Deidara and I share a strangled look.
The officer happily reports something into the walkie-talkie that hangs from his front shirt pocket and then waves us forward. Uneasily, Deidara and I follow him across the store in our speed-machines, which have been demoted into slow-machines now that our racing days have been pushed behind us. When we reach the front, we find the now even paler teen standing beside a little four year old boy.
I frown. "Deidara...When did we have a kid?"
Deidara is speechless.
The child is the perfect example of what would happen if you chopped both Deidara and I into bits and poured us into a blender.
He has longish straight blonde hair, the exact shade of Deidara's, and ugly brown eyes like mine. Tears stream heavily down his red tinted face, lower lip quivering. He surges forward and throws his arms out. Instincts kick in and I bend down and scoop him up. He throws his arms around my neck and sobs into my shirt.
"Momma, I'm so sorry!" He whimpers in his squeaky, barely intelligible four-year old lingo, "I'll never run off again, yeah!"
I think my eyes are about to explode, they're that wide.
"Did you rape me in my sleep, hmm?" Deidara climbs off his buggy and steps closer to us, peering down at the kid in my arms. "And then knock me out for four years and nine months, un?"
I shake my head. "Not that I can remember."
"What's going on?" Kisame steps forward, a small clear plastic bag in one hand. A large golden yellow gold fish swims around within it. My fishy friend pauses when he sees the kid. "Um, is there something you two need to tell me?"
"Trevor!"
We all whip around, including the kid in my arms. A woman with light brown hair and brown eyes stands several feet away, looking horrified. The kid in my arms stops sobbing into my chest long enough to glance back and see the woman. His brows furrow, gaze flickering back and forth between the two of us, confused. It clicks in my head though and I smile in relief.
"Is that your Momma?" I ask Trevor carefully setting him down onto the floor. He nods and rushes forward, throwing his arms around the woman's neck. The mother scoops him up and hugs him for a few moments, planting worried kisses all over his face. The guard and register clerk stare at us confusedly and step aside to talk to the mother.
Deidara lets out a small sigh of relief. I look to him, trying hard not to laugh.
"For a moment there, hmm..." He trails off, gorgeous eyes widening slightly.
I laugh. "At least it wasn't just us. He even fooled Kisame."
Kisame stares at the mother for a few moments and then looks back to us. He holds up his fish and beams. "I picked one out."
"Let's go get some fishy stuff." I throw my hands into the air. Deidara and I drop our speed machines off at the front and bid our goodbyes to them. They were good racers. I shall miss them. Then, hand in hand, we leisurely stroll back to the pet center to pick out stuff for Kisame. I text Sarah and tell her to start rounding up the troops so we can get Subway and leave.
When we get to the isle, Kisame is standing in front of several fish tank accessories, eyeing them peculiarly.
"What's this?" He picks up a 'sunken' pirate ship.
"It's stuff for the tank to make it look all cool. You can get one or two if you'd like." I squat down and examine all the tanks. I pick the cheapest one and tell Deidara to grab it. While he does that, I grab all the cleaning stuff and food and the net. Kisame picks out the pirate ship and a small fake reef set. "You'll need some sort of base. You can get marbles or some of those rocks." I point them out so Kisame can pick. He grabs the pebbles and I nod. I don't really like the shininess of the marbles.
We carry our load to the register. Hidan, Sarah, Naruto, Lee, and Kakashi meet us there-all holding items they want to buy. I scowl at them but order them to put the items on the belt. Kakashi is getting two magazines and a book. Naruto and Lee are getting weights and some sort of stretchy thing that they plan on using while working out. Hidan grabbed a bag of cheetos and Sarah has a book.
"Did you want anything?" I glance to Deidara.
"They don't have it, hmm." He shrugs lightly, smiling.
I stare at him for a few moments. "Clay?"
He nods.
I purse my lips. I can't remember if they sell clay at Walmart or not. Oh well, we'll have to go to Micheal's before we go home then. I nod and step up with my credit card and swiftly pay. The teen glares at me, irritated because of the prank I pulled.
I glare back. Hey, at least we're buying shit.
Everyone grabs their bags and we stroll into Subway.
Sarah and I help everyone order. Once we get our food, we kind of separate off into groups. Sarah slides into the bench next to me, across from Hidan, and Deidara sits across from me. Kisame pulls up a chair to our table and Naruto, Lee, and Kakashi sit in the booth behind us.
"This shit is good!" Hidan exclaims through a mouthful of sandwich.
I glare at him. "Don't talk with your mouth full."
"Whatever." He rolls his eyes and then snickers. "Mom."
"That was crazy." Kisame shakes his head. "I literally thought for a moment that you two had a kid."
Hidan and Sarah look at him weird.
"There was actually a kid with that last name." I laugh lightly. "The security guard tracked Deidara and I down and brought us to the front. The kid looked exactly like what someone would picture our kid looking like. He had blonde hair and brown eyes."
"It really screwed us over when he ran to Lex screaming, 'Mommy!', yeah." Deidara nods in agreement to my words and then takes a bite of his sandwich.
Sarah and Hidan burst into laughter.
"That's so cute!" Sarah squeals. "You guys would make awesome parents."
"Yeah, until the kid gets pissed and blows up the house." Hidan snorts.
"He or she would not blow up my house." I say in a matter-of-fact tone. "Because I would kick their ass before they could even try."
Deidara laughs lightly. "I wonder what Hidan's kid would be like, hmm."
We all look to Hidan and then to Sarah. Sarah smirks. "Our kid would be fucking awesome." And Hidan seconds that.
"And you know, if I ever get tired of him...I can just send him over to you for the night." Sarah grins my way, bumping my shoulder with her own.
"Not if you're still living in my house." I snort. "It wouldn't do you any good."
Sarah's face scrunches up. She takes a sip of her coke and nods slightly. Her eyes narrow in thought. "You know, Alex..." I glance over, chewing on my food, "Maybe we shouldn't add more rooms onto the house. Why don't we just build...more houses? Like around the area. Hidan and I could have a house. Pein and Konan, maybe even Alice and Kisame..." Sarah trails off in thought.
My head tilts to the side. "It would cost a lot."
"We can get the money." Sarah chuckles. "Just sell everything in your garage and have Kakuzu man the register."
We all kind of chuckle.
I frown. "But...what good would it be if you all went back." I shoot Deidara a pained look.
"As far as I know," Kisame swallows his food, "Leader-sama hasn't even started trying to look for a way back. And I think everyone is way too happy here." He nods towards Deidara and Hidan. "I don't think Leader-sama want's to break you guys up."
I blush slightly and smile. "Alright. We'll look into it. Remind me, when I get home I'll talk to Nii-san. But what about everyone else? Like Sasori, Kakuzu, Itachi, Naruto, Lee, and all them? Where would they stay?"
"I say we build one big ass house for all them." Sarah spreads her arms out wide.
"Why not just fucking let them live in the main house?" Hidan's brows furrow.
"That house has been in Alex's family for generations. I seriously doubt she's willing to part with it." Sarah scowls at him.
To second her notion, I scrunch my nose up in distaste and shake my head. "I really wouldn't. And I'd have to go through the garage first." I look to Sarah as I speak. "There's a lot of old furniture in there."
"That could be worth millions." Sarah shoots me a look.
I sigh. "I know."
"How long have you had the house, yeah?" Deidara's brows furrow.
I purse my lips, doing the mental math. "237 years. My great great whatever built the house during the Revolutionary War, which was this whole war where this country, America, fought for freedom against England, which is another country. It was originally a plantation-so technically I own a lot of land around the house as well. I'm not sure the exact boundaries though. There might be something up in the attic..."
Deidara nods slightly, looking thoughtful. We gather our trash and throw it all away. I stop at Micheal's on the way home and order everyone to stay in the car, save for Deidara. We walk into the store and I drag him to the pottery section.
At first, he's confused but then he sees the clay and understands.
"You can also get some paint if you want to paint whatever you make." I smile at him sweetly. "And this stuff," I point to a bag, "can be dried in the oven. But it doesn't matter. Pick whatever you want."
Deidara grins and kisses my nose. "Thanks, babe, un."
Butterflies nip at my stomach. I grin like an idiot and bounce on the balls of my feet while I wait for my sexy artist to pick. He grabs a bag of the oven-dry clay and we stroll over to the paint section for clay. I get him a brush set and allow him get one of each of the prime colors. Despite my lack of skill in the subject, art was always my favorite class in school. I figure he can just mix colors together if he needs others.
We pay and our items are bagged up. We walk back to the car and climb in. Sarah must have explained what kind of store Micheal's was, because no one asked to see what we got-which is surprising when Hidan is with you. We pull into the drive at home and climb out.
Some of my kitties are in the family room when we get home. Sakura, Karin, Tj, Tobi, and Tenten are sprawled out across the couch, watching a chick flick. Sasori and Itachi are currently playing a game of chess.
Alice steps into the room as we enter and beams at us. "How'd it go?"
I smile and shake my head. "It was fun. Come on, Kissy-fish!" I gesture for Kisame to follow me to a small blank section in the wall. "Let's put together your fishy tank."
Alice laughs lightly and I plop down on the floor. Deidara deposits the clay into our room and then rejoins us down here.
"Do you need help, hmm?" He asks me and when I shake my head, he plops down on the couch beside Hidan and Sarah.
Kakashi vanished-most likely to stare at his new magazines-and Naruto and Lee are now training with Gai.
"So what'd you name it?" I nod towards Kisame's gold fish.
Kisame smiles. "Nemo."
"Nemo?"
"Yes. Nemo. From that fish movie Alice told me about."
I stare at him for a few moments and then laugh. Alright then. Welcome to the family, Nemo.