Louis
"Niall..." how was I supposed to say this. He was going to hate me for not telling him. This is the type of thing that breaks people up.
"Hey" Niall said softly. "It's okay. I still love you" I felt my lip tremble and my throat grow a lump. How could I be so stupid to not tell him, or hide it. I should have hid it. The tears began to fall from my eyes, I brought my hands up and covered my face he didn't need to see me like this. I was disgusting.
"I'm sorry" I sobbed. "I'm sorry I'm such a failure. I should have told you, now you probably hate me" my words were hard to hear through my cries and my hands covering my face.
"Stop that" Niall scolded and pulled my hands away from my face. My face was wet from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing from my eyes. He wiped my cheeks with his thumbs and smiled. "It's okay. I just wanted to know. Please stop crying. I love you" I sniffled as stray tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I wasn't expecting the new year to start with me crying" Niall frowned. I made him feel bad, great, nice one. This is why I can't keep people.
"Louis... I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. You know I just care about you" he looked down again and his hands touched my upper thigh. "These don't change how I feel about you"
I looked into his blue eyes. Beautiful deep blue eyes that reminded me of a lake on a summer day. I looked where Niall's hand rested on my thigh, his fingers tracing the lines on my skin. I was ashamed of this. I really was.
"I had a rough time a few months before us" I stated. "After my dad, and Eleanor and the media talking about this and that, I just lost it" Niall listened to everything I said. "I'm supposed to be encouraging people not to do this and here I am doing it! I shouldn't be doing this"
"Stop Louis. Sure you could have spoken to us, but you had to deal with it your own way. But I want you to know that you can speak to me about anything, anything. I will listen and help you in whatever way I can, okay? Please don't feel like you can't" I nodded. Niall opened his arms and I moved into them. He wrapped them tightly around me, I felt protected. It felt nice.
We stayed like that for quite a while, just in each others arms, no speaking, just me being held by Niall. The only sound was our breathing. I swore Niall could have been asleep if it weren't for the occasional small movement of his head to press a kiss to the top of my head.
Thinking about it. Why didn't I talk to someone? I had Harry. Harry helps me with everything, and Liam is always a great listener. And Niall, Niall is always there for people. What made me think I couldn't tell them something was wrong?
"Lou?" Niall said in a hushed voice. I hummed. "Can I ask you something else?" I hummed again. Niall pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. "Is... Lou, our song... Is that what the lyrics mean?" I looked at him with a frown.
"What do you mean?"
"'I've got scars, though they can't always be seen'. In If I Could Fly. Did you write that about this?" he touched my thighs with the many lines running across the flesh. I nodded. "How did I not see that. I assumed it was inside, like emotional scars" I shrugged.
"I guess you can look at it either way"
Niall's eyes began to water this time. "Please talk to me next time. Okay? Please, I want to help you with whatever the issue is" I nodded, even if I wouldn't live up to it, I couldn't stand to see Niall cry.
"Okay. Okay, I will. Don't cry Niall" I wiped his eyes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'll talk to you, I promise" he smiled, through watery eyes.
"Good. Thank you" his arms wrapped around me again. "Now, I'm cold and tired, how about we get some sleep and go for another round in the morning?" I chuckled.
"Let's see how sore I am lover boy. Last time I was sore for a week" Niall chuckled. "Not funny, you did it do me" Niall hummed and pepper kissed my lips.
"I know. Now, sleep time" we pulled the blankets over our naked bodies and Niall held me close in his arms. As we lay there I listened to the steady rhythm of Niall's heartbeat, it was so peaceful it soon sent me off to sleep. I drifted off with a smile on my face because I had truly found the perfect person.
+
I woke up what felt like minutes after I fell asleep, but the sunlight shining through the curtains told me otherwise. Though it was winter and rainy, sometimes a little snowy, the sun always shone through the window. Niall was still sleeping next to me, though during the night we drifted apart and moved to our own sides of the bed. Which I was fine with.
With a smile on my face, I edged closer to Niall who was lying on his back, his mouth open as he slept. I laid on my stomach next to Niall, so close we were touching, and just stared at him. He was truly beautiful, especially with his matted hair from the night before. The wonderful night before.
Smiling, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He mumbled a bunch of noises, so I did it again. He made more noises and I laughed. I leaned in to do it again and just as my lips were about to touch his cheek, he turned his head and kissed me. Niall rolled us over and I was again under him while we shared a small laugh.
"Morning baby" Niall said, pushing the hair out of my eyes.
"Morning" I replied. "Sleep well?"
"Like a baby. You are really nice to cuddle, you know that?" I shrugged. "Well you are, and I don't know about you but I'm hungry, want me to make something or call room service?"
I pretended to think about his question but I had my answer, I decided to reply with a question of my own. "If you call room service that means I have to get dressed. If you cook I can stay naked, or boxers it's chilly, so what would you prefer?"
"Hmm" Niall pondered. "I do like the idea of staying in with you in your underwear all day" he traced over my 'Is What It Is' tattoo. "So we'll get up, you shower and I'll get breakfast ready" he pecked my lips and clambered out of bed, nearly falling out after getting himself tangled in the sheets, and hurried out into the kitchen. I got out more slowly. I was worried my ass would hurt like it did last time, but it surprisingly wasn't as bad. I smiled and walked to the bathroom, I turned the water on in the shower and stepped back waiting for it to heat up.
While doing so I moved to the mirror. I stood in front of it and looked at my reflection. Small, skinny, boney, but there was something different. Something I couldn't quite describe. Something about me seemed different. Could it be happiness? I know I can be happy, I can be I am. Just not as much as I was five years ago.
Steam began to fill the room and cover the mirror, blocking my reflection, so I turned around and headed to the shower. I stepped into the warm water and closed the glass door. Warm water ran down my body, I turned around and found a bar of soap to wash myself. When I got to my legs, I stopped. I stopped and looked at the long lines that crossed my thighs. More than ten on each leg high enough so I could wear shorts but low enough not to be seen unless my pants were removed.
"Louis!" Niall called. "Breakfast is nearly ready" Niall informed me.
"Okay, be out soon" I called back. I finished washing my body, going back over my stomach to make sure it was clean, then I turned off the water and grabbed a towel. I dried my body and hair then wrapped it around my waist and walked out to see Niall putting plates full of pancakes on the coffee table of the hotel room. I noticed he was still naked.
Last night I didn't pay much attention to the room, I was too occupied by Niall and wanting to get to the bedroom I didn't take in how cosy the hotel room actually was. It was small, but it felt large. It was decorated like what reminded me of a grandparents' house. With the wooden furniture and decor in the living room was filled with warm, relaxing colours.
I took a seat on the couch and waited for Niall's return from the kitchen. He came back holding two mugs and handed one to me. I took the warm mug in my hands and brought it up to my nose, breathing in the smell of tea. I blew slightly and sipped the liquid, it warmed my body even more, one; because it was warm, two; because Niall had made it perfectly. Better than what I can do myself.
Niall sat down next to me and kissed my cheek, he then grabbed both plates and handed one to me. It was only when I started eating the food did I realise hotels don't stock their fridges and cupboards with food. I finished my mouthful of food and turned to Niall.
"Ni, where did this food come from?" I asked curiously.
"I made it?" he laughed. I frowned at him, unimpressed by his answer that he knew wasn't what I was after. He sighed before speaking. "I went out shopping and bought some things to bring her while we stay a few days, I checked in two days ago so I could bring you straight here with no hassles" he took one of my hands in his as he spoke.
"You really are something aren't you?" he smiled brightly.
"Yep. But you deserve it" he kissed my cheek with his sticky maple syrup lips. I pulled a disgusted face and tried to wipe it off with my hand, only succeeding in getting my hand sticky as well. I sighed and gave up. Niall just laughed like he did at everything.
After that we just ate and drank our breakfasts' then laid down on the couch and put the TV on. We flicked through channels finding nothing interesting at all. So we decided to leave it on a random channel and just talk - or make out - instead. I faced Niall, my back extremely close to the edge of the couch, but Niall's arm kept me close to him. We kissed and talked, the same topic last night came up again and I was not very happy about it but Niall was persistent, so I let him continue talking for a while.
"I don't understand how I didn't notice these our first time" Niall spoke. He put his hand on my thigh where the scars would be shown if it weren't for the towel covering me.
"We were both drunk Niall. Wasted. And it would have been dark, I'm sure you wouldn't have even noticed anything on my body" Niall frowned. "It's okay Ni, you didn't have to know then. We weren't together and you were drunk"
"We were still friends then" he whispered. "Does anyone know about them?"
"No, that's why I put them there. Can this be between us please? I don't need other people to know how useless I am"
"You're not useless, but I promise you I won't tell a soul about this" I smiled and thanked him for being understanding about this. I was truly lucky to have a boyfriend like him. Boyfriend... That sounds different. I like it. When that conversation died, which I was happy about, Niall and I began to talk about what our plans were for the few days here before going back to London.
We decided on not leaving the room at all, and to just spend it in bed, or cooking, or laying on the couch like this. It was quite nice, just doing this. If I could do this until I die, I would gladly do it. Niall is the best person to be around, no matter what type of relationship you have with him, he makes it great.
We were in the middle of a kiss when a news report on celebrities distracted us. I wasn't going to listen to it, because it would be all over the internet and tv for days anyway so it wouldn't matter, but when I heard my name I became interested in what they had to say. What if it was about last night? What if it was about my change in attitude? Have people noticed that. Sadly I pulled away from Niall and sat up to watch the report, turning up the the TV. Niall followed behind me in sitting up, he put a hand on my shoulder and encouraged me to ignore whatever rumours were floating around, but I couldn't pull away now.
"News has it that One Direction boy band member, Louis Tomlinson, is a father." the talk show lady with blonde, curly hair, spoke in that professional news reporter tone. "A few months ago he was spotted leaving a pub with the beautiful blonde haired model Briana Jungwirth. She has recently come forward to the press that Louis is the father of this child. Here is her public announcement" the TV announcer spoke before it changed over to a recorded video of Briana making her public announcement that I am the father of a child that is soon to be born.
Niall was now interested in the news report and sat next to me, holding my hand for comfort. On the TV, Briana stood in front of a bunch of people, microphones and cameras flashing in her face. She stood politely before speaking.
"As many of you know, Louis Tomlinson and I shared a night together at his hotel room a few months back. As a result of that night I fell pregnant. It is a shock to us both at how this happened, but I can assure you, we are both on board with this pregnancy" my jaw fell. I had no idea she was pregnant, she hadn't informed me on this. I didn't know if I wanted a child yet, she can't tell everyone I want this.
"There you have it folks. Louis Tomlinson is going to be a father. He and his fellow bandmates, Harry Styles, Liam Payne and Niall Horan are celebrating their Christmas break with their families and by themselves before they get back to work and ready for their rumoured upcoming tour. Stay tuned on how Kim Kardashian-" I turned the TV off. That's all I needed to hear. I didn't care about the Kardashian's, so I didn't need to keep up with them. I now had bigger issues on my mind, like the fact I am going to be a father? How did this happen.
"Lou. Louis. Are you okay?" Niall asked. "What happened? Did you really knock her up?" he sounded a little hurt.
"I-I-I don't know... I didn't know she was pregnant. Sure we slept together but I swear I used a condom both times" I cringed as the words left my mouth.
"Twice? You fucked her twice?" Niall asked shocked. "I didn't realise your standards were that low" I was a little hurt at his words about her appearance. Sure she wasn't the prettiest girl around, but that is no way to speak about someone, I thought Niall had more respect than that.
"One; that was rude. Two; I fucked her before we were even together when I was trying to sort out my God damn feelings for you. Three; I used a condom! How could she get pregnant!" I yelled at him. I was a little mad. I was mad for Niall being so rude to her, and making fun of the girls I find attractive, and mad at Briana for not speaking to me about this situation before going public about it. This could ruin me.
I stood up and left the living room. I needed to get clothes on and clear my head. I closed the door behind me and searched Niall's bag for some clothes, realising everything of mine was still in the car. I guess it was a good thing I was smaller than Niall, at least everything would fit me. I pulled on a jumper, a pair of his boxers and some sweatpants. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. It couldn't be, this had to be a dream.
I sat on our unmade bed and grabbed my phone from my discarded jeans. I logged on to Twitter, my official account, and looked through the tweets on my timeline, everything was about me being a dad. Some fans were sad, some happy, some wondering who Briana is. Some were hating on her, some loving her, some not even caring. What was I going to do?
While I scrolled through the tweets, something else caught my eye. A picture was going around. I clicked on a tweet that connected to an article. When it loaded my heart sank.
NIALL HORAN SPOTTED KISSING MYSTERY LOVER AT MIDNIGHT
The article read:
'Niall Horan was spotted kissing a mystery lover in the middle of the park in his home town of Mullingar on New Years Eve as the fireworks went off. It is unknown who this mystery person is, but it's safe to say Horan and the secret person shared a pretty romantic kiss, with him hiding their face with his own hands. It seems Horan wants to keep this relationship behind closed doors.
Many fans have their speculations like Selena Gomez or Ellie Goulding after both ladies had shared some time alone with the boybander. Fans are also saying band mate Louis Tomlinson was in town with Horan. Word has it he knows who this mystery person is, or maybe, it could be Tomlinson himself'.
I looked at the picture, they were right, Niall hid my face, but people were speculating, and that was not good for either of us. "Niall!" I called. He walked through the door immediately, he was obviously waiting for me to let him in, or debating whether or not to come in, I couldn't care at this point. "We've got trouble" I handed him my phone and he read the article. The colour drained from his face.
"Fuck" I had no better word myself to describe this situation. We were generally fucked.
A/N woo, nearly 3000 words on this chapter. I don't want to get too cocky on these longer chapters but it feels great. Please no hate for what I have written in this story, I will delete all hate comments, if you don't like it feel free to leave.
Also, I am not encouraging cutting, please do try to seek help and talk to someone like a family member, a friend, someone at school, or those hotlines they have. Just remember, there are people who do care!
Maybe I should sign off with my name?
Thanks guys!
Chantelle