Forever His { On going }

11🌸.

Song - Scars by Miley Cyrus.

If I could, have just one night, to be with you, and make it right,
To what we were, and what we are,
It's hidden in the scars,
If I could, take you there,
I wont let go, this I swear,
You wont have to wonder what we are,
Cause you wont have to ever look too far,
Its in the scars, Its hidden in the scars...

Emma's POV.

Oh crap.

" Oh crap." Are not the two words you think of when you just get off the phone with your friend . They're the words you think of when you just get off the one with a guy who is your friend but likes you as more than just friends and you're confused about your feelings for him as well. I'm talking about Jake. He just called to ask me if we're still up for lunch today and I said yes.

It had been two months since Jake and I shared that kiss on New Year's Day and every time he ends a call between us with hopeful tune to his voice , it reminds me of how I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place .

I couldn't blame it on the alcohol even if I wanted to . I wanted to kiss Jake just as much as he wanted to kiss me . It's just that after that kiss he was expecting us to become an item . Unfortunately, I'm not ready to be in another relationship just yet. It was the plain truth. I admit that I feel something for Jake but it's not enough to enter into a relationship with him. I just don't feel for him strongly like I did for a certain someone whose name will not be mentioned .

It's partly because of this unmentioned person that I can't feel deeply for Jake the way he feels for me . I'm scared to fall in love again. To let myself go as I did before even if that person is with Jake who I've known for half of my life . I say I've moved on and I try to but whenever I think I'm done with thinking of him , he creeps back into my thoughts and I keep asking myself the same question I always ask.

" Why did he choose her over me ?"

I guess I'll never get the answer to that question because one day I chose not to care anymore about why things happens the way they did . I chose not to be concerned about what he's doing now and if he has someone new. I chose to push away all the anger and resentment I felt towards him and take it as a relationship that just didn't work because we weren't meant to be. I chose to keep his kids in my heart but not to let the thoughts of them consume me because in the end , I might never see them again or be with them the way that they wanted me to. The last thing I chose not to do no matter how many times I heard his name on the news or saw an ad about him or see his picture on social media , was to care about his existence . Right now , he exists in his own different world and I exist in mine . Maybe we never even crossed paths. I know that trying to deny his existence will not work but I've successfully pushed Logan Ross to the very back of my thoughts.

Damnit. I mentioned his name after all.

I was broken with everything that happened last year . I never thought I could heal from but gradually with the help of my therapist and the support of my best tans family, I pulled through . I survived a bad relationship and losing my baby. My moving on and healing process is still ongoing but I can say that I've made a significant progress.

That is why falling in love and being in a relationship are two things that aren't on my schedule right now. All my focus especially in this New Year was coming to work everyday, impressing Mr Gray with my effectiveness and making me some money so that I could take care of my family and afford the kind of lifestyle I wanted . The last thing I wanted was the distractions and drama that came with being in a relationship. Besides, I was enjoying this life as an independent woman very much .