Killing Swans

Chapter 2 - Playing House

Two years ago (19 year old Henry)

"Mom, I will be home late!" I yelled through the house, as I rushed down the stairs, checking myself in the mirror one last time. I was so excited, I could have skipped instead of walking! I mean, it wasn't my first time at a gay club, like at all. Luckily Charlotte knew the bouncer, or rather fucked him from time to time, but it had been a while that we had gone out together. 

I was just so bound up with ballet school, it was hard to find time for anything other than that and Charlotte had been begging me to go with her again for weeks and finally, I had a free weekend! Of course I still went to training this morning and would probably catch up with the rest tomorrow evening, but still, I could easily have one free night! 

"Alright honey, but don't stay out too long and call me if you need a ride home from Charlotte's!" she called out of the kitchen, where she was just cooking dinner for my father, my brother Oliver and probably for myself, even though she knew I was going to my friend's house tonight, but she was always prepared. I quickly walked into the kitchen, crossing my fingers that she would say yes, but she normally did. Dad wouldn't, thats why I always asked her before he got home. My mother was just pouring out the spaghetti-water over the sink when she spotted me. 

"Uhm actually Mom, I think I will spend the night at Charlotte's tonight" I said and my mom raised her eyebrows, smiling to herself, as she wiped her hands on her apron. "Oh is that so? Well, ok honey, but just be careful. You know, god is watching" she smiled to herself and I rolled my eyes. Not this again...

"Mom, Charlotte and I aren't together and never will be. She's my friend, simple as that" I said and my mom chuckled, stirring in her pot filled with what was probably the sauce for the spaghetti. "Oh you know I'm just saying. She's a lovely girl, isn't she?" my mom asked and I smiled politely.

 "Yeah...guess so" I answered, because I didn't know what else to say to that without giving too much away. 

Of course my mom didn't know I was gay. It would kill her. My family wasn't what I would consider to be liberal. Of course this offers the big question of why in god's name they would want their son to be a ballet dancer, which was still considered a rather feminine sport and I couldn't count the amount of times other boys had made fun of me for participating it. Well, funny enough it was my mom's idea and she kind of got my father to let me do it. She always wanted to have a girl, since her biggest dream of becoming a ballerina never came true due to her meeting my father and settling down. And when four years after me my little brother was born, she decided that she couldn't wait any longer. 

She talked my dad into it, promising that the boys in her ballet class were more man than any bodybuilder, since they got to see beautiful thin girls all day long and they dated them regularly. And I mean, it really was just a stereotype that boys who did ballet were automatically gay. In my class it was maybe fifty fifty. And I was a four year old closeted and extroverted kid, dancing sounded fascinating to me! My dad agreed reluctantly, but told me if I'd ever touch another boy, that would be it for him. I would no longer be his son. Well good thing he didn't know about how I lost my virginity to another guy three years ago in a shabby motel. 

And my mom would lose her shit too. So I never planned on telling them. Maybe one day, when they were old and couldn't really do anything about it anymore and I would maybe get married to the man of my dreams, sure, then I would maybe hint that I didn't like woman in that way, but as long as I could keep it a secret, I would do that. I didn't know what they would do, but at least my dad wouldn't love me anymore, that was for sure and he had made that very clear over the years. Fine, I wasn't that close with him anyway. But I couldn't stand the idea of my mom hating me. So I pretended, it was easy.