As Arjuna put on the clothes of bark, and ornaments of rudraksha beads on his body, it seemed to him that his life was a never-ending cycle. He had not worn the uttariya which symbolized Indraprastha's royalty after the battle with the robbers as he had decided to leave on exile that very instant and could not retain the royal symbols of Indraprastha. He did not regret his decision but neither could not avert his heart from the sorrow he felt. He would be more than happy to embrace the forest life if it was with his family, but the fact that he was being banished from the family, though it was his own choice against the wishes of his family members, it still hurt him the same.
As he walked out of his bath chamber and went into his bedchamber, his sight fell on his beloved wife who was sleeping peacefully. She had been awake the whole night, giving him the comfort and strength that he sought from her, understanding all his unspoken and unresolved emotions. They had conversed with each other about all that they could, and shared companionable silence too, something that they could treasure in their hearts. Sleep took over her resolve to stay awake just some moments before Brahma Muhurta, and he tucked her into bed before going out to meet his mother and his brothers.
He tried to pacify their concerns though he himself was not sure how he was going to push through the upcoming twelve years. His eldest brother asked him to stay back multiple times, but he did not relent as he knew he couldn't do that. He had told his brother that it was from him that he learnt that fulfilling our duties towards Dharma has to be kept above everything. The King of Indraprastha could not counter that argument of his, and had to cease attempts to stop his younger brother. After spending the whole of the first prahara of the day with his mother and brothers, he returned to his chambers and prepared himself for the journey.
He took slow steps towards the bed and kneeled down on the floor beside Krishnaa, his palm touching her baby bump gently. He remembered the conversation they had about the child, when he had confessed to her that he would always love the child as his own even if it is his nephew by relation. But with the unprecedented turn of events, he would miss the childhood of the baby and wouldn't be able to meet the child until he or she is twelve years old.
He would not get the opportunity to glimpse the child as a toddler and watch him grow up. He didn't know if the child would bond with him at least as his uncle when he returns, and the dream of bonding with him as a father seems to be a far-fetched dream. Within his heart, he developed seamless affection for the baby in these six months of Krishnaa's pregnancy. Wherever he is, he was sure that his affection would not change and he would always pray for the child's welfare. It was also one of the reasons he dared to break the vow, to safeguard the baby from the curses and pains associated with them, it was not just his duty for the kingdom and his family, but it was his parental responsibility.
Feeling the caress of Arjuna's hand, Krishnaa woke up from her slumber. Her eyes took in his changed attire and the sleep in her eyes was replaced with streams of anguish instantaneously. She had known it all along and she was filling him with confidence about it, but when the moment of his leave arrived, she was not able to find it in her to allow him to go away. She watched him wipe his tears away before they could cross the boundary of his eyes.
"Arjuna..." She whispered, taking his full attention as he looked up and found her sitting up on the bed. They gazed into each other's eyes, knowing that it was the last interaction that they would have before he left on the long exile and they couldn't form a single word on their tongue to bid farewell. Krishnaa clasped his palm in hers instinctively, though her mind was advising her to let him go, her heart refused to pay heed to sense and logic. She knew that if she appeared weak, he would turn weak too. Closing her eyes, she gathered all the strength that she had, and detached her hand from his.
Arjuna observed all the minute expressions and actions of hers, and immediately knew what she was going through. The longer he stayed, the longer they would have to survive just in the fear of separation. It was better to live in separation than fearing to live in separation. As soon as she left his hand, he stood up on his feet, his posture turning stiff and face holding an emptiness that his beloved had never witnessed on him before.
Krishnaa gulped nervously and rose from the bed, wondering if it was her Arjuna who was standing before her eyes. He had such a swift and sudden transformation in his demeanour that it scared her to a fault. The shade of renunciation on his features thickened, and he looked unapproachable. She knew that it was not genuine, he was probably striving hard to maintain that facade so that she didn't feel shaken. Masking her own trepidation, she nodded at him to indicate her support, and she doubted if she saw a flicker of smile on his unsmiling countenance.
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The flames of the aarati danced in the wind that was flowing furiously that noon as Krishnaa swirled the plate before Arjuna and applied a Tilaka of Kumkuma on his forehead, which was deprived of the moon-shaped Tilaka that he usually drew there. Both of their faces lacked emotion which would have consumed them otherwise. She handed the plate to the handmaiden standing beside her and joined her palms as she looked up at him. He acknowledged with an imperceptible smile once again, and glanced at his mother and brothers for one last time. Joining his hands before the elders once more, he turned around and started walking out of the palace gates.
Krishnaa tried to step ahead and call him out in a futile attempt to stop him as his figure would vanish out of her sight in no time. But she had remembered the statement that he had made about her bond with him, that the bond can never be a barrier in his path of penance. The poignant words that he had spoken and her own wish that he stayed focused on his path, chained her from taking any further action. She knew how important this exile was for him, and she had to respect his truth.
Taking deep breaths to calm herself down, she spun on her heels and without looking back, she walked quickly towards her chambers and locked herself inside, deciding to let her grief flow out of her heart. Pritha and the four Pandavas recognized the significance of letting her stay alone for the time being and went about with their own routines and duties.
Arjuna had reached the threshold of Indraprastha when the loud shout of a known voice rang in his ears. He looked in that direction and was astonished to find the Brahmana whose cattle he had restored, along with a large group of people, the subjects of Indraprastha.
"PrithaNandana," the Brahmana walked towards him and bowed down sorrowfully. "I didn't know that you had to make such a big sacrifice to ensure that our welfare. I had injured you with my language yet you had shown compassion and empathy towards me. We are remorseful and saddened for having to see our protector leave us!"
"You were innocent and ignorant of the intricacies of the royalty. I had told you already that I have never thought that you are blameworthy for anything. If anyone is responsible for my fate, it was my hurry and my mental state back then. Please stay free from guilt and remorse. My family will protect you all, and in turn, I want you all to protect them in every way you can."
Leaving the subjects with lowered heads, the Commander-in-chief of Indraprastha vanished into the distance, leaving his home and his family behind. Back at the palace, Krishnaa sunk her head into the pillow which was dampened with the flow of her tears. Her dreams and hopes, expectations and wishes, all of them which were associated with Arjuna, shattered mercilessly and scattered carelessly in the darkness of her vision. Placing a protective hand on her womb to prevent any force, she clutched the pillow tighter with another hand and cried her heart out till she felt that no more tears would come out.
Hopes and dreams did more harm than good, but would there be life if there is no hope or dream?
She knew that it was Iccha Shakti that drives Karma, and the pain of shattered dreams is but another layer of life that one needs to accept and move on. She would need time to recover from the blow but she would definitely rise again, and rebuild the dreams for the future when her beloved would return to her after twelve years.
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Hello! Thank you for choosing to read this book, and for your votes and comments. With this chapter, we've completed the first part of the first section (Viraha) and we'll be entering into the second part of Viraha from the next chapter. I'd like to have your feedback on the eight chapters of this story (an overall opinion) even if it is a couple of words, I'd appreciate it as it will help me to write the further chapters. Consider leaving your thoughts if you can! :)