PART - 31
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when you know your mistake is really big and it can't be easily forgiven with a mere sorry and you feel hurt when the same mistake is forgiven with a simple sorry , you felt pain instead of happiness.
Instead of feeling relieve you feel more guilty and this guil will soon start eating you. You want other person to scream at you , curse at you and give you some punishment but instead of those things you get nothing , not even a single glance from the person whom you hurted.
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Shehnaz cries her heart out after coming home. She locked herself in her room and tucked herself in the comforter and started crying. Her body is curled like a ball.
" Sorry " this word didn't give her relief. For this simple sorry she went through all the pain which she was still feeling.
She didn't wanted to talk to that person or want to show him her weakness by screaming , yelling or by showing him any kind of emotions so she just forgive him. She forgive him only by mouth not by her heart. Deep down in her heart she still felt Resented towards him. If he listened to her than she didn't had to go through all those things. She don't know when she felt asleep while crying.
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Days are passing like sand slips from our fist. Everything become normal for almost everyone but one person was still stucked in the most brutal memory. Shehnaz still felt scared whenever she went out from the house. She feels scared whenever someone stare her. She lowers those eyes which used to hold confidence but now those eyes hold fear. Everyone in the college show her pitty , try to confront her by saying that everything will be fine and many more things. Shehnaz didn't respond to them just gives them blank look or lower her gaze. She was losing her confidence , she was losing herself. Her smile is almost vanished from her face not because of ahaan but also because of sidharth. She lost her bestfriend whom she used to share everything but now she was not allowed to talk with him because of her feelings for him. She was locking herself in dark room where no one is there for her only darkness was there to welcome her. Whenever someone try to talk with her she just answers them with simple node or just humm nothing else. She was losing her weight , her fluffiness because of less eating. She was slowly slowly drowning in depression. She lost all her bubbly nature. Her smile fades away like light fades in darkness. She stopped wearing all her fashionable clothes like short skirts, dresses which used to look beautiful on her but now she cover herself with baggy clothes, oversized T-shirts and jeans. She liked to cover almost all her body now which gives her little bit peace. She felt secure in those clothes because she thought that wearing this kind of clothes will not attract anyone attention towards her which was wrong because clothes does not matter in the eyes of rapist, he only notice your body not clothes.
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Sidharth was devastated from the past week because of getting ignored by shehnaz. Yeah shehnaz was ignoring him but not directly rather indirectly and it was hurting him to the core.
Whenever he try to talk with shehnaz he gets his answer with just " humm" or in node. Shehnaz didn't talk to him further or whenever he tried to talk to her further, she just said that she was tired and their talk just end there. Whenever sidharth tried to approach her , she just ignored him by saying that she doesn't in the mood to talk with him. Whenever he sits near her , she just stand from there and went in her room. He also noticed that shehnaz also stopped going in college with him. He always tried to take her with him to college but she always called Diya to pick her for college and she also stopped spending time with her in college because she spent her all time with diya.
Sidharth was totally hurt with this, he missed her bestfriend , her smile , her long talks , he just misses everything. He wants to talk with her and spend his time with her just like old time. He wanted to beg her for her forgiveness. He badly wanted her forgiveness. He badly wanted to see her beautiful smile on her lips back. He wanted her to smile with him , for him just like old time. He will do everything to make it possible.
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Sidharth was standing in shehnaz room looking every corner of room to execute his plan of getting forgiveness from her bestfriend.
Shehnaz was with diya in college he skipped college today to execute his little plan.
He spread out all the decorative items on the bed carefully and started to decorate her with those items beautifully.
Shehnaz frowned when she find her room filled with darkness because she never switched off lights before leaving her room. She shrugged it off and thaught that she herself mistakenly left the lights on before leaving this morning.
She moved to her right to switch on the lights but stopped when something brushed her feet. Her frowned gets deeper and immediately turned on the lights. She lowered her gaze and found a white balloon. She turned around and found that her room was decorated with lights , balloons and flowers. Her favourite rose flower were spreaded on all over the floor with red and white balloon. She lowered and takes Balloon in her hand and saw the wording written on the Baloon.
" Sorry" it's a written beautifully on the Baloon in cursive writing.
Shehnaz moves further and saw her bed was covered with her favourite chocolate and a big teddy bear was sitting in the middle of the bed with a big card in his hands.
She went near her bed and took the card out from teddy hands and opened to read it.
" Sorry , shehnaz. I'm really sorry . I know my mistake is not forgivable but here I'm saying sorry. Please forgive this stupid friend of yours."
She felt more hurt after reading this cute note because this note is nothing infront of her pain , this sorry is not enough for the pain she was feeling right now. She was trying to surpass her feelings for him from past week by ignoring him and her pain was giving her strength to surpass her feelings but if she forgive him than how will she able to do all this , if only reason of hating sidharth will be taken from her than how will she distant herself from him. That's why she was not happy right now all the painful wording echoed in her ears which she was trying to forget.
" Shehnaz " shehnaz turned around and saw sidharth seating on his knees while holding his ears.
" I'm ready sorry shehnaz " he mumbled and looked at shehnaz in a hope to see her smile but instead of getting smile he saw her angry face.
" Why , why are you doing this huhh? " Shehnaz asked while clenching the sorry Card in her fist.
" What do you want now huhh" she asked again.
"I'm really sorry shehnaz I just wanted you to smile shehnaz " sidharth mumbled , he was standing on his feet now looking at her hurtfully.
" Why do you care about my smile huh? , what does it matter for you huh ?" shehnaz bitterly asked with narrowed eyes.
" Because you are my friend shehnaz" sidharth replied.
" Maybe you are forgetting that it was you who broke our friendship " shehnaz said , reminding him his wordings
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" Shehnaz, please don't say this I'm really sorry please"
" Sidharth I don't need your sorry. I don't want your pity. I don't need you so please just go from here." Shehnaz sternly said.
Sidharth felt hurt when he heard this. He is not doing any kind of pity. He is doing everything because of his friendship , for his bestfriend.
" No shehnaz I'm not doing any pity here . I just want your happiness. " Sidharth replied.
" I am happy sidharth on my own so please go from here. I don't want anything from you . I don't want any kind of attention from you so please go from here. I don't want to get attention seeker title from you. our friendship is broken then let it remain broken. I don't want you to put any kind of bandage on it by saying sorry. I don't want you anymore so please go , go from here" shehnaz uttered with broken voice. She finally Spit out everything which she was holding in her heart and finally tears rolled down from her eye which she was controlling for long. She turned back to hide her crying face from sidharth. She doesn't want to see her weak side.
" Please go" shehnaz stopped in middle when she felt big hands hugging her tightly. Shehnaz wanted to rest her head on his shoulder wanted to embrace him wanted to rest herself in his warmth but no this warmth is not for her , this hug is not meant for her. She tried to jerk his hand away and tried to broke the hug but sidharth hugged her more tightly.
" Shehnaz I know i hurted you alot which I'm regretting alot now but I doesn't meant anything. Shehnaz I don't know how to make you believe on my words but I'm saying truth shehnaz I'm really sorry I doesn't meant anything which I said to you. You are my bestfriend , you are really important for me . I can't imagine my life without you . I know you don't need me but I need you , I need you in my life shehnaz. Please don't push me away shehnaz please. I'm really sorry " sidharth brokenly mumbled. He was kept repeating same thing again and again. He felt hurted when he heard shehnaz words. He felt immense pain when he heard these things and he doesn't know when will a tear fell down from his eyes while hugging her bestfriend.
Shehnaz felt her shoulder wet and she realised that sidharth was crying. It's first time for her to see him crying . Her bestfriend is crying for her. She felt his pain in those tears and his pain is showing his sincerity in his apology. Shehnaz turned her face towards him and hugged him tightly while crying.
Both bestfriend were crying in each other embrace and giving solace to eachother.
One is crying for his bestfriend and other is for love of her Life.
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To be continued
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