'What was the purpose behind sending your wife in the attire of a milkmaid? Do you think I've turned egoistic and you can satisfy my ego by showing that she is inferior to me? Or do you have the audacity to think that I feel threatened by her arrival? Rajakumara Arjuna, don't forget that I'm the Queen and you are the commander-in-chief of Indraprastha. No matter whom you marry, she cannot be a threat to my authority. Even if you think that my words are boastful, there's no problem in that. If you can take advantage of my love, I can very well take advantage of my own status.
~ Maharani Krishnaa Panchali
Arjuna read the letter again and again, and he let out a sigh of relief at the end. At least she sent him something and there was no cold war between them that would have been suffocating for him. The flames of her assertion and her confidence light up his heart as it always did. Perhaps if it was someone else in his place, they would have taken offense to her words but he couldn't. Because that was their truth. She was his queen and he had no qualms in being subordinate to her. Only if he did not neglect that truth when he needed to remember it the most, there would have been no distance between them on this day when they were supposed to reunite with each other.
How honest and truthful she is!
She was communicating with him whatever she thought about what he did instead of keeping it to herself, even if there was no harmony between them. Unlike him. Though he had let her down, she was still keeping the promises of their love and their relationship. She had said that their bond had loosened and she wasn't obliged to do anything for him but she was still just towards that loosened bond of theirs. Because she was Krishnaa and Krishnaa was always forthright, the Krishnaa whom his heart worshipped. Only if his actions in the past two years weren't as foolhardy as they were, he wouldn't have to stay separate from her after pining for her love for years and years.
With the letter in his hands, he walked inside Subhadra's chamber in the second prahara of the night. She was already asleep so he tip-toed towards the study area and tried to light a lamp so that he could write a letter in reply. But still the sounds had woken Subhadra up and noticing the light in the study, she walked in that direction.
"Svami, what are you doing?"
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Subhadra, I had to write this letter urgently!" He finished writing and wrapped the letter. "I had thought of writing in the armory but since I've not been there for twelve years, I wasn't finding the writing tools there."
"But why are you writing late at night? Whom do you have to send it to?"
"To Krishnaa!" He answered hurriedly and was about to leave to make sure that the letter reached the queen.
"But she has made it clear that she hasn't forgiven you, right? Why are you disturbing her too at this late hour?"
He shook his head in negation and said, "She just sent me a letter and I'm responding back. It's not about all that."
As he left the chamber with the same hurry with which he was writing, Subhadra blinked in surprise at his vanishing figure. From the moment she stepped into Indraprastha, it appeared like a maze to her and the confusion increased with every passing second. The queen was reproving him just some time ago in front of her and then suddenly there is an exchange of letters between them? What's happening?
________
"Maharani, you are still awake?' Vaishakhi exclaimed as she entered into Krishnaa's chamber. "I thought I'll give this letter to you tomorrow but... Rajakumara has sent you this letter!"
Krishnaa, who was standing near the window, spun around as she heard her handmaiden's last statement. Did he actually respond to her letter?
"Did you go into Rajakumari Subhadra's chamber to give him the letter?"
"No, Maharani. I handed him the letter when he was out in the corridor."
"Alright." She took the letter from Vaishakhi and nodded her head, indicating the latter to leave.
I know, Krishnaa, you can never be egoistic or anything close to that. Whatever I had done, it had nothing to do with your ego which doesn't even exist. It was about what you mean to me, that you are my queen and even if I make any mistake or fail to acknowledge the same, the truth doesn't change. I hadn't prioritized you during my marriage to Subhadra and that's why I deserve the punishment you have given me. I took this step only to attest that you are my priority and you will forever be my priority. You can consider this act as the start of my prayashchitta. Just the beginning. I know that I need to do a lot more to rebuild your trust. I want to correct my mistakes and make you accept me wholeheartedly.
You are absolutely right about your status too. When even I'm not equal to you, how can my fourth wife be?
But I made Subhadra give up her pride before you as my wife because if you aren't proud of me, Subhadra too cannot raise her head in pride. You may think why Subhadra, why not me? Not just my pride, Krishnaa, but as I have told you, I've given up my everything before you because I'm your husband. I will not ask your forgiveness through my words but through my actions. Subhadra had given up her pride alone. But I've given up my soul to you, Krishnaa, because I trust you more than myself.
- Arjuna
She closed the letter and collapsed on the couch, leaning her head against the headrest, clutching the letter tightly in her fist as she fought back the urge to tear up for the umpteenth time since the dawn of that day. His words and actions, everything was perplexing. Why did he send Subhadra in the attire of a common woman whom he had married for love? No Kshatriya would do something like that! Why did he do it? Why was he sounding like the same Arjuna that she had known twelve years ago but at the same time, his actions were peculiar? What's wrong with him?
He didn't know if he could be trusted or not. He had made many similar promises before but he also ended up breaking them. But she could feel that he loved her, that he still loved her the same and if she was right, he would keep his promises this time. But she didn't want to expect anything from him. She didn't want to hope for anything. She didn't want to dream about anything. It was all in his hands. If he was ever loyal to her love from his heart, he would himself become her expectation, her hope and her dream.
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