Sterling
"He's perfect." Scarlett smiled as she placed Samuel in the bassinet. "I can't believe I'm a big sister now."
It's been an hour since he arrived, everyone's been in the room to take a turn looking at him. I've stayed toward the back to be out of the way, and because I feel remorse eating me alive every time I look at Isabelle.
"I think we should give Kaydence some time to rest now." My father announced to everyone in the room.
Everyone began to leave the room but Scarlett and I walked over to the hospital bed. A faint smile spread across her lips as her green eyes looked between us. She looked exhausted but also so damn happy.
"We'll see you later mom." Scarlett spoke as she reached down to give her a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too." She placed a kiss on Scarlett's cheek before releasing her and looking at me. "Before you try to leave, I want to talk."
Immediately, I gulped. "Okay."
"Love you should—" My father attempted to protest but she cut him off with a glare.
"I'll rest in a few minutes." Her tone was firm which caused him to back off. "I need to talk to Sterling alone."
My father nodded. "Alright."
He ushered Scarlett out of the room and shut the door to give Kaydence and I some privacy. Her eyes watched me as I grabbed a chair and brought it over to the hospital bed, taking a seat next to her.
"What's up?" I asked casually.
She folded her arms across his chest. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I tried to play off the events from earlier because they're the last thing she needs to worry about. "Why do you ask?"
"Sterling." She spoke my name as a serious expression crossed her face. "I've been in your life for almost seventeen years, I can tell when something is off with you. I'm also not oblivious to the tension between you and Isabelle that was in this room, it's the same tension I've had with your father many times. What's wrong?"
"Mom, I don't want you to worry about it." She needs to be focused on recovering, not my fuck up. "Dad's right, you need to rest."
"Sterling." The way she said my name told me I won't be leaving this room until she's got her answers, so the best thing to do is let it out.
"Fine." I let out a defeated sigh. "I was terrified when I got the call you were in labor. It sounds ridiculous, but now that I understand the reason my mom died the thought of childbirth has been a struggle."
Her face softened up. "Oh honey, that's not ridiculous."
"On the way here and in the waiting room, the only thing I could think about was preparing myself to lose you." My voice cracked as my eyes looked earnestly into hers. "I know it's a fucked up thought. I'm sorry for letting my mind go there but I couldn't help it."
She opened her arms out for me. "Come here."
I didn't hesitate to stand up and give her a hug. Her arms wrapped around me and I felt myself crumbling. I continued to spill everything because with Kaydence, I feel comfortable enough to do so. She's always been here for me and she's always made sure that I know it's okay to feel my emotions.
"I'm glad nothing happened to you." I rasped as she continued to hold me in a hug. "I don't know what the hell I would do without you mom. The thought of you gone is terrifying and it's one I never want to entertain again."
"You'll always have me Sterling." She placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head. "I promise."
Her arms loosened up and I pulled away. I didn't want her to use what little strength she has left trying to make me feel better. Knowing she's here and she's okay is enough for me.
"What does this have to do with Isabelle?" She questioned.
I let out a shallow breath and proceeded to explain what happened in the waiting room. I could see the look of disapproval on her face, she was trying to hold it back but she wasn't successful.
"Wow." She commented once I had finished. "Do you really not want a child?"
"I don't know." I began to pace in front of her bed. "I just... I just didn't think about it before. The moment Scarlett put that thought into my mind all I pictured was losing Isabelle because of it and I panicked. The first instinct I had was to shut it down and I needed to be cold to get my point across."
"Like father, like son." She acknowledged as she looked at me. "I'm going to tell you from experience that's not the way to do things."
My brows furrowed. "What do you mean? Dad worships you like a queen, he would never do such a thing."
"Sterling, you weren't around when things began between him and I." She started to explain. "Things weren't always good, we've had our messy moments. Even when we brought you home we had our messy moments but we did our best to hide them. I can promise you, you'll save yourself some trouble if you just talk to her. You think you might be protecting her, but you could be breaking her heart."
"I know." I glanced down to the ground. "I fucked up and I'm going to fix it."
"Good." She responded. "Now hold your brother."
"What?"
"You haven't held him yet." She looked over to the bassinet. "Trust me, hold him."
Nodding, I walked over to Samuel who was beginning to move around. I carefully picked him up and held him in my arms. As I looked at him, I could feel a wave of warmth through my heart. He looked so peaceful and tiny.
"Now, can you imagine if it was your own that you were holding?" Kaydence asked as she looked at us.
The thought of my own baby entered my mind and now I know I lied. I do want my own children and I want them with Isabelle.
I just have to figure out how to control this fucking fear inside of me.
I held him for a few minutes before placing him down. "I need to go talk to her."
"Yes." Kaydence agreed. "You should do it now. The faster you clear the air, the better the outcome. Trust me."