' Cause you let go/ And now I'm holdin' on/ I guess you don't know what you got/ Until it's gone/Sometimes you gotta lose somebody/ Just to find out you really love someone' - One Republic-Lose Somebody
Jaxon
"I'm sorry Jaxon, but he will not even let me talk about you." I hang my head low, because I fucked up big time and I do not know how to make it right again.
"It's okay Kayla. I fucked up big time." She tries to sit up in bed but struggles I get up and help her out. "I'm not getting any better and I'm waiting until after the game to talk to Luke about the next step."
Fuck this is going to kill him.
"What next step?"
"To stop all treatments."
"Kayla" I sigh because this is going to destroy him, and I can't even be there for him. Because I am the biggest fuck up in the world.
"Jaxon, I'm tired and I have been fighting this for three years. The tumors are growing some of them are inoperable. I don't want to have to keep going in for surgery after surgery. To see if there is a slight chance of them being removed or gone. So, whatever happens after the treatment ends happens. I've made peace with it. Do I want to die? No, but I'm not afraid anymore."
I grab her hand and hold on to her. Tears start flowing down her face. I get up and wipe them away. I know she is right, it's just so fucking unfair.
"I hate this! I hate feeling weak. I know I'll never get to experience any firsts. No first kiss, no first date...nothing. But what I can do is try to make things right between you two. You know why? Because I love my brother so damn much. I want him happy, and he was happy with you."
I hang my head again and feel the tears coming because it's all my fault. I fucked up big time. If I just stopped and listened, none of this would have happened.
"It's been over three months now. I have tried but he just walks away. He spends all his time with Stacy."
That fucking hurts the worse. More than how he ended things with me.
After he left me, I went home and stayed in my room and cried like a little bitch. My heart hurt, I was pissed the fuck off and so hurt. I was mainly sad and full of regret. I fucked up the best thing I had and for what? To prove something that I knew wasn't true. Lucas and I have grown on a whole other level. The sex is phenomenal, but just us being together laughing and holding each other mattered more. I have never felt that connection with anyone and I realize I fell in love with the asshole, I just didn't realize it until he was gone.
"He's hurt Jaxon. You're the first person who he was actually himself with. Our parents did a number on him." She shakes her head and I see her walls go up every time she has mentioned her parents.
"I'll be right back Kayla."
"Where are you going?"
"I got a surprise for you."
I kiss her forehead and walk across the street to get her a shake that she loves. I might not be able to make things right with Lucas, but I will give her something to make her smile. Who would have thought the Roberts siblings are the most important people in my life now. Even if one of them is not speaking to me. I turn around and I swear that it felt like he was right here. I shake my head, because that is just crazy talk. I walk back up to her room and hand her a shake and set mine on the table as well.
"What's this Jaxon?"
"You're first date." I rub the back of my head. Maybe it might seem creepy, I don't know. When I look up at her face, she has the brightest smile. I miss that smile on a certain asshole's face.
"Jaxon you don't have to."
"I want to give you one of your firsts."
"Thank you."
We drink our shakes and I put some music on my phone and hold out my hand. "Can I have this dance, Kayla? That's if you're up to it."
"Hell yeah!" I chuckle at her enthusiasm as I help her off the bed. Kayla's legs shake a little bit as I hold onto her. We sway to the music as she rests her head on my shoulder.
"If my stubborn ass brother won't take you back, I'll keep you." I chuckle and kiss her head. "Thank you, Jaxon this means the world to me."
"Anytime ladybug." I bend down and give her an innocent kiss on her lips. "It might not be the kiss you want but it's the only one I can give." She rests her head on my chest and sighs. "You just gave me a few things I regretted not being able to get. So, I'll take it, but I'm feeling tired now." I pick her up bridal style and she giggles as I lay her back in bed.
"Remember your promise."
"I remember. He may hate me, but I will do what I can to keep my promise. I have to go but I'll come back."
"Good luck at the game, and Jax my brother does not hate you. He's just hurt, and he is letting pride get in the way."
"Thanks." I turn back to look at her and it's not fair this beautiful girl got dealt this hand. "Kayla."
"Hmmm" I can tell she's getting tired. Her eyes are starting to close. "That was the best first date for me as well." Her eyes pop open and I see the shock on her face. "It's going to be hard to top that one Kayla that's for sure."
"I will definitely steal you from my brother." I chuckle and throw her a kiss. As I leave her room, I see Lucas walking up and my heart rate quickens.
"You better be ready for the game."
Is all he says to me as he enters his sister's room. Well, he said something to me so that's a start. It's the first thing he has said to me in months. It's also the first real smile I have had in months. It gives me...hope. I get home and get ready for the game, there is a knock on my door and Stacy walks in.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Nice to see you too lover boy."
"Fuck off."
"Rude." She puts her hands on her hips and pouts. "Well, I was going to invite you to the party after the game."
"I don't do that anymore." I haven't done much in the past three months besides hit the gym, actually study since I've fallen behind, which I've never done before and football. "I know but a certain someone will be there. That's if you want to make it right."
"He's yours now... remember." I roll my eyes at her. Is she trying to get on my last fucking nerve, because it is working. "No sweetie he still yours. Even if he doesn't want to admit it."
Maybe this is my chance, the way things ended hurt so fucking bad. If anyone else did that to me it wouldn't have mattered, but Lucas, he matters. Do I like how he went about it...no, but I understand.
"I'll be there."
"Good see you then"
"Thanks Stacy."
"You can thank me when you get your boy back. I would love another round with you two."
With that she shuts my door and I grab my bag and head to the stadium. I'm amped up, I'm so ready for this game and what's to come. As the game goes on, I'm getting anxious. I just want this game to end. I missed a catch and that never happens. Luckily, we still have the ball. Lucas starts calling plays. "Reynolds get your shit together." He stares at me for a second longer but shakes his head. I nod my head and the last quarter of the game flew by.
We ended up winning 31- 27. I don't waste my time celebrating on the field. I run back to the locker to shower and change. Once I'm done, I see the guys piling in. When Lucas walks in his eyes land on mine for a split second, and my heart stops for that moment. I see a flicker in his eyes but then it's gone. I walk out and head over to Stacy's. She opens the door for me and kisses my cheek.
"You ready big boy."
"I hope so."
Twenty minutes later Lucas walks in and looks around. "This is Deja Vu. What's going on?"
I can hear him but can't see him yet. My hands are getting clammy as I wipe them on my jeans. I just wish my heart rate would slow down just a little bit. I don't want to have a freaking heart attack before I can fix this.
"Have a drink with me Luke."
As soon as he enters the kitchen, I stand frozen. He looks at me then at Stacy. "Did you set this up?" He looks right at me, and I can't tell if he is angry or what as his walls are back up. I can't say anything, I don't know if he wants to punch me or not, but I will gladly take the punch.
"I did sugar."
"I see" he looks like he is going to walk out but he turns around strides right up to me and smashes his lips to mine. I freeze for a moment again but then I pull him closer. When he pulls away, he puts his forehead to mine.
"I know what you did for Kayla....thank you." He kisses me again and I feel better than I have in the past three months we've been apart.
"I've missed you Jaxon."
"I've missed you too Lucas more than you will ever know."