He's back
**❤**
Entering school on a Monday morning with a huge smile was weird to most. I kept my face down towards the ground as I navigated my way through the school and towards my locker. It was 7:10am in the morning and I doubted my friends would be here this early given that the bell for homeroom went off at 8am.
I ended up retrieving some needed books from my locker before heading towards the library. Unfortunately, when I got there it wasn't open yet. On the other hand, a certain someone was standing by the door with his back faced towards me. I bit my lip and hesitated on approaching him, feeling bad for how I had been avoiding him for the past three weeks at school.
Turning around, I made the decision to walk away but was stopped by a voice.
"Seraphina?"
I shut my eyes tightly and sighed before turning around. I was so embarrassed to even look at him.
"Parker." I smiled when my eyes met his warm brown ones. He was so handsome in is school uniform and his blonde hair was neatly styled.
"How have you been?" He asked with a genuine smile. He was so friendly and kind to everyone, even towards me after I had avoided him. It has been three weeks since the start of school and in all of that time, Parker and I shared many classes together but I would go out of my way to make sure we didn't sit together or talk. At this point, I know he noticed.
At my seventeenth birthday party, I told him that I wasn't interested in him in that way and he said it was fine, as long as we could be friends which I agreed to. I looked like a liar now. He probably thought that I was so two-faced. He didn't know the real reason as to why I was avoiding him.
"I'm okay, thank you." I said meekly, fidgeting with my bag to distract myself.
"Cool, that's good to hear." He smiled.
Moments of silence passed before I realised something.
"Oh! I didn't even ask about how you are," I slapped a hand to my face and shook my head. "I'm so shallow."
"No, it's okay." He assured.
"It's not okay. Are you okay? I mean, do you feel good? Or how are you? How is Southernfield so far?" I rambled, feeling awkward. He wasn't awkward at all. It was me who was feeling embarrassed after I so obviously avoided being his friend.
"You are adorable," before I could process what was happening his hand was gently tucking my hair behind my ear. I froze, it being the first time that a male other than Logan touched me in this manner.
I stepped back instantly causing Parker's expression to fall. He stepped back too and began scratching the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. . ."
"It's okay!" I exclaimed all of a sudden. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"I shouldn't touch you unexpectedly or without your permission," he shook his head. "I'm sorry."
I didn't want him to feel bad because of me. For me, there wasn't any harm in what he had done except for the fact that I felt scared. Not of him, of someone else.
"It's okay, Parker." I reached into my pocket and grabbed a piece of strawberry bubblegum. I handed it to him. "It seems like you are anxious. Bella told me to chew gum if I feel this way."
He looked at my hand and then at me before his lips raised into a smile. "Thank you."
I nodded and smiled.
"Bella is your friend?" he asked.
"Yep, my best friend." I said proudly. Lately, my friendship with Bella has been stronger than before given that we weren't keeping any huge secrets from each other like I'd been doing before. If anything, the transparency about everything that happened this summer was making me feel so much better knowing she understood me and was there for me.
"She's nice, she always offer to be partners with me for class activities when I don't have one. I appreciate it."
I looked down at my shoes and pouted, feeling annoyed with myself.
"Do you want to take a walk on the field? I mean, there is about fifty minutes before class and the library seems to be closed." He offered, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Uh. . ." I trailed off unsurely. I felt nervous to be around Parker. I guess a certain someone stigmatised the idea of him. "I should probably find Bella and my other friend Caitlyn."
"They can walk with us." he suggested.
"No, it's fine." I shook my head.
"Okay." He looked disappointed before sighing. He lifted his bag that was resting at his feet before swinging it over his shoulder.
I swallowed with a sullen expression as I watched him walk away. Unexpectedly, he turned around.
"Is it something I said? Do you find me intrusive? Or weird?" He asked unsurely.
"What? No." I said immediately. If anything, his presence was comforting and I barely knew him.
"Then why can't we be friends? Maybe I am weird for remembering this but you told me at your birthday party that we could be friends."
"You're not weird, I remember too."
"Oh, there must be another reason as to why you are avoiding me then. It's okay though, whatever reason you have I understand." He smiled again. Even now he didn't seem annoyed or rude, he asked as if he was genuinely wondering why.
"Let's go." I said. Without thinking twice, I marched towards him and grabbed his hand. "Let's take a walk."
There was nothing to be afraid of. It was ridiculous to still be following Logan and his overbearing orders. We weren't together anymore. He was out of my life for good. I couldn't hurt other people's feelings because of his obsessiveness.
We reached the field which was partially empty as I expected. Many students didn't come this early, but there was a few that was lingering on the field.
Parker and I fell into synchronised steps and began walking beside one another along the running track.
"So. . . What did you want to say?" I asked, biting my lip and looking down at the ground. I hugged my books tightly.
"Nothing specifically, I just thought it would be peaceful to take a walk?"
"With me?" I wondered, glancing at him to see him already looking at me. I looked away instantly.
"Yeah, like I said before you're a really comfortable person to talk to. I like your. . . Atmosphere. I can't explain it." He chuckled.
A smile formed on my face. I felt the same way about him. I felt relaxed and calm around him, unlike how edgy and nervous I felt around Logan.
I shouldn't think of him.
"I like you too." I said with a grin. My grin slowly disappeared when I realised my words. "I mean I like your atmosphere too!" I exclaimed. "Your atmosphere, not you. Not that I don't like you, I do like you as a person. Even a friend, I like you as a friend but I also like your atmosphere."
He stared at me for a few seconds before he bursted into a laugh. My face was burning in embarrassment.
"You are the cutest person I've ever met, Sera. I swear." He kept laughing to himself. The sound of his laughter made my embarrassment vanish and I ended up smiling widely.
"You are cute too." I giggled.
"So, tell me. Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Parker asked curiously.
I paused in my steps and bit my lip, my eyes suddenly turned towards the ground.
"I don't mean to pry at all, it's just that you are so beautiful it's kind of weird how you aren't dating. That's just in my perspective. In my old school, the prettiest girls were always taken." He explained.
I nodded slowly and lifted my head to look at him. Parker wasn't too tall of a guy but pretty much above the average of our school. Unlike a certain someone's six foot three inches, I was sure Parker was at least five foot ten which was still tall. He was taller than me but not to an uncomfortable level, which gave him much more appeal in my eyes. Men who were too tall were scary.
Why was I thinking like this? Ugh.
"Actually. . ." I trailed off then decided to be honest with him. I barely knew Parker at all but I felt like I could confide in him already. His warm brown eyes and his gentle atmosphere was too comfortable and so different to what I was used to. Boys at my school were wild. My brothers were also wild. Logan was. . . . rough. I appreciated Parker's energy way too much.
"I actually had a boyfriend up until two weeks ago." I admitted.
His brows raised in surprise. "Oh, does he go to our school?"
I bit my lip in hesitation, feeling my face warm at the thought of talking about Logan so casually to pretty much a stranger. "He was actually older than us, the age of about my brother Gabriel's age."
"And you broke up?"
I nodded, hugging my books even tighter to my chest as I felt my heart drop. I missed Logan so much. I hoped he was doing okay, but a voice in the back of my head kept being negative and thinking the opposite. Anger, hatred, spite, rage. . . These were all the words that came up when thinking of what he was currently feeling.
"That's rough," he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I hope you're okay now."
I nodded with a smile, shoving my feelings to the side. "I'm fine, I had to leave him sooner or later."
"For whatever reason, I'm sure you made the right choice." He smiled. I liked that he didn't pry for more answers, but for some reason I wanted to tell him more.
"He was a little bit aggressive at times." I blurted out. I gulped after the words left my mouth.
Parker's eyes suddenly turned serious. "What? As in. . .? Was he. . . aggressive with you?"
I bit my lip harshly and ignored the sting. I nodded slightly.
He released a breath of surprise. "Did you tell your parents? Your brothers? The police?"
I shook my head. "I can't."
"Seraphina," he said seriously. "What do you mean you can't?"
"I didn't intend for our walk to get so serious. I'm sorry. We should change the topic." I insisted.
"I don't think I can just ignore what you just said."
"You don't even know me." I mumbled. Says the girl who just told him my deepest secret, one I hadn't even told my family yet.
"I don't care that I don't know you. You're the girl that I like and I just found out this shit." He sighed deeply.
I looked at him in surprise and paused in my steps again to see him do the same.
"Girl that you like?" I asked warily.
"Yes, I've been keeping it to myself this whole time because for three weeks you've been avoiding me. I saw you actively go out of your way to not see me in the hallway and thought I shouldn't tell you that I liked you because the rejection would be so embarrassing. I didn't want to come off as desperate and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, so I didn't tell you. If I liked a girl I would usually tell her." He admitted.
His sudden confidence came as a surprise and I realised then how perfect he would be as a boyfriend. He was kind, genuine, shy, but also confident and clear in what he wanted. He also displayed basic human decency and emotions. He was a good guy. However, I had no romantic feelings for him and I blamed it on the fact that I still wasn't over Logan.
"Why me?" I asked urgently, feeling my heart go into overdrive at his confession. He couldn't like me. I belonged to someone else.
Gosh, Seraphina! Cut it out.
"Why not you? You're perfect. Since the day we met in that ice cream parlour, I was so captivated by you. Your eyes are so beautiful, your voice, your smile, don't even get me started on your eye smile. The smile that is so wide that your eyes nearly close. You are kind and so adorable. What's there not to like?" He smiled and stepped towards me only for me to step back. He frowned by the motion.
"You don't even know me." I said once again, my voice slightly accusing. In any other case, I would have been so flattered and would lose sleep over this. But I've become so different compared to before summer. My perspective about things, especially, is so different. I'm also far more cautious about everyone and everything.
"I don't know you, you're right. But do we really ever know the people we develop a crush for? Or do we just look at them from afar and hope they'll notice us too."
"I-I can't like you back." I said instantly, feeling all sorts of defense mechanisms come to play.
I liked Parker as a friend and appreciated so much about his personality, but the moment he became a potential love interest, all my defense mechanisms kicked in. He could be lying. He could be a really good actor. There could be someone else behind his beautiful smile and caramel brown eyes. Someone like a monster.
I knew now better than ever that a handsome face didn't mean a good guy. First impressions could be acting.
"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable by my confession," He stepped back slightly to make sure there was enough space between us and gave me a reassuring smile. My grip around my books loosened the slightest bit. "I promise I don't care for my feelings if it will make you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know, you don't have to like me back but I'll still like you."
"Why?" I asked, feeling my resolve slip. He was too nice and patient, so unlike the boys at this school. But it could all be an act.
"Because why." He laughed softly. "I'm not so sensitive and also not so easily able to get rid of my feelings. Besides, you seem worth it."
"We should head back inside." I decided, turning to walk away. I couldn't help but act cut-off. I was too afraid now given Parker's confession. I remembered Logan threatening anyone who even looked in my direction. He said some vile stuff that night and I suddenly grew so afraid. We were out on the open field and our interactions became to exposed, as if someone could see us. I didn't like this feeling one bit. It made me so nervous and scared. My insides were shaky and cold.
I should see therapy.
"Wait, Sera," Parker stepped in front of me to block my path. "You can't just say someone like that and then leave. Who was he?"
"What do you mean?"
"Who was the asshole who was aggressive with you?"
I suddenly regret telling him. I didn't think he would care or be this persistent. "I can't tell you."
"What did he do?"
Memories of Logan's angry eyes and strong grip around my neck flashed in my mind and I held my books even tighter, my hands suddenly stiff and cold. Parker noticed the movement.
"I'm so sorry, Sera." He said sadly. "I don't even know you that well so it feels inappropriate to get mad, but I feel so mad." He made a 'tsk' sound.
"I-I don't know why I said anything. It took months to tell Bella, and my other best friend Caitlyn don't even know the full story. But I told you so easily."
"Thank you for telling me. I mean you no harm, I swear. I'll look out for you as long as I'm here, since you're the girl that I like. You must be scarred." He mumbled the end part.
"I don't know," familiar pressure build up behind my eyes but I willed my tears away. I couldn't cry in front of Parker, I barely knew him and it was early morning for crying out loud. The birds were chirping, the sun was out, the weather was beautiful; I had so much to be grateful for. Besides, I'd like to keep some of my dignity that was left. "Scarred is an understatement."
"I won't pry then." He said gently. He lowered his head to my height and smiled before ruffling up my hair. The sudden gesture came as a surprise brought a slight smile to my face.
"Parker, you can't tell anyone, okay? Only Bella knows." I said, holding out my pinkie.
"I won't. I also won't pry for more answers, even though I'm so curious." He took my hand in his and shook my pinkie as to seal our promise.
I smiled in appreciation.
The potential for Parker to become a very good friend raised by so much in so little time. From now onwards, I wouldn't avoid him. We will be good friends.
FOR the next few days to come, Parker has hung out with Bella, Caitlyn and I every single day. He would eat lunch with us, study with us, and join our group for daily group tasks. The new addition to our group grew quicky and Clarke then began sitting with us too.
I had never felt so at peace at school with the male species as I did the last few days. It was new and I enjoyed it, much different to last year. Senior year held great opportunities, ones of which could hopefully knock me out of my sheltered little bubble of naivety and innocence.
Friday rolled by quickly and I was already exhausted with the weeks school work. The teachers loved to overwork us, more now than ever given we were seniors. Senior year came with many events that the seniors had to be part of organizing, plus the homework and assignments. It all rendered me tired.
"Can we go out?" Bella asked. She was on her phone and browsing Instagram while lying on her bed. I overlooked her shoulder and noticed she was stalking Parker's Instagram profile.
I frowned and shoved her shoulder.
"Why you stalking Parker?" I asked.
She turned and noticed I was overlooking her shoulder and shoved me away harshly. I fell backwards and laughed out loud.
"Leave me alone. I find him very good to look at." She shrugged.
"You say that with every guy, I don't believe you're interested in them like that anymore, at this point." Caitlyn said before plopping down onto the bed next to us.
"I'm just admiring. Besides, he has a crush on Sera anyways."
I told them exactlyy what Parker told me a few days ago. I felt bad given that Bella seemed romantically interested in him, when I wasn't.
"It's just a silly crush." I shrugged.
"Please, I've seen the way he looks at you. He makes heart eyes at you every lunch period and you're too oblivious to notice it." Bella sighed. "It's really tough having such a good looking friend, all the guys like you, which hello, I don't blame them."
"Exactly, I can't believe this girl was insecure about herself." Caitlyn sent me a look causing me to shrug. I knew they understand why I was insecure so I didn't have to explain it to them.
"Let's go out. I want a boyfriend." Bella said, getting up from her bed.
"I'm in school clothes."
"So? You can wear my clothes."
"They don't fit properly." I complained.
"I have some clothes that are too small for me. You can wear those. Come on." She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her closet. Caitlyn followed suit.
We ended up dressed and ready to leave. I looked down at the skirt that Bella gave me.
She gave me a dark blue denim and high waisted skirt that ended mid-thigh with a red tshirt that said the word 'genius'. I tucked the shirt inside and analysed my outfit in the body length mirror. I liked it, even though it wasn't my common style.
"Wear these." Bella handed me white converse shoes and I slipped it on.
The three of us ended up at the arcade and had so much fun. Given I grew up with three brothers, I was very influenced by the things they did when they went out. Such as playing in the arcade.
I missed hanging out with my friends, but it was unusual of us to go outside and do it. It was so much easier to go out when my parents thought I was studying at Bella's house. I didn't need Ben to bodyguard me in my senior year too. I planned to break out of my shell.
After two hours, we ended up in the public park. It wasn't very full but there were some families going about and playing with their kids on the playground. I noticed an ice cream truck.
"Can we get ice cream?" I asked, my eyes sparkling in the direction of the truck that had a line of children waiting to buy ice cream.
"Let's go."
We headed towards the truck when I suddenly felt the need to pee.
"Guys, I need the toilet." I said. "Can you get me strawberry ice cream with jelly tots?"
I turned to rush towards the public bathrooms when Caitlyn suddenly stopped me.
"Seraphina, you can't go alone."
"What? Why?" I wondered.
Caitlyn sighed and pulled me with her to the direction of the toilets. "You don't just go alone to public bathrooms. Most especially outdoors like in the park. I know it's broad daylight but there are so much weirdos in this world."
I pouted suddenly, realising that she was right. Gosh, I had a lot to learn.
"But Bella will be buying the ice cream alone." I pointed out.
"I know, but she is around many people. She'll be fine. The bathrooms are more secluded."
I nodded in understanding. "Thank you." I kissed her cheek when we got there. As long as I had people around me who cared, I would be okay.
I entered the toilets and did my business, noticing it was empty. I sighed and washed my hands when my phone suddenly began to ring. I jumped in fright and placed a hand over my heart.
"Gosh," I murmured. Caitlyn was standing outside so it couldn't be her to phone call. It must be my mom or dad.
I pulled my phone from my bag and without looking at the caller ID, I answered the call. I realised only afterwards that it was an unknown number.
"Hello?" I asked.
No one replied, but I heard breathing on the other end of the phone.
"Uhm. . ." I trailed off. "Who are-"
"Seraphina."
I froze. My heart began racing and skipped several beats and my eyes went wide.
"Sweetheart,"
My breathing grew increasingly heavy as the instant recognition set in. I hated the way I longed to hear his deep and beautiful voice. I hated myself for the little self-respect I had for myself. I hated myself for missing him so much even after everything he did.
If I learned anything over the last few months, it was that I had to respect and love myself before I could do so for anyone else. So why was I already crumbling just by his voice?
"Sera-"
Before Logan could say anything else, I ended the call. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and realised how terrified I looked. My breathing was so heavy and my body frozen.
The more time I spent apart from Logan, the more I realised just how terrified I was of him. I was terrified of how he was able to manipulate me with his eyes and his words, making me fall for him even when I knew exactly of the pain he could inflict. I was convinced that, at this point, I had some mental issues too.
This wasn't normal. Would other women go back to their abusers? Long to see them, to hear their voice, to know that they were okay. . .
I am so stupid.
The most shocking part of all was that his voice was so gentle, as if all the scenarios I made up in my head over the last few weeks of him going crazy was all a lie and that he was perfectly okay.
I needed fresh air. I couldn't breath.
I shoved my phone back into my sling bag and washed my face. The cold water felt so refreshing. I used the breathing technique my mom taught me for whenever I felt panicked and remained in the bathroom to compose myself. I didn't want my friends to think something was wrong.
After dabbing my face dry with paper towels, I exited the bathroom.
"Did you do a number two?" Caitlyn asked when I exited.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Actually, it was a really long pee. My mom also called, asking about my whereabouts." I lied.
"Oh, good. Let's go." She grabbed by hand and we left to find Bella at the ice cream truck.
I couldn't stop thinking about Logan for the rest of the day at the park. It was so fun to have a typical conversation with my friends, but I knew my mind was distracted.
When Bella and Caitlyn went to play on the swings amongst the children, I couldn't help but laugh. They forced me to come with but I refused, saying I was tired.
Licking the residue ice cream from my lips, I stood from the bench and stretched with a sigh.
My eyes scanned the area with a fond smile as I stared at parents with their kids, when suddenly, my eyes landed on a familiar pair of blue ones. I gasped and stepped back, my butt falling back onto the bench.
I could only imagine that I must have resembled a deer caught in headlights by my shell-shocked expression.
My entire body racked with shivers as I noticed Logan's intense eyes resting on me, as if he was scrutinising my every move. Even from afar, I could tell that his eyes held a swirl of emotions even though his expression was blank.
We were in a public area, causing me to mentally sigh. For a second I thought I was imagining things, so I looked away and rubbed my eyes. When I looked back, he was no longer standing by his car but walking to my direction.
Slowly, like a predator hunting his prey, he advanced towards me.
I knew him enough to know that leaving him must have angered him so much. It caused me so much fear but also a lot of anticipation. I prepared myself to expect the worst. My brothers weren't here to help me, and I couldn't risk Bella and Caitlyn getting in the way of my mess, so I stayed silent. I pretended to be calm and looked away, my hands tightly gripped my skirt.
The day was bright, the sun was shining. So the immediate shadow that blocked my light warned me that someone was standing next to my sitting position on the bench.
Bravely, I looked up.
Meeting Logan's eyes, my heart beat accelerated in fear.
"Babygirl," he acknowledged, his expression stoic. My cheeks heated up in embarrassment. The last time he called me that he had hurt me immensely. It reminded me of how manipulated I was into thinking that what we had was okay.
"Logan." I said, but it came out as a whisper. My voice suddenly got stuck in my throat.
"Do you need a lift home?"
I was surprised by his question. I didn't expect the first thing he would say to me after almost a month apart be an offer for a lift home.
I gulped, feeling overwhelmed.
I didn't miss the way my heart fluttered by his nickname and his familiar voice. I longed to see him for weeks, and now he was here. Gosh, I was mental.
"No, thank you. My friends have me covered." I said quietly, hopefully glancing towards Caitlyn and Bella.
"Come with me." His tone was calm, but I knew not to mess with the storm that came with it.
"Please don't." I begged. I thought that three weeks away from him had done me good and made me stronger and less vulnerable, but the moment I heard his voice, I crumbled.
"Come with me." He repeated, this time it came out as a low growl.
I panicked and breathed deeply remembering what my mom had once told me whenever I had panic attacks.
Against my every thought and my subconscious yelling at me to leave and tell Bella and Caitlyn about what was happening, I instead stood up. Logan watched my every move and by the time I was standing, his hand grabbed mine and began pulling me towards his car.
***
Q: How do you expect this to end?
I love reading theories. Although it won't change the ending it's still fun to read.
Sorry for the cliffhanger. Less than 10 chapters left, please bare with me :(
Thank you for reading, please vote and comment!
For my fellow army's, happy birthday to Taehyungie! 💜🐯🎨🎷 Our Winter prince 🐻❄️