Harry sat upright and pulled me gently into his lap. I hid my head against his chest as he rocked back and forth gently.
“I missed you” he kept whispering over and over, almost like a chant.
He softly kissed my lips and cheek and down my neck.
“I needed your armor” I told him and I grasped the collar of his jacket and felt the hard titanium leather in my weak fist.
“I didn’t know how long I could go without my heart, my angel” he shook his head slowly. A dark curl fell over his eye and I tucked it to the side.
I looked up into the green, marbles that resembled tiny globes I thought I had lost, but I found them again. They were my mini worlds, the worlds I wanted only me and Harry to live in peacefully.
Then I took his strong, steady hand and kissed his red knuckles.
He smiled softly and a dimple showed through. I kissed the dimple before it disappeared.
Suddenly, a gasp startled both me and Harry.
We turned to see that Liam’s blood lip quivered slightly and his finger trembled and pointed downward.
He was alive!?
Harry scooped me into his arms as he stood up. Then he lowered me slightly and helped me to stand on my own.
I stared at Liam’s eyes. They were bruised so blue that they looked black, but they trembled slightly.
Harry didn’t need to tell me to stay back. I stood behind him and peaked past his shoulder every so often.
He knelt down and listened to Liam’s chest.
Liam took a hesitant breath.
“I used to be the good guy” he whispered in a broken voice.
I came closer to him and knelt down beside Harry.
“Angie” Harry started to protest, but I ignored him and gave Liam the decency of hearing his last few words.
“Now I’m black and blue” Liam declared shamefully and his eyes closed.
Harry felt Liam’s neck for his pulse, then checked his chest and wrist and every other indicator of him being alive and human, but everything replied back “no.”
Liam was dead and ghostly. His skin pale, but reddened by the spilt blood. His clothes dirtied and tattered.
I just sat there and looked at him a moment. Harry immediately wrapped an arm around me to make me look away, but I refused.
I couldn’t believe it, but a tear slipped from my eye in pity and remorse over Liam’s life-less body. He used to be my friend, a very good friend, but he had become a monster. Liam had become Louis, the ugly creation that resulted from divisions.
And he was right: he used to be golden, but now he’s blue-black.
“Angie, are you ok?” Harry asked me quietly.
I shook my head “no.”
“What are we supposed to do now?” I asked him almost rhetorically. It doesn’t matter how many lives a person takes; the process of witnessing and causing the death to a living being repeats itself over and over and over until you don’t know how many times you’ll see that whisper of life swim out of their parched lips.
Harry took my wrists in his hands and softly tugged me closer to him.
“This isn’t your fault, Angie” he told me almost immediately.
I shook my head.
“Yes, it is” I told him. It didn’t matter who had the blood on their knuckles, it mattered who had said what and cause the blood to ever come onto the knuckles.
“I should have never lied to you and then you wouldn’t have had to leave and Liam wouldn’t have become a monster and he would be alive and at Connecticut playing lacrosse” I mumbled in a run-on that paused between sniffles.
Harry shook his head slowly, letting his dark and slightly sweaty curls bounce on his forehead.
“No, baby this is not your fault” he told me and he pulled me close to his chest.
Those were the words he had said at the jail last year and back and still know; they made me feel even guiltier.
“I’ll bury him somewhere off the edge of town” Harry told me and he nodded over to the distance behind him.
I shook my head again.
“Harry, this is my fault. Let me at least help you” I insisted.
“NO!” Harry raised his voice.
He took a deep breath to calm himself.
“Angie, I don’t want your name on any of this” he told me urgently as he held my hands in his.
But I shook my head again.
“Angela, I’ve been to jail. But you-” he continued and he stared deep into my eyes.
I couldn’t bear to go to another trial or see Harry in those orange jumpsuits that only criminals should wear.
“I will never let you go” he told me and he meant both ways: me leaving him and me going to jail. I shuddered at the thought of leaving Harry. I would much rather decompose in a filthy jail cell than leave the comfort of his leather jacket or warm, steady hands, or forest-green eyes.
“I woul rot in a jail cell for a thousand years if it meant that you were still alive and well and you cared about this” he declared confidently. He took my hand and put it over his chest.
I moved my palm slowly over his heart, feeling how big it was in proportion to his chest and how strongly and steadily it beat. I lowered my hand and kissed his heart. I had apologized to Harry, but not to his heart, so I whispered “I’m sorry” to his chest.
Harry walked me to his truck. I touched the chipped midnight black paint and smiled when a piece fell to the floor. It was so broken and torn, but its’ engine was made of steel and full of black gold.
Harry drove his truck up close to Liam’s body.
I started to get out so that I could help him in some way, but he put his hand over my chest and held the lock down on my door.
“Stay here, Angie” he asked of me.
I sighed and then nodded.
Harry got out and lifted up Liam’s body up over his shoulders.
I held my breath as if I was carrying the body that was both too heavy and too dead for me to touch.
I heard a clunking noise and knew that Harry had put the body in the back end of the truck.
Then Harry came over to the front seat again and began to drive off to the spot at the edge of town.
Again, I reached for the door, but he held his arm out and prevented me from leaving.
“Angie” he reminded me.
“I have to help you” I told him.
He shook his head.
“There are worms in the dirt” he spoke quietly and he winked.
My chest tightened. I hate anything that’s slimy and slithers. Spiders and crickets are fine, but not worms or snakes.
I folded my arms over my chest in stubborn annoyance and shame for being such a coward.
I closed my eyes and let sleep take my aching body, but my restless mind and the sound of a bail cutting into the earth- kept me at a wake-sleep cycle.
After a douple minutes, I heard the last clink of Harry's bail. I looked out the window and saw that he was resting his hand on the top of the bail and his chest heaved slowly.
Quickly, I unlocked my door and came out to stand by his side.
I patted the small of his back and rubbed softly until his breathing steadied.
Harry turned to look at me. He wiped the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.
I took his hand in mine and squeezed slightly.
He smiled warmly before returning his attention to the now buried body of Liam James Payne.
My chest tightened again and I squeezed Harry's hand accidentally.
Harry turned to look at me and he wrapped his arm around my waist.
"I'm sorry it ended this way, Liam" I spoke to the mound of dirt.
"Angie" Harry insisted, but I continued.
"I have to say something, Harry" I told him and then continued.
Harry nodded painfully. He didn't believe I had to say anything, let alone get any blame for this even though I was most clearly one of the main causes of Liam's death.
I knelt down by the mound of dirt.
"You used to be my friend" I whispered.
Then I scanned the forest floor for some sort of shrubbery or flower.
I found a flower that was a yellowish-brown color and rotting slightly. But it was the only flower for miles, so I picked it and placed it over the makeshift grave.
"You used to be golden. I wish you were still golden" I spoke in a faint hush that even I couldn't hear.