we shouldn't

forty two • caught

Smut kinda.

TW: Talk of self-harm and drugs.

Claudia called Finneas and told him to bring Billie with him to the house. I was nervously waiting on the couch as my leg bounced up and down.

I heard the door close and Billie walked in, instantly seeing me on the couch.
"What is she doing here?" She asked with a stone-cold voice.

"Billie listen" Claudia spoke up, "listen to this video"

Billie stood there listening to Vanessa's voice over the phone and her face softened with every word she heard. I watched her with tears in my eyes and she looked at me with guilt and shame. The video ended and she handed the phone to Claudia.

"We'll be upstairs," Finneas said, and I watched as they both walked upstairs.

"I'm sorry" I sniffled.

"Shit Spencer" Billie sighed, running a hand through her hair.
She slowly walked to the couch and sat beside me.
"I'm sorry I blew up" she apologized.

"Don't be, I would have done the same thing" I mumbled.

"Yeah but I should have listened to you. I kept accusing you of lying"

"Yeah but there's a fucking photo. How were you supposed to know?"

"I'm still sorry" she whispered, finally making eye contact with me.

"I forgive you baby" I smiled softly, putting my hand on her cheek and stroking her cheekbone with my thumb.

She stared into my eyes for a few seconds before flicking them down to my lips. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, pressing our lips together.

"Let's go to my house?" I asked.

She nodded her head and we said our goodbyes to Finneas and Claudia.

We were now laying on my bed watching some horror movie that I had no interest in. To be honest I just wanted some head... I need a release.

Billie seemed pretty invested in the movie so I kissed her cheek once, causing her to glance and smile at me. I stared at her side profile and mumbled a 'fuck you're so beautiful' before connecting my lips to her neck. She tilted her head to give me better access and I continued kissing until she let out a small moan.

I slowly lifted up her shirt and placed a kiss on her stomach, causing her to shutter. "What's got you all worked up huh?" She smirked.

I leaned over to her ear "I missed your body" I whispered before lightly nibbling her ear.
Her eyes lit up and she quickly sat up, pulling off my sweater, leaving me in a t-shirt. She placed me on her lap so I was straddling her. Our lips met as our tongues glided along with each other.
Billies hands met mine and she glided her hands up my wrists but pulled back quickly.

Shit.

She held my left arm and examined my wrist before looking up at me with sad eyes. "Why baby?"

I looked down at my lap, feeling guilty and embarrassed.

"Hey, it's okay" Billie spoke softly, lifting my chin with two fingers so I was looking at her.
"What happened?" She asked gently.

"I-it was a mistake. I was having a panic attack and I-I don't know, my brain just automatically told me to hurt myself" I shrugged.

"Please don't ever think that you should hurt yourself. I know the brain is a powerful thing and it was a rough night but please baby girl don't hurt yourself. Come to me if you feel urges again, yeah?"