A/N:
lol cass knows what happens. shes mad at me sorry not sorry:)
also: CASS IS SO SWAG-
TW// mention of EDs:/
anygays-
___________
another hotel- yet this time it wasnt lonely- the bed wouldnt be cold since it was a single. the room seemed brighter even though it no lights were on the the blinds were closed, it was the middle of the day.
he looked to the opposite end of the room, seeing the second suitcase on the floor. the next two days wouldnt be so bad.
niall hadnt left him alone since he saw the songs. he made the switch with louis and stayed. "ni you really dont have to stay"
"i know... but i feel guilty not seeing that my best mate was and still is hurting so much" he then saw nialls thinking cap being but on.
"fuck sakes what weird scheme could you possibly have now"
"you play the songs on piano right?" harry nodded slowly not knowing where this is going anymore. "great, you remember how to play them?"
he nods slowly again. "most of them, the most recent are still fresh in my memory... why?" he dragged out the last word.
"just wondering"
just has harry was gonna say something, there was a knock at the door. niall opened it for them, he noticed the blonds body movements change.
"time to go, shows soon" zayns accent flowed into the shared room.
"its an two hours before the show i dont need to leave for another hour" niall protested.
the tallest member rolled his eyes grabbing some personal items, dragging niall out the door and into the hallway to find zayn walking towards the direction of the elevator.
louis and liam already waiting. "well come on, you lot took forever to shower" the smallest boy of the group called.
"im sorry that its really fucking hot here" niall back panned.
"doesnt take you an hour to get ready fuck sakes"
the elevator doors opened "right if you could stop bickering then we get there sooner" liam pushed them both into the small metal box.
silent air filled the moving box down to the main floor. harry just watched as the numbers went down.
47, 46, 45, 44, 43, 42....
louis' hand placed at the bottom of harrys back as they leaned against the wall. liam looking at his phone, niall texting and zayn trying not to fall asleep.
harry noticed the bradford boy getting more and more tired after their shows- and just in general recently.
mental note: check on zayn sooner than later
the elevator doors opened revealing the grand lobby. this hotel was by far one of the most beautiful ones theyve stayed in this tour.
the crimson sitting chairs, white marble flooring with small hints of gold around the place (but not so much it made it look tacky) it was beautiful.
"right boys get in the car!" paul was in a rush tonight being only just under two hours till show time.
he gave the two boys who held each other in the bathroom a sympathetic smile as in another apology, they nodded returning the favour.
harry had awful memories of this state ohio. all the memories flooded back to him and he didnt have a big enough bucket to catch them all.
"they arent coming to get you and throw you back in there. they are in the other side of the state." louis voice was like lace, soft and delicate.
"i know... i cant help it" he speaks just above a breath knowing louis would be the only one to hear.
they got into to the black range rover and drove off to the arena. zayn fell a sleep on the curly ones shoulder.
harry took a good look at the boys, his wrists stuck out from his jumper. they were thinner than his own which was normal since he was bigger than the rest of the band.
its nothing right? yeah...
"zayn... hey mate wake up" liam whispered, its all it took to get him up. "were here, time for the show."
"how long was i-"
"ten minutes" harry sighed, they were the last two in the car the other boys slowly heading into the arena by the back door.
the boy murmured an 'okay' before quickly getting out of the car. harry suddenly asked "are you okay? and not just mentally..."
zayn stopped in his tracks with this door half open. he looked directly (almost a burning sensation) in the green eyes irises not to far from him.
"yes harry, im okay"
he didnt push any further on the tired boy. thoughts were running through his mind again, bad ones and they werent just about zayn.
i wont push him... but maybe he is... he wouldnt tell mejust like i didnt tell- no harry no. that wasnt- they... they just didnt- no. harry stop.
"harry! what hair style are we trying tonight? same old?" lou's cheery voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
had he been walking through the arena this entire time? guess so.
"the usual, im not gonna want to take a braid or bun out later tonight"
the stylist nodded putting the slightest but of makeup on the boy before letting him go to the bin of hair wraps for him to choose whichever one went with his outfit that night.
a black bandana, black jeans and a patterned button up. which never gets buttoned up anyway.
he looked in the mirror to the cross necklace that hung down just above the fourth button, the first one that was done up.
the door opened to his private dressing room "you ever gonna take that thing off?" a soft and hushed donny accent came from behind him.
he shook his head "i know i should... i just cant"
"even if you do you it tattooed on your skin" the donny boys hands wrapped around his waist, head leaning on his shoulder, louis was on his tippy toes.
"we shouldnt be doing this" harry whispered suddenly out of breath "you still have eleanor and-"
louis' eyes met his own in the mirror "i dont care"harry was slowly turned around by the smaller lad.
he took a stifled breath, panic filling his lungs, flashbacks of the last time the air in the room felt like this. "lou..."
they both were drawn forward by some sort of invisible magnet. his heartbeat picked up, their lips just a centimetre away from each other...
it felt so wrong yet so right.
"HARRY AND LOUIS!"
they instantly pulled back, tears painted over harrys eyes. "WE ARE THREE MINUTES LATE LETS GO"
alex yelled with anger lining his voice from outside the door.
another flash of guilt flew across the blue eyes when they met with the green ones again. "i shouldnt of come in here... im-"
"please... you can forget about it if you want. lets just do the show yeah?"
"im not forgetting this almost happene-"
"great, its your decision on that" harry muttered a few words he didnt even catch himself before walking out the dressing room.
tears burning through right through his eyes.
unprofessional... that was a close one.
"lets go for fuck sakes- has he taught you nothing? get your mics and go they rest of the are one stage" alex huffed at the teo boys who were on the verge of both panic attacks.
harry took a deep breath trying to control his breathing, when he heard the screams of the fans his nerves flew away.
his- their fans make him feel a rush of adrenaline anytime he hears the screams, he remembers why he does this.
making sure his fans feel safe and happy.
they run out on stage, not making their normal entrance. the screams and cheers got louder, his heart thumping in and out of his chest with happiness.
"OHHHH look whose hear yeah?" niall laughed yet looked at harry with his 'we are talking after look'
"yeah yeah, i missed you and your irish ass too" harry back panned get a riot out the fans.
"sooo why are you lot late?" liam smirks. the fans 'ooooo' d some screaming larry over and over.
i mean they arent entirely wrong... but not entirely right either.
"for your information, harold here-" louis' voice cracked, but only harry noticed. especially the tears still glazing the poor boys eyes, along with his own.
"-fell and fucked his knee up a bit so i helped him"
hes pretty went he talks, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, the way his eyes are more vibrant under the-
"right styles?" louis nudged the boy.
"w-what?" he croaked still on the verge of tears "i was reading a sign over there" he randomly pointed to an area of the crowd making them scream.
"i was saying its a bit bruised but you can still walk on it right?"
"oh- yeah yeah..." he let out a forced laugh.
why am i craving his lips- i havent craved them in so long. he shakes his head of the 'unprofessional' thoughts before his confidence takes over and hes talking to the crowd.
"right!!! give me an-"
"stop making the crowd moan h!" liam ran up about to slap him on the head until he scream "YOU WANKER" way too loud on the mic.
louis had a water fun in his hand with a smirk. "dont hurt my hazza you ass"
louis wasnt thinking, most likely trying to distract himself yet in the mean time he turned the sentence into someone that was going to get him thrown into the same place harry was three years back.
"if you shits would stop acting like children maybe we could sing for these lovely people" zayn spoke for once.
he rarely speaks during shows. he sings, goes back to the hotel, sleeps. from what harrys noticed at least.
the intro to 'you and i' started, the boys running to their mic stands.
***
the boys were back in the hotel, they finally could get a goodnight rest. at least the other boys would, niall was asking him questions.
"why didnt you tell me haz- you dont have to answer its just im really fucking worried now"
"it was just a really low place in my life... you know after the whole thing..."
"harry... you were eighteen- nineteen writing these, i can tell by the date. those songs are so much more than just a break up"
both boys were laying in there respectful beds staring up at the ceiling having this sort of deep conversation.
"and i know you didnt go to your mums for two months. none of us bought it for a second"
"i signed a contract stating i couldnt say to you or anyone... i really wish i could ni" a tear slipped
"what if you didnt tell me per say" the blond say up on his bed.
"what do you mean?" harry looked over, still laying down on the mattress.
his mate hurried around the room and handed a pen and notepad to the boy. "write it down, you never said it you just showed me"
he understood taking a deep breath before writing the awful place on the piece of paper. he folded it up and handing it.
he then sat up, picking at his nails, looking over to niall who was back sitting on his own bed.
"harry..." niall gasped, the tears just fell from his eyes. his breathing uneven.
i mean what did he except? something that didnt break me?
harry choked on his own tears by that point"it was only two months-" niall was suddenly wrapping himself around harry for a second time in just twenty-four hours.
"-of hell, pure fucking hell..." he finished softly, niall was practically in his lap like a small child.
it may have looked weird or as if they were dating but this was simply platonic. something the entire band aloud themselves to do when they needed comfort or someone to comfort.
"so... paul, louise and louis are the- only ones who uh know?" nialls eyes were dull, colour stripped from them.
"him too" he whispered so light he didnt think niall could hear him.
there they were, the best of mates wrapped in eachothers arms. crying out their pain...
"thank you for telling me"
"i wouldve told you right away if i could"
they stayed like this until niall was half a sleep mumbling questions harry didnt understand anymore.
he lifted the irish boy off his lap and into the other bed before getting back to his own. the room was dark, mustve been around one in the morning.
"i was gonna make you sing 'infinity' but when you came out on stage with lou you both looked on the verge of panic attacks" niall suddenly spoke clearly.
"you noticed?"
"how could i not? im not sure what happ-"
"we almost kissed" the emerald eyed boy blurted out so suddenly. not giving niall tome to finish his sentence.
another gasp left the other boys mouth "almost bloody kissed"
"i think it was in the heat of the moment, he said he didnt care about the fact he is still with eleanor" he did not want to mention how louis' was trying to break up with her but simon wouldnt let him.
"howd you feel?" the question came our wary as niall didnt want to pry to much "its been three years since youve..."
"kissed? yeah i know. i mean it felt way too right but so fucking wrong- ever since... yeah ive never wanted to-"
"you dont need to explain that yet... i wont tell zayn or liam or even louis that i know. just between you and me yeah?"
"yeah"
who knew this would be one of the highlights of his day. sure almost kissing his former lover again was insane but this is on a different level. this seemed more calm, even if both boys were crying in each others arms for twenty minutes.
its just some who wasnt in the room knows, it fells like a small weight was lifted off his chest.
niall can make anyones day.
__________
A/N:
grrrr this story is going to make me sad when i write it:(
anyways have a good day/night or where ever you are! xx
-L