IT'S BACK. THIS TIME THERE'S A NEW SUSPECT.
WARNING! CRAPPY PICK UP LINES AHEAD.
PLEASE, DON'T ENJOY
If it worked with Erwin, surely it could work with Levi too, right?
Eyebrows got laid just from goddamn pick-up lines, Levi can do it too.
He knows he'll succeed, he was one of the people who gave Erwin those crappy pick-up lines. To which, Levi thinks isn't crappy. Just...special.
No way in hell was he going to ask Hanji and Mike for some, Levi's case was special and only one person could have known about it even if Levi didn't say a word to him about it.
Erwin motherfucking Smith.
The bastard should be grateful that Levi was being generous enough so that he could get laid. Erwin owed Levi one and he was now about to collect his reward.
Without knocking on the door, Levi entered Erwin's office. He saw Erwin's lover doing some of the Commander's paperwork. The man Levi was looking for was currently reading some of the paperwork his lover finished. He greeted Levi with a smile and Erwin's lover waved.
"Hello, Levi. Anything you need?" Erwin asked, setting his papers down.
"Yeah, remember that time you asked us for some pick-up lines to get laid by her over there?" Levi pointed to Erwin's lover, who blushed madly and hid behind the paper. Erwin chuckled and nodded, leaning back in his seat.
"And what of it? I've said my gratitude. Although she did have amazing comebacks to the ones you gave me." Erwin chuckled once more when he saw his lover squirm in her seat, obviously embarrassed at the two men.
Levi crossed his arms to look more intimidating, "You owe me one." He said. Erwin smiled and nodded, he stood up and stretched before he followed Levi out the door.
"Erwin?" His lover called.
"Don't worry, (another name you use). I'll be back after I become Levi's wing man." And with that, the two left.
Levi and Erwin peeped out slowly to see you tending to your horse. You were humming to yourself while you brushed your horse's mane. Levi and Erwin went to hiding again and studied there plan.
"Alright, just go up there, chat with (y/n) a bit and bam! Commence Operation: Get you laid!" Erwin said.
Levi 'tched' and rolled his eyes but proceeded nonetheless. Your horse suddenly left you to greet Levi. You saluted towards him who was stroking the horse's mane.
"Good morning, captain!" You smiled.
"Yeah." Levi nodded. "Hey, (y/n)." He called.
"Yessir?"
"Don't you think horses get tired of being rode on?" Levi said before he pointed to his crotch. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
From the distance, you could hear Erwin face palming.
"Uhm...I don't know, captain. At least (horse name) doesn't get tired, don't you?" You smiled at the horse who neighed as a response.
"Well, there's a party in my pants...you're the guest of honor." Levi smirked smugly.
"Captain!" You gasped in shock. "Just how many have you invited?!"
"Urk!" From the distance once more, Erwin was trying his best to contain his laughter.
Levi cleared his throat harshly before he regained composure. "(y/n)...did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt, captain?" You asked.
"When you fell down from heaven?"
"Captain...are you okay?" You asked.
Levi nodded his head but continued. "You have a lot of bones in your body, would you like one more?"
"Captain, please. Penis bones are only found in animals, not humans." You sighed.
"Well fuck it then, do you want to get with me or not?" Levi said, he was incredibly pissed off.
"Wait...captain you were hitting on me!?" You gasped.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Levi face palmed and kicked the ground, you laughed and laughed until Levi told you to shut up.
"Sir, if I may state my opinion...but did you have an accomplice?" You pointed towards Erwin who fled, Levi groaned and buried his face in his hands.
"(y/n), you are the worst." He said.
You took his hands and placed a gentle kiss on them before you glanced at Levi with love. "But you still find me attractive. Alright, I'll come to your room tonight. But please, I don't want any non-existent bones to be added inside me." You giggled and walked away to return your horse in the stables.
Levi knew that his colleagues were the worst people to ask for being a wing man.
OKAY. OKAY. I LITERALLY HAD TO SEARCH FOR CRAPPY PICK-UP LINES AND HAD TO ALSO GOOGLE IF A PENIS DID HAVE BONES AND NOW I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MY PARENTS. JFC.
Until then, be Humanity's Hope, Trainees!
Sylvia-Danchou is out, peace!