Killing Swans

Chapter 34 - Loving you

Milo's Pov 

I felt nothing but pain. I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch through this thick window and jump across the street and into the apartment I was looking at right now. I wanted to kill that bastard that was currently hurting Henry in a way I didn't dare to imagine before. I wanted to get superpowers just so I could try and fight the evil that I had to witness, to try and save the guy I had fallen for or just simply somebody who didn't deserve what was happening to him right now, but the frustrating thing was...that I couldn't. I couldn't help, I couldn't save him and beat up the bad guy, it just wasn't possible. Because Henry didn't want me too, he begged me not to do it and that it was too dangerous and impossible anyway...and I had to respect that. 

I stood there, in this empty office, watching across the street as Josh was...was doing what he was doing to Henry. Tears of anger and frustration were dripping down my cheeks as I had a hand pressed against the window as if to try and push through it, reaching for Henry's hand and taking him away. I hated myself for coming here, for watching this unfold before me when I couldn't do anything to stop it, but at the same time, it was selfish of me to expect Henry to go through this alone and spear me the sight of what he had to live through for the past two years. This wasn't about me and my heart being torn apart just by watching how Josh was pushing Henry's head down as he forcefully entered him repeatedly there on their apartment floor. It wasn't about me being better off maybe not knowing, no, I was in this with Henry, even if it was him who was suffering. 

After Josh...that bastard had picked Henry up, I could see in his eyes, as he guided him away from me, that he knew. He knew that I knew who he really was, what kind of monster was hiding in that suit. And I knew that he wanted to show me. He wanted me to see this. That was why he had texted me. Yes, he texted me the address and the code of this building. How he knew it, that is a mystery. Maybe he owned this building, who knows. But he texted me and I followed him. I didn't know what would await me here, even if I knew that this was on the same block as Henry's apartment, but I thought maybe I could do something, maybe he was bringing Henry here and I could save him. No...he wanted me to see, he wanted to set a sign. He needed me to see what he was doing to Henry and I was watching like the fucking idiot that I was, unable to help. 

Yes I could call the police. I could film what was happening as hard evidence and then hand it over to the police. But Henry already said Josh's father would just buy him free and who knows if I alone could actually protect Henry from a guy with this much power...I wanted to, but could I truthfully say that I was able to keep him save from Josh? The painful answer was enough to make me want to scream. I could run over there and try to get into the apartment to just make it stop, but Henry didn't want me to get in danger, he begged me not to do it and as painful as it was, I knew that I needed to listen to what he wanted and needed right now. Why was I still watching this fucking disgusting scene unfold before my eyes then? 

Because Henry saw me. I didn't know if he actually saw me, Milo, but our eyes met and he reached out his hands, as if he could hold mine and I could be there for him, while this was happening to him. As if he just wanted me to be there through the pain, so he could claw onto my hand and it would make it somehow better. And I couldn't leave him then. I couldn't leave him alone and rip away my hand, the thing that apparently made him pull through this. Even if I couldn't do anything else, I wanted to watch over Henry, to send him my support and share the pain and sorrow with him, so he didn't have to carry it all on his own. 

I watched and I cried and couldn't do anything. I watched as Josh finished and left Henry there, while he apparently went to the bathroom to shower, but Henry was just looking up at me and I had to hold a hand in front of my mouth to muffle the cries. It hurt. It hurt so god damn much to see the person you love get hurt like this and there was nothing that you could do, but stand by and watch. Yes, I loved Henry, with all my heart and truly. I think I fell for him the second I saw him. There was just something about him... I saw a happiness that was lost in sorrow, as if everybody had always just told him he was doing things wrong and I wanted nothing more than to dig up that happiness for beneath him and watch him smile. Who knew it was buried beneath all of this?