So like, what if Remus told Dumbledore to fuck right off?
~Remus' POV~
"I'm taking him home with me." My voice is steady, the sort of tone I haven't heard from my own mouth in years. Dumbledore raises an eyebrow, his blue eyes twinkling annoyingly.
"Remus, we both know that it's best for Sirius-"
"You do /not/ know what is best for him." There's a growl present, now. "You weren't the one staying up with him until early hours of the morning when we were sixteen because of that fucking place. You aren't the one that's now watching him walk around listlessly because he's so /bored/ and every little thing makes him jump because he /hates/ it there!"
"Think rationally, son, it's just better for him to be there. It may not be great mentally for him right now, but as long as he's not caught-"
"That's just the thing, sir. You don't give one half of a shit about his mental health. As long as you don't have to show up in court and tell the wizgamont that you were harboring a criminal. He's coming home with me, and I don't really care what you want because I love him, and he needs to be somewhere that doesn't make him feel trapped. you've practically thrown him into another prison."
"I understand your sentiment towards Mr. Black, Remus, but who's to say that you'll be able to control his urges to leave?" The wolf that usually lays dormant in my brain is fucking /howling/ at this whole conversation.
"He doesn't need to be controlled. He's a grown man capable of making rational decisions, and if he needs to go outside, my cottage has a fenced backyard. He doesn't need to be cooped up in that glorified cell."
"I'm not going to say I approve of this, Remus, but I'm getting the feeling that you're going to do what you wish no matter what. I assume you'll be keeping your position here, then, to support the two of you?" Dumbledore is obviously a little pissed off because I won't listen to him, but Sirius' has always made me a bit irrational.
"I predict that the first few weeks will be rough, but I've come to care for my students and I would like to keep my position." And that's the only reason, I want to say. I could get muggle jobs, as I have in the past, but I was separated from Harry for twelve years. I don't want to go any longer.
"Alright then."
~
"Hey," I greet gently as I step through the door of grimmauld place. I expect to see Sirius in the living room, but he's nowhere to be seen. Just as I'm starting to panic, I walk into the library and my heart explodes.
Sirius is napping on a couch in the library, one of the books I left for him laying on his chest. He's wearing one of my sweaters, as he does a lot lately. He also sleeps mostly during the day, because he can't at night, and looking at this place in daylight makes him anxious.
I walk over to the couch on light feet, kneeling slowly and reaching to take the book. When he first went on the run, Sirius needed near constant physical touch and I don't think we left bed for a week. Now that he's here, though, his anxiety from his childhood and from prison have mixed and created a whole knew anxious beast. He can barely handle me touching him, let alone relaxing enough to indulge in our urges.
"Sirius," I place a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Sirius wakes up with a soft noise that makes my heart give a flutter. "Come on, you lump. Get up."
"Mnph. Why?" Sirius covers his face, that flat edge to his voice that it takes on a lot recent.
"You can go back to sleep, if you want to stay here, but I'm going back to my place and I want you with me." Sirius opens his eyes at this. They're duller than they used to be, just flat slate grey instead of light, happy stormclouds. Still beautiful, though. Still my beautiful lover. Even if his hair is longer and knotted and a bit unkempt, and he's a bit underweight and definitely a bit abrasive. He'll always be my love.
"Dumbledolt would never sign off, Moony. He's too happy watching me suffer because he can finally control me." Sirius' eyes fall closed again, but he's not relaxed like he was. I reach up to very gently stroke his hair away from his eyes, my heart aching when he jumps just at the feather light touch.
"You can't be controlled, Padfoot. I thought we had made that clear." Sirius relaxes a tiny bit when I rest my hand on his cheek, his skin pale and unhealthy from lack of sun. We're going to change that, though.
"When he has the fact that he could turn me in hanging over my head, not so much."
"Don't be pessimistic. Do you want to come home with me? Yes or no." I stroke my thumb softly over Sirius' cheekbone.
"Yes."
"Then get your stuff and let's /go/." I get up and Sirius follows me, a hint of a smile tilting at his lips.
"I always have loved it when you break the rules." Sirius walks off, assumingly to gather his things.
The next few days are hard. Sirius isn't comfortable with being touched too much, and I have to coax him into eating properly. Finally, after a half an hour of watching Sirius fidget restlessly with his hair or the ring on his middle finger, I sigh.
"Let me cut it." I blurt out. Sirius turns to look at me, cocking an eyebrow.
"What?"
"Your hair. Let me cut it, I used to do it all the time I'm sure I won't muck it up too awfully."
It takes ten minutes of coaxing, but Sirius finally let's me cut his hair. I get him in the bathroom on a chair, holding scissors in my hand and wondering how I'm going to do this. I decide to just go with it, starting at his shoulder blades and cutting off the tips, which have the most mats and tangles. Then I cut it for length, right at his shoulders where he always found it the most comfortable. I find the hair that used to be his bangs and line them up with his jaw, very carefully cutting them in line with his jaw line.
After cutting his hair sufficiently in length, I grab a stray hairbrush and gently start working out knots. Sirius makes a couple of pained noises when I near the nape of his neck, but other than that he stays very silent. He's watching me in the mirror, though, those calculating eyes watching my hands.
Once I get the bigger tangles out, I discard the hairbrush in exchange for my fingers, an action that always either made him relax or just fall right asleep. It does help to relax him in this moment. The tense muscles in his shoulders relax and his head falls back a little as he leans into my hands.
When Sirius' curls are actually curls again and his hair looks like it's hair and not a rug, a tightness in my chest loosens. I wave my hand slightly to clean up the hair on the floor and walk around the chair to hold Sirius' face gently in my hands. Lately, he would pull away quickly and apologize. But right now, still dazed from my fingers in his hair, he leans into my hands and closes his eyes.
I press a soft, barely there kiss to Sirius' forehead. "Why don't you take a shower, and then we'll have some tea and watch a movie, yeah?" Slow, simple steps.
Sirius nods a little, and I take that as a yes.
There are good days. Sirius will brave kissing me on the cheek in the morning, and eat breakfast outside under a tree. He'll come back inside or I'll go outside and we'll talk for hours and hours about everything and nothing, and by the end of the night he's bundled in my lap with a blanket as we watch scary movies.
There are also bad days. Sirius can barely get out of bed, let alone go outside. I kiss him softly on the forehead these days, even if he really doesn't want to be touched. I'll coax him into eating his breakfast, and then I might even get him to go on a short walk as padfoot. Then, he'll just sit on the couch and space off as Sirius, or lay on the floor as Padfoot with his head on my foot. I'll put on a record or a movie, and that's how we'll spend the day. No words, just being together.
Today is a good day. Sirius has climbed into a tree, and he's goading me to climb up with him.
"I hate to play this card, but I am not seventeen anymore," I laugh, watching my dumbass of a boyfriend climb a little higher. My mind flashes back to when we were seventeen, Sirius would make me climb up in this one tree and I would cuddle up to his side to watch the sunset. The memory makes me smile, glad that I can touch on them now instead of hiding them away in my mind.
"Oh come on Moony, it's not even that hard!" Sirius looks at me with that big grin on his face and Merlin dammit it even reaches his eyes, fuck I have to do it now.
"Fucking- fine." I roll my eyes and start climbing up, having to stop once for a cramp in my leg but I do eventually get up to where he is.
I sit beside Sirius on the branch. He's looking out at the countryside, but I'm watching him. His eyes have found some of their old color, becoming a bit brighter and dare I say happier since he's been with me. He's put on a few pounds, too, which is good because he was starting to scare me with not eating. His hair is clean and soft now, just how it used to be because he never could stand it being dirty. And that smile. That smile makes my knees weak even twelve years later.
"You're beautiful." I whisper before I have the chance to think. Sirius immediately flushes, he never was good at hiding that particular emotion. He covers his face with his hands bashfully, and I reach out to tuck a couple of loose curls behind his ear.
"I'm not." Sirius replies, and that almost kills me because he would always say 'obviously.'
I gently tilt Sirius' head with two of my fingers, getting him to look at me. He's flushed and won't look me in the eyes. A smile curves at my lips.
"To me, you're the most beautiful guy in the world. Always have been, always will be." I cup Sirius' face in my hands, watching him lean tentatively into it.
Sirius moves a little closer to me, and he lets me wrap my arms around him like I've been wanting to. Sure, we still cuddle and everything even if it's not often, but he never let's me do /this/. Take care of him and love on him and tell him he's beautiful.
We stay here for a long time. Sirius lays his head on my shoulder, and we watch the sunset. We talk, too. About theories of the universe and society being a bunch of pricks. Also about Dumbledore in particular being a prick.
"Let's go inside, love, it's getting chilly." I mumble softly after a while, running my fingers slowly through Sirius' hair. He shakes his head, nestling closer to me.
"Just a few more minutes." His voice is practically a whisper. I glance down at him, my heart softening at the soft pink windburn on his cheeks and the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He's so beautiful, and I don't say no because he so loves being outside as much as he can.
So, I nod and hold him a bit closer to my side, as I always do when he starts to get cold. I've always run a bit warmer than average.
"This is what I missed most, you know." Sirius' whispers. "Sitting outside with you and talking like everything was okay and we weren't in constant danger."
My breath hitches. We don't talk about before. At least, not very often. It makes sirius get this vacant look in his eyes that I hate.
"I missed waking up with you." It's almost impossible to get the words out, to open a box of neatly packed emotions that have been in the darkest corners of my brain for years. Sirius reaches for my hand, twining our fingers and not opening his eyes. "It's almost ethereal, the way you look when you sleep. I'd just lay there and watch you until you woke up, I guess it made me feel like everything was okay."
"I wasn't always asleep." Sirius replies, his thumb rubbing softly over the back of my hand. "I knew you were watching me and I just wanted to stay there a little longer; so I did."
We're quiet again after that. Eventually we decide to go inside, when the sun has fully set and the half moon is shining and making Sirius' eyes sparkle bright grey.
Surprisingly, it's on a bad day that Sirius initiates major contact.
"Hey, Rem?" I glance over at Sirius over my book. He's barely spoken today, pacing the cottage as padfoot and doing a couple of laps around the yard to eventually settle on the far side of the couch, opposite me.
"Hm?" Is my reply, because I'm quite into this book.
"Can I.. Hold you?" He scratches his neck nervously, like I'm going to say no. "I know it's sudden and everything but I-"
"I get it." I close my book and crawl precariously across the couch, settling myself in Sirius' lap. I'm not feeling well, as the moon is tomorrow, so this is actually quite nice.
We don't talk, for a while. I go back to my book as we listen to the record I put on the player a bit ago. It's almost scary, how quickly I relax and my mind falls into the same pattern it always did when Sirius rubbed my back like that.
I find that I actually like being here, staying quiet and just being with Sirius. I know, I should be worried that he's not talking. But.. The way he's nuzzling into my hair and I know he's reading over my shoulder- I'm actually less worried that I've been in weeks.
"You always read that book around the moon." Sirius points out after a while, and I have to hide the inevitable blush in his shoulder.
"Yeah. My mum- she would read it to me when I was sick." I reply, letting my eyes close for a moment because being held feels so fucking good and I can't help it, especially when he plays with my hair like that.
"Here," Sirius takes the book gently from my hands and, with one hand still in my hair, quietly starts to read aloud.
I'm stunned, for a few moments. I don't believe that this is happening. Then, I decide to just let it happen, curling up close to Sirius and resting my head on his shoulder. My mind drifts in and out between the story, and memories from when we were fifteen or so, before Sirius became an animagus and he would sneak into the infirmary to read to me and make me feel better.
Before I know it, that soft voice and gentle hand in my hair makes me fall right asleep.
~The morning after the Moon~
I wake up achey and sore, as I usually do after the moon. I must have dragged myself back home when I woke up and passed out, because I'm in bed and patched up.
I get up and make for the bathroom, spitting out the blood in my mouth in the bin as I do.
Yawning, I amble to the kitchen to eat something before I pass out for the next day or so.
"Merlin, Re! What are you doing out of bed?" Sirius' voice startles me so bad I nearly fall.
"I- I forgot you were here- you scared the hell out of me-" I gasp out with a hand over my chest.
"Come on, Moony, get back to bed." Sirius walks over and leads me back to bed, his hand pressing reassuringly into the small of my back. He helps me lay down, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.. Just like always. Like we picked up right where we left off.
"Do you want something to eat, love?" Sirius sits beside me on the bed, pushing my hair from my face with gentle fingers. I lean into his hand, letting out a slow breath.
"Just, just some water would be great." I reply.
Sirius gets me a glass of water that I gratefully take, my throat feeling a lot better after drinking something. "Merlin, how much did I howl last night?" I mumble, rubbing my eye.
"A lot. Moony was excited." Sirius chuckles and I grab his hand, pulling him up on the bed. "Hang on, hang on. You're so impatient."
Five minutes later, we're arranged with my head on Sirius' chest as he picks up where he left off in the book yesterday. I wrap my arm around his waist, making sure he's not going to leave.
"I love you." I mumble, closing my eyes. Sirius kisses the top of my head.
"I love you too, my moony. Go to sleep."
~some time later, beginning of September~
"Ri, I've been thinking about Harry a lot recently." I say absently as I go to sit beside Sirius on the couch. He leans his head on my shoulder, peering up at me.
"What about Harry?" Sirius asks, sliding his fingers between mine. He's much happier, now that he's been here for a couple of months.
"I want to kidnap him." I reply. Sirius cocks an eyebrow. "He's been living with petunia and that hog of a man she married, and I think it's time he comes to stay with his legal guardian."
"You're so hot when you talk about breaking the law." Sirius puts his hand on the back of my neck, getting back to the point where he's very openly affectionate. I have to admit, I love it.
"Well, I've been thinking about it for a while. Before, you were too depressed and you needed to focus on you, but now I think you're ready to have someone else here." I push Sirius' hair behind his ear.
"There's no way Dumbledore will let Harry be here."
"That doesn't matter." I take a deep breath. "I've been doing a lot, and I mean /a lot/ of research, on appeals and trials and the court laws, and I think if I go to the ministry, and this isn't guaranteed because I'm a werewolf and I don't know what they'll say, I think I can get them to give you a trial. It was unlawful, throwing you in jail without a trial. Given, it was a big crime they thought you committed, but it was still unlawful."
"Why don't we.." Sirius sighs. "Merlin fuck, when did I become the rational one? Why don't we do that first, so he doesn't have a reason to pull Harry from us, and then we kidnap him?" Sirius kisses my cheek. "Although I admire your enthusiasm."
~Another three weeks or so~
Sirius and I walk out of the ministry holding hands and he is absolutely /beaming/ because Arthur brought Harry to meet us here.
Sirius gives Harry a big hug, and then much to my surprise, Harry hugs me as well.
I ruffly Harry's wild, overgrown hair and smile. It's still familiar, and it still hurts, but it also feels good to reminisce.
"Come on, Kiddo. Let's go home."
~
But like,,,, what if tho??