we shouldn't

eighteen • leaving

"Are you all packed up?" Billie asks as she throws a pair of sweat pants into her large suitcase.

"Bil, I'm always packed" I laugh, sitting at the edge of her bed watching her contently.

"Well, when we get back from tour you should take advantage of the empty closet in your room" she smiles, zipping up her suitcase.

I sigh and step off her bed, sitting next to the suitcase laying on the floor. "Is it my room?" I mumble under my breath.

"What do you mean?" She asks as I start unzipping her suitcase.

"Nevermind" I shake my head.

I've been here for two months but I hardly even sleep in that room, lately, I've been falling asleep in Billie's arms.

"May I ask what the fuck you're doing?" She lifts a brow with her hands on her hips.

"I can't stand your clothes not being folded properly" I laugh, beginning to remove every article of clothing from her suitcase.

"Suit yourself" she chuckles, flopping back on the bed, "hey did you ever hear from your social worker?"

"Yeah, she said she's checking where they are right now but apparently it's a long process" I shrug, starting to fold her clothes.

"Are you excited?"

"I have mixed emotions about it-
I'm cut off by my phone ringing in my pocket.
I pick it up, rolling my eyes and tossing my phone to the other side of the room.

I watch as Billie picks it up off the floor and scoffs before answering it.
"Jaxson this is enough. She obviously doesn't want to talk to you so do me a favour and lose her number" Billie practically yells before hanging up.

I attempted to break things off with Jaxson, although I don't think he believes were over. I don't think I even believe we're over. He asked me why I was breaking up with him and I told him it was because of the distance between us while I'm on tour. He was determined to not give up just because of that.

I keep my focus on the articles of clothing I'm folding as I feel Billie sit behind me and wrap her arms around my waist.
If anyone else did that without warning I probably would have turned around and punched their face but Billie is a whole other story.
I exhale a deep breath and lean my back against her front.

"Can I ask you something?" She mumbles into my hair.

"Mhmm"

"Why don't you just block his number?"

I scrunch my face up, wanting to avoid the question but I know I can't.
"I don't know, he's a nice guy and-I know this is a horrible mindset but" I take a deep breath because I can't believe I'm admitting this, "if things with us don't work out then I have someone to fall back on"

The room becomes uncomfortably silent and my heart starts racing, awaiting Billies' reply.

"Spencer, what do you mean when you say 'things with us'?" She asks softly.

"I-I don't know just, I guess if I get kicked out or something" I shrug, only admitting half the reason.

"Okay well you're not getting kicked out and even if you do, I will always be here. How many times do I have to say that before you believe me?"

"I don't know Billie. My past has fucked up all my trust in people" I mumble, starting to fold the clothes again.

"Good night girls, don't forget to set your alarms" Maggie calls out through the door.

"Goodnight" we call back in unison.

"Let's finish this tomorrow" Billie whispers running her fingertips up and down my arms before standing up and reaching a hand down to me. I grab it and stand up leaving half the clothes on the floor.
Billie lays down flat on her back and I lay my head on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat as I feel myself drift off.