"It means she is not here. She packed her dresses, but she left the things I bought for her. She is gone, just like that."
"Well hell. I asked you to step up your game and stop wasting-"
"Shut up. She-she can't do this to me. The contract is not over. Oh, I will find her and she is going to-"
"Stop. Logan, stop. Don't mess it more than it already is. This situation is screwed. You are going to leave her alone. Okay?"
"Okay. No, not okay. Daniel, she isn't here and she didn't say goodbye. She ran away, like a coward and she left me a stupid note. A fucking note? Is she kidding me?" He sounded rather freaked out, even to himself and it unsettled him.
Why was he so worked up?
Now he could stop feeling so pressured, he could stop feeling guilty. He could relax a little without worrying about Alex and her feelings. He should be freaking dancing in happiness.
But instead, here he was, talking about bringing her back here. For what? To torture himself and her?
"What did the note say?" Logan could almost hear Daniel's body shaking in laughter. He fisted his palms.
"Oh, it said that she is probably wrong, that she would love to stay as my friend. I don't understand half of it. It is like a big puzzle or something. What did she mean by she is wrong? Did she mean that she is wrong about loving me? Or is this about the kiss? I can't understand that damn note, I can't understand her."
"Logan, take a deep breath, dude. And so what if she is talking about when she said she loved you?! I mean, you should probably be cheering about that. It is all solved, like a miracle and she agreed to be your friend. You wanted that, yeah, right?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Right." He grumbled.
"Why do you sound doubtful? Wait, don't tell me you are second guessing your feelings."
"I am not. I am fine. This is fine. I am just worried where she was. What if she went back to the motel? I should probably go and check."
"Umm, if you want, sure."
"Do you know something I don't?"
"Okay, she is staying with Eliza."
"Eliza? Really? Why would she stay with Eliza? And you knew it all and are you just-"
"No, I didn't know. I just got a message from Emma about that, just now, as we were talking."
"At least she is safe, right."
"Yeah, don't worry about her. Emma said she is doing fine."
"Yeah, I am so glad she is doing fine."
"You are alright, right?"
"Oh, I am good. Very good. Bye, Dan, I will see you when I see you." Daniel chuckled and hung up and Logan stared at the empty house, pulled a book and sat down the couch and stared at the front door.
She didn't come.
***
... (A week Later)
(Logan)
It had been a week. One hell of a week.
Logan was trying to act like it was all good, but it was getting harder, not just going to Eliza's door and banging against the damn door until it broke and see Alex and bring her back him.
He almost drove to Eliza's house ten or fifteen times in the past seven days, but he didn't. He was trying not to be pathetic and clingy.
He wasn't that kind of guy.
He should probably be happy as Daniel had said. At least she had agreed to be his friend.
And then she didn't call me in a week and ignored my messages. What kind of friend would do that to you? That is not a very friendly behavior. He sulked as he opened the file in front of him.
"Boss, you alright? I heard you and lady boss are having a fight or something. Boss, what did you do this time?"
"I did nothing. You said you saw the damn picture and you are still blaming me?"
"Tch, that picture. Leo's PR team released a social media response to it. It said it was Leo's mistake and he was drunk from the charity fashion gala and he shouldn't have done something that impulsive. Actually Leo owned to his mistake like a champ." Tom shrugged. "And she is kinda amazing and I always thought you lucked out. I mean, you are so you and she is-"
"Stop. What do you mean by 'you are you' huh?"
"No offense, but, she is way out of your league, boss, and fortunately, she fell for you. And she made you smile and laugh and you were almost bearable for a year and now, you are back to being grumpy and angry and it is just- we all miss-"
"Shut up, right now and go do your damn job." Logan snapped at Tom as he closed the file with unnecessary force. "I don't pay you for standing around discussing about my marital problems."
"This is what I am talking about." Tom muttered as he walked away, leaving Logan seething.
This was all Alex's fault. She was the one who made him all soft and sunshiny and now people kept expecting him to remain the same.
She is such a nuisance. I knew it from the very first moment I saw her.
She looked like a firecracker as she talked back to that Server that day. She looked angry and red and so cute as she defended her honor. And then he said that he should pay for her troubles and God, she was fast to put him in his place.
But then she agreed to his insane plans. And she came to his home and became a part of it and now she was gone.
She walked away.
Like -
His phone rang, cutting him out of unwanted thoughts. "Hello? Dan?"
"Hey, you wanna meet for lunch. Tom said you are in a mood and I think it will relax you or something."
"I am not coming."
"Oh, come on. Don't you want to hear about how Alex is?" Dan knew exactly how to lure him out, but he wasn't going to give in.
Logan felt like he was shocked by electric wires or something.
"How is she?" He muttered.
"Oh, she was miserable-"
It almost made him happy. Happy that she was miserable, just like him.
Selfish, wow! The voice sounded cranky.
"-the first few days, but she is alright now. I mean, Eliza said Alex is finally laughing again, wait, a lot. You know, with Deke's brother. They are almost around the same age, and he is fun and it seemed they both just hit it off and-"
The knowledge that she was laughing, and that with someone else was too unbearable. Logan grabbed at his tie before he pulled it off.
"Deke and Markus's brother? When did he come back from Greenland or wherever he was holed up on?"
"It is not Greenland, Logan. He was in Iceland."
"Yeah, Iceland. When did he come back? What is his name, again?"
"Chad, I think."
"Umm. I need to go."
"Where?"
"Just- I haven't seen Camille in a while and she called me for a project we are going to do together and-"
"Dude, you aren't going there because you are jealous, right? Come on, I know you are going to make a mess of things. God-"
"No, Camille called me the other day. I am going to see Cam."
"Oh, I don't believe you, but whatever." Daniel said. "Just don't- don't do anything stupid, okay?"
"I am not going to do anything stupid. I am not a child, Dan. I am not a child and you don't have to go and tattle to my sisters. Those two are insane. Bye now." Logan hung up.
And then he went all the way to see his niece, who wouldn't stop talking about her amazing uncle and his adventures.
"He is so funny, uncle Logan. Uncle Chad spent a year in the ocean studying about Dolphins and whales, you know, studying their habitats and -"
"Hey, hey, it is all good. Now, about the project-"
"And mom said Aunt Alex is getting along nicely with Uncle Chad. I mean, I was so sad she wasn't gonna be my aunt anymore, you know-how you and her-"
"You are just a kid, Cam. You don't need to worry about things like this." Logan said with a frown. He couldn't believe his sister. Why the hell would she tell a kid about all that?
"I am not a kid, uncle Logan. And of course, I don't want to stop seeing aunt Alex after you guys get divorced or anything. She is kinda amazing, so is uncle Chad!"
"What in the world is your mother telling you?" Logan glared at his niece and realized he wasn't supposed to show his anger towards a kid. She was just a kid, even though, she talked like she was freaking forty, she was just ten.
"Hey Logan, what are you doing here?" It was his sister. That damn woman. She was the one who was filling Camille's head and probably Alex's head with all these nonsense.
"No, I am just here to hand over this to Camille. I am gonna go, now."
Before I kill you, or something.
Of course, he did want to go, but he hadn't seen Alex, yet, so he waited for his sister to say something about Alex, but being a thickheaded daft, she just smiled and waved at him.
"Okay. Day after tomorrow is lunch at Mom's. Don't forget to be there. You can bring a date."
It was just a week ago, Eliza was talking about how he was in denial about loving Alex and now she wanted him to bring a damn date?
Was there something wrong with her head?
Logan narrowed his eyes at his sister. "I don't- I am not bringing a date. I am still married, if you know what I mean. And why are you harboring my wife in your house? What are you up to?"
"Me?" She gave him an innocent look, which did nothing to ease this big hole of fear forming inside his stomach. "I did nothing. All I did was listen to you. I mean, you were right. You don't love her and we tried, we tried to force you and it is wrong. That isn't how love is supposed to work, you know. So we just backed off. I thought you would be glad about that." She gave him a confused look.
"Of course, I am glad, but why is Alex staying with you?"
"Oh, Logan, of course, I support you, but you know, Alex is my friend and what kinda person would I be if I don't help a friend out? And Chad and she,-" Eliza stopped and Logan knew she was doing it purposefully.
"She is in love with me. She needs time to move on. I mean, are you kinda being a little hasty? She isn't ready to move on yet and don't-"
"Yes, I know, not yet, but she has to move on, right Log? You do want her to move on?"
"I-" he hesitated.
"This is all kinda new to her, you know and you were there in the hardest part of her life and you had this incredible chemistry and you were her first ans she fell in love. It happened, it is supposed to happen. I mean, you are a kind and amazing guy. You are also not that bad to look at, so the feeling is normal. But she has to move on. You have to let her."
"Why the hell are you poking your noses where it was not wanted? Don't you guys have your own lives to live or something? Why make her do things she doesn't want to do?"
"You know, how I was so in love with Ashton Murphy when we were in college. When we broke it off, I thought I would never be alright again. I also though that he was 'the one.' And then I met Deke and he is my the one. So... First love is all so beautiful, but it is not going to ruin Alex life. We are not letting her be miserable." Eliza patted him on his shoulders and he jerked away with a scowl.
If only I can punch my sister in her stupid face! Can't she keep her stupid stories to herself? Why is she filling Alex with all these crap?
"Yeah, whatever." He said as he walked out, only to be greeted by a fantastic sight.
Alex was laughing and talking and as he looked with wonder --she could always make him forget everything-- the car door opened and out came a guy with grocery bags on both hands, and he had a matching smile on his lips as he said something to her.
And the sight of it, the sight of the two of them joking and laughing, it made this weird flip in Logan's heart and his stomach twisted like he had just eaten a crap load of spicy foods he really, really disliked.
She stopped as she saw him standing there and he was waiting, waiting for that smile to fall off --of course, he felt like a bastard thinking like that, but he really needed to see her stop smiling, because yes, he was that selfish-- and turn sad, but it didn't. Instead, she walked to him with a bounce in her steps, still with the same smile and gave him a freaking hug.
Like they were all buddy-buddy or some fucking shit like that. His body melted at the touch, but before he could wrap his arms around her and pull her closer to him, she pulled away, leaving him empty and cold. Like his house.
"Hey Logan, how are you doing? I was gonna call you the other day and then Chad was telling this time when he was petting the dolphins and then Camille wanted to make Apple Almond Streusel Loaf and hot coffee muffin for the bake sale in her school and I totally forgot to call you."
"Man, Alex, you bake one hell of a hot coffee muffin. You promised you would bake a dozen just for me." Chad said and then he gave a nod to Logan. "Hey man, how are you doing? I am sorry to hear about you guys and the divorce, but Alex said it is all amicable and mutual, right? So that is cool, dude. Hey, Alex, you coming to Lion King this evening, right, with A, B and C?"
"Of course, I am. Or A would stop talking with me and B would electrocute me or something. I don't even wanna talk about C."
"A, B and C?" Logan frowned as he looked at his wife and the man standing next to her, a little bit too closer than he was supposed to be and Logan hated it all. He hated his sister for doing this to him and he hated Alex for treating him like he was just a damn-damn-
Damn what? Friend? But that is what you are! And you wanted to be her friend, no? The voice smirked. He hated that damn voice. If it could just go and die, already.
"Oh, that is how Chad calls Andrew, Brian and Camille. I mean, I never realized it is all Alphabetical and-"
"Oh, it is not like this guy just found a cure to some terminal illness. So... " Logan said with a shrug. "Bye. I don't have time to stand around and talk about stupid things or watch Lion King." He gritted the words out.
"Do you wanna come with us?" Alex asked, looking freaking calm and happy.
He just wanted to pull her close to him and kiss her and see if she would still be so damn calm. What the hell was her problem?
Just a week ago, she was crying all over him and telling him how much she loved him and here she was, being all chummy with a guy who looked like he was- he was a freaking male model or something.
It is good I didn't love her back.
Tch, Tch! It was that stupid, stupid voice, he so hated.
"Didn't you hear me? I don't have time to sit and watch Lion King."
"Your loss, dude."
"Yeah, whatever." He looked at Alex and she shook her head with a good-natured smile.
"Grumpy. Whoa, missed that for a while." She gave a smile that could strike him blind.
Why was she smiling so damn much? It was hurting his eyes.
"Hey Log, you didn't have lunch, right? You can stay." It was his dear sister.
"Yeah, Logan, stay. Chad makes great fish fry." Alex said as she gave him a wide, puppy dogged look. He knew she knew he couldn't say no to that damn look.
"Okay."
Alex stood on her tip-toes and gave him a kiss on his cheeks. It was totally platonic, and it still felt like his whole world was tilting.
He saw Chad frown and he wanted to gloat. He was a grown-up and he was mature, so he didn't give into his temptation and poke his tongue out.
He gave a stoic nod. "Come on in." Eliza said and he followed her in, regretting his decision to stay all the while as he hear Alex laughing to something Chad said.
___
Me: Logan, dude, not cool, not cool at all.
Logan: Leo and now this guy, wow, she sure did know-
Me: What?
Logan: Nothing. He looks like a kid, a freaking kid.
Me: Careful there, Logan, you are starting to sound almost jealous. Are you jealous?
Logan: Why would I be? It is none of my business.
Me: it is good you know that!!! Yeah?!
___
Ps: Like it? Not? If you don't like the direction this is going, can you please let me know the why and what❓thanks for reading, loves.