we shouldn't

twelve • an angel

I ran up to the front door shuffling through my bag to dig out the house key. I quickly twisted it and ran into the house, not bothering to lock the door behind myself.

I bolted to the bathroom and pumped insane amounts of soap onto my hands before rinsing them. Brushing my teeth so vigorously I could have chipped a tooth. I stared at myself in the mirror, tears pouring down my face.

Why do I feel so guilty?

Why do I feel so nasty?

I've done this before.

I ran into my bedroom accidentally slamming the door as I plopped onto the bed, curling up in a little ball. Shaking as harsh sobs trickled out my mouth.

I tried to relax, but I couldn't. Flashbacks from 2014 running through my head.
I grabbed both sides of my hair, pulling so hard I could have gone bald.
Breathing hitched in my throat as I searched for oxygen with all my might.

Just then a soft nock on the door.
"Spence?" A warm voice called out.

I couldn't speak. I tried. I tried so hard but nothing came out.

I opened my eyes to find a blurry room and a green haired girl opening the door.

She took one look at me and walked over, laying quietly down beside me and wrapping her arms around my body softly but somehow tight at the same time.
Warm and comforting but firm and protective.

"Just breathe" she whispered, rocking my body ever so slightly.

My breathing erratic, I felt her chest pressed against my back and I searched for her breathing pattern, trying to follow it.

"Shh, you're okay" she hummed into my ear.

It felt like years before my breathing went back to a normal pace, but in reality was probably only five minutes.

I think Billie knew I had settled down because of the way she let a bit of grip go.
"Spencer?" She whispered.

"Hmm?" I hummed out shakily.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Her voice so gentle.
Her touch so calming.

I shook my head softly as I felt one of her hands glide through my hair ever so delicately.
I turned my body toward her but she kept her hand draped over my waist as she looked me in the eye.

I watched her eyes as they studied my tear stained, blotchy red face.
A look twinkled in her eyes as they came back up too meet my eyes again.
Her hand that was draped over me, now softly moving up to my face, swiping a piece of hair behind my ear and cupping my cheek.
A breath hitched in my throat. Not the bad kind, not the 'I'm about to have a panic attack' kind, but the 'your touch makes me loose my breath' kind.

My eyes travelled down to her lips as she licked them and a small smile adorned her plump lips.

I think I knew what was coming.

I thought I knew what was coming.

But it was so much better then I thought was coming.

The cherry-coconut scented girl filled my senses as her face got closer and closer to mine. Every inch she moved my heart racing faster and faster.
My eyes involuntary closed as her nose brushed up against mine.
Then her lips.
Her lips on my lips.
Her soft lips were finally on mine.
They were comforting and they were more then I imagined they would be.
A wave of butterflies scurried through my entire body as our lips moved in sync.
I couldn't help but smile into the kiss as I felt her do the same.
It's like nothing else in this moment mattered.
Nothing.

It was Billie and I against the world.

But only for a moment.
It had to end and I knew it did but I didn't want it to.
I wanted to stay wrapped in her arms for the rest of eternity.

I felt her slowly pull away and instantly my lips were begging for hers to come back.

It took a few moments before I was finally able to open my eyes, finding the most beautiful, angelic like figure staring back at me, with a small smile displayed on her face.

I tried to piece together words. Words to express what I was feeling. My mouth opened in attempt to say something but I couldn't.

I watched as Billie stood up from the bed and started walking towards the door.

"Billie" I mumbled.

"Shh"

The room went dark and I felt a dip in the bed again, before I was blessed with her arm draped over me again. I felt her forehead press against mine and soft warm breathes hitting my lips.
I leaned only a few inches forward, yearning to feel her lips one more time.
The soft, comforting lips met mine again only for a second before I pulled away.
"Goodnight Spence" She whispered.

"Goodnight Bil" I hummed back.
Completely content and relaxed in the arms of an absolute angel.

I shut my eyes and the contentment didn't last long as I started to feel a pang in my chest. I knew there was consequences to what just happened.
I knew it couldn't go on.

But right now, here, in this moment I don't want to let myself think about that. I want to think about the feeling of this girl who I've been dreaming about for weeks, holding me close.

-

I woke up to a feeling I never thought was ever possible. Not in a million years did I think someone with this much beauty, talent and selflessness would be waking up next to me.

But it's not yesterday. It's today now and I know it can't go on. A little piece of heaven, just for one night.

I forced my eyes open to face the reality of things, but when I opened my eyes I faced Billie.
Billie smiling down at me, an arm still wrapped around me.

"Morning" she smiled in a raspy morning voice.

"Morning" I responded back.

"How'd you sleep?" She asks, only moving her face closer to me.

"I'll be honest" I smirked "I haven't slept that good in four years" I admitted, staring into those crystal blues.

"Hmm" she hummed in responce.

Just as I forget that reality was something I would have to face, I heard Maggie shout out from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready"

I rolled my eyes and heard Billie chuckle as she removed her arm from my waist.

"Last one to the bathroom has to help old man Patty clean out the garage tonight" she bopped my nose and ran straight to the bathroom.

I lay there laughing to myself and wondering what today would be like.
What tomorrow would be like.
And the next and the next.

A/N: It's 3am and I'm in my feels. This is honestly my favourite thing I've ever written.
My apology for the last chapter haha.
I'm in looooveeee with this entire chapter.

Please maybe give it a vote?
I worked so hard on this.