Killing Swans

Chapter 23 - Friendship bracelets

Present

Ok everything was under control...it wasn't good, but it was under control. Of course a small part of me felt sad that Milo was my friend and nothing more, but the other part of me, a huge powerful part, told me how fucking lucky I was. Milo would keep his mouth shut and everything went back to the way it was before. Because that was the only right way how I was supposed to live. I had Josh, who would kill me if he found out what had happened in that dressing room that night and Milo was a friend who was...well dear to me you could say, even if he wasn't supposed to be that. 

So I just had to live with the fact, that Milo and I would stay our distance or well...be friends I guess, but he could never get too close. Milo seemed ok with that and that made it a little easier for me. Because I could not say goodbye to Milo completely. We hadn't known each other for long, but he had grown on me and he was the only other person I had in my life with whom I had actually talked to before and enjoyed it. I needed a friend, I was well aware of that and though it was risky and Josh could never find out, it could also be worth it. 

James let us go early from the rehearsals today, because he had a mental break down or something, since nothing was working the way he wanted it to work and so I would be able to go home, change my clothes into something nice and then go to whatever restaurant Josh had picked for us to spend some time with him. I wasn't really looking forward to that, but then again, Josh would probably be nice to me tonight, so it would be ok. Milo and I were the last ones to exit the company after our rehearsal ended early, since the we had a first fitting for our costumes and stayed a few minutes longer than the rest of the crew. But we were still able to leave a little earlier than we normally would, so it was fine. 

"You think James actually had a breakdown or do you think he just wants to meet up with that young guy again to give him a breakdown of another kind?" I asked Milo, who laughed out loud, making me grin. We just left the company and we came to a halt in front of the big doors of the building, because he probably had to go the other way and towards the subway. "You know I really like this side of you Henry" Milo chuckled, as he adjusted the strap of his sports bag on his shoulder. 

"Oh yeah and what side is that?" I asked in a daring tone, feeling pretty light. This teasing, fun kind of talk was what made me feel alive all of the sudden. Especially when it was with Milo. It was just...light and carefree, you know? It was easy and made me feel like anything that would happen would in the end be ok. Maybe that was stupid, but it did give me a sense of security. Milo leaned in a little, a grin on his face, as he whispered "The evil side", wiggling his eyebrows like the idiot that he was. 

I bursted out laughing, gently pushing him away and Milo smiled as well. This was good...this made me feel good. Just being with Milo always managed to do so. And maybe...he felt the same way around me. "Hey it's still early, do you want to grab some dinner or a drink or something? Friends do that you know" Milo said with a smile and though I knew I couldn't and shouldn't do this, it was still fun imagining a world where I was free enough to say yes to an invitation like that. I couldn't, but I would have loved to do so, to just spend some time with Milo. "Oh you would hang out with me, even with that evil side I have?" I asked, teasing him a little more. 

"Oh sure, the more the merrier! You probably have more hidden personalities inside that head of yours and I would love to get to know all of them. So, what do you say?" he asked and I knew I couldn't. I had plans tonight and either way, I really couldn't, since Josh would maybe find out and then I would be dead, so I tried to find the right words to politely decline his offer, but somebody else decided to do that for me. 

"Can I come as well?" I heard somebody call and I recognized that voice very well. I turned around to see Josh standing there, at the foot of the stairs leading to the doors Milo and I were standing in front. Oh no....