"I'm indeed honoured to know that, Duta, and I would like to take some time to draft my response to the King of Pandya," Yudhishthira uttered in his characteristic regal tone and continued, "Meanwhile, I request you to enjoy the hospitality of Indraprastha for a few days. We would also like to read what our brother has written to us, and after that, we'll entrust you with our messages back to Manalura."
"Yes, Maharaja, it will be as you say!" The messenger stood up and took out the scrolls from the sack he was carrying and walked towards the couch where the four Pandavas were sitting. "These are the six letters sent by Rajakumara Arjuna, Maharaja!"
Yudhishthira stood up on his feet and secured the scrolls in his hands as the messenger bowed down respectfully. Then the latter was led out of the chamber by the royal attendants.
The eldest Pandava checked the names on the backside of the scrolls, as for whom they were addressed to, and distributed them among his three brothers, mother and wife, keeping the one addressed to him with himself. All except Yudhishthira and Krishnaa opened their scrolls in the meeting chamber itself and began reading through them with smiles.
The king and the queen were too emotional to be able to open their scrolls without privacy. Yudhishthira was still haunted by the memory of that fateful night that caused the exile of his brother. It was a different emotion that only he and Krishnaa felt, to be at the epicentre of this disaster that changed their lives forever. Though they knew it wasn't their fault, that fact did not help them feel any lighter.
Yudhishthira walked towards Krishnaa and she looked up at him, coming out from her chain of thoughts regarding the message sent by the Pandya King. She was not at all expecting a marriage alliance to be the reason behind the arrival of the messenger from the Pandyas' capital city. But she was true to her composure and didn't let her shock show up on her face.
Moreover, though she was shaken by the suddenness of the news, her belief and her trust in her husband was unshakeable. He wouldn't take a wrong decision, she knew, and he wouldn't do something without considering her, ever. She knew her Arjuna, he wouldn't do something in which her honor or her happiness would be affected.
"Read the letter, Maharani, it might clear your mind," Yudhishthira advised, noticing her disturbance. That's when she noted that all except him were busy with reading their own letters.
"It's been five years since you heard from him, Svami," Krishnaa said softly. "You too read the letter and lift the burden off your heart. We will talk about the reply to PandyaRaja later."
They looked into each other's eyes with understanding, fully knowing what was going on in each other's minds, then left the chamber in the directions of their respective chambers.
_____
She had mixed feelings swirling within as she stared at the red-colored scroll that lay on her lap. She had been so joyous when she got to know that he had sent a letter for her, finally. But the news of his another marriage that followed was perplexing. She did not yet know the details of his marriage with Ulupi, so the news of his marriage with Princess Chitrangada was making her feel more left out from his life than before. She didn't have any control on the nervousness that she was feeling.
Leave alone being his life-partner, she did not seem to be a part of his life anymore. He was so suffocatingly distant from her and she couldn't blame him for that either. From where she was situated, she could clearly view how empty his life had become. She could feel the void, almost tangibly in her own heart. She could not be envious if he sought some solace, that's the least he could do for himself.
This time, she didn't resist the feeling of hurt either. Like Vrikodara had told her the last time, she let her hurt co-exist with her acceptance of the alliance. Of course she would accept the marriage, not only because it's Arjuna's decision to make, but also because she could sense that it was for his good that this is happening. He wouldn't have to be lonely, he would have the Pandya royal family with him to be his moral and emotional support. And if he is going to give a heir to Chitrangada, that means a child will be born to him. She, being his Ardhangi, wanted each of that joy for him, even if she wasn't the medium.
But she couldn't put a finger on what could probably be the content of his letter. Previously she thought it would be about his relationship with Ulupi, and she wanted to know about it. But now, she wasn't sure what she wanted to know. She was quite distressed with the fact that distance somehow made its place between them. She feared that the letter may reiterate her assumption.
She remained hesitant and still for a long time, but at the end she decided not to torment herself more, and untied the thread that bound the scroll.
My beloved Krishnaa,
The blue ink on the top shone in the sunlight as she was sitting right beside the window and she instantly teared up at the loving address, her heart fluttering. She could hear his deep, thunder-like voice pronounce her name, his tone full of love and ardour. Though she hadn't heard his voice for the past five years, it was so deeply etched in her memory.
She gulped the lump forming in her throat and continued to read the letter, gathering all the courage she could.
I wish that I were with you at this moment, as your counterpart, to be a part of not just the fame that you have earned among the royalty of Aryavarta as a queen, but also of the efforts that you put into each and every duty of yours. I wish that I were sitting beside you, sharing all of your feelings and emotions, instead of conversing through this letter from another corner of the Bharatavarsha.
I know that I do not stand a chance of your togetherness for another seven years. I would never have preferred this separation if there was a single chance otherwise, but there wasn't. My values said that this exile was inevitable. You too know that our decision was valid. You chose to respect my will and for that I'm indebted to you.
She was surprised beyond her wits as she was not expecting him to express his wish to be with her after five years of painstaking exile where she could be of no help to him. Instead of writing about Chitrangada who is his present, he wrote about their separation and their past when he made that decision to go. It did not look like she was only his past, but she was very much present in his present as well. But did that mean he was regretting the exile?
My resolution to complete this exile has not wavered, Your Highness, and it never will. There's no meaning in concealing my true feelings from you, and that's the reason I'm writing about those to you. I had also told you the night before I left home, how dejected I was, and you had asked me to take care of myself for you. And that was the hardest part. It was very hard to be myself without you, Krishnaa.
It was never easy for me to accept that we have been separated for twelve long years. I took a lot of time to adjust myself mentally and make myself stable in my penance. I was successful only when I accepted that we are inseparable. Without you and your love, nothing in my life will ever be complete, not even renunciation. And my life can never be complete until I meet you again.
She closed her eyes momentarily as she could feel all his grief raging in her soul. For her the grief was different, she never had to actually feel separated from him as Indraprastha housed too many of their memories, and the family members too never forgot to keep him in their remembrances. But he was separated not just from her, but everything associated with her and himself, including his own family. His grief would always be above hers.
You are my everything, Priyae, and I can feel you in my loneliness too. I can never forget you just the way I cannot forget to breathe. You are deep-seated in my heart of hearts and you will be within me until my death, or even after that.
As Yamuna must have told you, what ensures my well-being is your well-being. After these five years, I'm assured beyond doubt that you are happy and prosperous in Indraprastha, not only as the queen, but as a daughter-in-law, a wife and a mother as well.
Yes, I got to know about the three children you birthed, and I can imagine how beautiful they might be, just like you are! One day, I'll witness your motherhood directly and that day will be the day I'll be truly blessed and satisfied.
Krishnaa let her lips curve into a light, melancholic smile. He did not allow himself to be separated, despite the physical distance and the emotional pain. Even through his detachment, his love for his wife did not lessen a bit. It would be much easier to embrace detachment, with some difficulty of course, but to be able to be detached and attached at the time, was so challenging. But Arjuna has the habit of making the impossible possible.
I wonder how do I call myself a saint when I have such supreme desires! But then, our love has never obstructed my tapasya. In fact, our love has become tapasya on its own when I started to own it without any inhibition.
There's nothing, Priyathamae, nothing can ever cut this thread of eternity that binds us. We know it as love and destiny calls it as oneness, but we're always, always together. We're always meant to be, no matter how difficult it is and how long it takes.
Distance between us is not simple to deal with, I know that, but we're also no less complicated. We can challenge any other complication with our spirits. Know that you are not alone and you never will be, as long as I'm breathing.
'That is why you are a saint, Arjuna, you do not let your desires take control over you. No human can be devoid of desire, but when there is discipline with it, and the strength to endure setbacks, that is when one becomes a Yogi,' she mused as a lone tear slipped past her eye. His devotion for her was overwhelming. His ability to deal with such a complex challenge of exile with determination had her heart swell with immense pride and love.
We have to stay persistent, we have to win over all our inner conflicts, for each other. For another two-thousand five hundred days, we have to bear this separation. After that, we'll be together, again and forever. You do not know how much I'm yearning for that day, to be with you once more.
I have told you many times before but I will repeat it for both of us. I love you, Krishnaa, for you are the one who taught me what love is! You are my life-force and this is the perpetual truth that has no nature of change!
With all my love, all my hopes and all my trust in the queen of my heart,
Your beloved Arjuna
She caressed the lines etched on the letter with her slender fingers, her heart free of every burden. The connection that she experienced through the message was beyond the physical plane. Before reading the letter, she had all sorts of wordly, questions roaming in her brain, but his words burned all of them into ashes.
This one heartfelt assurance from him was enough for her to lead another seven years in patience, knowing that their love would rise like the morning sun when they reunite, and any small disturbance wouldn't be able to stop something that is natural.