{Chapter 26}
This isn't about the words I say, Because I know they can't make you stay.
Harry's song travelled through the room, leaving everyone in awe. His voice was huskily, raw and full of an emotion no one could ever grasp.
Strength is twice of mine, your voice doesn't tremble when you say you're fine.
Louis and Niall stood behind Harry as they allowed him to strum his guitar and sing this one on his own as Tyler watched in approval.
But everyone in the room knew Harry wasn't singing this in search of approval. His eyes remained clouded and eyebrows furrowed as he sang, everyone aware of the girl who sat curled up on the couch who inhaled painfully and exhaled just as painfully, trying to keep her composure until the end of the song.
Bones are weak and smiles break, but days with you won't seem to rewind.
You're not something they can take, you're my lifeline.
Tears burned the back of her eyes as she stared at him, taking in the way his fingers moved over the guitar chords and the way the vein in his throat strained as he sang, putting his whole heart into the medlody.
Katie tore her eyes away from Harry, glancing over to her best friend who was now crying at the words in the song. Andrea's eyes never pried away from the singing boy until his voice shook as he sang the last few words
You'll be the star that will always shine, you are nothing less,
Than my lifeline.
And as the last note of the guitar faded away, the whole room was left in a silent daze as they took it all in.
After a moment, Harry cleared his throat before speaking into the microphone.
"Hope that sounded okay." He said softly, bringing a hand up to rub awkwardly at his neck.
Katie glanced over at Tyler who rested back in the chair with wide eyes, leaning forward to talk into the receiver to answer the boy. Before Katie could wait to hear his words, there was a familiar churn in her stomach which caused her to automatically stand up with wide eyes and run from the room.
Everyone watched after her as she ran through the door way and into the hall. Harry, instinctively jumped up from his seat on his stool as he watched after her with concerned eyes.
"Here, take this." He said, removing the guitar strap from his shoulder and handing the instrument to Niall. With that, Harry ran through the door to follow after her.
Katie sprinted down the never ending hallway until she found the girl's bathroom. Pushing through the door she brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she collapsed to her knees in front of the single porcelain toilet and threw up the remains that settled in her stomach.
She heaved once, twice, three times and on that last time it was nothing but her dry heaving into the toilet. Her stomach clenched painfully but nothing came out. Her mouth was dry, her forehead covered in a thin layer of sweat as tears streamed from her eyes.
She gripped the porcelain sides of the toilet bowl as another wave of nausea rushed over her and she gagged once more into the toilet.
As the poison spilled from her mouth, a pair of hands collected her hair from her face and held it behind her head until she finished.
"Shhh." The husky voice soothed from behind her as one of their hands rubbed comforting circles on her back. She pulled away from the toilet, wiping her mouth and sinking down against the wall as her legs tangled under her.
She opened her weary, tear-streaked eyes to find Harry crouching down in front of her and staring back at her. Those sea green eyes held so much concern and fear, but a small half-smile played on his lips.
"Didn't realize the song sucked that bad." He pretended to laugh. "How you feeling, kiddo?" He asked lightly.
Her head spun as she rested it against the cool tile of the bathroom wall. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this sick, she had even remembered to take her medication that morning. Katie could barely keep her eyes open as she gave him a dazed smile.
"Must of been something I ate." She tried to joke, but the smile on Harry's face faltered as his eyes became infinitely sad. He knew exactly why she was sitting on the bathroom floor, puking her guts out and sometimes the reality of the situation seemed to hit him like a freight train.
"Come on babe, let's get you off of the floor." He sighed, reaching down and pulling her up and into his arms.
Her bones felt like twigs as she leaned all her weight into him and he wrapped an arm around her waist, escorting her out of the bathroom.
When they reached the hall, Katie and Harry ran into Andrea who was just on her way to look for them. The blonde stared down at Katie's weak body that clung to Harry's, in horror.
"What happened?" Andrea gasped, looking at her best friend.
"Nothing-" Katie waved it off. "It's fine."
Harry frowned. "She's sick. I think I'm going to take her back to the bus."
Andrea reached forward to grab Katie's free arm, trying to steady her. "Here, I'll come with you."
A moment later, Zayn and Louis came strolling down the hallway, talking in hushed conversation until they both looked up and spotted Harry and Andrea steadying the weak brunette they held in theirs arms.
"Katie?" Zayn asked with a voice full of concern.
Him and Lou both ripped their hands from their pockets and jogged the short distance down the hall until they reached them, concern and panic written across both of their faces.
"Haz, what happened?" Louis asked frantically, his eyes never leaving Katie's red-rimmed ones.
Harry swallowed a lump in his throat as he answered his best friend in a shaky voice. "She's sick. I'm going to take her back to the bus."
"Harry!"
Everyone turned at the sound of Tyler's voice who shouted into the hallway from the door of the recording room. His expression was careless and bored as he stared back at the group of kids huddled in the hallway.
"We're not finished with you yet, you have to come back and go through the song with instrumentals this time." Tyler spoke deeply.
Harry furrowed his eyes at the ignorant man, a wave of anger rushing over him as his blood boiled.
"Tyler, are you serious?" He spat. Tyler's face didn't change as the boy shouted back at him. "Katie's sick, give me a minute."
"Harry-" Zayn said warningly, putting a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him.
"What did you just say to me?" Tyler spat back. Tyler wasn't the person to get into an argument with, or talk back to and all the boys knew that but Harry's fury burned hot as he spat back at the man.
"My girlfriend is fucking sick, I think you can wait a single moment while I take care of her, alright?" He growled.
The man went silent, but the clouded fury in his eyes burned deeply as he turned his back and stalked back into the room.
Harry turned his red face back to the boys who stared at him in what seemed like a mix of pity and concern.
"Harry-" But the warning didn't come from any of the boys he had expected, except Katie, who still leaned into his side.
Her clammy hand reached up to cup his cheek and under her cold touch, he immediately began to calm down. "-You have to go back. Go finish. I'll be fine." She tried to smile at him.
His heart broke in his chest as he gave her a forced, lopsided smile.
"Haz." Zayn said gently. "We'll take her to the bus. Go back in there."
Harry looked up at his two best friends who still held the expression of infinite concern. Harry's jaw locked as he looked down at the small brunette that clung close to his side, her tired chocolate brown eyes closing ever so often.
"Okay." Harry nodded tightly. "I'll be down in a bit."
He let Katie go and handed her off to Zayn and Louis, who wrapped their arms around her waist to support her weak legs that barely kept her upright.
He gulped as they turned away from him and began walking down the hall towards the elevator.
"Harry." Andrea's gentle voice cooed beside him. He looked down with glazed eyes to the blonde who gave him a tight smile in return.
He and Andrea had never really gotten the chance to know each other. He remembered how hard he yelled at her the night he found out about Katie's cancer. He remember accusing her of the worst and how that raw hatred burned in his stomach for her, but he knew he could never hate her.
She was the only other person in the whole wide world who knew what he was going through, and the feeling of her small hand resting on his forearm was nothing more than comforting.
"I'll text you if anything happens." She assured him gently. "But she'll be down there, curled up in bed, perfectly fine when you return."
He nodded and watched her as she smiled goodbye and followed after the boys towards the elevator.
-
Andrea bit the inside of her cheek as she drummed her fingers nervously on her thigh. She was seated on the leather couch at the front of the bus, her heart racing as she heard the gut-wrenching noises that came from the bathroom.
Andrea couldn't deal with vomit, the sight and smell of someone wrenching up their insides was enough to make her feel just as nauseous. Her eyes glanced anxiously to the back of the bus, where the bathroom door was wedged open by Louis and Zayn.
She watched as Zayn turned from looking inside the bathroom and caught her eye instead. He frowned immidiately and pushed past Louis to head over to speak with her.
"Babes, don't worry." He tried to calm her as he sat down beside her. He put a comforting hand on her thigh and began rubbing small circles. "Lou's in there with her, she'll be fine."
Katie had spent the last twenty minutes puking up her guts, ever since Louis and Zayn had pratically carried her onto the bus.
"But what if she's not?" Andrea asked frantically, looking at Zayn. "I haven't seen her like this in a long time."
"Babe-" Zayn tried to calm her, but Andrea's uncertainty and upset was getting the best of her as she raised her voice at him.
"What if she's not going to be okay? We're in New York City, for God's sakes. Dr. Andrews can't help her if she's all the way out here and I have no idea what to do!" The blonde huffed, as Zayn put his arms around her and pulled the smaller girl into his chest. The second his arms circled around her, she suddenly felt at some sort of peace.
The tears burned at the back of her eyes as pressed her face into Zayn's warm chest.
"Andrea, you're shaking-" He soothed into her hair. "-I know something else is bothering you. There has to be something else. Is everything okay?"
For a second, she wondered if she should tell him. That unbelievable pit of anxiety ate away at her stomach as she unraveled her arms from behind Zayn's back and pulled away to look at him. His hazel eyes searched hers desperately, looking for some sort of explanation as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
"I-" She started to say, but just as the words were about to leave her mouth, a dangerous looking Harry Styles stormed onto the bus.
His jaw was set and his hands clenched at his side. He didn't even bother casting a look their way as he sped past Zayn and Andrea who watched him in surprise.
"Haz-" Zayn started to say, standing up to block Harry from the sight in the bathroom, but it was no use. Harry's arms grabbed onto Zayn's painfully as he pushed passed the boy and ran to the bathroom and the back of the bus.
"What's wrong with her?" Harry asked in a panic.
Andrea and Zayn both stood up and followed the boy to the small bathroom. Standing up on her tip toes, Andrea peered over Zayn and Harry's shoulder and into the small bathroom, where Louis sat beside a very ill-looking Katie who's eyes were closed as she rested her head against the bathroom wall.
Louis sighed from his seat on the ground as he brought his knees to his chest and rested him elbows on them as he leaned against the wall opposite Katie.
"She hasn't stopped." He said, sounding drained. "Not since we got her to the bus."
"But this has happened before." Harry's voice was shrill with panic as he spun around and caught Andrea in a terrified but hopeful glare as he stared at her. "-Right? She's going to be fine. Right, Andrea?"
His sea green eyes searched hers in desperation, waiting for her to say, Yes she will be fine, Harry, don't get your panties in a bunch.
But as Andrea opened her mouth to answer the boy, no words came out. It was like she couldn't find anything to say to the boy standing in front of her, begging her to tell him it was okay.
And that was because, she realized, it wasn't.
"Harry, stop."
The voice was jagged and raw and everyone's attention flew down to the broken girl laying with her head against the cool marble of the bathroom wall. Her eyes were weary and barely open, her face pale and lifeless and her forehead was still matted with a thin layer of sweat.
Before Harry could answer Katie, she continued.
"-I'm fine." She waved it off. "It happens. I just have to sleep it off and I'll be fine in the morning."
Harry looked down at her as if she was about to break into peices.
"Katie-"
"Harry, I'm fine." She said more boldly now, her eyes opening and landing on his. He nodded painfully as she tried to reach for the counter to help her up onto her feet.
Louis quickly grabbed for her and stood up, gently pulling her a long with him. Her legs trembled beneath her as Andrea watched in silence.
It had been a long time since she had noticed the drastic affect the cancer really did have on her best friend's body.
"Are you going to bed now?" Harry asked, watching Katie closely as Louis helped her out of the bathroom. Everyone backed away and gave her the space she needed as Louis lead her to one of the bunks.
"Yeah, I just need to sleep it off." She tried to smile.
Andrea could hardly look at the expression on Harry's face because she knew exactly how the boy was feeling. Completely and totally helpless.
"Well, goodnight Kat." Zayn said gently from beside Andrea. Andrea reached down to grab the boys hand in hers which he took tightly.
"We'll see you in the morning." Louis said to the brunette as she kicked off her shoes and crawled into her bunk.
Katie returned the 'goodnight's' as everyone was left watching after her as the curtain closed around her bunk and a silence overtook the bus.
The only one who hadn't said anything was Harry, who stood with his hands clenched at his sides before turning away and walking to the other end of the bus without another word.
-
Katie was awoken the next morning by an unfriendly pounding in her temple, a painfully dry throat and a hushed conversation that should have been more 'hushed'.
"I just don't know what to do." A familiar voice spoke. Katie's ears perked up to listen to the conversation as she groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes and turned her head on her pillow.
"We have amazing doctors on staff here that could help her whenever she needs it and-" That was another familiar voice. A voice she could point out anywhere. Harry's sleepy morning voice was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard and it never failed to leave shivers down her spine.
Katie rolled over on her bed and moved the curtain on the window, that let a bright stream of daylight through the crack.
A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she looked up the the buildings that overlooked the bus. They were parked in some parking lot that Katie didn't recognize.
"Yeah, but Harry you don't understand. Dr. Andrews knows her case. He knows what's best for her and I'm debating whether or not-" Andrea's panicked words were cut short.
"I'm good for her?" Harry asked, a slight venom in his voice. Katie's heart tugged in her chest as she rolled back over and stared at the ceiling.
"Harry, you know I didn't mean-" Andrea started, but was interrupted once again by a frustrated sounding Harry.
"No, it's exactly what you mean." He stated. His voice died down a bit, no longer full of such frusteration, but almost greif as he spoke next. "-You think it's better if she just goes home."
And with that, Katie jumped up from her bed and out of the bunk, hopping onto the floor and staring towards the two people who looked over at her in surprise as she stared back at them.
Andrea's mouth fell open as she stared at Katie, not before trying to cover up the conversation her and Harry had just been having.
Harry, on the other hand, pinched his lips together with his eyes darted to the floor as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his dark-washed jeans.
"Katie!" Andrea spoke breathlessly, turning to give Harry a nervous look that Katie caught. "You're up. How are you feeling?"
Katie walked towards them, down the small hallway and into the 'living room' of the bus where the two stood awkwardly. Katie crossed her arms over her chest and furrowed her eyebrows.
"No one's going home." Katie spoke boldly, ignoring Andrea's facade.
Harry looked up at her then, but the expression in his eyes wasn't what she wanted to see.
"I'm fine." Katie huffed, throwing her hands up in exhaustion. "There's no need to jump to conclusions and pack up to head home."
The blonde nodded and looked at the ground shyly until Katie's anger faltered. The two stood in front of her saying nothing until Katie sighed and looked around the empty bus.
"Where's everyone else?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"They're inside the hotel." Harry said gently, giving her a faint smile as she continued to stare at him in confusion. "We got here an hour ago, we just didn't want to wake you."
Understanding dawned on Katie's face as she threw her arms up in excitement, "Sweet!" She bubbled excitedly. The awkward tension in the room immediately disappeared as the genuine smile stretched across Katie's face as she giggled. "Man, Ilove hotels. Who's rooming with me?"
Harry and Andrea both laughed before Harry removed his hands from his pockets and took the step towards her so that he was now standing chest to chest with the small brunette he now held in his arms.
"You're my roomie for the night, Dessing." Harry smirked down at her. "Looks like I'm going to have to put up with your snoring again."
-
That night, was the first night of their tour as they kicked it off with a concert in Boston.
The boys, Andrea and Katie had hung around the hotel for most of the day. Going swimming in the pool, Niall and Liam got caught up in the arcade that they had in the lobby. Harry and Zayn had gone to the gym while Katie and Andrea went shopping downtown for a bit.
Katie couldn't remember the last time she had had a day to herself to just sit back and enjoy the people around her. It was a good day in her mind and with each hour passing until the concert, her excitement bubbled more and more.
It was now 6:30, and Andrea and Katie were backstage in the boys' dressing room, re-adjusting their makeup in the mirror.
The boys had left to do a quick meet and great before going on stage at 7.
"I hope you enjoy the show, babe." Harry smirked and leaned down to kiss her on the lips before the boys had left.
This would be the first time either of the girls' had seen the boys preform live and nothing made Katie more excited.
"I wonder if they'll sing Torn." Katie asked, re-adjusting her lipgloss and sounding like a cliche fan-girl. Andrea chuckled at the brunettes comment.
"You know you're a real Directioner when..." Andrea laughed, Katie pulled her lipgloss away from her lips to laugh at her friend's reflection in the mirror.
"Who knew that those two girls, who sat at home on Friday nights and watched old X Factor videos of the boys on Youtube, would be back stage getting ready to go out and cheer on their boyfriends, Zayn Malik and Harry Styles." Andrea giggled.
A soft smile appeared on Katie's lips as she thought dreamily and dropped the lip gloss tube back in to her makeup bag.
"It's so much more than that though." Katie said quietly. Andrea turned to look at her friend, who's laughter and sillyness had fallen from her face. Her dimples peirced her cheek as she stared down at her hands and gave half of a smile. "Harry-Zayn-They're so much more than that now. They're so much more than just the boys on the cover of a magazine."
Andrea nodded as Katie looked up to her with kind eyes.
"He really loves you, you know." Andrea spok gently.
Katie's eyes glazed over as she smiled down at her best friend hazily.
"I know."
"And he wants what's best for you, you know that too?" Andrea added in, wearily. She spoke the words almost hesitantly as she picked the skin around her finger. "Even if it means giving you up so you can take the time to get better."
Katie's jaw locked as the reality of the situation was brought back into the conversation. She hated knowing that no matter how perfect a moment could be, there would always be that little reminder that things couldn't stay perfect for long.
Andrea wiped the serious expression from her face and replaced it with a bubbly smile as she glanced down at her watch.
"Oh! It's almost time!" She hopped up and down excitedly, reminding Katie of a little kid on Christmas. "Let's go get our seats."
Katie forced a smile as a familiar churn in Katie's stomach rocked her insides painfully.
"How about I meet you out there?" Katie smiled at the blonde. "I just want to finish up my mascara and go to the bathroom real quick."
Andrea didn't pry before nodding and turning to walk out the dressing room door. When the door closed behind the blonde, Katie ran to the bathroom that was connected to the dressing room and reached for the porcelain toilet.
Her fingers clutched the cold side as she heaved into the toilet, spilling out the non-existent remains in her stomach. Her stomach clenched painfully, once, twice, three times before she pulled away.
When she was done, Katie stood up in a daze and flushed the toilet. She walked to the mirror over the sink and winced at her appearance as she washed her hands.
Another wave of nausea churned in her stomach and she brought her hands up to her mouth as she gagged, but nothing came out.
Katie's eyes dropped to her hands as she pulled them away from her lips, staring at them in an absent-minded horror, as the strange crimson color died her fingertips and realization set in.
Blood.
YOU ARE READING
Lifeline (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)
Fanfiction"Maybe that's just it though." She smiled at him gently, but her eyes were full of sadness. "The best was saved for last." Harry knew this had been coming, he knew the consequences of his actions and he knew how awful the universe could be sometim...
