151. Some days I just have to repeatedly tell myself, “If Britney Spears can make it through 2007, I can make it through today.”
152. I found the key to success…however, I found a note from success’s landlord saying that the locks have been changed.
153. Is there an elevator “close door” button that works fast enough?
154. Autocorrect can suck my dock.
155. A genie gave me three wishes, but he said I couldn’t wish for more wishes. So my first wish was for that rule to not exist.
156. The next time you give someone a card, buy blank Hallmark cards and leave them blank and tell them it’s because they leave you speechless.
157. Dear cellphone companies: please invent a “unsend my text” option.
158. Being in the friend zone is like an employer turning you down for a job, then calling you regularly bitching about the person they did hire.
159. Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
160. I’m depressed, but not “posting cryptic lyrics on Facebook” depressed.
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