I can't quite believe that this is happening.
My lips are on Grayson's again, after all this time. I'm tasting him, I'm feeling him, I have him again after so, so long. If my hands weren't gripped so tightly around his brimming neck, then I wouldn't have believed it myself.
But I can really feel him. He's really here and he's kissing me. After dreaming about it for so long, I can't believe that it's finally real.
Our lips breaking, fireworks still cracking in the sky, we look to each other, our eyes silently exchanging emotions that words couldn't say.
My fingers stroke Grayson's stubble, the other running across his plump lips. I've missed him so goddamn much, and I never want to let him go again.
"Fuck," Grayson breathes. His eyes drop to the ground, his eyes red from his earlier tears. He licks his lips, his inner frustration eating away at him.
"Grayson," I lift his chin with my fingers, begging him to look at me. "Grayson. What's wrong?"
His mouth pushes flat, before he exhales. "You don't know how hard this is Mia. I've missed you so, so much. And I love you so, so much. But we can't be together."
I shake my head. "You know we can. You can't ignore what's real, and what's good. We can make this work Grayson."
"How Mia? Every second that you're with me, is every second that I put you in danger."
My eyes pool again, but I beg them to stop. I'm so done with crying. "Grayson. You can't ignore what we have, what you felt when you kissed me just then."
"I shouldn't have."
"But you did!"
"Yeah I did! Because I can't fucking resist you! I love you too damn much and I can't fight it anymore!"
In a moment where I shouldn't naturally feel happy, I do. Those are the words I've wanted to hear; because I've felt the exact same.
My hands clasp Grayson's warm cheeks, holding them in place and making him look to me. "Don't fight it then," I purr. "Don't fight it. Just live in the moment."
His shoulders fall, and in one last moment of weakness his lips find mine again, the warmth of his tongue mixing with mine.
It's intoxicating.
"I don't want to hurt you Mia," Grayson says as he pulls back, his forehead supported by mine.
"You won't."
His eyes close, and for once he gives up the battle inside of him. He's overthinking this. I know it's all crazy—what he does and all—but theres no reason why we can't work through it, why we can't reach the outcome we both so desperately want.
"I want to keep you safe," Grayson mumbles, his lips pressing to my forehead.
"You will Grayson. You always have."
"I just want to make you happy."
"That's all you do! I've been miserable without you. Every second has been torture!"
"What about him though?" Grayson's asks, his eyes wet from his feelings.
"Who?"
Grayson shakes his head. "I know it's my fault, but I know you've been falling for him too. I saw you two the night of your Christmas party; I saw you go back to the room together. And I saw you in London, going back to his."
Jeez, how does he know so much? I thought I was bad to look for him, but Grayson has been keeping his eye on me too.
I bite my inner lip. Inside, my heart sinks so low that I can feel it in my toes. I wish I could explain to Grayson how everything with Anderson really is, but I'm scared he won't believe me. I did nearly have sex with him, and we have kissed more than once now.
But how do I tell him that it's not like that?
"Grayson," I choke, my voice shaking. "You have to understand that it's not what it looks like. Anderson is my friend. At times I thought he was something more, but he wasn't. I think on some level I was trying to blackout you with him. I didn't see it at the time, but I do now."
Grayson's lips press together. With a breath, he pulls me closer, placing his mouth to my head.
"It was my fault anyway," he sighs. "I pushed you away and left you hurt. I can't blame you."
"But there's nothing going on between us now. He knows that, and I know it. I'm not over you."
Grayson's mouth forms into a side smile, and I love seeing it; seeing him somewhat happy again. And damn, I love his smile so much.
"Look Mia, I still stand by word," Grayson says, the wind enveloping us into its arms. "I want to get out of this life that I live, whether I'm with you or not. But I don't know how hard it'll be."
I nod, my eyes supporting Grayson. "I know." My fingers brush his stubble. "But please don't cut me off. What we have is too strong, and I can't go through this again, not after I've found you again."
"I can't promise that—"
"Shh." I press my fingers to his full lips. "You don't have to promise me anything."
Grayson's head falls to the crook of my neck, his arms hugging me so tightly that I could break with happiness.
This sensation is everything I've longed for the past months or so, and now that I'm experiencing it I can barely contain my happiness. He's all I want.
"Come back to mine tonight?" Grayson asks, his puppy-like eyes finding mine once more.
My eyes bulge. "Really?"
"Yes. I don't want to leave you yet. Not right now anyway."
My head nods frantically, and I throw my arms around Grayson's neck, sucking at his lips to confirm everything we've shared tonight.
"Mia what the fuck is this?"
My body jolts away from Grayson's, my arms brushing down my dress at the sight of Lucas, Hailey and Anderson running towards us.
Shit.
"I asked you a question Mia," Lucas growls.
Lucas is drunk, but he's also angry. Hailey's eyes are wide with disbelief and Anderson, well, he just looks broken.
I sigh, pressing my eyes closed, because I really don't know how to deal with this.
"Lucas. Stop," I plead quietly, finding some words from within me and watching as Grayson stands straight, his lips in a flat line.
"No!" Lucas roars, tearing his hand from Hailey's. "We've been looking for you for fucking ages, and then we find you out here. With him!" His finger points to Grayson, and I roll my eyes.
"Can't you just leave me alone for once!" I yell, my blood now at boiling point. "You're my brother, not my dad, okay? Just leave me be!"
"No! Because I can't trust you anymore!"
Grayson steps in. "I think you should leave her alone."
The scowl that covers Lucas' face is almost nauseating. "Excuse me?" He edges closer to Grayson. "If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't have been putting herself into all of these stupid situations."
Grayson sighs, stepping backward. "I know. But I'm here to right my wrongs."
"Little too late," Lucas spits.
I shake my head, begging for this all to be over.
"Can you all just stop?" I shriek.
Hailey then edges closer, joining the carnage. "Seriously. Why were you out here Mia? We were looking for you for ages."
I sigh. "Nothing. I came for some air."
"Wait a sec!" Lucas' hand flies to Grayson's back pocket, the top of the plastic bag escaping the denim, and he yanks it out. "What the fuck are these?"
At the sight of Lucas holding the bag of pills up, all I want to do is fade away into the background, or be sucked up by the ground at this precise moment.
This can't be happening right now, and I don't know how to get out of it.
With eyes wide, Grayson grabs the bag back off Lucas, huffing as he slots them back into his jeans. "They're mine," he says quietly.
My eyes look to Grayson, in disbelief that he's covering for me.
No, I can't let him do this. My brother and everyone else already think bad of him without all of this.
"You're a fucking drug dealer?" Lucas scoffs.
Hailey licks her lips, awkwardly stood behind Lucas. Anderson sits against the wall, his eyes low and on the verge of tears.
No. This ends now.
"They were mine," I say, turning the anger, the shouting and the tension into full blown silence. "They were mine. Grayson took them from me to stop me from doing anything stupid."
"What?" Hailey and Lucas say in unison.
Grayson looks to me, his eyes about to pop. But I can't let him take the fall for this. I have to reap the consequences.
"Yes," I repeat. "I was going to take them. They're mine."
Lucas lunges towards me, grabbing my wrist. "Where the fuck did you get drugs Mia?!"
I shake my head, freeing myself. "It doesn't matter. What matters, is that I didn't put myself through it again. And that Grayson was here to stop me."
"Again?" Hailey shrieks.
Oh, shit.
Why must I open my mouth without thinking?
Lucas' eyes search mine, so much anger behind them I can practically feel the intense heat. "You've done drugs before?"
"No!" Grayson booms. "No. None of this is her fault. It's mine."
No one knows where to look. Eyes move from me to Grayson, then from Grayson to me.
This is horrible.
Grayson swallows. "Yes, Mia has taken drugs before."
Everyone gasps, including Anderson, who looks as though he could throw up at any moment.
"But," Grayson continues. "It was all my fault."
"How?" Lucas hisses.
"Grayson don't!" I plead.
Grayson's hand drags through his hair. "Because someone I'm wound up with forced Mia to take it, as a way of getting back at me."
My eyes fly shut. This is all too much.
"So you are into drugs then?" Lucas mumbles through gritted teeth.
"Mia what the fuck!" Hailey wails. "When was this?"
I sigh even harder, wishing this night would just be over. "Back when I stayed at Grayson's for the week," I admit. "I wasn't actually sick. I was recovering."
"Oh this is all too fucking much!" Lucas roars. "Mia, we're going home. Grayson, I never want to see you in Mia's life again. Got it?"
Grayson is about to nod, but I stop him.
"Lucas," I shout. "Did it ever occur to you that I might have everything in order? Yes, bad things have happened, and yes, Grayson and I have both made some mistakes. But I'm an adult, and I'm responsible for my own actions!"
"No, Mia. You're stupid! Come on we're going." He grabs my wrist, hard.
"Then go!" I yell, freeing myself. "Because I'm going to Grayson's. And none of you can stop me. I love him."
"How can you love him?" Lucas scoffs, his arm stretched in Grayson's direction.
"I don't expect you to understand," I say. "I don't expect any of you to understand, actually. But Grayson is a good person! And I do love him! All of this has been blown way out of proportion!"
At that, Anderson shakes his head, turning on his heel and sauntering into the night. My eyes fall, my heart aching for him, but I don't know what else to do. Everyone just needs to know the truth about how I actually feel.
"Mia," Hailey says softly. "I think you're making a big mistake."
I nod, swallowing my tears. "Then it's my mistake to make."
Lucas huffs, his head shaking. "Don't blame me when your life that you've worked so hard to make comes crashing down because of him. Don't blame me."
Lucas' arm snakes around Hailey, twisting her around as they both leave me with final looks of disappointment.
I don't care though. I've had it with being treated like a child. On the outside, this seems like a catastrophe, but between Grayson and I, it's just a hurdle we need to get over together. And we will. I know we will.
I look to Grayson, who's eyes are staring to a puddle beneath him.
"I'm sorry all of this has happened," he mutters. "I'm so sorry. Things should have never have got this bad."
I run to him, my hands against his brimming arms. "No. This is not for you to feel guilty about. I've made bad decisions too, okay? Besides, it's got nothing to do with anyone else what I do with my life."
Grayson nods, his lips against my head. "I love you Mia."
"I love you too."
With my head rested against Grayson's torso, all I can think is how happy it is to be in his hold again. I know things will take time to patch up with everyone else, but right now, all that matters is that Grayson and I are together. We're finally together again.