"You are an angel, Y/N, you know that?" I laughed at Bellamy's compliment, "But, really, thank you."
"You are welcome," I smiled at him.
Earlier that day he had come to me with strong headache. I had given him a tea made from some berries and herbs, that I had known would work and had ordered him to take a nap, which he reluctantly had done. Now, after a few hours, he had come to thank me because it had obviously worked.
"I gotta go now," he announced and I nodded still smiling at him.
However, my smile faded away, once I saw Clarke approaching us with a glare settled on her face. Last couple of days, she had been acting towards me much different, as if I had done something to her. She seemed to be mad at me. And she acted that way especially when she saw me around Bellamy. I knew she liked him and that she hadn't probably liked that he had been flirting with me a lot, but it wasn't my fault. Even though the truth was, that I had feelings for him as well, so I had always let him. My feelings for him had been growing stronger every day and now I was sure that I loved him. When I had met him, I hadn't thought we would get this close, but it had happened. He had been supporting me when I had needed it and somehow I had fallen for him. He was still oblivious to that fact and he saw me just as a close friend. I hadn't intended to push him away by confessing about how I felt. Now, it had caused that me and Clarke, who had always been really close, we were getting distant from each other because of a boy. It sounded ridiculous to me.
"Hey, princess," Bellamy greeted her as he was passing by her. She just nodded at him making it obvious that she was in bad mood.
"This needs to stop," I told her once she was standing in front of me and Bellamy was out of sight.
"What are you talking about?" She tried to look surprised, but I saw that she knew exactly what I was talking about.
"You are acting strange towards me and I had no idea why," I raised my voice, but then turned around to see if I hadn't caught anyone's attention. Luckily, it seemed like we were alone in the dropship.
"You know exactly why," she spoke louder as well.
"Because you like Bellamy," I spatted at her getting tired of her attitude, " but it's not my fault that he acts towards me the way he does." I brushed away the hair from my face desperately.
"Yeah, well, but you enjoy it, don't you?" she threw her hands int the air.
"Even if I do, it doesn't give you the right to be mad at me," I felt anger bubbling in me. We had enough worries with the grounder, but now I had to deal with jealous Clarke as well.
"So you do!" he pointed at me speaking louder that before, "I thought we were friends."
"We are," I couldn't believe what she had just said, "I don't understand what are you talking about. Why shouldn't we be?"
"Because you knew about the fact that I liked him, but you still kept flirting back, even though you knew it would just hurt me. Maybe you did that just to hurt me," she seemed to be on the verge of crying.
"You can't be serious. I know how you feel about him and I would never hurt you that way, but I can't control my feelings," I yelled at her widening my eyes once I realised, that I had just revealed my feelings for Bellamy. She was quiet for a couple of seconds clearly shocked.
"You have feelings for him?"
"Yes. I do," seeing her expression, I looked away from her, "and they are pretty strong."
"What are we going to do now?" She asked in much calmer voice. The question made me sigh, because I knew that the only way how this would end was Bellamy ending it by choosing one of us. Or neither.
"We are not going to do anything. He has to choose one of us, if he even wants either of us," I looked at her with defeated expression.
"Yeah, but how will we make him choose? I mean, he doesn't seem like he plans on choosing any time soon."
"I don't know," I sighed feeling too tired to continue this conversation, "but now I don't have energy to think about it."
I stalked away leaving her alone in the dropship. I had been treating people with various injuries whole day and I had no energy left to argue with her further. It was dark outside and the delinquents had already been gathering around the camp fire to have some fun after a long day. I was too tired to join so I quickly made my way to my tent. When I got there, I immediately fell into my bed falling asleep after just a few seconds.
The next morning I was woken up by feeling someone combing my hair. I had never been heavy sleeper so things like that had always woken me up.
I cautiously opened my eyes just to see Bellamy sitting on the edge of my bed already looking down at me.
"Good morning, angel."
"Morning," I smiled at him still half asleep, "what are doing here?"
"You have always been an early bird, so when I haven't seen you anywhere in the camp, I got worried," he said still examining my face.
"I was just really tired," I started to feel a little uncomfortable as I remembered the conversation with Clarke.
"You look extremely hot like this, just woken up," he smirked brushing my cheek with his thumb.
"I have enough of this," I abruptly sat up making some distance between us.
"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.
"You have to stop doing this. You have to stop flirting with both me and Clarke. You are just hurting both of us by giving us a hint of hope and then crushing it," I took deep breath before continuing, "you have to choose if you want me or Clarke or neither of us. Just make it clear what you want," he looked shocked not expecting something like that.
"Are you telling me that both of you...," he trailed off not knowing how to say it.
"Have feelings for you? Yes," I finished it for him, " now, I would appreciate if you leave me alone." Shocked with widened eyes he left my tent without saying a word. I sighed not happy with the way how the day had started.
It had already been afternoon and Bellamy hadn't spoken to me yet. In fact, I had the feeling that he had been avoiding me and it hadn't surprised me at all. He hadn't probably still absorbed with what I had confessed to him earlier in the morning. I had already started to regret it. I was pulled back to the reality by seeing a delinquent, whom I had put on a bed rest yesterday because of sprained ankle, working on the wall.
"What the hell are you doing here?! You are supposed to rest," I approached him and he stopped working to answer me. I could saw, that he was fighting with huge pain.
"Bellamy wouldn't let me rest," the boy replied wiping his sweated forehead.
"You are not going to work next two days. End of the conversation," I stated feeling the anger rising in me. Situations like this had been common reason of me and Bellamy arguing.
"But...," the delinquent tried to argue with me clearly afraid of Bellamy, but I cut him off.
"No buts. You can't work with that ankle. I'll tell it Bellamy, so you don't have to worry about it," he just nodded and limped away. I sighed knowing, that I had to go talk to Bellamy.
I had looked everywhere in the camp, but still couldn't find him, so I decided that he had probably been in his tent. Once I got to his tent, I bursted in not caring what he had been doing there, what turned out to be the worst decision, I could have made. I froze in my tracks at the sight of Clarke and Bellamy kissing. As they heard that someone had entered the tent, they jumped from each other.
"Y/N...," Bellamy trailed off at the sight of me clearly shocked. I felt so many emotions, that I couldn't even tell if I was shocked, angry, disappointed or whatever else I was supposed to feel.
"You have chosen pretty quickly," I spoke up with bitter voice and hurriedly left the tent not having any strength to watch them next to each other longer.
Once I was far enough from his tent I stopped feeling my eyes filling with tears. I felt that I needed to get away from all of this, so I made my way to the gate, where I saw Miller having a watch.
"Open the gate, Miller," I spoke up catching his attention.
"You can't go out," he looked at me a little confused.
"Why?"
"Because Bellamy...," I cut him off at the mention of that name.
"Let me trough or I'll make your life living hell. I am serious," seeing that I wouldn't give up, he sighed and reluctantly opened the gate.
I was walking aimlessly trough woods not really caring where I would come, when I found myself at the edge of a cliff. There was a big waterfall in front of me and if I was in better mood, I would smile at the beautiful sight. Thanks to the sunset, the sky had been covered in various shades of orange and yellow colour, which perfectly contrasted with clear blue water and singing birds made the atmosphere rags-to-riches.
I decided to take a break there and sat down on a rock. As I was sitting there, I started to think about how much of crap my life had been. Just a days before I had been sent down here, I had seen my parents getting floated. Then I had witnessed my best friend, who had been like a sister to me, killed by a grounder nearly dying too. As if it hadn't been enough I had seen the Exodus ship crashing with my granddad on board. And now, the only two close people, I had thought I had here, had managed to broke my heart. I knew that I couldn't blame them. I had been the one, who had made Bellamy choose and he had chosen as he had wanted, so I couldn't blame him for hurting me, because it had been my fault. And I couldn't blame Clarke neither, because as much as I couldn't control my feelings, she couldn't as well. But that couldn't change the truth, that I had really no reason to live for.
My thoughts were interrupted by noises coming from behind me. I turned around just in time to see two grounders emerging from the bushes. I stood up preparing for the fight, that would come, when I realised, that I had forgotten my gun and that I had only one small dagger. As they saw me, they immediately pulled out their weapons and I knew I had no chance against them. There was no point for me to fight. I also remembered that there was nothing for me to fight for and no one would probably miss me.
"Just kill me already," I held out my hands in surrender dropping the dagger, "I don't feel like living anymore."
My action shocked them as they glanced at each other surprised. Then one of them lunged at me, but before he could reach me, two gunshots were heard and both of them fell to the ground. I looked up from their bodies to Bellamy standing at the place, where the grounders had come from. He lowered the gun, once he had realised there was no more grounders and looked at me with a frown.
I decided that the best thing I could do was to ignore him, so I started walking in the direction of the camp. However, once I was passing by him he grabbed my arm stopping me and made me face him.
"What the hell was that supposed to mean?! You would let them kill you!" He shot at me making it clear, that he was mad at me.
"Yeah, I would," I glared at him snatching my arm from his hold and resuming my walk.
"But why?" he grabbed my arm again looking at me desperately.
"Because," I snatched my arm away from him again, but stayed standing in the same place," there's no point in living for me. My life is pointless without anything to fight for, to live for. And I am tired of it, I am tired of getting hurt by people. I have no one, who would care about me, I am pretty sure no one would even miss me. I have no one to come back to, " I turned my face away from him feeling my eyes water and started slowly walking again.
"You have me," he said one he caught up with me.
"That's not truth. You made it pretty clear," I replied bitterly and fastened my pace.
"You don't understand. It wasn't like...," I cut him off before he could finish the sentence not having any energy to talk about it.
"Stop talking. I don't want to hear anything."
"Only reason why I am going to be quiet is so I wouldn't draw any attention of the grounders to us. But once we are at camp, we will finish this conversation."
"Sure," I mumbled not planning on finishing it at all.
When we got to the camp it had already been dark and no one noticed us coming back. As we got trough the gate, I turned towards the dropship, but instead of getting there, I was pulled by Bellamy into his tent.
Before I could react, I felt his lips on mine, which took me aback. Once I recovered from the shock, I pushed him away.
"What the hell, Bellamy!?" I slapped him across his face, " I don't know what kind of game you are trying on me, but I am not going to play it with you."
"I am not playing any games on you," he looked surprised probably not expecting me to slap him.
"Firstly you are kissing Clarke and now me?! That seems normal to you?!" I yelled at him disgusted by his attitude.
"I haven't kissed Clarke!" he ran his hand trough his hair frustratedly.
"Seriously?!" I laughed at him, "I saw you!"
"You saw her kissing me!"
"Okay. I am not in the mood for this," I turned around to leave, but he stopped me.
"Please, give me two minutes to explain," he pleaded. Seeing him like that made me give up and I nodded.
"Okay," he took deep breath," Clarke came here few moments before you and kissed me out of nowhere. It shocked me and before I could pull away, you stormed in. I would have never kiss her, because I had already chosen and I had chosen you. I had chosen you even before you told me to choose, because even though I might have some sort of feelings for Clarke it's nothing compared to what I feel towards you. I am completely in love with you and I love you more than anything in my life, expect Octavia of course. I need you in my life and I need you by my side that's why there was no choosing for me. So I told her this and then went to find you so I could explain it to you. But I couldn't find you anywhere and then Miller told me that you left, so I went after you," I was starring at him shocked by his words. I couldn't believe he had just told me he loved me. I knew I should probably felt happy, but I started to have doubts if he was telling me the truth, because it seemed too unbelievable to me.
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because I am telling you the truth. I mean, there's no point in lying about stuff like this," his answer made sense, but I still couldn't completely believe it.
"Just give me some time, okay?" he nodded with defeated expression and I hurriedly left the tent afraid that I would make some reckless decision. Even though all I wanted was to be in his arms, I felt that I should think about it a little.
I sat on a small log next to the camp fire looking into the flames. After a few seconds I felt someone sitting besides me and I turned my head to see Octavia looking at me.
"I thought you would be with my brother right now," she spoke up looking confused.
"Why?" I looked away from her.
"He told you he loved you, didn't he?" Instead of replying, I nodded slightly.
"So what's the problem? I thought that you love him as well," I knew she wouldn't give up so I told her why I hadn't been with him.
"I am not sure if he is honest."
"Are you kidding me?" she laughed, "Trust me, he's all over you. Sometimes it makes me irritated how much."
"Are you sure?" I turned to face her with a small smile on my lips hoping she was right.
"Yeah," she smiled at me.
"But what about Clarke?" my smile faded away as, "I mean, I want to be with Bellamy more than anything, but I don't want to hurt her. I know how much it hurt me when I thought that he had chosen her and I don't want for her the same."
"Don't worry about her. She have never felt about him the same way you do. You truly love him, but she has just a sort of crush on him. She will get over it," I looked at her, but before I could say anything she added, "and don't ask me if I am sure, because I am. Now go tell my brother that you love him."
"If you insist," I joked deciding to obey and not to worry about other things. I stood up glancing one last time at her to see her winking at me. I sighed rolling my eyes and made my way towards Bellamy's tent.
Once I had entered the tent, I sighed disappointed, because I saw him lying in the bed asleep with his back turned to me. I was standing there now regretting, that I had left before. I was contemplating if I should leave or wake him, when his raspy voice made me jump from surprise.
"Are you planning on standing there whole night or are you coming to bed?" smirking he turned around.
"How did you know it was me?" I asked curious walking towards the bed with smile plastered on my face.
"You are the only one who burst into my tent without announcing it," he smiled shifting to make some place for me and I sat down looking down at him.
"Well you should get used to it, because it's going to be my tent as well from now on," I smirked leaning closer to him to peck his lips. Before he could deepen the kiss, I pulled away and started to untie my boots and take off my clothes.
"So, does it mean, that you are giving me a chance?" he asked while observing me as I was putting on his t-shirt that had previously been lying on the stool next to the bed. Once I was done, I laid next to him snuggling closer to him and he immediately put his arms around me kissing the top of my head.
"What else should I do, when I love you so much?"