Mondays. If I could kill them, I would. But what made it even worse was the thought of Carter coming to get me for what I did to him keeps appearing in my brain.
There are a variety of things he could do. He could kidnap me on my way to school, or drug me, the things he is capable of are unbelievable. The fact that he has connections to bad people didn't help my situation either. I just don't know what to do.
Yes we did move after what happened but if he got my number from Ben, who knows what else he could have gotten out of him.
Last night, I acted as if everything was normal, but Sara kept pestering me about it so I lied and said that I didn't feel good. I have been lying awake all night worrying about what was going to happen.
Someone knocked on my door, I didn't even bother to get up to open it. I couldn't move, nor did I want to. The door opened, revealing Brianna who came into my room and sat down on my bed next to me. "Is everything okay?" She questions, I glare at her making it clear that everything is in fact not okay.
"I honestly just don't know what to do. I'm conflicted... but most of all I'm afraid, no. I'm petrified Bri. He probably wants revenge for what we did. He called me last night and asked if he should pick me up regular time and when I asked what he wanted from me, he just laughed." Tears threaten to leave my eyes, but I won't let them fall over him.
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea... you don't have to go to school if you don't want to, I can stay home with you-"
"That's the issue, now that dad started working from home, I just can't stand looking at him after he cheated and brought that bitch home. But on the other hand, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am even having trouble breathing most of the time because of Carter. And the icing on top of the cake, Jadon and Sage keep trying to talk to me and I just don't know what to do anymore." I sigh, bringing my hands to my face.
"It's going to be okay Lily. Maybe you should just forget the whole kiss thing happened, since Carter is back, you need your friends more than ever. I'm not saying you should forgive them, but just consider talking to them again." She replies, apprehension clear in her voice.
I slowly nod. She's right, I need all of the protection I can get from this monster. But unfortunately that means that eventually I'll have to tell them what really happened between me and him and I don't think I'm ready to do that.
I look at the clock and see that it is 7:30, I slowly get up, knowing that I don't have to go into school until nine. "I'll think about it. I'm going to take a shower." I went into my bathroom, locked the door and ran the shower. I then stripped my clothes and got in, as I was washing up, images of him popped into my head and with that came a bad memory.
"I don't care what you say mom, he loves me!" I shout, tears streaming down my face, she just laughs. "Loves you? He doesn't love you! A guy does not do that to the girl he loves-"
"You don't know what you're talking about! He loves me, and I love him. We are going to start a family together with this baby wether you like it or not!" I go to storm out but what she says next makes me stop in my tracks.
"If he loves you then why is he messing around with that Morgan girl? She told me that he came on to her and she rejected him, does that seem like a man that loves you? A man that loves you should cherish your feelings. You're fifteen Liliana, what the hell do you know about raising a family? More importantly, what do you know about love?"
I slowly turned around, anger fueling through my body. "You want to know what I think love is? I think love is when you have a connection with your partner. Love is when you're willing to do anything for the other person,most importantly, love is when you are willing to die for that person. I know what love is, do you?" A look of shock spreads against her face.
"Yes I do-"
"Really? Because it doesn't seem like it. You and dad spend so much time fighting about stupid things to even try to love each other. Hell, you're so oblivious and put into your own world about who's right and who's wrong that you're too busy to see that your son does drugs, your oldest daughter is a slut and your youngest is pregnant! I love Carter and nothing you say will change that-"
"Fine. Maybe Brianna can knock some sense into you. Just keep this in mind, people that are in love don't do the things he did to you. You want to throw your life away on some lowlife, deadbeat, piece of crap then so be it! But I refuse to be around to see it happen." I give her a questioning look, a tear falls down my face. "What are you saying?" I question, a tear falls down her face as well, and a look of pain is noticed in her facial expression.
"I'm saying that as long as you want to continue to be with him and defy my orders then you shall not live under this roof. You want to be an adult and you want to raise this baby and have a family with the man that basically screwed you over then go right ahead, throw your life down the drain. But you will not do it under my roof!"
Shock runs through my body. I couldn't move. I can't believe she just said that. "Mom-"
"No Liliana. I gave you a choice, you made the wrong one. Now you can defy my orders all you want because you won't be living under my roof anymore." Without another word she walked away leaving me with my own thoughts.
Wow Lily. You really fucked up this time.
By the time the memory left my head, I was already sitting in the shower with my knees to my chest, sobbing, letting the water just hit my back.
He never loved me, mom was right. If he loved me, he never would have done what he did. If he loved me then I would have a two year old right now. If he loved me then I wouldn't be looking over my shoulder every time I crossed the street or heard someone call my name.
It is because of him that I am like what I am today and to a certain extent I feel as if it is because of him that my mother is dead right now.
Someone knocks on the door "Lily you have to get out now if you still are going to school." I completely ignored Brianna.
I don't understand how things can change so suddenly. One day you think you have your life planned out and then it all washes down the drain and you are alone.
"Lily! Did you hear what I said?" I ignore her again and just sob harder.
How did my life become shit? I don't get it. What did I do to deserve all of this?
"Give Me a few minutes, i'll be right out!" I called back, standing up and wiping my tears away and turning off the shower.
--------
Lets just say getting to school today was a disaster. Once I got out of the shower, Bri kept rushing me so I didn't have time to dry my hair, and I had to throw on whatever and run downstairs. Then on the way to school, the car broke down so I had to run home and pick up Bri at the spot the car broke down with my bike.
We somehow managed to get to school five minutes early and once I spotted Sage, I immediately looked at Bri nervously. "Go talk to her, remember what I said earlier. You have to tell her about him, the full story." Before I could respond, she had already gone to her friends and Sage was walking over to me.
"Hey Lily." She said nervously with a small wave, I smile back and reply "hi."
She looked at the bike and the helmet in my hands and gave me a shocked expression. "I had no idea that you knew how to ride a motorcycle." She comments, sounding impressed, I nod. "Yeah, Carter taught me how a while ago, but that's all history now. How was your weekend?" I reply, dismissing the memory of Carter teaching me how to ride, she gives me a look of sympathy.
"Lily I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be, it's not your fault. He was drunk and you pushed him off, I saw the video that I was tagged in numerous times off Bri's phone. Oh by the way, of you try to text or call me, I won't answer because I broke my phone." I couldn't help but chuckle which most likely made her think I was going insane.
"Why? What happened to it?"
"It's a long story, to cut it short, Carter called me-"
"That's great! Maybe you two can get back together!" I shook my head so fast, you would think that it would have fallen off. Like I said before, nobody except my family knows the real reason I ended things with Carter. But now that he's back I have to open up eventually.
"No-uh that ship sailed a while ago-"
"Oh come on, he is off at college and-"
"Just drop it okay?!" I snap, she gives me a sympathetic look again, I sigh. "Im sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just had a hard day and talking about Carter doesn't make me feel any better"
"I completely understand. Does this mean that we are cool?" She questions nervously, biting her bottom lip and looking at her feet, I nod. "Yes, we are. But Jadon on the other hand is in trouble-"
"There's something you should know about that night." She interrupts, gaining my attention, I give her a questioning look. "I'm listening."
"He thought he blew his chances with you because you didn't really talk to him much since your birthday so we went to the party. Anyways, as you saw he got really drunk and we got separated and I guess he was on something because he started thinking I was you. He told me how he really feels about you, and believe me when I say he cares a lot. That was why he kissed me, I pushed him away and told him that I was me and not you. He cares Lily, you were just there at the wrong time." I honestly don't know what to think at this point.
"I honestly don't know. He says he cares but then he will start flirting with other girls. Just like Carter." I trail off, she shakes her head. "Just give him a chance-"
"I've given him numerous chances to prove his feelings and then he wastes them. For example, my birthday was amazing but even though what you say is true, the feelings I felt when I saw him kiss you was indescribable. I don't know if I want to go through that again." She sighs and nods in agreement, but the look in her eyes says otherwise.
"Well I may or may not have told him to try out for the play if he wanted to attempt to talk since there was no way you would talk to him in class." I glare at her. "The play was supposed to be my distraction Sage. It was supposed to be away from all of the drama, but I guess now I'll have to deal with it. Just tell him don't get mad when he sees me talking to Ty because he's been my rock this whole weekend." Her eyes narrowed at the mentioning of his name. It was like her whole demeanor changed.
"Let me guess, you don't like Ty?" She shakes her head and replies "not particularly, no."
I crossed my arms and then started becoming defensive. "Well I don't particularly like Jadon at the moment yet you're pushing him on me again, I guess we both aren't getting what we want-"
"What I want is for you to be happy again! I want to see you smile, I want MY Lily back, not this takes any type of risk girl-"
"You're the one who told me to take risks! Everyone has been telling me to do things these past two months and then they take it back as if it were nothing! This is my life, dramatic as it is, you being my best friend basically took a vow that if something were to happen we would be there for each other no matter what and I need you right now!"
"You don't need me, you have Tyler and your sister. Did you once stop to think that I have feelings too? You have two guys basically pining over you and you're too blind to see it-"
"Well maybe I don't want a relationship-"
"Why Lily? I don't get it! You keep going back and fourth talking about you like Jadon, then you hate him blah blah blah and then you said at your birthday the two of you had a moment and now you're saying you don't even want a relationship? I really don't understand. You have put so much hard work and effort into your appearance this year and if not for him then who for?!" She is making anger fuel through my body, what once was a civil conversation is now a heated argument.
"Maybe it was for myself, did you ever think of that? Maybe I wanted to feel good about myself after Carter left me feeling like SHIT the past two years! Maybe I wanted to have the level of confidence you have or have boys go after me like they do to you-"
"But now you have boys going after you, you have two! I don't understand why you don't just choose one and go out!"
"Maybe I just don't want a relationship-"
"Why?! Is it because you're scared-"
"No it's because I was raped!" I angrily shout back making her freeze. I couldn't even look at her right now I was so angry.
But then I realized what had just slipped out, and I knew that was the worst mistake of my life.
Liliana Fitzgerald, you are in some deep shit.