Niall
I breathed in. My nerves were overtaking my whole body. I was seeing Louis for the first time once again for our interview in Australia before our tour starts. I was praying this wouldn't be so awkward. We never really left on good terms and I never tried to contact him again. Not since that American fucker yelled at me to leave Louis alone. I shouldn't have listened and tried again, but some part of me had a feeling Louis would be there a lot.
To be completely honest, Louis went off the radar. It's like he vanished. He wasn't being spotted anywhere or doing anything. It worried me that maybe something bad happened to him. He cut too deeply, he drank into an oblivion, those cancer sticks were something far stronger and something more deadly. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he was in trouble like that.
That day he kicked me out, a month ago to be exact, I started doubting my feelings for him, I had every intention on going out and fucking every available gay man there was in sight. But I couldn't do that. It wasn't me. I couldn't just have a fling. I needed some connection. There needed to be more behind it then a quick fuck. Even drinking didn't lead me to doing those things. I had realised after many tortuous days I did love Louis, more than anything. Those fights we had were petty, the feelings were so much stronger and I should have fought harder to keep him.
I loved Louis and everything about him, from his smile to his pout, from his beautiful singing voice to his morning voice, from they way he looked in a suit to normal clothing. He was perfect in every way. He loved me and I loved him. Until I broke him. Made him hate me all because I believed our management more than him. We could have lied and told them we weren't together, made it seem like we were over it. Then we wouldn't be in this stupid mess of me worrying about seeing Louis for the first time.
"You alright?" Harry asked. His now short hair styled perfectly. I jumped at the contact of Harry's hand to my shoulder. I was so zoned out I hadn't realised he was near me. "You haven't spoken to him have you?" I shook my head.
"I tried" I explained. "But, his boy toy told me to fuck off" I mumbled.
"He really said that?" Harry asked, I imagined his eye brows raising in shock.
"Not in those words, but that's what he said" Harry sighed.
"Niall, Louis's-" I turned to face him at the mention of his name. "Not good. He hasn't been for a while now. You two need to talk it out"
He doesn't understand how badly I want to work things out with him. Hold his smaller body to mine, kiss those soft lips, whisper sweet nothings in his ear. I want those things back in my life. But he needs to give me a chance.
"I'll try" it was all I could say before the wooden door of the changing rooms opened and Louis walked in. Looking absolutely dreadful. He looked like a zombie, skinny body, black circles around his his, sunken cheeks. I'm sure I whimpered at the sight of him.
He just gave a smile to the workers and everyone but me. His whole mood changed when his once bright blue eyes, landed on me. My heart broke, if it could anymore. Louis turned his head and walked toward a rack of clothing, searching for his clothes to wear.
How could someone so beautiful want to harm themselves in such a way. I needed to know what had happened to him. No one had seen him this bad, ever. Slowly I walked over, feeling eyes watching me as I did. Louis never looked up, but he knew I was there.
"Hi" I said softly. A little too softly. It was awkward and unnatural.
"Yes?" he replied bitterly.
"How, uh, how have you been?" I wanted to slap myself right then and there. That would have to be the dumbest question to ask right now. After I know things have not been well, I ask that. Well done Niall.
Louis stopped moving hangers across the metal rod and he faced me. His eyes cold and heartless. "How am I doing? How am I doing?" he could have laughed. "What a wonderful question to ask me Niall. After what you did to me, how do you think I am?" I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I closed my mouth and tried to think of something. Nothing came.
Liam and Harry were watching from afar, making it all too obvious they were watching us, but I didn't care at this moment. They could hear it. All of it. That could be said around the ears of other people.
"You're pathetic Niall. You go around and break people and expect them to be okay in the end. You're wrong." he picked up a hanger and sauntered off to change. Today was not going well, at all.
+
The four of us sat on a couch next to each other. Harry and Liam made sure to seat between Louis and I, and for that, I was thankful. I don't think I could stand to be so close to him, smell his beautiful scent mixed with cologne and smoke that actually smelt quite wonderful.
We had been on for ten minutes, the ad was just finishing and getting ready to start up the cameras once again. Sometimes I loved these things, other times they were annoying and invasive. Today was one of those days.
"And we're back with One Direction, who are now touring the country. Tell me boys, how's Australia treating you this year"
Liam spoke, always ready to reply with something for us. "It's great, we love it here. The weather, the people, the beaches. It's wonderful place and we can't wait to start our concerts in a few days" the audience cheered.
"I hear you all have been having some time off, how was that?" he continued to fire questions. We all went silent, for different reasons that were mostly unknown to the other.
"Stressful" I blurted out. Everyone looked at me, I couldn't seem to shake people's eyes off me today. "You know, getting ready for another album and just trying to live a normal life for a while, it gets exhausting" I dug a hole and I wanted to be buried in it.
The interview continued and Louis was a different person once again. He was answering questions, but he wasn't happy about anything. He was dull and boring. All I wanted to do was try and get some life back into him. But it didn't seem like I'd be doing that anytime soon.
Before I fully realised what was happening, we were being led to a stage to perform our latest single from the previous album. I watched as Louis set up next to me unwillingly. As a band we stood behind out microphones and all sung when it was our turn. Louis sounded off, and all I could think was 'I hope he gets better in those few days'. It was selfish of me, I guess. I couldn't help it though.
We all finished, the audience applauding and us thanking everyone before walking off stage back into the change rooms. None of us spoke. We had nothing to say, there was now a tension amongst the band and we've never had this happen before.
Louis was walking to change, I definitely wasn't going to let that happen so soon. I marched over to him and grabbed his wrist, making him face me. He scowled, but I ignored it.
"We need to talk and you need to cooperate with me" we glared at one another for a while before he gave in.
"Fine, but at our hotel room" he ripped his hand away from me and walked away.
"You two better sort this out soon. The tension is so thick I could cut it with a knife"
Liam was right. This talk better smooth things out a little otherwise I have no idea what I'm going to do.
+
His glaring blue eyes looked at me as I stood at his door of his hotel room. I didn't think he was going to let me in. But he did. Without a word and just walked into his kitchen grabbing a beer. He sat on the counter and I couldn't help but notice how small he looked. His soft features no longer there, his curvy body gone, his sweet blue eyes cold and hard. It ripped at me.
Louis didn't offer me a drink or anything really. He just sat there, bony legs swinging as he sipped the beverage in his han. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"I want to apologise for how we left things" I started. "It was wrong of me to do what I did to you. I... I wasn't thinking Louis" he looked at me, a risen eyebrow.
"You don't think. Shall I remind you of New Years Eve?" that pulled a heart string.
"You agreed. You were okay with that" I countered. That was an unfair blow. "Louis, I wish I could turn back time, to that day because I didn't want that at all" Louis scoffed.
"Don't lie Niall. You wanted it, I could see it. You didn't love me anymore, and you know what?" he jumped off the counter, he was once on. I dreaded to think what was going to come from his lips. His not so soft lips. They used to be so soft and pink and wanting to be kissed. Now they were chapped and dry. "Ever since that night I've been fucked by so many men. And it was great. It was wonderful. I screamed and moaned their names, ran my hands over their bodies and through their hair. Was pleasured by them in so many ways. I haven't even thought about you. I haven't needed to"
The words hurt. They hurt like salt in a wound. I held back my tears, this would encourage him to think he had power over me. But he didn't.
"I know you were on the phone to hear me being pleasured by Blake. You heard how good he made me feel. Heard me moan his name" I looked at him. I didn't get it. What was he doing? "Tell me Niall, why were you listening in for so long? Huh? Missed the sound of me being fucked?"
This was hurting. I didn't want this to come of this conversation. He was being childish and I couldn't stand it.
"How does it feel to know you'll never get to hear me say your name as you enter me"
"Stop!" I shouted. He smirked. He thought he won. "Stop being childish Louis! You're acting like a child! You know fully well I could have you anytime" I walked toward him, trapping him between my body and the counter. He didn't break his act though.
"You couldn't get this even if you tried Niall"
So badly did I want to kiss him, show him I could have him. I knew I could rile him up. Get him hot and flustered.
"You will never have me again Niall. You've ruined me, I will never be the same again. All thanks to you"
I crashed my lips onto his, gripped his hips tightly. I swore I felt him cave and kiss me back. But I was pushed back, I stumbled a few steps back. Louis had crumbled, slightly. I saw it. I knew I had proved him wrong.
"Get out!" he screamed. "Get out! Get out! Get out!" he gave me a push. "I don't want to see unless we're on stage! Leave!"
And I did. I walked out of his room, crashing into Liam and Harry who's ears were pressed to the wall, listening in. They stood up straight, pretending they weren't just listening. It was so painfully obvious though.
"It didn't work. He wants nothing to do with me" they gave me sympathetic smiles, I didn't want them. "It's alright. This won't affect our concerts" I smiled, hoping that were the case.
I then signalled I was going to bed, I climbed into the warm soft bed with my sheets over my waist. I closed my eyes but all I could think about was Louis's rough lips on mine, his bony hips on my hands, his hands on my chest to push me away. It wasn't him anymore. I just needed the old Louis back.
A/N please don't hate me! I love you all
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