{Chapter 12}
Andrea wasn't able to sleep at all.
When the bedside alarm clock flashed 5:30 am, she untangled herself from Zayn's strong arms and crawled out of the warm bed.
Her mind buzzed, the same way it did when she heard any kind of news from the doctors, the same way it did when the harsh reality of the situation hit her like a moving train.
The bacon sizzled in the pan as the sun slowly rose over the horizon that she watched from the kitchen window as she sipped her coffee.
"Andrea?"
She spun around to find a tired looking Zayn rubbing his eyes with his knuckles as his feet dragged across the kitchen floor. He looked at the bacon in the frying pan.
"What are you doing?" He asked. Her eyes glanced over at the clock on the oven that red 6:30.
She took another sip of her coffee before answering the boy. "Couldn't sleep." She mumbled. "What are you doing up?"
His morning voice sent shivers down her spine as he looked up and gave her a faint smile. "I realized you weren't in bed anymore so I couldn't sleep either."
Her heart fluttered at his words as she tried to contain the smile that stretched across her face.
He walked over and grabbed the spatula that lied on the countertop beside the stove. She watched him as he poked the sizziling bacon with a gentle smile on his face.
"I'm making breakfast for everyone." She mumbled. "I think everyone deserves a good, home cooked meal to wake up to."
He nodded.
She wondered if the truth had changed anything. Had his feeling's changed for her? Did he even have feelings for her?
That's the thing about the cold hard truth, she thought. It changes the way a person thinks and the way they see things. It can make the bad seem better or the good seem worse.
She wondered if the house would be the same.
If Louis would continue with his reckless jokes or Niall's laughter would still fill the house. She wondered if the boys would walk on egg-shells around Katie or send her sideway glances and treat her as if she could break at any moment.
That had been the reason she had decided not to tell them. There had been a distinct reasoning behind why Marissa and Andrea had come to the conclusion that the boys didn't need to know, they didn't need to know that Katie was dying.
It made everything a lot simpler, knowing that when the boys walked out of their lives after 3 weeks, they wouldn't carry the burden on with them.
That was the thing about the truth,
Sometimes people were better off not knowing things.
"I'm sorry." She apologized suddenly. Zayn looked up from the pan, meeting her sad but gentle eyes with his own.
"Don't be." He said, looking back down. A sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he turned the bacon in the pan. "I know why you did it, and if I was in the same situation, I would have done it too."
A wave of relief washed over Andrea as she walked towards the boy, standing behind him and wrapping her tiny arms around his waist as she pressed herself up against the back of him.
"Well how cute are you guys?" Louis' voice chimed. Andrea and Zayn both turned in surprise at the boy who sauntered into the kitchen. Behind him followed Niall and Liam.
Small smiles coated their faces but to Andrea's realization, they still looked tired.
"What are you guys doing up?" She chuckled, pulling away from Zayn.
Beside Louis, Niall eyed the bacon hungrily.
"Besides smelling this." He nodded towards the pan. "We couldn't sleep, really."
The look of heartbreak was still written faintly across all their faces as she looked at the boys. She couldn't stand it.
"Well!" Andrea clapped her hands, singing happily. The boys' eyebrows perked up at her sudden rush of excitement and happiness. She wasn't going to let anyone stay upset. "Everything else is out on the breakfast table! We can eat once this bacons finished."
The boys ushered around the kitchen as Andrea started throwing out orders.
"Liam, set the table!"
"Lou, get out the milk."
"Zayn, put the bacon on the table!"
She smiled excitedly as they prepared for the big breakfast. She clapped her hands excitedly once more, a small stretching across her face. "Someone go wake up Harry and Katie."
-
Katie was awoken by the rays of sunlight that shined through the bay window at far end of the room. She lifted her head dreamily from her pillow as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, only to be greated by the soft snoring that came from beside her as she turned to face the sleeping boy beside her.
His breathing was light and she watched him, mesmerized by how young and pure he looked lying in bed beside her with his eyes closed.
She could have watched him sleep forever, she thought, but a part of her feared the moment he awoke and remember just exactly what had happened last night.
She gently pulled the covers away from her as she turned to sit up, trying to climb out of bed as soundlessly as possible, but to her surprise she was stopped by a strong arm that curled around her waist and pulled her back down into the bed.
"Don't." Was all he muttered as his arm constricted even tighter around her waist. A small smile formed on her lips as she turned to look at him.
"Don't go yet." He mumbled into his pillow. His eyes were still shut and her heart fluttered at the hoarsness in his morning voice, a sound that sent shivers down her spine. She had never seen anything so perfect, so beautiful than the boy that laid before her.
She didn't object. She gently laid her head back down into the pillow, her body angled so that she was pressed up against his warm bare chest as he breathed lightly into her neck.
"Katie! Harry!" Andrea's shrilly voice called from somewhere down the stairs.
Katie mentally kicked her best friend for disturbing such a perfect moment, but Katie worried that when reality hit Harry when he opened his eyes, whether of not he would want her around anymore.
"Harry." She said softly, shaking his arm. He groaned into the pillow as she tried to wake him and a smile stretched across her face at his annoyance. "Harry, we're being summoned. We have to get up."
"No." The boy growled, burying his face in her neck. She could feel the hair on her arm stand at the feeling of his lips gently pressed there, breathing ever so gently and making her hair flutter. "I don't want to."
She chuckled. "You're such a baby."
She could feel a smile stretch across his face as his lips remained against her neck.
The butterflies in her stomach wouldn't give up.
"Harry! Katie!" Andrea screamed again, this time more rogue. Katie almost laughed. "Get your lazy asses down here, breakfast is ready!"
Harry chuckled. "She doesn't give up, does she?"
"Nope." Katie smiled, finally unraveling herself from his vice on her waist. "Time to start the day Harry."
-
To Katie's surprise, Harry didn't react any differently considering what had happened the previous night. When they got out of bed, he gave her his Jack Wills hoodie to put on as they made their way down the stairs to the kitchen.
"What's this?" Katie smiled as she saw the kitchen table. Liam, Zayn, Louis and Niall all sat around the table, smiling excitedly at the brunette. Andrea placed a jug of freshly made orange juice on the table and smiled when Harry and Katie sauntered in the room.
"We made breakfast!" Niall blurted out.
The table was covered in plates of eggs, bacon, toast, muffins and more. Katie stared at it hungrily, licking her lips before taking a seat at the head of the wooden table. Harry walked around and sat at the other end.
"What's all this for?" Katie laughed looking at all the food, when Katie raised her eyes to lock with the blondes, she immidiately regretted her question.
She had seen the look in Andrea's eyes a million times, but when Katie turned to find the same broken, empty look on all of the boys smiling faces who sat around her, something in her chest dropped painfully to her feet.
Katie tried to shrug it off and reached for a peice of toast, racking her brain for a cheesy joke to clear the air.
"I'm kind of scared to eat this, Andrea. I know your cooking..."
On the other side of the room, Louis bursted out in laughter and Katie wondered if her joke had actually been that funny, or if Louis just knew exactly what Katie was trying to do.
She looked over at him with grateful eyes as he smiled back at her.
"Let's just hope Andrea's cooking isn't as bad as Harry's!" Niall chirped, smiling at the curly haired boy who sat quietly at the end of the table. Katie watched him as his green eyes left hers and he tried to smile back at the blonde boy sitting beside him. "Remember when you burnt the Sunday dinner, twice?"
Katie chuckled, grateful of the laughter that surrounded the table as everyone began digging in the the feast that laid before them.
-
"So it's been a full week and a half in the house." Liam said, leaning back in his chair and running his hands over his stomach. Everyone sat in the same position, adjusting themselves just right after eating such a big meal.
The food had been delicious and everyone had finished up every last bit.
They all sat around the table now, conversing in comfortable conversation when Liam spoke up. "And I'd just like to say that so far, I've really enjoyed myself."
At Liam's sincere words, a smile crept onto both Katie and Andrea's faces.
No matter how much Katie liked hearing all the boys agree with Liam, she hated the dreadful pit that formed in her stomach when the reality of the situation hit her.
It had already been a week and a half, which meant they were halfway done their vacation. A week and a half would pass and they'd all be packing up and leaving the beach house for good.
Katie realized she wasn't the only one who realized this as everyone around the table suddenly looked down at their hands or elsewhere around the room, a distant look on each and every face.
But when Katie looked across the table at Harry, she realized his green orbs were staring back at her.
"A week and a half left until we're back to work, boys." Zayn sighed, playing with his fork.
Niall clucked his tongue from the other side of the table. "Man, it's going to be a busy month. Recording the new album, the promotion we have planned and then we start the Arena tour when we get back and then next year..."
Katie listened to the Niall as he spoke of all these wonderful things the boys had planned for them.
They were visiting other ends of the world that Katie would never see, they were meeting people that Katie would never have the chance of knowing, they were doing things that she couldn't even imagine.
They had their whole lives planned out, she realized. And another pit formed in her stomach as she realized she didn't even have the chance to plan out her own.
Harry saw her smile falter from the other side of the table. Her eyes dropped suddenly, as she listening to the boys converse about their future plans, and Harry watched Katie as she tugged at her lower lip with her teeth and stared down at her hands.
"I'm going to uh- go get a shower or something-" Katie suddenly mumbled, interupting Liam and Niall's conversation about how great their Arena Tour would be.
She stood up from the table quickly before anybody had the chance to pry and Harry watched her cautiously as she walked away from the table and towards the staircase.
Harry didn't waist a second before he threw his napkin down on his plate and pushed his chair out.
"Breakfast was lovely, Andrea." He mumbled to the blonde. "Thank you, but please excuse me."
He didn't hesitate before following behind her towards the staircase.
When he climbed the steps to her room, he noticed the door was slightly ajar so he took it as an invitation to push it open a little further and poke his head around it.
The room was quiet, except for a tiny mumble that came from the girl sitting cross legged in bed with her hands folded in her lap and her eyes closed.
Harry felt as though he should retreat before she realized he had come into the room, but he couldn't pry his eyes away from her as she mouthed words he couldn't hear.
He was about to take a step back towards the door when the wooden floors creaked beneath him and Katie's eyes flew open wide.
"Oh!" She gasped. She quickly unraveled her hands and he could have sworn her face went a lovely shade of red. "Harry, I didn't hear you come in."
Harry stood there awkwardly and pointed his thumb towards the door.
"Oh- well the door was open and I just thought-" He tripped over his words. Katie nodded as her eyes dropped down to her hands that rested in her lap.
He took her silence as an invitation to come closer. He padded across the hardwood and towards her bed slowly.
"I didn't know you were Religious." He spoke gently, finding some kind of small talk that could momentarily distract him from the reality of the conversation they were about to have.
He knew she was probably still embarrassed that he caught her praying but he didn't understand why. A small smile crept onto Katie's face as she studied her fingernails as a distraction.
"Yeah." She started. "I don't really think I am, actually."
A small silence filled the room. Her window was slightly open across the room which fluttered the white curtains and filled the room with the scent of the ocean. Outside they could hear the waves crashing against the shore. Harry took a seat on the edge of her bed.
Harry's adams apple bobbed in his throat as he searched his brain for the proper way to bring this up, the proper way to confront her without having his voice quiver or his eyes prick with tears.
"Katie, we need to talk."
"I know."
He turned to face her now, a ghost of a smile forming on her lips. Her eyes were big as they stared up at him, but there was an infinite sadness in them, a sadness he could never truly understand.
He wondered just how he planned on getting through this without completely losing himself in the process, but his anxiety seemed to die down the second she took his big hand in her small one and held it in her lap.
"I went into remission when I was 17 and it's been a year." She whispered, her fingertips trailed small patterns on the back of his hand as she spoke. "It was a few days before we came here, that they told me I wouldn't live through the year."
Harry swallowed hard as he watched her. Her brown hair fell gently around her face as she stared down at his hands that she held in her lap. Her eyebrows scrunched together as she concentrated on the crevices in his skin that she touched gently.
He had never seen anything more mesmerizing, more beautiful, than this girl who sat in front of him.
"When I was first diagnosed- that was the worst." She mumbled. "I was 15, so when all the other girl's were going to the school dances or getting drunk on friday nights, I was in the hospital."
She looked up at him now, her brown eyes were full and wide as she looked down at her pale arm that she held out to him now. He watched her as she trailed her finger tips along her wrist and up to the sensitive spot where her veins died blue under her skin. He noticed the multiple scars that she trailed her fingers over.
"I spent too much time in the hospital, I assumed people had begun to forget about me." She whispered, still staring at her arm. "When all the other girl's had massive parties for their Sweet Sixteen birthday party, I was getting a blood transfusion."
A weak smile crossed her face as her eyes became lidded and absent.
"It's the kind of feeling you can't explain, when the doctors spend so much time on trying to find a solution." Her voice was barely a whisper. "And then they come back to you and tell you they've done everything they could, and you kind of -you almost feel sorry for them." She smiled gently, looking back up at him.
She chuckled and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her, pull her into him and end this conversation.
They needed something good to happen, something good to talk about. But Harry realized that sometimes, you couldn't push things away.
Reality was something that couldn't be covered up with bad jokes and games of Never Have I Ever.
"Dr. Andrews sat down with me in the hospital two weeks ago, and he told me that I wasn't going to be okay. There was no saving me-"
Tears burned in the back of Harry's eyes as she stared down at her hands that were now folded in her lap. His throat clenched and to mask that hole he felt now in his chest, he replaced it with a raging fury.
He realized he couldn't listen to this anymore.
"I'm sorry- I need to go." He stuttered, standing up from Katie and storming out of the room. He didn't even glance back as he ran to the stairs, moist tears burning trails down his face.
He must have looked like a mad man, he thought at the back of his head, but he didn't care.
He rounded the corner to the kitchen where Andrea stood, cleaning the dishes.
His fists clenched as she looked up at him in shock. She was the only one in the room now and he was grateful.
"Harry?" She asked, curiosity on her face. "Harry what's-"
"You didn't fucking tell us." Harry snarled at the blonde, his eyes were dark with rage as he glared at her, venom dripping from his words.
She had never been so scared of him before. She knew this would come, she knew that this was what was to be expected. Unlike Zayn's quick forgiveness, this is what she had been waiting for. Someone to blame her for her actions, for her careless lie.
She knew the feeling, the rage. It crippled him, just as it had crippled her the moment she found out about Katie's situation. Harry was looking for someone to blame, and Andrea was just that person.
"And what would that have done?" She yelled back, dropping the pan she washed back into the soapy sink and rubbing her wet hands off on the cloth.
She could feel the heaviness that clenched her heart drop it to her feet as the back of her eyes burned at tears at the sight in front of her. She had never seen Harry looking so broken.
She cursed herself for crying when she was frustrated. Tears poured over now as she shouted at him.
"A hell of a lot, Andrea." He spat. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and pulled it away violently as he paced the space in front of her. "If we knew we could have been more careful, we could have stayed in more-" He started, and she realized he was getting lost in the thought of everything he had put her through for the last week and a half.
"-We didn't have to go to the beach, I wouldn't have thrown her in the water or chased her around or make her do all that-" He began to choke. "I would have been careful- I would have protected her- I would have-"
"Harry!" Andrea yelled as she grabbed his shoulders.
She worked up whatever strength she had to turn him so he was looking down in her tear pooled eyes. It was only then that she noticed, he had been crying too. A cry that turned into a sob as his mind reminisced over everything he could have done to keep her safe.
"Harry, listen to me!" She yelled, digging her nails into his shoulders until he looked her in the eye. "You make her happier than I have ever seen her- This week and a half has been everything she could have asked for. If you knew- If you knew from the beginning-" Andrea cried. "-She would have missed out on all of it."
Harry stared back at the blonde with tears streaming down his cheeks and Andrea recognized that look in his eyes.
His orbs searched hers frantically, as though he was waiting for something, hoping for something.
And that's when Andrea realized,
He wore the exact same look that she had worn when the doctors had told her.
The same desperation in his eyes that begged her silently.
It was the search for any kind of hope, anything to reassure him that everything would be okay.
That search for the indefinite hope in her eyes that he wouldn't be able to find.