Playlist for this chapter only:
Dean Lewis- A Place We Knew x2
Lizzy Mcalpinel- Same Boat (This one is optional)
Tyler Shaw- Love Me Again
Tyler Shaw- Worse for Me
Rhys Lewi- No Right to Love You x2
Girl In Red- I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend
4 weeks later
Stiles's POV
Life seemed to fast forward this past month. Scott and I got situated at our apartment and have been registering for our classes while we enjoy the summer heat. We've been at the beach practically everyday because back in Beacon Hills we would have to drive three hours to the nearest beach, which was utterly horrible. I've been reading a Journal passage a day from Y/n's book and every day my feelings grow more for that beautiful women. She's everything I've always desire and I fucked it up. But I'm learning how to be a better person for her and myself. We haven't gone back to Beacon Hills yet; however in a few day's Scott and I are planning to surprise everyone. I call my dad almost every single day and I keep Y/n updated on the journal while she gives me updates about Roscoe. Melissa sometimes text's me to see how I am doing along with Allison...which always surprises. Allison is practically like my younger sister yet I will never get use to her actually caring for me.
"How did registries go today?" Scott says over his shoulder when I walk through the front door.
"Terrible I have another two classes I need to take." I groan and throw my backpack and books on the coffee table.
"How many is that now?" Scott laughs when I take a pillow and throw it across the room.
"I've lost count Scotty boy." Screaming into a pillow seemed like to much so instead I throw another four pillows.
"Dude you're going to break something stop it!"
"I'm so sorry dad." Walking into the kitchen I grab a bottle of water before I begin to walk down to my bedroom but I suddenly stop in my tracks at the familiar voice.
"He has the tendency of a child I swear." Y/n's voice echoes throughout the speakers allowing me to sprint to the computer.
"Your talking to Y/n and you didn't bother telling me anything?!" I hit him upside the head repeatedly before I push his chair away from the computer.
"Hey n/n." She leans her head back and laughs. A genuine laugh that leaves my heart to melt into a thousand butterflies. She seems happy now. She seems to really enjoy her life and that's all I ever wanted for her. Y/n lost her sense of humor durning her depression and anxiety and now that it's back my heart is fulfilled. "I'm finishing the journal today."
"Really?!"
"Mmh and if Scott bothers me I'll kill him."
Y/n giggles. "I hope you enjoy it than."
"Can I talk to my sister?"
"No you may not." I lean my chin against the palm of my hand and admire her beauty. I cannot breathe until I am with her and having to be this far away from her kills every single nerve inside my body. She the reason why I breathe and stay alive. She's my anchor."What have you been up to lately?"
"Nothing, I've just been relaxing. Oh I got a job at the diner!"
"No way!! Congrats a-Y/n! Which one is it?" I watch as she get's up of her hair and searches for something around her room. And only now do I realize that she is wearing my hoodie. The same hoodie I have come to learn to love on her. I have also learned that whenever she's wearing this specific hoodie she never wears pants.
"It's the diner that's twenty minutes away."
"Never been their before, you'll have to take me there one day." She nods her head. I say a quick goodbye before getting up and marching into my room.
Picking up the journal that remains on my bed side table I lay down in bed and open up to the page I left off on.
06/03/04
Dear Stiles,
Today was a pretty rough day for all of you...especially you. Your beloved mother passed away. I tried everything in the world to make you happy today but I don't know if it worked. You don't deserve this. No one truly does. She was a wonderful women I called my second mother. She taught me a lot of things my mother couldn't as her long days at work got in the way. When Scott and I came over sheriff instructed us to go up to your room. With your head stuffed between pillows the two of us went on either side and comforted you. I convinced you to watch Star Wars as I know it's something you love. I'm not sure why cause it's pretty boring but oh well. Throughout the whole movie you held onto my hand and laid down on my shoulder. Some weird feeling overcame me. It felt like butterflies dancing around in my tummy. When Scott passed out I changed the atmosphere and brought out board games. You won every time but it didn't matter as a smile seemed to float it's way onto your lips. Than you convinced me to go outside at twelve in the morning. We went to our favourite lake and watched the insects crawl around in pure relaxation.
"I wish I was an insect or something creature like because than I wouldn't have to feel this sadness I do now. Why did she leave me?" You repeated the last sentence over and over again until I hugged you.
Just know each star is another reality your mother did survive
-Y/n
Wiping away my tears I set down the book. She's cared for me since than and I was too blinded to see it. Through these's pages I've come to learn more about her and her perspective. It's her inner most deepest thoughts and I can't help but cry over the memory of my mother because Y/n too had a clear view of how amazing she truly was before her sickness. I flip onto the next page hoping for a happier journal entire.
05/12/05
Dear Stiles (the boy who saved me)
Talking to Stiles has become one of the best things. You make every second of life worth living for. Especially today. My daddy pushed me down the stairs and later left us. I was heart broken to say the least. He didn't love us anymore. I stayed in my room for what seemed like hours. I was scared to see anyone because I thought they would make fun of me. That was until Stiles crawled up the side of our house and banged on the window. I was confused and conflicted but I let him in anyways. He saw my tears. The tears I hadn't shown my mother yet. Stiles told me he heard what happened but I was to frightened that it hurt to speak. I shield my face away from him but he brought me back to look at him. "You don't ever need to hide your tears from me. I'm always here as your protector. You are a beautiful angel, those's tears are your fighting tears. You're not weak...you are strong." I cried some more and Stiles was more than willing to hug me as if his life depended on it. We sat on my read nook for an hour before Stiles instructed me to get up. You took me down the stairs and outside. You told me I needed to get out of the house. And while we walked for hours on hours we finally rested at a little cave. Palm trees hid it nicely as we listened to the beach waves crash.
"We should come here more often when the two of us needs to get away from reality; what do you say about that?"
I wanted to say the words I have been dying to say for a year now but I knew I couldn't so instead I smiled and nodded my head. It was the first time I knew that I liked Miecz- Stiles Stilinski.
-Y/n
(We still need a name for this place dumbass)
Chucking at her last comment I grab my phone and text Y/n.
Why is the name of our place up to me?
Stiles
Read at 11:15 am
Because you're the one that found it. Therefore it's your responsibility.
Angel❤️
Read at 11:20 am
You do realize you shouldn't trust me with the name. I'll probably put something that represents Star Wars ya know.
Stiles
Read at 11:21 am
You do that and I'll beat you.
Angel❤️
Read at 11:23 am
Fine, I'll let you know if I come up with anything. ( Probably won't tho)
Stiles
Read at 11:25 am
😝
Angel ❤️
Read at 11:26 am
Flipping to the next page I relax deeper into my pillow.
07/02/16
Dear Stiles,
To the man I love. To the man I couldn't help but fall for. Today you told me you loved me. You told me without even noticing and that....that to me is the best way to let someone know how much you care for them. You said it again when we were eating dinner and that time you picked up on it. That time you repeated it back a thousand times. And I can't help but tell you that this is what I've been waiting for. I've loved you since we were kids and it has been the most difficult thing to keep to myself. The first time we kissed I thought that's it that's the end but through your darkness nights and through some of our intimate moments I have come to know you better than I know myself. You've helped me in ways no one has and you've guided me into a brighter direction with more opportunities. I love you so much that it literally pains me when we are not around each other. So thank you for coming into my life and changing it like no one else could.
Your Angel
-Y/n
My heart beats against my chest at the deep words. It's everything I've been feeling all over again for her these past few months but I know I can't have her back. She won't love me the same. I've damaged everything that could possibly make the two of us move forward. I've damaged all my chances of happiness with her. I still picture her silhouette. The image is embedded into my mind. I can see her cuddled up into my chest late at night when I couldn't sleep. I remember the small traces she would tattoo my body with when we watched a movie we enjoyed. Our late night drives however was my favourite. The nice warm welcoming breeze erupting through the windows as she quietly sings a song located on her playlist. She would often use my fist as a microphone and after she was done her performance she would kiss the back of my hand.When we went on dates that involved food, Y/n would try to compete with me about who can eat more. It was the highlights of my day's and I'll always fucking regret going back to Lydia! I was a idiot.
Lifting the book briefly up I get underneath my covers and begin to flip the page when something falls out.
Huh. I set the book aside and grab the folded piece of paper. I open it up and see the messy scribbles. The letter isn't written out to anyone expect her journal.
Maybe this is one of the pages she thought she ripped out. I state to myself before reading it.
TRIGGER WARNING!
Dear Journal,
It's me. Surprise surprise. I haven't been feeling the greatest about me. About who I am. I mean I feel like I'm back tracking eleven steps. I feel as though I am going back to my original routes. I have this same struggle every time I get better. I stop eating...I result in just water as it's easier to maintain everything. I stop trying to fight because what's the purpose anymore. No one loves me. No one at all. It's the reason why Stiles left me. He didn't want to deal with all my damaged parts. He didn't want to help me. It's the reason why my dad got drunk every night and resulted in alcohol. He wanted to forget about me. About me being his daughter. It's the same reason why he pushed me down the stairs. I'm laying in this stupid hospital bed regretting every decision up until here. Every dark thought, every dark corner, every mistake I wish I can take it all back. I wish I never dated him. I wish I lived somewhere else. I wish someone loved me. I wish I could love myself. I wish that I didn't need someone to make me feel less numb. When I don't eat it's the only time I can feel a different pain. A different feeling. It's unhealthy of course but know one seems to notice. I need time for myself. I need time to heal on my own. It may result in pushing people away but I don't care anymore because I just want to be happy.
-Y/n
(A/n I love you all so much. You are the strongest person I know and I am so incredibly proud of how far you have fought. You are made to stand out so don't be ashamed for who you are. You are perfect and intelligent!)
Getting off the bed I grab my phone and dial her number. Her phone immediately goes straight to voicemail making me groan in anger. I need to know that she is okay. I need to check in on her before something happens. She has to know the truth.
I dial my dad's number and immediately he answers. "Hey Son! How's it going?"
"Dad I need you to check in on Y/n."
"I just had dinner with her and Melissa. She's alright Stiles. I promise." I shake my head and tug on it. I need to see her.
"Can you go back and check in on her again." I lick my lips and instantly put my phone back on speaker so I can text Allison.
"Stiles leave the poor girl alone that's all she asked of you."
Groaning I hang up the call and notice Allison's message.
I'm with her right now she seems fine. Why what's wrong?
Allison
Read at 12:30 pm
Okay good. I um...I need a favor from you.
Stiles
Read at 12:31 pm
I open up my laptop and search up passport tickets to Beacon Hills. Surprisingly there was a last minute cancellation that had opened up twenty minutes ago. I book it.
What is it?
Allison
Read at 12:34 pm
I'm flying out their earlier than I suspected and I need you to pick me up from the airport.
Stiles
Read at 12:36 pm
Am I allowed to tell Y/n?
Allison
Read at 12:40 pm
After telling her no I give her all the details about when I'm suppose to get there. I give her my plane number just in case and pack the rest of my stuff. Dragging two bags out Scott turns his head to me. "Where are you going?"
"Beacon Hills." Scott's confusion increases when he stands up and places the back of his hand on my forehead. I slap his hand away and glare at him.
"I thought we were going home tomorrow?"
"Scott I have a flight to catch in less than thirty minutes so can we please not ask any questions right now?"
"You still haven't told me what happened between you and my sister right before we left to come here. Just tell me quick."
"Nothing Scott! Nothing happened. I just need to check in on her and help her understand a few things. I'll see you their tomorrow. See if you can get a refund on my ticket." And simply just like that I open the door and run outside where my uber awaits for me.
***********
Although the plane ride wasn't that long it still felt like centuries. The older lady that sat next to me tried to calm me down after the first hour,seeing as though I wouldn't stop punching my leg. I'm anxious about seeing her. I'm anxious about having this conversation with her and I'm anxious that I'm going to say the wrong thing.
I should of took my ADHD medicine today. Fuck
When I grab my bags off the machine I text Allison asking where she is. She informs me that she is parked in front. In the process of running in that direction I had managed to bump into seven...yes seven people but I didn't care. Once I get in the car I buckle up and tell Allison to drive. There's approximately five minutes of silence before Allison decided to speak up.
"No hey Allison good to see you...no I missed you thank you for getting me from the airport at such short notice." She brings her hand to the back of my head and slaps me.
"I-I'm sorry I just fuck!" I rub the spot on my head and sigh out a breath. I pull out the piece of paper from my jean pocket and show it to her when we get to a red light. "Do you know anything about this?"
Allison skims it briefly before handing it back to me when the light turns green. "No, I've never seen that in my life." There's a momentarily pause when a gasp is released. "Is that why you flew all the way out here?!"
"I need to make sure."
"That was from two months ago Stiles, Y/n's a lot better."
"I have to tell her everything Allison. It's the only way I can make sure that she doesn't still think that and-"Another gasp is released upon her lips followed by a squeal.
"You still love her." This time I can't help the smile that falters on my lips. This time I feel all the gushing feelings.
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about her Allison." This time she pinches me and I glare at her. "That's suppose to be-"
"If you hurt her ever again I will not hesitate to leave you for dead on an abandon road with my arrow in your arm. Got it Stilinski!" She points a finger at me and I nod my head vigorously. "Continue."
"I've been holding back for months because I know she will never love me the same again. But I'm hoping with some time and distance she feels the same. I mean when we were dancing Y/n was slowly putting down her walls I could feel it but she wouldn't let me in and Allison did I mention that I cannot stop thinking about her. I want nothing more than to just hug her and explain to her how important she really is to all of us. And when I see her smiling on the computer screen I loose all my strength." Allison giggles when I stuff my face into my hands.
"You're a mess." Once again I groan and mutter incoherent sentences under my breath.
The drive took a little longer than I would've liked but within that time Allison was able to give me words of confidence. She gave me advice on what I should or shouldn't say just in case things don't end up in my favor. When we pull up to the McCall's residents I notice my pale blue jeep sitting nice and clean on the lot. Trusting her with Roscoe is one of the best decisions I've ever made.
"Good luck." Leaning over I hug her tightly.
"Thank you for everything." Allison nods her head before I get myself and my bags out of the car. I wave goodbye to her when she drives off down the street.
Exhaling a deep breath I twist my key into the lock and open the door. The sound of music blasting throughout the entire house leaves me to drop my bag's in front of the door. With some confusion I hesitantly walk further into the house only to see Y/n dancing around in my black lacrosse sweater. A spoon with ice cream on it can be found in her mouth while she screams the lyrics out. She's beautiful.
Realizing I won't get her attention without shutting off the music I walk towards the speaker and turn the switch off. Y/n spins around and jumps when she notices me. "Holy shit Stiles you scared me!" She places a hand on her heart while I gulp down some saliva in a attempt to calm my nerves down. Y/n squirts her eyes at me again and than widen's her eyes. "Wait Stiles?!"
I nod my head. "Hey."
"What are you doing here? Is Scott here too?" I take the piece of paper out of my pocket again and step forward.
"No it's just me. I needed to see if you were okay." Now she's the one looking at me like I have three heads.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Taking my bottom lip between my teeth I extend my hand out. Y/n walks closer to me and grabs the piece of paper. As she read's the same letter I read only hour's ago her face falls, her shoulder's tense up and her hands become shaky. "Where did you find this?"
"I was reading the journal you gave me today and that fell out." I notice her wiping away a tear from her cheek and that single action makes me want to engulf her in a hug.
"You-"
"Before you say anything I have a few things to say." I say quickly. Y/n shuts her mouth and nods her head. "You are beautiful in every aspect. I mean that. I didn't leave you because you were damaged. I left you because I was a stupid dumbass who thought Lydia liked me. Don't take all the credit for being damaged because I'm high up on that scale as well. I've always loved you and your damaged parts because that's what makes you human. You can't change things that happen when they are out of your control. We all have different way's of dealing with things and yes some may be unhealthy but you learn a few things through them. You learn to move forward and you learn how to start loving yourself just a little bit more. Your dad left because he was a jackass. He didn't care about anyone but himself. What he did to you has nothing to do with him disliking you as a daughter. Their are people in your life that love you. Don't you ever think that no one does because we cherish you and everything about you. Like your jokes, your laughter, your smile, your existence, your personality, your beauty, your creativity and so much more. If your truly wished to take back all those's things I hate to break it to you but that's impossible because without them, you would never learn how to grow independently." Tears swarm her eyes as she slowly breaks down in front of me. Piece by piece I can see everything that she has been building up inside her for years.
"You love me?" Her voice cracks along with my heart. The words just spilled out without an intent to do so. I was going to wait a little until I said it...I guess I couldn't hold back anymore than I already did.
"Yes I love you. I love you like a thousand fireworks explodes into the air. I love you like a protector protects his angel. I love you a thousand times more than I did in the past and I'm not ashamed to admit it."
I watch her hesitate with each movement. Almost like she's trying to decide if it's the right one. Y/n's hands pull at her hair while she turns her back towards me. I give her all the time in the world to think because time is all we've ever had yet it's the very thing that we've seem to forgotten. When she turns back around to meet my gaze I melt into a million pieces. Y/n has wiped away all the tears that had managed to fall to the surface and now she is looking at me like I'm her whole world.
"You flew all the way out here just to tell me that when you could of just called me?"
"I had to see you." Leaning her head back Y/n groans and I nervously laugh.
"Just when I'm trying to work on myself this is suddenly sprung on me." She laughs a breathy laugh and smiles at me.
"I know and I'm sorry. I've been holding it off for a while because I wanted you to work on yourself. And I know I don't have the right to love you when I chose to walk away. I have no right to miss you when I didn't want to stay. And I have no right to need you when I knew what my heart was going to loose. I have no right to love you. But I do, I still do."
(Rhys Lewis- No right to love you)
I press a hand on her cheek when she stands up on her tippy toes to press our foreheads together. My thumb traces her cheek bone as our eyes meet. "When was the fourth time?" She closes her eyes and listens closely to what I have to say. I promised myself I would keep it within the chambers of my heart but I couldn't hold anything in anymore.
"The fourth time I fell in love with you was that day we danced at the prom. It was the moment you almost broke I knew for sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." Y/n's cheeks blush while a small giggle falls from her lips.
"What moment because their were too many times I almost broke." Her eyes flutter open momentarily to gaze down at my lips.
Me too Angel.
"It was the moment I called you Junior, the moment I copied our grade school dance." A single tear fall's from both of our eyes and I don't hesitate to wipe her tear away with the pad of my thumb. Y/n raises higher on her tippy toes and before I know it she is pressing her lips onto my own. With my left hand I pull her even closer to me as it trails up her sweater. Our lips move at a rapid paste filled with desperation and passion. We couldn't get enough of each other. Her hands tug at the back of my hair as Y/n trails wet kisses down my neck. She tilts my face to the opposite side and continues to kiss around my jawline and cheek. But I want to kiss her. I want this moment to be about her. So I move my face back and catch her lips within mine. Her lips tasted like cookies and cream ice cream and I devoured it. I tap her thigh as an indication to jump and she does. I kiss the corner of her lips and trail down to her jawline. I move her face idea to side so I can feel every inch of her as I didn't want to miss anything. I move to kiss her ear and than down to her neck.
A breath is released upon her lips when I back us up onto the counter. Her legs still wrap around my waist as I move to kiss along her shoulder. Y/n picks my head back up though and presses her lips against my own. Her dainty hands pull at my shirt just as I unclasp her bra. Temporarily I pull back from her when she tugs on my shirt for the fourth time. Pulling the material off I catch Y/n's stare on me. I smile at her and throw my shirt somewhere onto the ground. I'm about to go back in and kiss her when she stops my movements by placing a hand onto my chest. "I love you Mieczyslaw Stilinski." I shake my head side to side and blush.
"Really you had to use my real name?" She shrugs her shoulders and slips her bra off underneath her sweater.
"Thought it would make the moment more special." I laugh. "Don't make me regret saying it this time."
"I won't." Tossing her bra aside she jumps onto me and indicates me to go upstairs. Y/n grinds her hips on me as we make out on the stairs.
"If you continue that we might die on these stairs Angel." She put's some space between our bodies and arches a brow.
"I thought you were going to say something sexy like 'if you continue that than I might just have to fuck you on these stairs'" I search her face and lick my lips when my member grows against her leg. She smirks. Once we reach the top of the stairs I gaze to each side of the hallway.
"Where to?"
Jumping off my body, Y/n turns her back towards me and strips out of the black sweater. She throws it aside and walks straight into the bathroom. I too strip out of my pants and follow her. I shut the door behind me and take off my boxers. I pull back the curtain and view Y/n's beautiful back. Her muscles seem more relax now and I can't help but smile. I pull her to my chest and wrap my strong arms around her torso. I pepper hard kisses along her skin...kisses that will for sure leave a mark. I than twist her around in my grasp and pick her up. "Where's the condom?" I widen my eyes.
How did I almost forget the most important thing.
"I didn't bring one." She fixes herself on the wall before planting her lips onto my chest.
"Your-kiss telling me-kiss that you don't." Grabbing her butt I push her into me making her moan.
"What were you going to say?" She playfully glares at me as her hair sticks to her body.
"Your telling me that you don't carry a condom with you anywhere you go?"
"Why would I? The last time I had one with me was when we did it in the back of my jeep." Her face turns into disgust. "What?"
"That wasn't our best moment. Check if their are some in the cupboard." She lowers herself on the wall as I quickly slip away from her and make my way over towards the cupboard where the box lays. Taking one out of the package I roll it up on myself before going back in the shower. Our lips immediately meet while one of her hands slip onto my member. Lifting her up slightly she wraps her legs around me before I insert myself into her. While I kiss along her shoulder I tug at her hair. The water trickles down my back while it also bounces off her naked body. My thrust's become faster as her nails dig into my side. A groan releases upon my lips when I feel her tighten around me. She's perfect in every aspect.
"Faster." Is all she can mutter before a moan is released upon her lips as well.
And simply just like that the night of pure love and passion continues. After the third time of doing it in the shower, we dry off and quickly hurry into her bedroom. I throw her onto the sheets and crawl up on top of her. A hand caresses my cheek. "I've missed you." Y/n whispers. And those's simple words makes my stomach erupt with a million butterflies. I bring my lips back to meet her's.
"I've missed you too much baby."
***********
With her back pressed up against my chest I run my fingers down her arms and hold her tightly lay in my arms. "You really didn't like our road trip sex?" I ask her.
"I really didn't enjoy it. It didn't feel right because we weren't together. When we are everything feels perfect, we match rhythms and we're just overall powerful. You're a magnetic to my entire being Stiles." I kiss her cheek and rest my head on Y/n's head when I notice the time.
"I love you." Y/n turns around and pecks my lips.
"I love you."
"I have a surprise for you wanna come see." She smiles and points a finger at her chest.
"For me?" I chuckle.
"Yes c'mon get dressed." I pat on her leg and instruct her to follow me but she pulls me back to her chest.
"Stay, you can show me in a little while." Gazing over at the time I notice it read 11:55pm.
"No it has to be now c'mon." Getting out of her grasp I walk out of the room just in time for Y/n to yell.
"Stiles fricken Stilinski where the fuck are my underwear's."A smirk forms on my lips. Running down the stairs I pick up all our clothes before I grab my second bag. I rush upstairs and rest against the door frame to admire Y/n. "Where did you put it?"
"Get back in the bed so I can give you this. I'm running out of time." She squints her eyes at me. Falling back on the bed I grab the item that is in my bed and take it out. I sit the cake down on the bed and kiss her lips gently. When the clock turns 12am I push back a strand of hair behind her ear. "Happy birthday Angel."
______________
Epilogue is coming soon! Stay tuned!