we shouldn't

thirty one • quitting

My eyes open to the sound of my door being knocked on. Realizing I'm still in Billies arms.
"Come in" I mumble.

The door swings open and Quinn walks right next to my bed.
"Billie is still here?" She whispers.

"Yeah we had a sleepover" I smile tiredly, feeling Billie shift slightly.

"Okay well dad says breakfast is ready"

"Okay I'll be down in a minute"

Quinn smiles and leaves my room. I look up at Billie to see her grinning at me with sleepy hooded eyes.
"Morning" she rasps.

"Morning" I smile, leaning up to kiss her cheek.

"Can we lay here forever?" She pouts.

"I wish"

"No but we can. Why can't we? Who cares what people think or say. We can just get people to bring us food and wear diapers or some shit i dont know" Billie goes on.

"Okay Billie, you can do that but I'm not wearing a diaper" I laugh.

"Yeah I guess that's gross"

"Okay let's get going" I sigh, sitting up and pulling her up with me.

We both get up, brush our teeth, and change into fresh clothes before walking downstairs.

"Morning girls" Grace smiles.

"Morning" I reply as Billie waves to her.

"Sleep well?" Jacob asks.

"Great!"

"I made some waffles and the ones over there are vegan" Jacob says, pointing to a plate on the counter.

"Wow, thank you!" Billie exclaims.

We all sit down around the table and enjoy our waffles together.
After everyone is done, Grace and Jacob grab our dishes and walk back into the kitchen.

"Quinn has a boyfriend" Asher teases.

"Does she?" Billie smiles.

"No I do not" Quinn pouts.

"Yeah you do! You hold his hand at recess" Asher states.

"Hmm. Quinn are you sure?" I chuckle.

"Fine", she smirks looking down at the table "I have a boyfriend"

"Oouuu" Billie teases.

"But don't tell mom and dad" Quinn says sternly, pointing a finger at us.

"Pinky promise" billie says holding out a pinky, letting Quinn attach hers.

"What's his name?" Billie asks.

"Tucker" Quinn smiles.

"Quinn and tucker, sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g" Asher starts singing but Quinn pushes him over.

"Stop" Quinn shouts.

"Okay okay guys calm down. Let's stop teasing" Billie tried to hold in a laugh.

"You ready to go?" Jacob comes back in the room and asks.

"Shhh" Quinn laughs.

"Yeah we're ready" I smile, "I'm just going to walk Billie out"

Jacob nods and walks the twins to the mud room. I take Billies hand and lead her to the front door.

She wraps her arms around my waist and kisses my forehead. "Thank you for everything" I mumble, pressing our foreheads together.

"Anything for you baby girl" she says before leaning in and attaching our lips.

"I love you" I say as we pull away.

"I love you"

-

"Have a good day kids" Jacob smiles as they hop out of the car.

"Bye guys, see you later" I wave them off and then watch them walk up to the playground. Paying extra attention to the boy Quinn walks up to.

"Let's get this driving thing done!" Jacob exclaims, driving away from the school. "Have you ever driven before?" He asks.

"Umm yeah. In my rebellious stage I may have driven a few times" I admit, hearing him chuckle.

"We're you any good?"

"Well I'm alive so I guess" I laugh, with a shrug.

"True enough" he laughs softly.

There's a moment of silence before I build up the courage to ask something. "So I wanted to ask you something" I mumble.

"Anything!"

"I kinda want to quit smoking. I know Billie doesn't like it and she hates seeing me do it. I've just been relying on it for so long." I admit.

"What made you start?"

"In one of the houses I was in, I started developing panic attacks. One of my friends at the time said they helped her, so I started too. It's always been the one constant in my life."

"That makes sense. I can help you but it has to be your choice and you have to want it. Know that it's not going to be easy and you will most likely relapse a few times, but you can't let it get you down"

I nod my head, taking in what he just said. "I think I want to at least give it a try" I shrugged.

"Okay, did you want to do what I did?" He asked.

"I think so" I nodded, twirling my ring around my finger. I know my mom would be disappointed in the path that I went down, she would have hated me doing things that make me unhealthy or harm myself. But I also don't think I would have gone down that path if she was still here.

"Alright, let's get you set up for a test and then we can go to the vape store, sound good?"

"Sure"

After making an appointment for my drivers test, which will be in a month, Jacob drove me to a vape shop and took me inside.
He knew everything about it all so he purchased me a vape and some juice in my favourite flavour.

"Trust me it tastes so much better then a cigarette, and soon you will prefer it over the smoke" he said, pulling the new vape out of the matte black box.

"So it's basically nicotine and flavouring?" I questioned, watching him pour some juice into the device.

"Yes, none of those toxic chemicals." He nodded, passing it to me.

I pressed down on the button and inhaled deeply. Not exactly the same hit but I could see it working. I exhaled, a large cloud escaping my mouth.

"How's that?" He asked.

"It's good" I nodded.

"Alright now, cut back on the amount of cigarettes and when you feel a craving try to vape instead. Maybe set a goal of how many cigarettes in a day you can have."

I nodded my head and pulled my seat belt on. "Thank you"

"Of course! Let me know if you run out of juice and I can grab you some. Now, you ready to go home or do you need anything else while we're out?"

"I'm ready" I smiled, taking another hit of the vape.

I stared out the window, simultaneously taking hits of the new device in my hands. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and saw Billie calling me.

"Hey" I smiled.

"Hey bubba. So I was wondering if you wanted to come for dinner today?" She asked.

"One second." I stated before moving the phone down and addressing Jacob. "Can I go to Billies for dinner today?"

"Of course" Jacob smiled, continuing to drive.

"Yeah I can come" I told Billie.

"Do you need me to pick you up?"

"If you don't mind"

"Of course. I'll see you at six. I love you"

"I love you too" I smiled to myself, ending the call.