summary: logan loves tutoring roman, it's the first time he feels like he can share what he loves with someone he cares about. but he soon finds out that history repeats itself.
word count: 372
this is really freaking sad sdfjkjfk but don't worry, i'll try to make the next one extra fluffy ;) (this past week was pretty good/okay so progress :D)
tw/cw// sad logan, crying, description of a panic attack
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Ever since he was little, Logan Sanders was used and ridiculed for his intelligence. People would ask him for answers, they'd make fun of him for focusing more on school than friends, they'd take his favorite thing, school, and ruin it with simple words.
But Logan had moved past that. He thought he moved past that.
He thought high school would be different. A new school district, new people, hopefully new friends. He got what he wanted, and then some.
Roman Sanders, one of Logan's friends and someone he got to tutor in pre-cal every day. The burst of pride he'd get every time Roman learned something new from him was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. He was excited every time he made his way to the library after school, knowing he'd be able to spend more time with Roman and his favorite school subject.
After about a month of sharing his favorite thing with his favorite person, Logan noticed that Roman stopped showing up. He barely even talked to the nerd since he didn't have any classes with him.
Logan found out from Patton, a friend he's not very close to, that Roman got tired of getting tutoring, opting for looking up his answers instead.
It shouldn't matter. That's what Logan told himself. It doesn't matter.
He couldn't help the pain he felt from losing someone he cared about so much, though. 'I wasn't good enough for him, he didn't need tutoring, he just needed answers. That's all I was to him. A good grade in a tight sweater.'
As soon as Logan entered his room, he shut the door and desperately pulled the blue sweater he wore off of his body. Everything felt suffocating, he couldn't breathe. Tears flowed down his face as he paced back and forth.
'Why am I never good enough? Why do I always have to feel things?' He tried to force himself to calm down.
'Think about Sherlock. Just think about Sherlock.'
Thinking about something solid, something with a definite answer, usually helped Logan calm down from the uncertain thoughts swirling in his head. Not even the certainty of Sherlock could keep his mind at bay.
'I'm not good enough. I will never be enough.' He thought as his vision darkened, his breathing becoming painful.
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i enjoy giving logan angst :)) also next week, i have an out of town competition, so i'll try to update but it will either be late or really short sorry sdjfhskdjfk anywho, I hope you all enjoyed, love you all, stay safe, buh bye!!
4/16/22