Chapter 46
The forest was dark and seemed to be getting darker as she and Sheena, closing in upon them both as she traversed the path which had appeared before them after Senga had disappeared within the trees. An atmosphere began to cling to the air, it was uncomfortable and created a sense of foreboding on what was to come.
Time also had no meaning hear. While voices in the forest around them grew fainter and louder with each step, both disorientating and peculiar as they never came across a single person upon their path. The path both she and Sheena traversed in tense silence, vigilant upon all sides, was slowly winding deeper and deeper within this forest of dense ancient trees. The air was thicker, making it a little more difficult to breath, as her steps became a little more difficult to take. One foot in front of the other soon became the only way she could keep moving. Each step coming with a thought in mind that she could do just one more, there had to be an end in sight. Surely they could not spend the rest of eternity walking through this place? That would surely be hell itself, and while she knew she was not perfect, she had hoped she had done everything she could in order to gain entry through the pearly gates.
Jumping slightly, she turned at Sheena's voice. It was the first recognisable sound either had made to each other in an age. "With the way Senga was talking it was as if you had been here before, do you recognise anything?" She remained silent as she looked Sheena over before letting the words sink in and taking a slow, meandering look around, though she was thinking seriously behind the lacks daisy attitude she was showing. She had no idea why she was reacting this way, but it was as if she had too. There was no other way she could do it, she could not force herself to change at this point.
"Yes...and also nay. It is as if I have seen this place in a dream, or even a dream with a dream. However, I cannot say that I have seen this particular place before. If I have been here, wherever this place is, before, then it was not this specific place that I have been to." A twig snapped underfoot. It was as if that snap was enough to make a snap within her own mind and she was transported back, for just a moment. A mere glimpse in time that had unlocked a memory hidden within her memories. Jerking to a stop, she could not see what was before her, instead what she saw was darkness. Her mouth moving in a way that she knew meant words were leaving her, though what she was saying was an utter mystery to her.
Sheena listened intently as the tale seemed to stumble its way out of Rohesia without her knowledge of it. A glazed look upon her face that told Sheena she was not with her in that very moment. She was elsewhere, somewhere that was not entirely pleasant, yet at the same time a place that had a hold over her that could not be denied. "It was dark, so dark. I was so scared. I had been so ill and felt so hot. My father's voice was there constantly, I do not think he left my side through it all. My mother's voice had cut through the vague fogginess that had built up over the days. Sharp in my ears, in fact, I am sure they were the last words I heard coherently."
She paused, Sheena could only watch seeing the pain etched deep upon her face, the agony radiating from her. Not touching, in case she brought more pain to the surface, instead she stepped a little closer, and spoke in a low soothing tone. It was obvious this was the first time Rohesia had remembered these memories. That she had been taken back to this time whilst in the one place Sheena had remembered things long forgotten was not a surprise. "What did she say?"
It took a moment, then Rohesia was in flow once more. "She had been flitting in and out of the room, never to voice encouragement, or administer a cool cloth to my brow as my father did. Nay, instead the last words that I remember hearing were hers, in a voice devoid of all emotion. "Can she not hurry up and die, at least then we can move on." My father was furious though his words faded as the blackness here swallowed me whole. I woke in the heart of a forest, alone, afraid and cold. I think it was the cold that really struck me, after so long feeling as if I had been burnt alive from the inside out."
Sheena's heart clenched painfully at the words she heard, at the almost lack of emotion within them that spoke of a feeling so deep that it hurt to even be in is presence. Biting her lower lip to keep silent, Sheena knew this was what Rohesia had to figure out in order to find herself once more. A healing that needed to take place before anything else could move forward once more. The last time, Sheena herself, had been here it was a light and playful place, yet, she wondered if it was different depending on the experiences of those who entered. The memories and other hurts that they needed to heal. Rohesia's only experience of this place before was of pain, anguish and loneliness. She had had no one, so at least Sheena could comfort herself somewhat by allowing herself to remember that she was here for the girl this time, and she was family, she would let nothing happen to her sister's granddaughter...as strange as it was to think of this girl that way.
"There was a mist approaching, the same mist that we were surrounded by when we first arrived. It seemed to swallow me whole, leaving me in a dark and silent world where I was alone and could not fully be involved in the world anymore. I stood and ran, in any direction I could, but the entire area seemed to close in upon me. The tree coming closer and closer together. I could not draw in a full breath, my vision misted so as to create dancing spots of light in the darkness. I fell, I cannot say if it was for a long time or short, but when I finally landed I awoke into a silent world that no longer wished me to be a part of it. A chill in my bones that has never truly left. A loneliness that nobody has ever breached, for they could not. I can be included by all and yet never be included as I cannot hear what it is to be so." Tears streamed down the crumpled face before her, and Sheena could stand the pain no longer, feeling a pulling within her own heart, she reached forward and pulled the girl into a hard embrace. Harder than was probably necessary but was needed in the circumstances.
Rohesia clung to the woman who held her so tightly. She was in fact the first female to ever hold her so since her mother had found a maid trying to comfort her after she had twisted her ankle when she was around eight. She could not remember her mother giving her such comfort at any point in her life. The sobs forced their way out of her chest with such force, pain wracked her frame, her tear flooding her cheeks and landing upon Sheena's shoulder as the woman stroked her hair in a comforting way, the way she imagined a mother should do for her child. A warmth filled her, the chill she had never realised was ingrained within her was being melted away, very slowly, but most assuredly.
It was not a burning warmth. But a healing warmth, like a steaming hot drink on a cold and snowy night. The sobs came harder, and the tears streamed faster. Though she knew she did not present a pretty sight, she also knew that she had needed this. She had never truly accepted her fate, she realised now. She had gone with it, acted like she was fine. Acted so well she had even fooled herself, but when you lose a part of yourself can you ever truly get over it? She was realising now, that yes she could, but first you have to grieve for the fact you are missing something. No matter how small, how could you begin to move on without fully allowing yourself to look back and admit what you have lost?
She was brought slowly back to the present by the gentle sounds that Sheena made in her ear. A tiny giggle erupted from her throat without her permission, where Sheena made a questioning sound, breaking the intimacy of the moment, and she felt a little embarrassed as she pushed back, wiping at her cheeks with the backs of her hands and fingertips as she tried to keep up with the tears still flowing silently. She had found family who cared, it was possible that if she managed to get through this ordeal that she could finally find a home that she belonged to in a way that she had never been accepted before.
Sheena smiled at the girl before her, she was broken deeply, but she could almost feel in an aura around them that Rohesia had begun the unhurried process that it took to heal. It may take a long while, but she would be alright. Sheena could bet on that. Artair would make sure of it as well. For if he did not, she would make sure that a long and lingering death was his to suffer. "What do you find so amusing?"
Rohesia shook her head and Sheena wondered if she would not answer her. But the brightness of the girl's eyes showed she just could not put her emotions into words just yet. Another giggle burst from her, as she wiped the flowing tears away from her cheeks. "I truly, do not know why I laugh." A small hiccup overtook her in that moment. At which they both shared a conspiratorial smile. "Only I was thinking that my mother never held me in such a way in comfort, so any child of yours is truly lucky to have you as a mother." Rohesia gave Sheena a lopsided smile as she finally managed to stem the flow of tears.
It was lighter, she realised. Looking around them, the darkness and the cloying nature of the area before she had begun to speak was now transformed. Light pierced the shadows, the trees themselves seemed further apart, the strange hushed voices were now lighter, as fi children played and laughed within the trees now. The path they travelled was clear, no roots or branches littered their way as they had done only moments before. Her eyes widened at the transformation. "Sheena, do you see this?" Turning to the other woman, she was almost brought to her knees at the overwhelming anguish being thrown from her. Grasping her by the shoulders Rohesia could feel herself tremble. "Sheena? What is it? What can I do?"
Her eyes were dark pools of a hidden agony when Sheena finally managed to lift her lids and look at her. "Did I say something wrong? I apologise, I did not know." She had no idea of what it was she needed to do in that moment, only that she was somehow the cause of it....whatever this was. Sheena shook herself within her grip. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before she composed herself enough to speak.
Sheena reached up and took Rohesia's hands from her shoulders, squeezing them gently in her own fingers. Holding on to her as a tightly as a life rope, the tether keeping her centred. Deep breaths helped her clear her mind, the spinning slowed a little as she looked Rohesia squarely in the face. It was so obvious now. So very obvious. "I thought, with what both you and Senga have spoken of, that I was here to show you the way through, to be the partner you needed in order to show you the way back to Artair. But this journey is about healing something inside. The first time I was here to help Senga fight through her injury, but in the process I accepted the fact that I am different to most other girls. It is not that I am physically different, but my interests lay more in the blades and arrows that boys were trained in. Rather than in tending house as my mother always tried to teach me too. Not that I was much interested in it at the time. Though I wish I knew some of her tricks now, especially with a bairn running around the place. Even if he is neater than me sometimes." Her smile was heartbreakingly sad, causing Rohesia to tighten her grip upon Sheena.
"What about now?"
"That is just it, I never expected myself to have anything now that I needed to deal with, and not when I had so accepted who I was the last time." Another deep breath, "It was what you said about any bairn I had would be lucky to have me as a mother." Sheena ripped her hands from Rohesia's grip, frantically swiping at the tears which surprised her when they sprang forth. "Sorry, I had thought I had dealt with this."
"Dealt with what? What can I do? Please how can I help Sheena?"
Sheena gave a watery smile, "that is just it, I think you have helped, without even knowing it. This is a place of healing, and knowing what the problem is can start the process at least. Even if the time here does not heal completely, then it starts an unstoppable course towards a whole self." Turning in a full circle, Sheena was trying to calm herself, or maybe just get rid of the energy which was building up inside her. "Sheena? Can I ask what..." she stopped herself, not wishing to make any wound harder to deal with. She was obviously in a state of shock at having this creep up upon her so suddenly.
"Aye." Sheena responded. Rohesia looked quizzical for a moment before Sheena elaborated. "Aye, you can ask. Scottie is mine and Aonghus' son, but we only found him when he was around five. We are not fully able to tell how old he is, but that is how old we think he was at the time we found him. But shortly after finding him, I was..." Sheena looked around trying to find the right word. "Attacked, I supposed could be the way that it would be described. I was stabbed. From what anyone can tell I will never be able to bear a child of my own. I will never be able to look at my husband as I hand him the bairn we have created together from the love we have for each other." The tears were cathartic, while she had cried for this loss before, she had never accepted it truly. Aonghus had said she was enough, Scottie was his everything, but she had still held a hope in her heart that one day she would not be disappointed when her monthly curse hit.
Could it be even possible that when she managed to accept this, it could cause her to accept the pleasure she found elsewhere in life rather than looking through a ripple of water, as if she acted and saw everything through a screen of mist. Just like she had when they first arrived in this place. Was it that simple? A small laugh escaped her, something begin set free, a lightness about her chest. It was too simple to be over so quickly. She would have to continue dealing with this when she awoke, possibly talk to Aonghus once more about this, and let him know how she truly felt about this. How could she let go if she could not even talk of it with the one person who she knew would have her back at any time, no matter the reason.
Rohesia stared at Sheena a moment, the light from above causing a halo to shine around her. The entire space around them had cleared, small, colourful, cheerful flowers in full bloom at their feet. Gasping aloud, she realised what else was different. "Sheena, you're fading..."
Sheena looked shocked, "So are you...and I can hear Aonghus." She looked about her as if he was standing right there. Rohesia on the other hand felt a sting of disappointment. "Your voice is fading..." the silence was pressing back in once more. Sheena smiled before her, reaching for her one last time. "Then while you still can hear, I will tell you this...I cannot wait for you to come home. Make sure you bring Artair with you, we miss him." With that she was gone, and the world turned black around her.
Sheena woke with a start. Aonghus wrapped around her like the warmest and homeliest of blankets. Stroking his face as it was relaxed in sleep, he looked so young. She needed to speak with him at some point, but first she needed to let him know just how much he meant to her. Leaning closer to his face, even as he pinned her down within the soft bedding. Brushing her lips softly against his. Waiting as he moaned a little in his slumber. She smiled, kissing him once more. This time he moved to roll on top of her, pinning her more securely, knowing that it would not be long before he woke. Feeling one part of him coming to life even as the rest of him still fought against waking. "Aonghus." The whisper combined with the next touch of her lips against his had him waking with a moan.
It was seconds later that the shock finally set in for him. "Sheena?" Tears seemed to be something everyone was doing lately, but they shone in her husband's eyes as clear as day. "Sheena, are you truly here?" Gentle kisses turned to those of more fervour, before Sheena could finally break free for a breath. "Aye, I am." Another kiss, this one more a clash of teeth, which caused them both to pull away with an embarrassed smile. "You, my loving husband, are certainly rising to the occasion." Aonghus smiled through his tears. "I thought you dead, now I want to prove you are alive. There is only one way that I can think of in this moment." As they went to brush their lips once more in the gentlest of caresses, the door creaked open and Scotties voice could be heard screaming out. "Mother? You're awake." Before he bounded into the room and was practically pushing Aonghus aside before flinging his arms solidly around her neck. "I am glad you're awake." Before he snuggled into her and was very much showing he would refuse to let go.
Laughing a little at the huge sigh which exploded from Aonghus at this interruption, she looked over at the male who loved her with everything in him. Rubbing her hand over Scotties back, she smiled over at Aonghus. "I'm glad I'm awake too." Closing her eyes and inhaling the familiar scent of her family she could only hope that Rohesia awoke to similar circumstances, wherever she maybe.