Niall
I returned to my hotel room. Louis kicked me out and it wasn't surprising since our situation. But part of me hoped he'd want my presence. To be there for him in this special time of his life. But I wasn't allowed to be. I got kicked to the curb and returned to my hotel room, to my empty bed with a bottle of beer. It's not like I've been drinking my sorrows away, I haven't. I've been dealing with it fairly well. Louis hasn't though. It makes me wonder if I really loved him as much as I claimed to.
Resting against my bedhead, I brought the beer to my lips and took a swig, feeling a faint vibrate in the front pocket of my jeans. I reluctantly pulled out the phone, seeing Harry's name on the screen with a text. I didn't pay much attention, but I saw Louis's name and that was enough to pay attention and open the message.
From Harry:
I don't know what's up with you 2 but Louis is in a bad state. You need to sort it out ASAP
I sighed heavily. Louis was always in a bad state, with me he was better. My hand was itching to text or call him. I had been wanting to interact with him for so long and seeing him today made me realise how much I missed it.
To Harry:
Why what's wrong?
I waited patiently for Harry to reply to me.
From Harry:
You should really talk to him, I can't say. He needs you
Should I risk being hung up on? I took another sip of my beer and looked at my phone. "Fuck it" I grumbled and typed Louis's number in. I remembered it. I had a thing for remembering details like that. I pressed 'call' and brought the device to my ear. It began to ring and my nerves went through the roof.
Then it stopped, he picked up. But it wasn't him, he was there, but he didn't speak. "Hello?" his American accent filled my ears. A soft whimper rang through as well breathless pants.
"Who is it?" Louis asked. Voice wrecked. I've heard that sound so many times before. My heart was breaking.
"I-is Louis there? It's Niall" it went quiet. I imagine the mystery guy was asking if Louis wanted to speak to me. I will remember what he said for quite some time to come.
"No, now let's finish" the phone was ruffled around and placed somewhere. The bed it sounded like, but I was still online. I didn't understand why I didn't hang up but I didn't, and I could hear the faint sounds of Louis with another man. Being pleasured.
I was torturing myself. Not hanging up the phone. I didn't understand why I had allowed myself to stay online and listen. I guess I missed him. Wanted to hear his voice, even if it was filled with moans of another man's name. I was stupid to believe this was the best choice. Not to talk about our issues like he suggested we do.
Tears pooled in my eyes and I finally found it in me to hang up, just as I heard Louis moan out - beautifully I may add - the American males name. I gently threw my phone next to me on my bed and slid on to my side, not caring that the bottle of beer was now on the ground leaving a sure stain on the carpet, I pulled my pillow close to me. I wish I had something that smelt like him. To hold it next to me while I cried to myself at what failure I was. All those people all those years ago are right. I'm not worth being where I am. I don't deserve the chance to be in this band with these people.
I closed my teary eyes, quietly sobbing myself into dreadful sleep.
Louis sat on my couch, legs lying across the chair with a notepad in his hand and pencil in the other, scribbling words onto the lined paper. I walked in to the living room furious. Steam would have been leaving my ears if it were a cartoon. Louis's happy demeanor changed almost instantly as he looked up - a beautiful smile on his lips - to me.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked so softly, and worriedly.
"What the hell are these" I held up a small packet filled with those damned cancer sticks. Louis visibly gulped. He sat up and sat his writing next to him on the couch.
"They're smokes..." I scoffed.
"I know what they are Louis, don't sass me" I shouted like he was my teenage son. "What are you doing with them? I thought we were passed this"
"Niall..." he began again.
He had promised me that he had stopped for good. That he didn't want to touch another again. But here we are the packet staring him in the face. I couldn't believe he lied to me. We weren't supposed to.
"Well?" I questioned. No doubtedly scowling at my older boyfriend while he looked at me guiltily.
"I hardly smoke" he blurted. "They're... They're just there for when I get stressed. Come on Niall, you know how stressful this career is, and how much pressure Brianna is putting on me. It helps me relax a little" I shook my head.
"You-" I was cut off before I could utter a word to him.
"Why are you looking through my bag anyway? It's not like I put them with my clothes" he started to get more sassy.
"I was looking to see if you had some condoms, I'm out and I thought it'd be easier while I was up there" Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes. "This is beside the point. You lied to me! Why didn't you just tell me"
"It's a fucking smoke it's not like I'm doing weed Niall"
"That's not the point Louis!" I yelled.
"Then what is?"
"You lied!" I shouted.
Louis looked at me for a moment, just blinking. He had nothing to say. He couldn't respond to me. I knew he wouldn't be able to because it was true. He lied, we made a promise to tell each other things like this. He also promised he quit the hard addiction. But again, we're here. Louis shook his head and stood up.
"Give me my smokes" he held out his hand and walked towards me.
"No" his brows furrowed and looked at me in confusion.
"Give me my fucking smokes" he shouted.
"Why?" I questioned. We were acting childish yes, but I couldn't stop myself and the words that came out.
"Because I'm getting a headache from your bullshit. Give me my smoke Niall" he seethed. I gripped the box tighter, feeling the cardboard begin to squash and crush the drug. That's when Louis lunged at me. He jumped into my arms, legs around my waist and trying to grab the box out my hand.
I held my hand behind my back, tightly. I didn't want him to be inhaling this stupid drug. He didn't need it. So I believed. Somehow, Louis managed to reach behind me and grab the box. He dropped to his feet looking at the box, two broken smokes and the rest slightly damaged.
"You fucking tosser" he turned around and began to walk away.
"Where are you going?" I called after him, not ready to let this go.
"Away from you to have a smoke" he exited my house and slammed the door behind him.
The sound of the door slamming in my dream startled me awake from my sleep. My throat was dry and croaky and my eyes were damp from tears and my head ached. That fight was so petty. I couldn't believe we fought over something so childish like that.
I looked at my bed, my phone was sitting there, a blue notification light shining in the dark room. With a shaky hand I reached over and brought it to life, a wave of light hitting my face causing more tears to fall freely as I blindly adjusted the brightness of the device. Once on it's lowest setting - which also felt too bright for the time of night (3AM) - I could see what the notification was. My heart hoped it was Louis, texting to say he wanted to talk to me.
But I was wrong. It was just Harry and Liam, asking how I was and if I had spoken to Louis. I tried. I couldn't tell them though. Louis would hate me more. I locked my phone once again, my eyes adjusting to the dark room.
"Why" I whispered to myself. "Why did I have to be stupid"
I tried closing my eyes to sleep. Hoping I'd be able to without another reminder of a mistake I made with Louis. After ten minutes of twisting and turning and trying to sleep, I gave up and grabbed my phone once again. I dialled the number and held it to my ear, allowing the ringing to deafen my ear more than one of my own concerts.
The phone continued to ring and then it stopped. He picked up. I felt my heart in my throat as I waited to hear his soft voice speak to me again with hopefully no disgust what so ever. But my blood ran cold.
"Look, I don't care who you are to Louis or what you want with him, but he obviously doesn't want to speak to you. So back off and leave him alone" it cut off before I could say anything. Whoever this American man is that Louis has chosen to fuck is a total asshole and I had every intention of going to wherever they were and beating him senseless. I didn't need my name in the news though, and I didn't want Louis to hate more than what he does.
Sighing. I turned on my side again, pulling the blankets up to my chin and grabbing another pillow. I needed something to hold and this was the only thing I had. It wasn't the same. It didn't have a scent, it couldn't intwine it's legs with mine, it couldn't let it's heart fall into a steady rhythm that matched mine. It couldn't fully replace Louis.
I closed my eyes and curled into as much of a ball as I could while still holding on to the Louis replacement. It got me thinking, maybe I should do what he's doing. Find someone else to sleep with. Get that feel of another body next to me. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a way in myself to forget Louis for just a little while long enough to let someone else replace his wonderful body. Let me fuck someone so good they'll want more.
It was then decided that's what I would do. Go out and fuck someone. Two can play at that game Louis Tomlinson.
A/N a little shorter than I wished but it's here. It's probably all over the place because I had no real idea on how to do it but I found something.
Oh! Who likes the new cover? Its awesome. The creator is in the description of this
Comment and vote please! xx