Q: Would you be interested in reading bonus chapters in Logan's POV when this book ends?
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Recap of chapter 53-
Sera is going through grief from Logan's supposed death. This chapter really portrays what the repercussions are of someone who was conditioned to be dependent on an abuser, as despite everything Logan has done, Sera still mourns his 'death' and cannot seem to overcome the pain. The chapter basically tells the story of how she is coping about a week after the events that took place in Logan's apartment, where Gabriel found out everything about their relationship. Sera is subsequently questioned by the police about her relationship with Logan, as they would wish to detemine whether Sera was sexually abused as well. Sera is questioning why her parents and brothers were keeping things from her, and why the police is pressing the matter even when Logan is 'gone'. She vows to find out what they are keeping from her.
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New character aesthetics below🌹
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~ Sera ~
"Dinner is ready."
I lifted my head from my lying position on my bed to find Bethany. She was standing at my opened bedroom door with her head peeping inside. I hadn't even heard her open the door, too consumed in my thoughts about what happened earlier today. About all the intruding questions that the detective woman had asked me. Why any of those questions mattered was beyond me, given there was no longer a perpetrator for them to lock away.
"I'm not hungry," I said immediately, turning my head away from her. She lured me out and into the open when I was feeling vulnerable and depressed, just so that the police could question me.
Silence followed my statement, and then I heard a small sigh. "Sera, dear, I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. Your parents wanted me to get you but I would not have listened to them if I didn't believe it was the right thing to do."
I shut my eyes and ignored her, placing my hands over my ears.
Moments passed before I felt the blanket being pulled away from my upper body. I sat up and tried to pull it back but was frozen when I saw Bethany's glistening eyes. She looked deeply saddened.
"Your family is not the only people saddened by what happened. I feel devastated that I allowed this to happen right under my nose. I let that boy come into the estate every single time. I let him go near you and he hurt you. I knew he was dangerous yet I allowed him to come in here anyway." Tears fell from her eyes and I frowned.
She did nothing wrong.
"You did nothing wrong." I voiced my thoughts, my voice monotone.
"In many ways I view you like a daughter. I saw you grow up right under my eyes. You were the sweetest and happiest little girl and you always made everyone's day better. Ben feels the same way. Now, look at what happened." Bethany said, trying her best to maintain her tears. Her bright green eyes didn't suit tears at all.
I said I wouldn't be crying again since I just had a crying session about an hour ago. However, I felt my eyes sting with tears.
"It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong." I said strongly, wiping my tears away almost angrily. I wanted to be angry because it took away some of the heartbreak, but there was not a single person I felt anger towards. That person was Logan before anyone else, but he was gone and all I could feel was grief and sadness.
The only person left to direct my anger towards was myself. None of this would have happened if I wasn't so weak. Now my family's lives were on hold and disrupted. Bella was hurt. Parker was hurt. Now I found out that the staff in our estate was feeling hurt too.
All because of me.
I reached out to hug Bethany. She hugged me back and rubbed my hair.
"You're like a mom to me too." I mumbled softly.
It was true. As much as I loved and adored my mother, Bethany was always there for me too. She and Ben were stable figures in my life since I was just the tiniest girl and I never viewed them as our staff. They were always more than that.
I pulled away from the hug. "What did you make for dinner?"
"I made chicken pot pie, turkey with veggie garlic noodles and baked bread. I also made strawberry limeade just for you." Bethany smiled and wiped away her tears.
Despite my lack of appetite, my mouth watered. "Let's go then."
***
When I entered the dining hall, I realised that I didn't think this through. I wanted to crumble on the spot when I took in the sight of my family members sitting at the dinner table. Bethany excused herself to the kitchen, most likely to bring the food. I sent her a look but all she did was give me an encouraging smile.
I wanted to talk to my family and take away some of the stress I caused them, but I was too ashamed and embarrassed.
I was ashamed for lying to them and going behind their backs, especially Gabriel. I was ashamed that someone they despised broke my virginity.
I was embarrassed because I was weak. My father was just about one of the most powerful men in the state, or country, I didn't know. My mother was a powerful woman. I was just a weakling and an embarrassment. Someone undeserving of the Muller name. I hope my father covered up everything that happened from the news; otherwise, it would embarrass him and my mother in front of their business partners and associates. That they raised someone so weak like me.
"My dear," My father stood up from his seat and walked towards me. He gave me his hand and an encouraging smile. I felt my heart warm and placed my hand in my father's one.
My dad led me towards a seat beside Mikhail. I sat down slowly, my eyes trained towards the cutlery and empty plates on the dinner table. More embarrassment filled me. This feeling in my chest was painstakingly awful. I grew up wanting to make my family around me proud, yet here I was doing the exact opposite.
"How are you, Princess?" Mikhail asked me. He looked non-judgmental, his eyes soft and a smile on his face. I almost felt relieved.
This was my family, not strangers.
"A little better today." I said meekly.
"Better than yesterday?" Sebastian enquired.
No.
"Yes." I nodded.
"I'm glad to hear that. We should totally spend some time on the game floor after dinner. Dad got new games just for you." Sebastian suggested.
"Count me in; I haven't been there in months." Mikhail chuckled.
"We can wrestle like we used to. I will beat your asses like I used to." I almost cracked a laugh by the expression on my parents' faces when Gabriel spoke without filter as he usually did. "Bethany also made your favourite desert, Ser. We can eat it and watch a movie after I nail these weaklings down."
I heard a kick underneath the table. "Owww." Gabriel whined. Sebastian, who was sitting opposite to him, sent him a sarcastic smile.
I giggled and my lips formed the biggest smile since the last few days. My first smile in weeks. My lips quivered as I realised they were trying to take my mind off things. It didn't help ease the pain in my chest at what happened, but it helped to take away these negative emotions of guilt and embarrassment.
"Language, Gabriel." My father muttered, causing me to let out a soft laugh. I didn't know why, but I laughed. Dinner with every family member was rare in the last few years. I missed this so much.
"There will be no wrestling today, let Sera choose what she wants to do. That is if you want to join them later on?" My mom sent me a soft smile and an encouraging look.
"I will." I confirmed.
Bethany entered the dining hall, two platters of food in her hands.
We enjoyed dinner and had mindless chatter about anything and everything. I learned about Mikhail and Sebastian's university updates, and that they were on a break for two weeks so their studies were not impacted much by their absence. I felt like they were lying just to make me feel better because it was too random of a time of year for it already to be a break, but I didn't say anything.
I was just grateful that no one probed the topic of Logan. They didn't ask me a single question about him and our relationship, almost as if what happened didn't happen at all.
It was moments like this I realised how lucky I was to have all of them.
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When dinner was over, I joined my brothers on the game floor. Sebastian was right when he said my dad got new games. There was a new basketball arcade set, a new foosball table, boxes of new board games, an entire new shelve of PlayStation and Xbox games. There were new games I've never heard of, and even an additional arcade machine. I think the TV screens also got much larger than ever.
Gosh.
My parents were feeling bad, as if they failed me. I just knew it.
For the few hours spent in the game room, my brothers never spoke a word about Logan.
It helped me to overcome my thoughts for a few hours, and I appreciated them so much. Everyone had a life, yet the decisions I'd made was taking them from their busy lives.
A few days had passed since then. This morning I woke up and went back into my depressed state. I don't think I left that state at all, there were just moments that felt less painful then others, like having spent time with my supportive family.
The old routine of the last week continued. My parents and Gabriel would leave for the whole day, and Sebastian and Mikhail would remain in the mansion so that I didn't get entirely lonely.
I preferred the loneliness, however, as it was less embarrassing to be in this weak state while alone.
It was a Friday that I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I opened the door and expected to see one of my brothers or Bethany, but it was my parents instead. I allowed them to come inside, feeling a bit weary.
"Good morning, Princess." My dad said as he entered the room.
"Good morning." I greeted back while closing my room door slightly.
This was an honest surprise.
My mother placed a kiss on my forehead and hugged me gently. She smelled like cinnamon and honey. I relaxed a bit.
"How are you, Sweetheart?" Mom asked.
"I'm tired." I admitted.
I felt her hand gently caress my head and I closed my eyes on instinct. This is the closest I've been to my mother since everything that happened. At first I didn't want to see my parents much because they misunderstood how I was feeling, and then because they were acting strangely and hiding things from me. Now, I felt myself easing up because the pain was so tiring.
"It's going to be okay." Mom said reassuringly. I nodded.
I hoped it would, but this feeling of loss was constantly clenching my chest, like a permanent structure over my heart that just would not relent.
It's almost been two weeks since that day.
I missed him so much.
"We are here for you, Princess. If you need anything, please tell us." Dad said.
My mom released me from her hug and kissed my head another time.
"Okay." I whispered.
"Um. . ." Mom began, suddenly looking a bit uneasy. "We wanted to ask you something, but we don't need an answer right away."
Uneasiness filled me and I suddenly began scratching my arm. My arms were probably red at this point, given how much I have been scratching them lately out of anxiety.
"What do you want to ask?" I asked, despite feeling like crawling underneath my bed.
"Your mother and I think that it may be in your interest to see a therapist." Dad began cautiously, searching my expression. I nearly choked. "Would you like that?"
"Do mean as in a. . . psychologist?" I managed to force out through my closing throat.
Therapist. The word reminded me of the promise Logan had made to me. He said he would get better and that we could be happy once he has healed. Life was not that simple and I was a fool. I was naïve and a fool for thinking it could ever be that simple.
Healing was a process of pain and struggle, then calm and peace. It took years to heal, not a month or two. One had to heal on their own. They could be supported by a therapist for their loved ones, but by the end of the day it was their internal struggle and pain that they needed to work on, no one else's. Me thinking that I could help Logan through his pain and trauma is what led to all of this.
"It's not as bad as you may think. The therapist won't pry if you don't want them too. They will be patient with you, I promise. They are not going to judge you either." Dad explained.
"Okay." I nodded, forcing down the huge lump in my throat.
To say my parents were surprised was an understatement.
"Are you really okay with this? We won't force you, Sera" Mom said.
"I'm sure."
***
Seeing a therapist.
I have no clear clue why I agreed to it. A part of me felt that it was because I wanted to talk to someone who was a stranger. I still felt a bit uncomfortable opening up to my family about the events that occurred.
My appointment with Dr. Charlotte Thompson was tomorrow. I was nervous to say the least.
Our meeting would take place in one of our lounges on the second floor that was closest to my bedroom. My parents suggested I stay in my room but it felt too personal.
By the time the therapist arrived, my palms were sweating. I kept tugging at my long sleeved hoodie while waiting for her to arrive. My mom left the room and left a bunch of snacks and beverages on the table.
A knock on the door disrupted me from my thoughts. I opened the door and found a middle-aged woman standing on the other side, her brown hair pinned up neatly in a bun and her pants and blazer perfectly ironed.
"You must be Doctor Thompson." I smiled nervously.
"And you must be Seraphina Natalia." She returned with a warm smile.
"Seraphina is fine."
"I'm guessing 'Sera' is for close family and friends only?" She asked lightly. When I didn't reply, she further said, "Your parents and brothers kept referring to you as such."
I nodded and moved aside, motioning for her to come inside. Behind her I saw Bethany and Ben. They sent me an encouraging thumbs up and I smiled in return. I waved at them before closing the door.
"Please have a seat, ma'am." I motioned towards the couches.
"Oh," She chuckled. "Please call me Charlotte."
"Are you sure?" I asked unsurely.
"Of course, I would love for you to feel as comfortable as possible."
I appreciated her efforts, and soon enough, we were seated face to face like in those therapy sessions I watch on the movies. Except, instead of being in her office, we were in the comfort of my home.
"You don't have to be nervous, Seraphina." Charlotte said, her eyes shifting towards my hands playing with the sleeves of my hoodie. "You are free to say and express anything you want in this session and there will be no judgement at all. I'll be a therapist but I also wish to be a friend. Your parents are good associates of mine and I want to do good for both you and them."
I released a deep breath and tried to relax my posture. "Thanks, Charlotte."
"Of course. Also, please feel free to interject me at anytime while I'm speaking. If anything I say makes you uncomfortable, you can let me know. Now, I spoke to your parents and the detective in charge of the case you have recently been involved in. I made sure to learn the details as much as I can. But is there anything in specific you would like to talk to me about?" Charlotte asked, giving me an encouraging smile. Leg crossed over the other, pen in hand, and book resting on her lap, her caramel eyes warm and non-judgmental.
I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. I didn't know her and she didn't know me yet I said, "I miss him."
The words left my mouth before I could stop it.
"You miss Logan?" She asked.
Why did I feel like crying again? I placed a hand over my chest, feeling that familiar ache. "Yes, and it hurts so much."
She nodded. "Would you like to tell me more?"
I shook my head. "Everyone in my family thinks that I'm delusional and mentally ill. It's why they let me see you in the first place. Gabriel and Mikhail don't want to hear Logan's name, they'll just change the topic. Sebastian think I was manipulated so bad that these feelings are fake. My parents are walking around eggshells and keeping secrets from me. They are concerned and they are in pain for me, but they don't care that I miss him."
Charlotte nodded in understanding. "You are not delusional or mentally ill, Seraphina. You are hurt, which is completely normal. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling."
My eyes watered but I quickly used my hoodie to wipe them away.
"Your family adores you. I could tell by the way they were talking about you." She let out a small laugh. "Your brother keeps calling you their princess."
Only Gabriel would be so blunt and open with strangers. It almost made me smile.
"And I'm sure they are keeping things from you to protect you."
"I love them. I just wish they would properly understand me, but they keeping treating me like a child."
"Of course, and I understand. Want to tell me about Logan? Would that help?"
I hesitated for a few seconds, imagining all the darkness there was to Logan. I was so ready to discard Logan out of my life after what he had done to Bella, but now that he was gone, I didn't want anyone thinking badly about him.
"He has the bluest eyes you will ever see." It was the first thing that my brain could muster. "And the darkest black hair. It was the most beautiful combination. He was very tall and had to do a back-breaking bend to be eye level with me"
Charlotte chuckled at my explanation.
"He was sweet and charming when he wanted to be, super protective too, and he cared about me. . . he said he loved me multiple times. But. . ." I cut myself off for a second, trying to process my thoughts. "But sometimes, there was this darkness to him that was scary." I said in a whisper.
"This is why your family disapproved." Charlotte commented.
I nodded, sadness engulfing me. I wished circumstances were different and that Logan wasn't as damaged as he was.
"I wanted to help him heal, but what can a seventeen year old girl do? I couldn't save him, and now he's gone." I wiped away the tears that flooded my eyes, not wanting to turn this into one of those crying therapy sessions.
"Trust me when I say this, you saved him more than you can imagine."
"How would you know?" My expression turned to confusion.
"I'm not supposed to disclose this to you, but since it won't do any harm. . . In the past couple months, I was Logan's therapist too."
My mouth quite literally dropped open, jaw on the floor and all.
She smiled at my stunned expression. "You were aware that he was having therapy, right? He told me everything about you, his 'little angel'."
My heart thuddered in my chest. "I don't understand. . . Is this a coincidence?"
The therapist Logan had been seen this whole time was Doctor Charlotte Thompson? Why would my parents hire her for me too? How could they even know he was seeing therapy?
"Mm, I often humble myself and I don't consider myself to be the greatest clinical psychologist of all time," She chuckled. "But I was voted number one as of last year, according to the US Clinical Psychology Association. Your parents wanted you to get the best therapy and I was recommended by the association."
"And Logan. . ."
"Logan wanted the best therapist for himself too, because he desperately wanted to feel better. For you and for himself." She explained. "He all but demanded the best, most expensive therapist there was. Our company couldn't deny him."
The information she just shared with me done nothing to help my aching heart. Before I could stop them, tears flowed freely from my eyes till Charlotte was blurry in my vision. I sniffled and placed my hand over my chest, something I've been doing constantly in the last two weeks. It was like I could physically feel the grief.
"I-I'm sorry." I apologised. Crying is an awkward thing to do in front of a stranger.
"No, there's absolutely no reason to be sorry. It's okay to cry, Seraphina. It's okay to let it out." Charlotte assured, her voice soft.
I closed by face with my hands that were covered by my hoodie sleeves, and for the next minute, I let my tears soak them. The doctor said nothing and waited patiently for me to compose myself.
Finally, I said, "I knew he wanted to get better, I just didn't realise how much."'
"He seemed to deeply care for you, Seraphina. That is what I'm sure of."
"Really?" I whispered.
"Yes, I'm sure of it."
"But I don't understand. Logan claimed he was a psychopath. I don't believe it. How could he be when he expressed care? Care for me and for my brother Gabriel who was his best friend. Is care not related to empathy? I'm no professional, but it doesn't fully align with the symptoms of antisocial personality disorder. And you cannot make the diagnosis if all the symptoms aren't aligned." Let's just say, I'd been doing research about Logan's supposed condition since he told me.
Charlotte laughed lightly. "Someone has done their research. You're on the right track, but I'm not supposed to discuss this with you, Honey. Logan is a sensitive case for both me and his previous therapist that helped him while he was in prison. There are many people, such as youth development organizations, that was very concerned with Logan when he was first arrested. He was still a young boy."
"Then why didn't anyone help him?" I asked brokenly. "He didn't deserve anything that happened to him when he was just a kid. His parents failed him, and so has the state."
"You are right to feel the way you do about the situation. It's not fair." Charlotte empathised.
"Will you tell me more about Logan?" I asked in a lowered voice, feeling like we were treading in forbidden waters and that my brothers would jump out of no where to cut the session short.
"Wouldn't you prefer to talk about yourself? I would like to help you better understand your emotions."
"No, you are the only person who has said his name so far in the last two weeks. My family is acting as if he's Voldemort or something. They won't speak of him unless it's to talk ill about him."
Charlotte sighed lightly. "If it will help you, I'll have no problem. Although, I won't say anything that is confidential. Ask me anything, and if my answer is 'Pass', it means I either don't know or I can't discuss that with anyone."
I nodded in understanding. "So what was your diagnosis of him?"
"Pass."
"Do you know anything about his family? Why did his mother just abandon him to this day? Doesn't he have aunts or uncles?"
"Pass."
I sighed even though I knew I was pushing my limits. "Can you confirm that Logan is not a psychopath like he believes?"
"After having a few meetings with his previous therapist, that is correct."
I nodded, digesting the new found information. This changed everything. It answered most of my suspicions. As mentally damaged as he was, Logan was not a psychopath. He never was, but he somehow misunderstood his previous therapy sessions and came to this conclusion. I remembered reading his journal entries and I better understood now.
Logan couldn't understand why he felt the way he did. Destructive, angry, hopeless, discontent. . . with dark thoughts and desires that no normal person would have. That's why he made his own deductions about himself based on what his previous therapist had told him. Oh Logan.
"Do you know why exactly Logan went to prison?" My curiosity was getting the better of me. For some reason, talking about him was making me feel just the slightest better. Having all these unanswered questions was unknowingly impacting me in a negative way.
"He didn't tell you?"
"Not exactly. I made my own deductions about his words but he never told me directly. There's not much on the internet either."
"Logan was involved in a crime one night."
"Can you tell me more?"
Charlotte sighed. "I'm not supposed to tell you anything that may elicit any negative emotions."
I frowned but didn't push it further. I'd have to push Gabriel to tell me later on.
"I also don't want to have an opinion about your personal affairs, it's not my place." She said.
"That's your subtle way of saying you think it was a bad idea to get involved with him, right?"
"I'll remain with no opinion, Honey. All you should know is that whatever you are going through right now, it is completely validated. And both I and your family will be here for you."
Her assurance helped me in the slightest. However, the truth is that it served more as a distraction than anything else. Later, when I return to my room and find myself all alone once more, I will experience negative emotions that will come crashing down on me like they never left. Naturally, I lied to the doctor about this. Instead, I kept these thoughts to myself.
For the rest of our session, I kept talking to her about Logan. Perhaps she thought I was insane or obsessed because I chose to talk about him rather than how I was feeling. The thing is, my emotions were surrounded by him. My guess was that Charlotte understood my behaviour better than I realised. She listened more than she spoke, and her expression was never critical.
By the time our hour session was over, I felt mildly better to finally have spoken to someone about my feelings for Logan. I was too embarrassed about the topic to have these types of discussions with my family, but since Charlotte was a stranger and a professional it was easier to confide in her. She must have had worse cases than mine.
"It was lovely meeting you, Seraphina Natalia." Charlotte said, extending a hand for me to shake.
Unexpectedly, I reached out to hug her, surprising both her and myself. "Thanks for talking to me."
She returned the hug somewhat awkwardly and patted my back. "Of course, you can always tell me anything you like. Please ask your parents for my contact details and you can chat with me anytime. I'll work around my schedule to answer you."
I nodded and pulled away. "It was nice meeting you."
By the time Charlotte left, I had more questions than ever. One thing was clear to me then; I needed answers now.
When night rolled by I decided I was going to confront my parents and Gabriel about Logan and demand to know what they were keeping from me. Otherwise I might just go insane.
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Logan will be in the next chapter!
A/n. Hi lovely readers, I hope everyone is keeping well. I know you are rolling your eyes at me because I take 3.47 decades to update one chapter 😭 I am just in a stage of my life that is pivotal for career development and I need to succeed. I hope you can understand. Although recently, I have made it a personal goal to be more active and write more often going forward. I don't want to have a bad updating schedule for Gabriel's book.
Thanks for sticking by and I hope you enjoyed the chapter<3
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Important authors note:
I would like to address something to all readers. After reading so many comments saying that Logan is a 'pedo', I'm certain that people think it's a lose term. An actual pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to a child because of there childlike characteristics.
The term 'pedophilia' means when an adult is sexually attracted to a PREPUBESCENT child. A child who has not gone through puberty and still exabit childlike features. This person is attracted to their childlike nature. Now of course, a pedophile is also someone attracted to someone much younger (8-10 years gap) than them and below 18 years old. NO WHERE in this book will you ever hear that Logan found Sera's 'childish' characteristics sexually attractive.
I generally don't care about what disrespectful readers think, but the moment a reader tells me that I'm 'romanticising' pedophilia, I'll get really offended. Readers like this is what completely kills my motivation to write, and it's why I take so long to update this story.
Yes, Sera is essentially a child, but she's less a child and MORE of a late teenager which means she went though puberty already; she has a butt, she has boobs, she get her period, her brain is matured. Her body which is matured, her pretty face, her hair, her gentleness, her softness. . . These are the things Logan finds attractive about Sera. NO WHERE would you see in this book that he likes her 'childish behavior'. Logan is attracted to her naivety and innocence because he can easily manipulate and control her because of it. NOT because it makes her childlike. He also loves that she is so kind and soft because he's never known anyone before in his live who was like this, everyone just screwed him over constantly.
I thought I made this painfully clear, but I guess I done a horrible job at that. I apologize if it ever seemed that Logan was attracted to her innocence because it make her 'childlike'. That is disgusting omfw.
Pedos find these qualities SEXUALLY attractive in children because it make them ACT like children. Although Sera is described as innocent and childlike, she is also a woman at the end of the day, who is 3 months from 17 years old since the beginning of the book. The description says she is 16, but she's technically 17 years old since the start (16 yrs and 9 mos.). I wanted her birthday to be in this book and be symbolic she she as matured more since she first met Logan. Clearly I done a bad job at doing this, given the numerous misunderstandings.
I hope this clears up some misunderstandings, and if it doesn't, then this truly is not the book for you. I do have MULTIPLE trigger warnings in the beginning of the book. . . why do readers ignore this? Do not read this genre called 'dark romance' without expect taboo and heavy topics. You should go read about sunflowers instead. And yes, in this book you will find domestic abuse, an adult dating a minor, gaslighting, manipulation, controlling/ toxic families, obsessive & controlling partner, mental illness, and a FC who is a dependent victim. These are all heavy topics.
BTW, I delete hate immediately and I block hateful people. I respect your opinion of course, just don't be rude about it.
Please note that most readers are so lovely and I enjoy reading your comments! This is just aimed at the minority.
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Next update: 28 October 2023
Ciao🦋