The Castle of Gold [Bk 2]

ch.34 Lost and Fault

Four or five weeks ago, I would have had an asthma attack had I known that I would be pregnant from that time at graduation. I would have yelled and screamed at Harry until he was so disappointed and ashamed that he used two condoms next time, but not now. Not in this moment.

Even though she wasn’t more than a tiny seed- not even a fetus, let alone a baby, she was Harry’s baby. And just knowing that I had been carrying anything from Harry inside me made me want to protect it at all costs, but the moment I realized she was growing within me was the moment she had left me. Knowing that I had lost something that I had only just learned about having, is the most hopeless feeling.

And even if this-this miscarriage is sort of miraculous since neither Harry nor I were financially or emotionally ready for children, having that tiny being inside me for that short period of time made me want to keep it no matter what.

Harry took my hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly, but it looked like he was the one that needed the reassurance. His dark curls hung over his forehead in slightly sweaty wisps, but he smoothed them back with his hand. His face was flushed and his eyes were glued to my stomach.

I wondered if he had even gone to sleep in the past day or however long it’s been since I’ve been in here. But I knew the answer was “no.”

“Now I know that you do not have to take my suggestion, but as a father and a medical professional, I strongly advise safe intercourse” he told us, but he looked at Harry slightly sternly and then softly at me.

“Kids can’t have kids” he shook his head and smiled slightly.

“Yes, sir” Harry nodded slowly.

He patted Harry’s shoulder and then gave us time alone.

Harry knelt down on his knees and kissed my stomach.

“Oh, Angie, I’m sorry we lost him. I’m sorry I gave you him” he apologized as he pressed his lips to my stomach over and over, wishing he could erase his mistake, and yet also have his child back.

“Harry, it’s ok” I told him, but I was also trying to comfort myself.

Harry jolted up to his full height.

“No, it’s not, Angie. Money or no money. Marriage or no marriage, that was my baby, our baby” Harry shook his head.

I looked up at Harry. His nostrils snarled slightly and his fists clenched.

He was right, but his aggressive stance told me he was going for the wrong answer.

Harry jolted up and headed for the door.

“Harry” I called.

I reached for his hand and sat upright quickly, which doubled the delicately searing pain of my wound.

Then he stood still as he saw the figure at the door.

“You son of a bitch, you almost took my baby’s life, and my baby’s baby” he bellowed.

Then he ran towards Nick and shoved him against the wall.

“Harry!” I raised my voice, but I was barely noticeable.

“I’m really sorry” Nick apologized quietly and he looked at me, then at Harry.

I nodded slowly.

Vengeance doesn’t solve anything, but adds more variables to the equation. Even so, Liam was dead and my baby was dead and I was barely alive. Maybe one dead doesn’t equal one and a half dead, but I was never good at math.

“I’m not calling charges on Liam” Nick told Harry.

Harry loosened his grip on Nick’s collar.