We cuddled until really late that night. I would wake up slightly in the warmth of Sasha's embrace and then fall back asleep. There was something intoxicating about being held in his arms and breathing in his scent.
We showered in the morning and left for work, but I felt a little bad because Sasha looked a bit more tired than usual. I felt a little guilty for staying up to play around but he was the one who wanted to do it.
Work was the same old. I texted Sasha at my break, but he didn't answer back. My frown must have been obvious. Marcus asked me what was wrong. I shrugged. It didn't seem like anything was wrong.
"I don't know. We had a great time last night. Maybe he is just tired?" I mused and got back to work. Marcus kept shooting me looks. I wasn't upset though.
Just before he left, he slipped me a piece of paper torn off from his notebook. I looked at him questioningly. All that was written on it was a web address. It looked like some sort of blog, nothing that I would normally read.
"Check it out when you get home. Not here. Make sure you read it before Sasha gets back from work, okay?" He gave me a strangely knowing look and I nodded quickly to show him I was listening.
"Okay, I will." I said as he walked away. I tucked the paper into my back pocket and tried to focus on finishing out my morning. It wasn't slow, but it wasn't crazy. Just the way I like it.
I walked home and the bright day seemed to be echoing the lingering feelings I had from last night. I was so content. I might have had a skip in my step when I ran up the stairs to the apartment.
When I came inside, Sasha's shoes were already there. Warning bells rang in my head. He was never home this early. What was going on? I wandered in cautiously, looking for him.
He was sitting on the couch. His shirt was partially unbuttoned, his tie pulled, and an arm was thrown over his head tipped back onto the backrest of the couch. His posture was the sloppiest I had ever seen on him.
"Sasha? Sir? What are you doing home so early?" I asked respectfully. He stirred and glanced over at me, his eyes were dead tired. He pulled himself up to sit groggily and wiped his eyes with his fingers roughly.
"Hey Lukas, how was work?" His tone was flat, more perfunctory. I shook my head at him.
"It was good. You don't look so hot though. Are you okay?" I crept in and sat next to him. I stroked a hand over his bicep and tilted my head cutely at him, smiling in the hopes to cheer him up.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired." He mumbled. I wasn't sure if I quite believed him. I nodded though.
"Okay, why don't I do dinner today and you can have a nap?" I offered with hug. He hummed and squeezed me back.
"That would be really good, Lukas. Thank you." He shifted to get up and I helped pull him up from the couch.
"Go on. I'll wake you up when it's ready." I urged him when he hesitated. He nodded and left the room. Then I put on my concerned face. He wasn't okay. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I hoped he would tell me.
I got to making dinner and when it was in the oven, I recalled the paper Marcus had given me. I typed the address into my laptop browser and sat down to read while dinner heated up.
My eyebrows started low. There were terms that I had never heard of before. It was very informative though. It talked about the chemicals released during sexual activities, and those that are produced during alternative activities too.
It made sense, mostly. I didn't understand from experience about the responsibility aspects of being a dominant, and the article really spoke to me about what Sasha was possibly thinking and feeling.
I hadn't had the experience of sub-drop before and now I knew it was a possibility in the future. I got the theory. Your body produces lots of chemicals, when it runs low then you can have depression of sorts.
More importantly it shed light on my man upstairs. Exhausted? Check. Moody this morning before we left? Check. Refusing to admit he wasn't okay? Check. Classic symptoms of a top-drop.
My eyebrows cleared up instantly. I think I got it. I got all that aftercare last night, but what about Sasha? Was he okay? Did he need anything for aftercare? Maybe there was something he needed to talk about.
The dinger went off and I hopped up to take the hot dish out of the oven to cool slightly. I set the table and went upstairs to grab my man. He was sprawled over the bed.
I quietly moved to get his sweats from the drawer. He stirred as I worked. He blinked up at me when I helped him sit up and pulled his clothes off. His brow furrowed but he allowed me to help him change.
"You don't need to do this." He murmured softly.
"I know. Dinner is ready. You hungry?" I asked. He sighed and nodded. I took his hand, and we went downstairs together.
"Looks great Lukas." He was trying so hard to sound happy. It almost pained me to watch it. I scooped us both some lasagna and placed the garlic bread on the table. I had added cheese on top.
We ate quietly. I glanced over at him. He was picking at his food a little bit. I heard him sigh. He rarely sighed. He wasn't so upright in his seat as usual. If he wasn't going to talk then he needed to eat.
"Sir? You should eat some more. You might have low blood sugar." I pointed out. He looked at me blankly.
"What was that?" He asked dully.
"I said, you might have low blood sugar. You said you are okay, but I can tell you aren't. That's okay though. Just make sure you eat a bit more and you can talk to me when you are ready." I replied confidently.
He had given me that confidence with all the loving from last night. I was just giving it back to him. All the support he needed that is. His surprised face was so worth it. I gestured to his plate with a look.
He looked at the food and seemed to take a deep breath. I reached out and held the hand that wasn't holding his fork. He glanced at it and licked his lips.
"Am I too hard on you?" His eyes were sharp when they turned in my direction. I was shocked.
"What?" I blurted out. He looked back at his food.
"I just... am I asking too much from you? Do you feel that I am being too hard on you?" Sasha asked in a hesitant tone. I watched him closely.
"No... where is this coming from?" I said gently. My hand tightened when he wanted to pull away.
"One of our instructors quit today. He said my training was unreasonable. It made me think, maybe it was too much? Do I just have unreasonable expectations?" He gulped and stared into space more than looking at anything.
"No. Sasha, listen to me. When it comes to me, you have always been patient. You are doing this to make all of us better people, better instructors. Is there anything you have asked them to do that you wouldn't do yourself?" I reasoned with him. I shook his hand when he didn't answer right away.
"No, there is nothing." He murmured.
"There. You see? You also take others into consideration. Like when you were getting me to stop swearing, you saw that I couldn't do time out and had me run instead." I added with a smile. He had the ghost of a smile for a second and I considered it a win.
"You didn't force me to run. You didn't drag me with a rope. You encouraged me and built up my endurance. If someone isn't willing to put in hard work to improve, then no one can convince them to become better." I patiently explained in my own clumsy words.
"Do I make you better though? You do things I don't think you want to do just to... what? Please me? Is it good for you? I don't know anymore." His frown was back as he argued with me.
"What? What things? You mean clean up after myself? Sure, but it was only because I was spoiled before. I have to clean my desk at work too. You were just preparing me for reality." I was confused. He huffed impatiently.
"I treated you like a dog. Did you forget that? Over what. Some garbage you were already cleaning. I gag you even when I know you didn't like it. I blindfold you just so I can feel dominant when I blow you..."
"Ah! Stop there." I threw up my hands and he stopped with a startled look. "Did I allow you to do all those things?" I put it simply. He blinked at me.
"Yes but..." He replied. I knew he wouldn't like it, but I interrupted again anyways.
"Ask me why." I said firmly. He was staring at me. He snorted but did as I said.
"Why did you let me?" He asked. I grinned.
"Because when you shock me out of my own head, I feel like I can see everything more clearly. I like the way you are dominant. I don't always like exactly what you are doing, but I tell you. You need to tell me if you need to do something a certain way, because chances are that I will be okay with that."
I felt like I was talking way more than I usually did with him. Blame that website Marcus gave me, but I think it was good for us. Marcus might've thought I was going to get sub-drop and was warning me, but it turned out to be a gem.
Sasha was silent. Almost too silent. He was watching me closely. I grabbed his hand again. I wanted him to feel he could talk to me too. I needed to know he was happy as much as he wanted to make me happy.
"I really enjoyed last night. All of it. I hope we can do it again, but maybe... with ropes. It's too hard to keep my hands to myself without help." I grinned mischievously at him.
"You... want to do it again... with..." He was floored. My smile was getting wider. I waggled my eyebrows. He finally laughed and ruffled my hair roughly. "Incorrigible."
"Yes Sir." We laughed some more, him with a tinge of relief, and ate our lukewarm lasagna.
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