Killing Swans

Chapter 40 - Epilogue

Henry's PoV

The plane pushed us through the air and my stomach was doing flips. I hadn't taken a flight anywhere in a while. The last time was with Josh for a short trip to the Bahamas, but I wasn't very relaxed back then either. For obvious reasons. I wasn't scared of flying, I was scared of what this plane ride meant. I was scared of many thing, but most definitely not of a plane crash. It wasn't what I would want, but come on, flying was so safe nowadays, who really believed that they would die when then would enter a plane. 

"Pretzels?" Milo asked beside me, offering me one of the small packages of pretzels, that he made the stewardess give him. Originally, everybody just got one, but my boyfriend loved snacks and he managed to make her give him even more. That he was willing to share one with me was actually amazing considering he almost started a fight with the flight attended because she didn't want to give him any more. But my stomach felt a little sick and food seemed like a bad idea, so I shook my head, saying "No thanks." 

Milo slowed down his chewing, getting suspicious, as he put the fifth pack of pretzels he was eating aside, sitting up. "Talk to me" he said, getting ready to listen to me, but I blushed. Had he really noticed that something was up? I hadn't said a thing, but then again, Milo always knew when something was wrong, he got even better at that after I-...after my attempt. I think he still felt bad to some extend for not seeing it sooner, for not realizing that something was wrong, but that had been my plan, he wasn't at fault and I could tell him that as often as I wanted, I think that feeling still didn't go away. It made me feel guilty...so so guilty even if my therapist told me that I shouldn't feel that way. 

"I-...Nothing, what do you mean?" I asked, trying to not make him worry, but Milo threw me a gaze that told me, that I should quit playing around and rather talk to him than bottle it all up. Which was fair...we did say that we wouldn't keep any secrets from each other, but I just didn't want to tell him, that I was scared. He was so excited and so was I, until we boarded the plane and now it would get serious. But there was no arguing with Milo, he would probably understand and so I just had to be honest with him. 

"I'm scared they won't like me...Parents don't usually enjoy my company, look at my own" I admitted, shamefully looking into my lap and fleeing Milo's gaze. We would be in Nashville in about two hours, but I was terrified. This meant so much to Milo and to me as well, I wanted to meet his family, but what if they didn't like me? What if they still hated that I was a man, a fact I couldn't or at least didn't want to change and it would break Milo's heart. I didn't want them to hate him as well, I wouldn't be able to bear that, I would rather break up with him than take away his family from him, but Milo would argue otherwise. And suddenly, I felt a hand on top of mine, caressing it. 

"My family will love you. I have already told them all about you and how happy you make me, how you complete me. They want to meet you and I hate to break it to you love, you are already part of the Rodriguez family if you like it or not, they claimed you" he smiled gently and I let out a weak chuckle, not yet able to fully believe him. Maybe they just said that and were planning on making me disappear when we would get to their house or something, I-I don't know, I was just really scared to be honest. I didn't want to mess anything up for him. 

"Ok..." I said, but Milo was smarter than to just believe me like that. He took my hand and laid it in his lap, looking into my eyes, as he had a gentle gaze in his eyes. "It will be fine...we will be fine" he said and I took a deep breath, letting him watch me do so. Yes...yes Milo was right, everything would be fine. I had talked to my therapist before this trip and he too thought this would be a good thing, something that we both needed and maybe our relationship also needed, but it was just not that simple. I was used to being scared whenever I wasn't with Josh, because that meant that it would hurt when I would see him again.