"She's always working on this stupid campus paper and it just... drives me insane you know? Like... she just rarely tells me anything anymore." Robin sighed heavily against the bar and I shrugged in the kitchen.
"I know." I mumbled as I opened up the container Y/N had already prepped for me this morning.
"Whatcha got?" Robin perked up at the little lunch my absent girlfriend made me and I shook my head at her.
"Nu uh, you tell Nancy to make you something." I took my special little lunch to heart and Robin just groaned.
"Yeah... right."
I watched her lean back and I tried to keep my thoughts to myself as I thought back onto our newfound friendship. It had been a few weeks since our first neighborly conversation and honestly without Robin I'd probably be going insane by now. Y/N had been consistently busy with her project to finish it early as possible and working late nights to get some extra cash for us. I understood to a point but she ended up deciding to get back into running again and was really never home. From class to work to homework to exercising we barely spent a full hour with each other awake and quite frankly my needs were no longer being met.
I was just as busy but whenever I had just a moment of free time all I wanted to was to crawl into Y/N's arms and have her love me. In more ways than one. Especially when we hadn't normally went more than a week and a half without sexual activities. I didn't think she was doing it intentionally but I just couldn't ignore the space between us now. Then once Robin started to come over more often wether that be for small talk or to share food with one another we ended up growing a lot closer than I expected.
Turns out she was really having connection issues with Nancy and she didn't know what to do. Refraining from telling on myself that I overheard their bickering through the wall I ended up casually suggesting something. Maybe Nancy wanted more action and more attention to certain areas just like I wanted certain attention from Y/N. Immediately shying away from the topic I knew Robin was the iffy one when it came to sexual acts. It was now days of us just venting to one another and simply hanging out since our partners were too busy for us when we did have the day off.
"Okay... have you tried to do anything with her?" I questioned Robin and she animatedly ran her fingers through her hair in distress.
"I asked her if she wanted to go out to a movie but she said she needed to edit a certain segment tonight." She blew out a huff and I watched a strand of hair go up then rest back on her forehead.
"No, dummy." I rolled my eyes, "I'm talking about like... you know." I motioned my fingers to intersect to help her out.
"Oh- stop doing that, no." Robin blushed and I popped a cherry tomato into my mouth with a shake of my head.
"Why not? That's what she wants." I admitted and she just continued to shake her head not believing a word I said.
"What if that's not what she wants-"
"Robin." I deadpanned and laughed to myself while leaning against the counter, "I'm telling you the more you put this off the more you guys are gonna become distant." I subconsciously projected and she just nervously looked down at the counter.
"I just get really nervous." She admitted and awkwardly looked up my way, "We've been together for awhile but like it just feels like I'm not doing something right and it's nerve wracking."
She fiddled with her rings on her fingers and I dusted off my hands before chewing on another cherry tomato. I leaned against the counter to look her in the eyes and cleared my throat.
"You make her cum?" I questioned bluntly and she quickly started blubber.
"Woah, woah- I- talk about straightforward-"
"What?" I exclaimed with a laugh, "See? You're way too shy about it- like, I get that way too sometimes but you gotta have some pride, man."
"My girlfriend is so hot and sexy and so amazing." I gushed and she just raised her eyebrows at me, "So is Nancy- so all I'm saying is..."
"Don't."
"All I'm saying is that if you make her cum in the end then you're not necessarily doing it wrong." I shrugged and she just covered her face with a groan, "Just talk to her more- that's all."
"Easy for you to say." She snorted and dropped her arms to look at me with a pointed look.
"Hey now, the difference between you and I is that I'll gladly tell Y/N I wanna have sex. You won't and that's tarnishing your own relationship... we're just... busy."
"Busy, huh?" Robin then started to laugh and I felt a bit anxious that she might've saw something I didn't with my own relationship.
"When was the last time?" She dipped her toes in the water to ask and I thought back to three weeks ago to my birthday.
Waking me up with some mouth lovin' before making me breakfast and taking me out on a daylong date when she requested the day off. Thinking we'd end up going back to our daily stress relief routine she ended up working even harder. She was rarely home now but it honestly wasn't either of our fault... not that I knew of anyway.
"My birthday." I mumbled and Robin hummed before keeping her slick comment to herself.
"What?"
"Nothin'."
"I will stab you."
"Maybe you're boring in bed?" She hit me and I quickly frowned not even thinking that could be a possibility.
"Please don't put your problems onto me, what I do is incomparable to you." I then laughed through my confidence while Robin couldn't help but laugh with me.
That was until the door opened swiftly and in came Y/N in her school clothes as she hung up her book bag. I looked over at the clock and sucked the ranch off of the side of my thumb.
"Oh hey baby, thought class didn't get out until two?" I questioned when the clock read 1:15 pm and she looked over at me then at Robin.
"Yeah, the professor had an emergency so he let us go." She kicked off her shoes by the door and I watched her finally take a look around.
"Oh hey... Robin." She mumbled with a faltering smile and then looked away towards the tv.
"It's the... fifth day you've been here?" She walked to the living room with a mumble and sat down on the couch with a loud sigh.
"Seventh actually." Robin didn't take anything to heart as Y/N got comfortable in her spot.
I watched her turn on the tv and I bit my lip from saying anything... she deserved her own time too. She's been so busy.
"Sooo, what if she breaks up with me?" Robin then whispered and I quickly looked back at my friend with a frown.
"You two live together! Why would she break up with you?" I spoke up with a small chuckle and the blue eyed girl shrugged.
"Anything can happen, that's all I'm saying Mila." Her hands raised in defense while I looked over at the time again.
"Maybe you should go fuck her then." I spoke loud enough to have Y/N try and get an idea.
"She's at work." Her shoulders slumped and I heard Y/NN sigh again before checking her own watch.
"Sex in a library is always fun." I hinted again and at that I caught Y/N's brief gaze while Robin shied away once more.
"And get her fired? No way."
"You'll never know- it might be the best you've ever had... better yet, she's ever had." I tried to convince her but to no avail she shut me down.
"I don't think so."
"It's almost like you don't want to. What's up with that?" I gave her my attention and my friend ran her fingers through her hair again.
"I already said nerves." She murmured and Y/N then abruptly kicked her feet up on the coffee table with a thump.
"You're annoying, you know that?" I giggled before throwing a crouton at her which she goofily tried to catch.
We laughed softly together and then the tv was slowly being turned up which caused me to glance over at my girlfriend. Her eyes were bloodshot and I knew she was tired so I didn't understand why she didn't wanna take a nap.
"So, actually, I got that movie Passengers for rent, you wanna watch that tomorrow?" She asked me and I turned around to look at my schedule that was on the freezer with a magnet.
"Sure, I don't have work until three pm and our class starts at eight in the morning." I smiled at her liking the idea I had a friend who really liked spending time with me where we didn't have to drink or go out.
"My little hermit crab." I winked playfully at her which caused her to laugh and stretch out.
"Alright Mila, I'm gonna get some groceries before Nancy kicks me out for not getting any." She joked lightly and I watched her get up while I snorted into my water cup.
"More like she'll kick you out for not giving her any." I laughed when she flipped me off and she turned the corner.
"See yah." She gave me a quick hug and looked over to Y/N as she walked to the front door.
"Bye!" She chirped and Y/N didn't bother speaking but gave her a small wave as Robin closed the door.
My girlfriend then looked over at me and sighed, "How long has she been here?" She questioned as I finished up the salad Y/N made me this morning.
"Eh a few hours." I shrugged and rinsed out the container before walking over to her.
She gazed back at the tv that showed a Netflix tv show of a murder mystery of some sort. I finally got to crawl right next to her and snuggle into her side which caused her arm to firmly press against me.
"I missed you." I whispered as I kissed her neck gently and leaned back to study her face.
"You saw me this morning." She held back a smile and I felt my chest tighten a bit.
"Not today, yesterday I did though." I replied to her hoping she'd try and understand the magnitude of how much I missed her.
"Really? Huh." She wondered quietly and by the tone of her voice she was really tired and irked by something.
"You okay?" I questioned before leaning in to kiss her skin again.
"Yeah." She shortly replied and I trailed my hand down her side to play with her belt, "Just tired."
"You're that tired?" I questioned praying she'd catch on and she continued to watch the screen.
"I could fall asleep right now." Her eyes closed and I stopped my caressing as she let her head lay back comfortably.
Damn.
"Okay." I whispered ignoring the ache in my chest and kissed underneath her chin.
"I love you." She mentioned through her tiredness and I wet my lips, at least I had that.
"I love you too."
-
The following day Y/N hadn't gone out for her daily run and I happily woke up in her arms for the first time in almost a month. Her body resting from how much work she's been putting in and I wandered around the house. Starting up Y/N's laundry that was full of her work clothes before I had to get ready for class; I then left a little note on the fridge saying how much I loved her and how I'd see her tonight. Walking with Robin to class as she told me she kinda talked to Nancy about their issues. Apparently, I was absolutely correct about Nancy wanting Robin to be a little more involved with sexual acts but also the fact she really missed going on silly dates.
So instead of Robin coming over after class to watch a movie with me she was gonna save it and watch it with her girlfriend. Hoping she'd be a little more open I suggested it'd be the perfect time to let loose and show her what they've both been missing. With red cheeks we sat down in class while I tried to figure out how to really speak with Y/N. She needed a break from all the work she was doing to her body and I didn't wanna be the person to tell her to slow down but... there was no one else and I desperately needed her affection. When she was stressed I was the very first person to notice and I hated that her stress was on a whole other level now. It was reaching highs I'd never seen before... which only made me think that I should be doing more. I just didn't understand anymore.
Time passed and Robin hugged me goodbye before she went to walk to the library to pick up Nancy. Tired and still cold I walked back to my apartment where I was surprised to see Y/NN at our desk. Working away. As usual. But instead of being in her work clothes she was still clad in some pajama pants and a gray tee shirt. Hearing the door open and shut behind her she looked over at me with a small smile.
"There's a sandwich up there for you." She then turned back around to her laptop and I curiously looked over at the countertop.
A beautiful sandwich rested on a paper plate with some chips and I sighed in bliss before making my way over to her. I hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek repeatedly until she started to chuckle in her spot. I put the plate down on our shared desk and decided I'd start my assignment that I needed done by the next week. Her eyes then curiously gazed over to me which caused me to hum in response.
"Where's your friend?" She questioned and I nonchalantly shrugged while I slipped my notes out.
"Robin? She went out with Nancy." I truthfully told and she bit her cheek while looking back at the tv.
"That's good cause... I don't know what happened to the remote." She softly spoke and I knew I could worry about that later as I decided to dress into something more comfortable before I had to go to work in a few hours.
After settling back in I logged back into my laptop and opened up my emails to find a certain file my classmate sent back. I had finished recording my section of a song that I had to let another person produce on. I just didn't realize my headphones weren't connected to my laptop and in came that said song flooding out into the quiet apartment.
"The way you're biting on the corner of my mouth, you take the psycho out of my brain- Shit, sorry!" I gasped and Y/N looked over at me with curious eyes again.
Her head then turned back to her laptop with a small smile and my heart soared anytime she looked my way. She was so patient with me. Y/N was finishing up the first part of the project she had due in a couple of weeks and I loved how she didn't get set off so easily with me. But knowing she just heard a little bit of my voice made me wanna shrivel up and waver away as I knew who she was and what she'd do.
And just as I thought... she looked back at me.
"Wait... what did that song say?" She questioned with her hand cutely perched under her chin slightly covering her lips.
"Nothing." I blushed and she just squinted her eyes at me as she leaned into my personal space.
"You know what will really embarrass you? Forget about singing." She threatened and I just shook my head not even wanting to know what she would say.
"Let me hear." She tried to sway me into giving up one of the more sexual songs I had.
"No."
"I've literally seen your butth-"
"Y/N!" I exclaimed and she started to cackle in her chair while we enjoyed our presence with one another for the first time in a while.
"I'm just saying." She shrugged and leaned in with amusement in her eyes.
"Hm?" She wiggled her eyebrows and as much as I wanted to push her away I looked down at her lips.
"Ugh, you're annoying." I rolled my eyes and she smiled in victory before I kissed her lips softly.
"Come on." She urged me and I unplugged the laptop just to have that one part repeat.
"The way we're making love you leave me with no doubt, the way you're biting on the corner of my mouth, you take the psycho out of my brain, yeah and leave me with no doubt. And I can see it in your eyes when you slow down, you take the psycho out of my brain, leave me with no doubt." It then trailed off into just a blank audio with the exception of my classmate's produced track.
"Hm." She smirked and I started to laugh lightly.
"Trust me, it's not just about sex." I broke it to her and she visibly became curious again.
"What else?" She questioned and I really couldn't help it but she just looked so good to me right now.
"I like it when you're working." I trailed off the subject and she just smiled bashfully.
"Don't switch on me now- what is it about?" She asked me and her defined fingers came up to softly caress the back of my neck.
"Me being crazy." I simplified it and she kept her eyes on me and my body before making me continue with just a stare.
"Just my brain making stuff up to hurt me... to hurt us." I bit my lip and then glanced at the clock to quickly figure out how much time I'd have before three pm.
"How so?" Her fingers still dancing up my neck and I know it was bold to say but I wanted her hand around it instead.
"Could we talk later? Only if you have time." I quickly asked as my breathing began to become unsteady as she continued to look me up and down.
"I'm here all day today and tomorrow... no interruptions." She then answered me and it was as if she was reading my mind because the palm of her hand rested firmly on the back of my neck.
Oh god.
"How far until you're done?" I questioned when I glanced at her laptop as her chair started to slide away slowly.
"Only a couple more pages and calculations but that's easy." She waved me off before looking into my eyes as it felt like time stopped and our beats thumped together.
"How fast can you get it done?" I questioned not even thinking about what I said and her lips spread into a smirk.
There she is.
"Faster than you can finish." She confidently spoke and there was just something about her in this lighting.
Y/N and I in our own space, in our life, our own home- yeah, I was done before she could even touch me.
"Let's go." I challenged her and backed up from the desk which caused her to pop up on her feet just as fast.
She grabbed onto the sides of my shorts and pulled me close to her in such a desperate rush that I almost fell into her. Her lips met mine with a haste and I gladly wrapped my arms around her neck to let her take us away. Who was I to think she'd purposely push me away? I was the love of her life, of course she wanted me.
"Yeah, I can't wait." Y/N warned me and I nodded as she effortlessly picked me up to make my legs wrap around her waist.
Thinking she was going to take us to our bedroom I stood incorrectly as she pushed my book bag off the middle of our shared computer desk. Careful enough to not mess with the items further up the desk but sloppily enough to throw whatever papers that were there down onto the floor. Like a blanket they flew with the draft and I didn't care about a single thing except my girlfriend. Weeks, weeks I waited for this.
"Hurry." I begged against her lips as our breaths started to mix and she hurriedly pulled her pajamas down just to her mid thighs.
Unfortunately for me she wasn't hard, she was completely soft and I wondered what was up. She kept me on the edge of the desk as she slipped her hand into her briefs to try and simulate herself. I thought she'd be ready to go by the time we started like usual but she wasn't. I separated from her kiss to swipe my tongue across my palm and replace her hand with mine. I gently tugged on her shaft while she pushed her briefs down enough to let herself free. But it just hung there, not a single twitch- I looked up at her curiously but she didn't let me speak. She pressed her lips against mine and my heart started to race in fear that she wasn't turned on enough.
Oh my god- was I not good enough in bed? We were just fine.
She then groaned in annoyance as not even my hand would get her hard and I tried to think of what to do. I slightly pushed her off of me to finally give up a bit and my chest tightened once again. I looked up at her as she breathed heavily and I wiped my lips feeling insecure for the first time ever in front of her.
"Fuck. I'm sorry." She apologized and that's when I knew something was going on.
"I..." I couldn't wrap my mind around it all and watched her smoothly slip her briefs back up.
All the worries and thoughts came rushing through my head like a freight train and I looked up at her.
"Why don't you wanna have sex with me anymore?" I questioned with a fast beating heart and her eyes widened a bit.
"What?" She was surprised by that which only confused me even further.
"Like- I don't understand? Am I doing something wrong?" I asked wanting to know the truth because from the last few weeks I've realized she did in fact shrug me off a lot more.
Disguising it as tiredness and stress but what if I was actually the issue? Did I push her too far with the apartment and everything in it? Was Robin right? Was I no longer interesting?
"Am I not... pleasing you enough?" I asked again and Y/N finished slipping her pants back up and she ran her hands through her hair.
"No! God, no, you're not doing anything wrong, Bello. I promise it's not you." She quickly tried to reassure me but I wasn't even close to believing that.
"Fuck." She growled mostly to herself and turned around for a quick second before coming back.
"I- you have no idea how much I want to. I'm extremely turned on right now and nothing about you will never turn me off." She tried to carefully explain and then I frowned not knowing what to believe.
I didn't understand a thing.
"What's going on then? I know we work a lot and we don't get to spend time with each other but you don't touch me anymore. We don't even really talk anymore." I suddenly started to pour out and she sighed sadly while I tried to look at any indication that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.
"I know, I know.. I'm sorry." She apologized again and then bit her lip as she stopped talking all together.
"Y/N?" I desperately needed her to speak to me about what was happening and she groaned to the ceiling.
"I know it's gonna sound like a lie but... I've been so stressed these past couple of weeks and I've been trying to make sense of what's been happening." She beat around the bush and I continued to sit there and wait for her.
Then she shook her head and turned around to sit in the armchair before pressing her hands to her forehead.
"I can't get hard." She mumbled embarrassed of the sudden revelation and I held my breath.
"What?" I weakly spoke to make sure she didn't feel judged.
"Like I can't get a... boner." She mumbled and I frowned not knowing what exactly caused that.
"It's from extreme stress and that's why I started running again because it clears my head. But... it only did so much and I purposely try not to like... jerk off because I didn't wanna waste a boner?- oh god." She covered her face in embarrassment and I really wasn't expecting her to reveal to me that she was experiencing a form of temporary erectile dysfunction.
"It's not that I'm not attracted to you or I'm not into our sex life because honestly if it was up to me I'd fuck you everyday for the rest of my life." She finally looked up at me and I listened to her intently as she continued on.
"Your birthday was the only day I didn't really worry about anything and I do recognize it was the last time we had any sexual contact. So for that, I'm sorry and I'm sorry that I haven't been around so much- and I'm scared and embarrassed because I have no idea if it's actually stress because for all I know it could be apart of my condition and my late yet abrupt blooming." She started to rant and I slid off of the desk to slowly walk over to her.
"Relax." I stopped her and she looked up at me with worried eyes causing me to sympathize with her.
"I love you no matter what but just calm down for a second." I then comfortably climbed up to straddle her lap innocently.
"If it doesn't get better within these next three days then I'll go with you to the doctor. But let's really make sure it's just stress... I'm gonna start us a bath... and I'll give you a massage with your favorite music... then I'll make you some warm tea and we'll turn off our phones for the entire night. Thank you for talking to me." I trailed my hands up her arms and to the back of her neck before she wrapped her arms around me tightly.
"Please." She whispered and I kissed the side of her head before pecking down to her lips.
"Come on, you'll finish your assignment later." I ordered and she listened to me without hesitation.
I was foolish to assume so quickly and the fact she kept everything so bottled up made me realize I needed to push her emotions out more. Unlearning trauma and all of its effects were definitely going to be a bumpy road throughout our relationship but I knew we'd get through it. She was always so open with me and I needed to fully believe that. She had never once lied to me and I hurt myself by convincing myself anytime something off happened she'd end up losing some sort of interest. I loved her and she loved me.
She loved me more than anyone. More than anything.
_____________________
👩🦽👩🦽👩🦽 howdy
Hope y'all enjoyed and if you didn't 🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh boy do I have plans
Have a great day or night beautifuls x
- maddie