The Castle of Gold [Bk 2]

ch.25 Old-fashioned upgrade

My mouth literally hung open.

Oh God, how am I supposed to tell her the truth now?

Becky watched me carefully. She was expecting me to clap or cheer or hug her, but I just sat there, completely in shock.

“Well, now it’s your turn” she motioned for me to go now.

I took a deep breath.

What am I supposed to say first: that Liam had written his speech for me, that I had let him kiss me? That I felt something in that kiss, but that emotion left when Harry left?

Or maybe I should start with: Becky, I’m a horribly confused and cowardly idiot. I’m sorry you ever had to waste ten years being my friend. I give you full-on permission to hate me forever because I don’t deserve sympathy, let alone love.

I don’t deserve anything.

“Well?” she asked.

I cleared my throat.

Someone knocked on the door, interrupting my horribly painful confession.

“I’m leaving with Rick, so lock the doors” Kendra told Becky.

Becky nodded and Kendra closed the door.

Then Becky turned back to me and looked up at me innocently and patiently. She was on cloud 9 with her confession and I was in the depths of Hell with mine.

“Becky” I began with a shaky voice.

She placed her hand over mine reassuringly.

“Yes?” she asked softly.

“Becky, this is really, really hard for me to tell you because you’re my best friend, but you have to know the truth” I mumbled.

Becky nodded, urging me to continue.

“Becky, Liam and-” I started, but my throat burned with guilt.

“What is it, Angie?” she asked.

“Becky, Harry left” I told her. And as soon as I said it, I wanted to kick myself because she started to wrap her arms around me and try to comfort me. But I deserved no comfort at all; I was the one who had caused all the discomfort for everyone.

“Oh, Angie, I’m so sorry” she apologized.

I shook my head quickly.

“It’s not your fault, Becky” I reassured her.

It’s mine.

I couldn’t take her sympathy and my guilt; it might very well kill me.

“What happened?” she asked quietly, unsure if I wanted to talk about it.

I shook my head quickly.

“I don’t really know” I admitted. And it was the truth: I had no idea how we had gone from trying to have a kid to me betraying him and Liam sweeping in to rub salt in the wound.

I excused myself and went home.

Becky nodded and walked to me downstairs.

“Call me if you need anything, Angie” she told me.

I swallowed hard.

“I don’t think I need anything” I admitted quietly.

She nodded, but was slightly confused.

***

I got home, sat on the couch and stared at the T.V.

Danny watched me quietly.